My path so far
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Member: Ankh
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This is just a simple blog about my path so far.

I, Robot, And the Couple in Love
Published by Ankh on November 14, 2015 12:26am.  Category: General

I had another interesting dream. In this dream I was together with a woman, with whom I was cooperating, trying to take down a robot. This robot was cleaning one floor, and we wanted to sneak up to this robot and shoot it down. This woman whom I trusted with all my heart, gave me a tip to just go behind this robot's back and shoot it down. I asked her if this robot wouldn't know that we would be coming, and she answered something like "no, it's just a robot. It wouldn't know as it has no intelligence." I trusted her, and we sneaked through one room, and then looked into the room where this robot was automatically cleaning the floors.


When the timing was "right", I walked inside the room where this robot was cleaning the floors, thinking that it had its back to us, but it didn't. Opposite to what my female friend thought, this robot was very much aware, and aware of our intention. It had its weapons directed at us and started to shoot at us as soon as we entered the room.


My female friend got directely "invisible" in some way which meant that she could not be hurt, so I didn't have to worry about her. So I started to run towards the door through which we entered. But as it is in dreams sometimes, my pace was too slow, and I understood that I wasn't fast enough. I understood that I would be hit in my back any time now by this robot (it was shooting some sort of light pulsations which kill instantly).


As I was runing towards the door out in order to escape these deadly shots of this robot, I was still expecting that one of these shots would hit my back any time now, as I was too slow. As I was runing and expecting them, it never occured, and I woke up....


It's funny that the last time I did this kind of intensive inner work with the self, it was 4 years ago, and this "robot" is exactly what my last blog entry of that time was about! At that time though I called it - automatic shield protection system.


This system is still there, obviously working as it always had, trying to "protect" me from harsh catalysts, by repressing negative catalysts instantly, against my conscious *and* unconscious will, these days...


I find it positive that this female friend was there with me trying to put down this "robot", or automatic cleaning robot, as it means that both my conscious and unconscious mind are united in this task of trying to destroy this shield system.


I have been trying to understand now of how to "pass through this security system", and found a way. It appeared to me as a relaxing place outside a closed door. If I had enough patience and enough faith, and would just be sitting there for long enough time, the keays would be given to me so I could unlock that door to this unknowing...


When I understood that, I dedicated one meditation to just that. I melted with this vision of sitting outside this locked door, *not* expecting anything, but just sitting there in silence and waiting...


I never lost my patience nor faith... and the I got the keys! And the answer - oh was so easy! And yet, so unseen.


I'm sharing this for my own sake, so I can remember for the future reference, and also if anyone would read this, and would find this helpful.


This experience made me to think of this beloved Ra answer:


" is a grand choice that each may make to, by desire, collect the details of the day or, by desire, to seek the keys to unknowing."


Amen, my brother.

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A Constitution Bill and A Wolf
Published by Ankh on November 11, 2015 5:56pm.  Category: General

I had an interesting dream this night. I was inside a little, wooden cottage with only one room, together with some people. They were sitting in a circle and listening to me. There was one wooden board there and on that board was some old paper where some rules or laws were written. But I made a new paper. It was a brand new 100 USD bill, on which new laws got written. It was like a Constitution. I raised my hands, holding this new bill so everyone could see it, and talked about it. I don't remember what exactly was written on it, or what I said, but it felt like Constitution to me. (It's interesting that I was dreaming about Constitution and 100 USD bill, since I am not American. But I guess that this is what my unconscious mind could come up with, since we don't have things like Constitution here in Sweden.)


Everyone listened to me and looked at that 100 USD bill. Then I stepped up to that wooden board in the middle, took out that old paper that was there, and replaced it with this new 100 USD bill, where new laws were written. It felt to me that these new laws were almost "holy". Like something that we all would now live after. Everyone in that room silently agreed with everything.


Then someone in the room made me aware of a wolf and perhaps another predator lurking outside our cottage. I looked at the front door, and indeed the door was not closed, and I could see a wolf coming closer to it. It has been common for me to have dreams about me and others being in a wooden cottage before, and then being hunted by predators, like wolves and bears. But this time, I didn't get scared. My attitude towards this wolf was like towards a dog or a cat. I walked up to the front door, and made some sounds to that wolf, who was now trying to get inside by sticking in his nose through it. I "communicated" to that wolf to get his nose out and to be careful as I was now closing the door, so it wouldn't hurt itself.


This is the first time I dream of not being scared of predators. I think that it means that I am now not scared of the harsh catalysts as I used to be. Indeed, I have worked for some time now, to recognize and to acknowledge negative catalysts.


The 100 USD means that it is a payment for hard work done. We get paid with money for our work, and that is why these new laws were written on that money bill. It could equally be a fruit, but I guess it is more difficult to have laws written on a fruit than the bill. :)


People inside that cottage meant that my mind was all gathered together, working together, agreeing with these new "laws". And these laws indeed represented a new order which comes in the mind, after perhaps purification and transformation, by which the mind/body/spirit complex is now honored/responsible to live.


Indeed, when I woke up this morning, I felt a bit different. It was only 4 AM, and I was sitting for a while and trying to understand this all. Then suddenly my daughter woke up, crying. She came out of our bedroom, and told me that she has had a nightmare, where she was bitten by a dog. She could still feel that bite on her body. When we later walked to school, she continued talking about this nightmare, and other nightmares, and then started to talk about wolves. "It is interesting, I told her, that you are talking about dogs and wolves. Because I had a dream about a wolf myself this night. But it was a good dream". And then I told her about my dream, and as I was telling her that, I got an understanding that this dream was more important than I first realized it.


This dream has to be remembered consciously, and pondered, because if I want to progress further on my spiritual path, I have to try to live day by day by these new laws. I understood how a bit later today, while shopping groceries after taking my daughter to school. Suddenly, I could look in the eyes of other people, and see love. Even the Creator sometimes.


Due to childhood trauma I have been having difficulties to look into the eyes of other people. Many times, when I do it, I experience fear. That is due to conditioning as a kid that when I looked into the eyes of one person, I was beaten for just this, looking in her eyes. So I learned to not to look. Naturally then, when looking in the eyes of another person today, I usually still experience this fear. But today, I could look in the eyes of other people, and instead of discomfort and fear, I saw love and the Creator. That was amazing!


The responsibility that comes should perhaps not be seen as a burden, but as an honor of exercise ones understandings in each moment. Ra talked about it too:


"Thus seeking the Creator is done not just in meditation and the work of an adept but in the experiential nexus of each moment."


They also mentioned in other places how important it is to live what you learn. That is why I felt that this dream and documenting it was important.

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My Queen needs to learn how to walk
Published by Ankh on October 18, 2015 6:25am.  Category: General

I had another interesting dream. In that dream I was a caretaker of a woman who was disabled and among other things couldn't use her legs. She needed a wheelchair. It was 09:40 PM in the dream, and I was trying to make her to sleep. She was already in the bed with her PJs on, the lights in the room were off, and I was lying in the bed next to hers, waiting for her to fall asleep. But she just wasn't in that mood, and finally she said that she wanted to get up and go out instead. That made me very upset with her! I thought that she was too selfish, not thiking about me and how much job it is for me to make her ready for that again now that she was already in the bed and in her PJs. I left the room instead of helping her out, and sat at a bed in the next room.


Later in the dream, I felt bad about my behavor, and went back to her. But she was just sitting quietly and waiting patiently for me. She smiled. But in another sequence of this dream, this woman stood suddenly in the hallway trying out a pair of fancy shoes. I told her a bit sarcastically that it was nice shoes, but what I thought is that what the heck she needed me for, when she could stand by her own and even try out a pair of fancy shoes? And then she told me that she got those shoes from the Queen. I looked at her legs at that point, and they were long, beautiful and strong. They didn't look damaged at all, except from one little black dot on her left leg. I got a feeling that she was almost healed now, and that she could try to walk but that it would be better if someone would be there with her, in case she would fall. I felt that her walk was still very unstable.


Well, obviously this dream is about my mind, or different portions of it. One portion of my mind has apparently been disabled, not being able to "walk", but is now healing, and is ready to take those first wobbly steps, still being unstable. She has patiently been waiting for me in the dark room in the first sequence. And now she is standing in the hall, in her new shoes given to her by the "Queen". She just has one little wound on her left leg, but I had a feeling that she is strong now...


Phew! This is not a bad dream at all! Who is the "Queen" in the Archetypical sense? Whose legs are unstable? Who is revealed to the "King"? It's the Catalyst of the Mind! The so called Empress...


One thing that I remember is that as soon as I woke up from that dream, my first thought was that it was time now to do balancing exercises, which Ra gave to us. It's been my weakness. I have done them from time to time in the past, but I have such difficulties to find emotional motivation for doing them! I understand why I should do them logically, but I don't want to do them because of my feelings towards them. And emotions usually win. But when I woke up today from this dream, I felt ready. Now it's time to do these exercises, I thought. And theeeen, I started to remember that dream, and wow... What a speaking dream it was!


And I understand why she had this little wound on her *left* leg. Negative emotions and thoughts are most difficult ones to work with for me! When I meditate, I practice silence most of the times. Sometimes, there is a contemplative meditation, where I go through something that has happened. And sometimes, I focus on inspirational thought, either of service, sacrifice, love or unity. Either way, my meditations are like a drug addiction. I NEED to have these moments with the Creator, where I sooner or later feel Its Presence and Energy entering me, swirling around me, and taking me to heaven. That is also a main reason to why I don't want to do balancing exercises. Because balancing means that you have to deal with negativity, and I shun it, like a snowball shuns the fire. But lately I have been opening myself up to negative thoughts and emotions in a more conscious way, because they are there, and I have been trying to bring them into the light. Incorporating them with the rest of the self. But I didn't even understand it to be a preparation work for the balancing exercises! Which I guess it was.


Wow! This is so cool and awesome!


Namaste, my dear brothers and sisters. Namaste.

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A test is coming?
Published by Ankh on October 6, 2015 4:21pm.  Category: General

I had an interesting dream today. I was at L/L house, and was there to attend two weddings, one after another. They both exited me in different ways. The first one was a wedding of two dear friends (especially the girl is the one with whom I feel deep bond). And the second one was of two people I couldn't see, but which was to be in Hebrew. It exited me because I wanted to hear Hebrew, as it is a language of the Guardians, also being closer in vibration to Logos (yes! I did have this thought in my dream).


First there was some sort of a meeting held on one meadow with everybody there. Then we got a short break before the weddings would start. I headed to the kitchen in order to get myself a beer. On my way there, I first looked into one room, where the first bride was being prepared by her closest friends for her wedding. She had a blindfold so that she wouldn't see how they were preparing her. It was a surprise, much like the tradition where the groom is not supposed to see the bride before the wedding ceremony. The bride looked absolutely beautiful in her short, white dress with silver sparkling glitter on it. Her hair which was done by her closest friends was also very beautiful. They were making curls out of her hair!


Then I moved on, and passed by another room on my way to the kitchen. It was dark inside, and it was hidden behind a curtain. There was no door to it. I heard and saw under the curtain, that it was the second couple who were preparing themselves for their jeweish ceremony, held in Hebrew. I didn't look inside, respecting their privacy, but I heard them singing in that room in Hebrew. I thought that it didn't sound as beautiful as I was expecting it.


Then I came into the kitchen. I wanted a beer, and I saw a big shelf in the kitchen full of different sorts of beer cans. Most of them were already opened, as people already started to drink. I understood that people had brought those beers with themselves. I didn't want to take anyone else's, so I went to the fridge in order to get wine instead, which I knew was there and was mine. I had to look for a little while, before I found it behind all the food and stuff there. When I grabbed it and started to take it out of the fridge I woke up.


Another thing in that dream is that I realized that I had to fly home the day after those weddings, and it got me both worried and sad. I was worried because I haven't packed my bags yet, and also because of a big party today, I was worried about missing my flight home. And sad because I didn't want to leave all my friends there, and go back home, where none was as close and dear to me as the folks here.


Do I dare to interpret this dream as that my mind is preparing itself for getting "married"? Where the "bride" is being prepared now for the "wedding" with the "groom"? That is the unification of the conscious and subconsious portions of the mind? Wohoo - in that case!


This dream also reminds me of both the Transformation of the Mind and the Choice (not packed my bags yet).


The two weddings are also interesting. The first wedding where close friends were getting married, represents the unification of those portions of the mind, both conscious and subconscious, which are close to me, or already known better, than the other couple. I didn't see who the other couple was, so it must be portions of the mind which are not yet known or seen to the self. But the Hebrew aspect stands perhaps for some sort of sacredness or magical nature of this unification. Now, when I went by the room where this couple was practicing their ceremony, I didn't find their song being as beautiful as I expected it to be. This represents perhaps that my practice of worhipping the sacredness and praising the Creator on everyday basis is not yet as beautiful as I want it to be. And it's true! LOL! Tell me something I don't know. But at least, I am still practicing it everyday, and giving my best shot anyway. That room being behind a curtain represents the veil. And it is also interesting that it was dark in that room. Well, hopefully soon enough the lights will turn on in there.


What is interesting in this dream is the last sequence of it, and also that worry about missing my flight.


My interpretation of the worry is that if this dream is about the unification of the mind, then as soon as this "wedding" is done, I have to indeed take a "flight back home", which means that there will occur a clear path of service to others, which I instantly have to walk upon, or put in practice what I learn (and here comes a signal in my right ear as I wrote that!). The sadness has probably to do about taking upon the self the Law of Responsibility, which means that I can't goof around anymore, and still be "innocent" in the sense of still being in the sinkhole of indifference...


Another part which was interesting about this last sequence is the beer/wine thing. I have been drinking too much for the past 2 or 3 years, just enjoying the flowers along the road, but now that I'm back on track, I don't have this same desire for alcohol anymore. I guess it "fell away" now that I am working with myself again. So, it can't be this desire itself anymore, BUT - I do suspect that there is some sort of test which is coming my way, which was symbolized by this beer and wine thing in the dream. It was just some sort of "heads up" for me presented in this dream. Something maybe will occur soon where I will be tested. Will I in that upcoming difficult situation think about myself or others? Will I put myself or others first?


In one way, I hate tests, and graduations, and similar stuff. But on the other hand, it is going to be interesting! Will I pass? Or will I have to work more before passing this test with flying colors? And I guess that this test will be coming my way when I least expect it too! *grin*


In the dream, I was a little bit worried to miss the wedding when I was grabbing for that wine. I wanted to relax and sit down, and just be for a while before moving on to another social event. But on the other hand, I didn't want to miss the wedding, so I was sort of trying to figure out what to do next after grabbing my wine. And that is also, conveniently, where the dream ended. That means, the future is up to me!


Well, we'll see if I interpreted this dream correctly at all! It is not always that easy. Just last night I read in "Destiny of Souls" that sending and receiving dreams can be a tricky business. Dr Newton regressed one soul who visited a nearby soul group. And they were discussing an incident where one of the members of this soul group was incarnated and received a dream sent by one of his soul group members. But this incarnated individual interepreted this dream incorrectly and acted based upon this also incorrectly. So this is what this regressed subject said about this discussion of dreams made by this soul group:


"I think everyone decided that even though two souls are very close the imperfect aspects of the receiving brain can screw up any transmission. The safe thing for a soul in the spirit world to do is transmit more than once and not rely on one medium, such as the dream state. Also, to keep messages short and very clear."


I guess that if I interpreted this dream correctly, I won't hear anything about this anymore. But if I didn't, I hope that there will be more messages, or other forms of information, correcting the misinterpreted part... Either way, it was indeed a very interesting dream!

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The work is never done, even being on a honeymoon.
Published by Ankh on December 31, 2011 5:12pm.  Category: General

For over a year now I have been one of those lucky ones who have found the peace, the rest, and the satisfaction, in one great source, and it is beyond my ability to express my real gratitude towards this.


I have ever since then been on a honeymoon with this source. All I see reading, studying, and attempting to understand it, is *love*love*love*. Such a bless it is...


Shortly after I found it, it was necessary for me to do an intensive work in the self. But then, it sort of calmed down, and got quiet for a while...


Now, I've been experiencing days and days of, once again, this same intensive study and work, as it was happening in the beginning. I feel an urge or a desire perhaps, to move forward on my path, and to deepen/widen my understandings.


There are two important parts in the material that has been of most importance in this current working:


The first one is the 46:14 session/answer: The catalyst, and all catalyst, is designed to offer experience. This experience in your density may be loved and accepted or it may be controlled. These are the two paths. When neither path is chosen the catalyst fails in its design and the entity proceeds until catalyst strikes it which causes it to form a bias towards acceptance and love or separation and control.


And the second one is the 15:14 session/answer: ...we can only say the material for your understanding is the self: the mind/body/spirit complex. /.../ The understanding, experiencing, accepting, and merging of self with self and other-self, and finally with the Creator, is the path to the heart of self. In each infinitesimal part of your self resides the One in all of Its power.


So, the catalyst offers an experience. The material for understanding is the self. And everything that comes up in the self is either to be loved and accepted or to be separated and controlled. (!!)


Well, there is lot of stuff that comes up in that self which is, mildly speaking, not so wonderful... But the main problem is that I seem to have developed something that I call an automatic shield system. It is an old, old self protection system that has been there since I don't know when...


It's like this: I have this vision of how I want to be, how I should be, and how I am (the not real am, not the actual am), and so everything that comes up on the surface of the self that is not aligned with this vision, gets blocked instantly by this automatic shield protection system, and it sinks down again in the depths, so it can not be seen, so it can not be heard, and not to be known... Well, this doesn't work, because sooner or later you find yourself being in the middle of these heavy catalysts hiting you from all over the angles, and you want to scream "stop"!


So, I've started working again.


It's pretty interesting to observe that when negative thoughts arises in the self, how quickly they become blocked by this automatic shield protection system. If some thought get labeled as "inconvenient", it happens in an instant, and faster than my conscious part of the mind have the time/ability to understand what this particular catalyst was about, *puff* - in a blink of an eye, it is blocked, and gone.


This shield has been developed by me, unaware of it's own creation and existence, in the past, and so far it has not failed me. It still working, and is loyal, but now I am trying to undo it's work.


I have to consciously, and with great deal of focus concentrate on what this shield blocks, and retrieve it back from the depths of the self, where it has just been sent to. Up to the surface of the self again.


It's quite a show to see how one part of the self is really struggling with objecting this process, because it really doesn't want to face whatever it was that was blocked, but really wants to reject, block, and separate the self from the self, and it is also quick in replacing the negative part with thoughts that are "appropriate".


There are layers upon layers of the self in the self, as you dig deeper and deeper down. And I have been working with some of the distortions in the beginning for instance, and I even thought that I was done with some of them. But it turned out that in the deeper layers of the self there exists yet another layer of the self that has yet not been revealed to the self, and understood, and this awaits my acceptance and... love.


What we think of ourselves, when polarity is chosen, is not always a match with whom we truly and actually are. And don't we feel ashame of ourselves, when we realise that we are not only positive beings? And so, the study continues, and it is then I see lines like this in a completely new light:


"Are you not all things?"


Yes we are... but the deeper understanding of this quote is quite a struggle to accept!


I understand it to be a lifetime work, and one can perhaps never be done, but already now, just in some short period of time, after this start, I have noticed some results.


Right now, in my main meditations I am learning to sustain a steady state of silence, or as Ra called it – the silence of the self when it is required by the self. When the door opens to the mind, there is a geography or geometry, as Ra called it. It means that each thought exists with an antithesis, located somewhere in the self. So it is for us to consciously to seek out each antithesis, and charge it with it's equal.


I have just started, and therefore, have not come to this geometry och geography yet. For the moment being I am just working with on simply seeing a map, a simple map; and I am struggling with taking all this defense system down, in order to see all that there is, in this map. To be able to feel the flow inside of me, without anything blocking it.


This shield system has been there for ages, working perfectly, protecting me (towards myself). And so, insh Allah, with some patience and love, peace and light, perhaps I will be one with this geometry or geography one beautiful day. But whatever happens or does not, it feels great that I have at least now an understanding of what I *desire* to do. Did I thank Carla, Jim, Don and Ra, and all the other entities involved in this magical workings during 80's? Oh! Several times! Goood!


Perhaps what I wanted to say is that all interactions, all relationships, all events, in short all things are sacred, or the One Infinite Creator. I realize it, but wish now to be able to get over the personal issues, or whatever obstacles that there are that blocks this radiation/realisation of the Creator, in order to offer this radiation/realisation of the Creator to the Creator, in my everyday life.


I wish to merge with this Infinite One.


And it has been a life long struggling/seeking for my part. This searching/looking has been central. And I do wish to say that this is what I have been looking for.


This is now found/understood. Still, there *are* blockages in the way of this radiation/realisation, this service, this honor/duty, and I have, oh, what a work to do!


With all the beauty and the love that I've come to see and experience, I hope to do some service in this world, in this incarnation, that would make it possible for me to give back all that I myself have been given. Which would make me to be able to aid the others on their path, to those who wish it, so that they too, can find what they are looking/seeking for.


In the love and the light, in the peace and the power, of our One Infinite Creator,

Thank you.

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