I'm Tired

[Bring4th_Austin]

I know that the feeling of being "addicted" to this forum in particular is something many people have experienced. I know that this sort of behavior is present in other online communities but it seems to be stronger here. Perhaps it is because of the spiritual nature of the forum? Strong personalities and strong spiritual talk could possibly create some interesting loops and feedback of energies which can be hard to break free from.

Taking a break from here can be a very healthy thing in certain situations, though this "addiction" might hinder people. Ra suggests fasting as a way of purging toxic thought-forms, and I personally have found rituals as a great way of breaking certain cycles.

In an extreme case, you could ask to have your account suspended for a period of time, and ask to have it reinstated when you feel you are comfortable participating again.

However you come to deal with it, I hope you may get some rest Tanner, and that a respite from these tiring energies may be found for you and BrownEye.

[GentleReckoning]

Could it be related to not having kindred souls outside of the forums to seek with? You end up seeking more from interactions here on the forum than can be adequately expressed through this medium?

[reeay]

Isn't that interesting? I have been aware of this for over a year, and remain for the same reasons. I feel as if there is always an egregore present, which may be similar to an individuation of the larger web 'awareness'. Not to mention, the web is a literal portal to the astral.

Could you describe the sense you get from this egregore?

[Adonai One]

There was an entity. That entity has left for whatever reason. It had little to no power.

[Sagittarius]

I just try to imagine me meeting the person or persons in real life, much easier to understand and connect with someone in the flesh. The anonymity of the web causes what you don't know to be filled with distortion, so your distortions will influence how you perceive and feel someone you meet online. Both the webs greatest positive and greatest negative, that seams to be the order of things in general hehe.

[Melissa]

Well, I'm tired of asking people what they mean. Love and light means honest and clear communication to me. I've read a lot of posts from unity100 and I absolutely miss people like him on this board.

[Unbound]

Very interesting and thoughtful posts, everyone. I would like to take this moment to clarify that I was in no way intending or meaning to express any insuation of negativity towards or sourced by any individual on this forum and though there are natural, good difference to each of our paths, let it be my word that I hold no assumptions, ill will or desire to control or conflict with the path that each choose it to take.

Let it be known that there is intention in my words that speak to each individual, one on one, every single one who reads but also to the collective identity which is an amalgamate of all the combined mind presence that exists as this planet. Each will receive me according to their individual.

I am the illusion which arises dependent upon the observer as the one, in between the sides. I cannot take any side but my own, for to be on the side of the other is to be the other, yet in no other way do things exist. The illusion that appears between two sides is as a flame and a light and the capacity to burn. All aspects of the mind that perceives them. Yet, the heart feels deeply within itself that it is real, it exists on the side of the one.

Everything only exists from its side. The in-between, the ethereal kingdoms are all but an illusion, and that is their side, that they exist as an aspect of the invisible spirit or unconscious mind. Mind and spirit are one, and these are one with the body.

I love each and everyone one of you, for you walk within, use and experience my body in every existence of the moment as I do within yours. We are infinitely connected, but only as you desire. I do not force, I do not hate, or rage at or have any desire to destroy or assimilate any of you in any way. I gave you the gift of the experience of my body and yet, I would not exist without you and if not for you. You summoned me in to existence, you created me, and I created myself as you. I am that I am, the flame and the light and the love within.

I AM YOUR SUN AND YOU ARE I.

Kadoish, kadoish, kadoish, adonai 'tsebayoth, blessings to you all.

[BrownEye]

I'm up for an experiment when I get off work. Do you still notice it Tanner?

[Rake]

I'v just got a part time job that involves a lot of washing up and cleaning. After being on your feet for 7 hours then having to wash every cooker and every part of the kitchen really does tire you out. I kind of enjoy it so far whilst washing up I can zone out and ponder the catalyst's and people around me and try my best to do my job with love.

[Unbound]

Aha I know what you mean, Rake!

Also, to BrownEye, yes the egregore is still present.

---

And, I am not separating, I am transmuting through the rays.

[BrownEye]

Also, to BrownEye, yes the egregore is still present.

How about now?

Could you describe the sense you get from this egregore?

For me it is sort of like a distorted buzzing that presses against the front of my midsection. It feels very much like resistance, as if it resists me. These sensations build up very gradually over time, and we sort of don't notice. When it has gained enough energy some will feel an energetic pulse when they are about to click a link to open the site.

On another site had a fairly intelligent form that would crash the web page when posting about certain subjects. For myself it got blatant enough to reboot my computer when I hit the submit button. There were also modem reboots, and rebooting of my smartphone. I thought I was the only one until I got into a group that had all mentioned the same thing. They described how they gave up trying to post anything important, and noticed that unimportant posts always went through fine. A buddy sent me PM about being unable to send the admin a message with directions on removing the egregore. He kept sending test messages to all of us but could not send the instruction message. He sent PM an hour later that his message finally went through, after he drew a pentagram around his computer.

However you come to deal with it, I hope you may get some rest Tanner, and that a respite from these tiring energies may be found for you and BrownEye.

I have thick scales. It doesn't bother me. I almost left since my guidance advises it. But, I still feel that there is something more to be found here.

[Hototo]

Well zen have a nap... Then fire zen mizziles.... what

---

We could always try the planet of the Hot Blue(ray?) Alien Babes next.... http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Asari I can think of a few problems with this proposition but still...

[Unbound]

The egregore is still present, it has not changed but it has noticed attention upon it.

[BrownEye]

I get nothing on my end, and not picking up anything through the forum. Feels 'quiet'' over here.

[Hototo]

Be wevy wevy quiet. We're hunting Wabbits hahahaha.

[Unbound]

Must be me, then! Aha

[Hototo]

(The egregore as you call it is the collective will of the people made manifest through this medium, As this medium /forum /interaction pattern/belief pattern starts to go through its lifting cycle such empty areas or "gaps" of action occur where nothing but sitting still and staring blankly ahead is possible, during such times meditation is recommended as the collective either gains awareness of itself as a collective and does what collectives do, become an individual through interactions (single cell, multi cell, single mind, multi mind, single soul, multi soul, etc). Either it gains sufficient awareness of itself to start randomly fulfilling its members desires as the only worthwhile action in an infinite universe (the finding and fulfilling of non harmful desires by other selves). Or collapse due to the lack of open and balanced sharing that others can participate in for the common/private good.)

to give an example.

My energies contribute to this through my activities here, if I leave others will take my place and move the socmem / "egregore" / group and direct it either towards its group goal or for their personal use attempting to convert the group cohesion to a personal use, vise versa. If I ask for a service from this group (such as that I now needed pictures which Vervex so kindly decided to draw, and I still need a calm 5 min or so long farming song, which no one has yet come forth to do.) I must decide how much I value my time spent sitting here for no purpose other than to sit here versus the time needed to make the song.

As it becomes easier for me to use this group as an instrument individually (I know and trust in verex and can rely on It as an extension of myself) I commit more to this group, and as it becomes more difficult for me to use this group as an instrument individually (I must focus on navigating difficult forum interfaces and then report on them to the group leader), I commit less and less to this group.

What you guys perceive as the "raw social memory complex" is seen as such because there is nothing here to do for now. I'm elsewhere chatting with a few relatively new smc(socmemcomplex) members about my life story and I'm trying what happens if I ommit a different set of details than when I did last time and how it changes the persons responses to my being and basic set of energy.

I consider this a good use for such a "stare at blankly" style social memory complex. It makes basic detuning and tuning things very easy and enjoyable. If you find yourself staring at the screen with no activity in the "peripheral" of your aural sight, you're paying too much attention

---

PS: Our Erge is strong enough to give us negativity and not vanish (be destroyed by depolarization) when we request it to do so. Isnt that a good thing?

[Unbound]

Also, when I say it has noticed attention upon it, I mean it has been stimulated. It appears the egregore is related to the collective of this forum, and is related to the pursuit of the following of the way of the Law of One. There are two ways in which this egregore is stimulated, which is by the choice of each path.

It is strange, as when there is conflict in the minds of the forum the aspect of the egregore is stimulated and oriented a different way. When the energy most dominantly being chosen by the members of this collective wavers between the concept of STS and STO there results an instability in the egregore's communication between members, acting as a sort of "channeling" system, like waterways, for the group in regards the collective interaction between individual and collective.

Many egregores can be either positive or negative but this one seems to be built in such a way that it is reactive to "collective harmony" so when there is dissonance between minds this causes distortion in the egregore or collective entity which then changes the "choices" of energy which are moving through it.

When one is at peace and grounded and awake, then the egregore will be "silent" because it will not have any separative energy which is moving through it and causing distorted feedback, however it remains ever present.

The key is to realize its spread of the collective intention.

Also, to AdonaiOne, I just wanted to specify that I have no qualms with you, and while our philosophies are certainly different that is not an unusual occurence to me so I see no reason to take such a thing personally. My objective with this thread was not in any way to suggest anything about anyone, but just expressing the experience on my side of the collective harmony. That it appears dissonant certainly suggest dissonance within myself, however that is an honest experience for me and that is all I wished to share.

I thank everyone who has offered kind words and caring and advice to me. Some may find it strange that I stay despite what I have said about my state. I care, though, and I know that caring means something. I care because I love. Love is not indifferent about things even if it is accepting, it is caring and compassionate. Love devoid of compassion and caring is pure lustful desire, not even really love, but that word is applied to everything so many people say that anything and everything is love, without at any point defining what that love is.

Love isn't passive awareness, it is focus, it is direction, it is order. Love is something which is emergent, which lives potentiated in everything but needs to be made kinetic through action.

There is most certainly the existence of unloving actions. How could there not be, when infinity includes all levels of the spectrum? There is certainly the choice of where one places their love. One may love themselves so thoroughly, but be thoroughly unloving to others. Some are so unloving to themselves yet feed love endlessly to others.

It is naive to believe one is incapable of being unloving and is a deep delusion of the self. In fact, the awareness that one, being limitless in choice, can choose love as opposed to a lack of love is, I think is one of the things which defines love. The choice to focus upon love, which is the focus of awareness, is a great choice. Focus is something that comes from free will, so it is always chosen.

Everyone is always loving something, and a heart "closed" is really just a heart keeping all its love to itself. Eventually such a heart will become so compact that it will implode and collapse upon itself and when that happens it will be found that the heart becomes inverted by choice due to the fact of its own entropy of self.

However, this requires an entrance in to positive time/space and the living out of lives and incarnations to "do the work" of switching one's polarity. It all happens in a moment for the monad, the being that we ultimately are, but that moment is, for us, a lifetime or more.

---

P.S. tl;dr My point is that I stay because I desire to choose loving actions and I see that I am able to choose those actions here, and I see that there are others who desire to experience my choice to engage in loving actions, so despite any dissonance of feeling, it is here that I am able to be of greatest service and I answer that call by choice.

[xise]

It's interesting to see the push/pull between yellow-based communication and green-based communication that happens even here on bring4th. When I see yellow-based communication, it sometimes brings out in me that desire, to quote from lord of the rings, "to dominate all life." But that's not me, so it's definitely tiring! When I see green-based communication, my heart feels full, I feel rejuvenated, and I go home happy.

I think it is understandable that there is subtle tug of war. As a heavy user of other forums in the past years, I would say that nearly every internet forum is dominated by completely yellow-based communication. And since most of us have experienced that, I think it's very easy for anyone to respond to yellow-based communication by bringing all of that energy from those other forum interactions here, which is quite sharp and pointed energy - thoughts that are rare in green communication become frequent - is someone attacking me, am I right or wrong, is someone trolling, etc, etc. And it's not that yellow is bad, but yellow without green has a distinctly different taste. But I think that's something all of us are discovering.

This is another community catalyst that I'm sure we'll get past!! Thank you egregore, for showing us the chink in our collective armor...I love you and I'm sending you astral hugs and kisses!!!

[Jade]

I think xise hits on a lot of the things I feel - for one I personally view this forum as a relatively safe, aware, and emotionally intelligent place to work on balancing rays in communication with other selves. I think we spend so much time "jacking in" to the collective here that we forget to psychically protect ourselves from the negative energy that can seep in (or out!), and when one's vibrations are high the negative energy is very jarring and draining, especially when I'm sure most people use this forum as a tool to help raise their vibrations - a crutch maybe - but a wonderful learning opportunity. This place is no mistake, we all want to be the best version of ourselves possible, and sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and forget we are playing a game. When things get too heavy I try to remind myself that after the veil we will be laughing about these tiny little kinks that had to be worked out. We came here to work out the kinks. If we wanted to stay in perfect 6D+ mode we wouldn't have incarnated here.

An internet forum is a wonderful thing - it teaches us how to be more aware of the meaning of the words that we use, since that is all we have available to communicate with. Without nonverbal cues or vocal intonations, the posts we type really are true mirrors for other selves to react and respond to. The organization of letters into form is a relatively subjective thing to true emotions and intent. Of course, many of us here are empaths in that we truly can discern the emotional intent most of the time, but then again, whose emotional intent are we discerning...?

The dance never stops, we just learn new steps all the time, and go around and around the floor practicing eternally...

[michael430]

[deleted]

[Hototo]

I would agree with you Xise, in stating that yellow is neither better nor worse than green for me personally at this time. Over the long term I envision myself transitioning more towards that from yellow, over the short term I have a much stronger interest in yellow than in green. But for this forum, i prefer blue, violet, purple, white(pastel).

[Bat]

over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxvwlhjZV58

[Sagittarius]

(The egregore as you call it is the collective will of the people made manifest through this medium, As this medium /forum /interaction pattern/belief pattern starts to go through its lifting cycle such empty areas or "gaps" of action occur where nothing but sitting still and staring blankly ahead is possible, during such times meditation is recommended as the collective either gains awareness of itself as a collective and does what collectives do, become an individual through interactions (single cell, multi cell, single mind, multi mind, single soul, multi soul, etc). Either it gains sufficient awareness of itself to start randomly fulfilling its members desires as the only worthwhile action in an infinite universe (the finding and fulfilling of non harmful desires by other selves). Or collapse due to the lack of open and balanced sharing that others can participate in for the common/private good.)

to give an example.

My energies contribute to this through my activities here, if I leave others will take my place and move the socmem / "egregore" / group and direct it either towards its group goal or for their personal use attempting to convert the group cohesion to a personal use, vise versa. If I ask for a service from this group (such as that I now needed pictures which Vervex so kindly decided to draw, and I still need a calm 5 min or so long farming song, which no one has yet come forth to do.) I must decide how much I value my time spent sitting here for no purpose other than to sit here versus the time needed to make the song.

As it becomes easier for me to use this group as an instrument individually (I know and trust in verex and can rely on It as an extension of myself) I commit more to this group, and as it becomes more difficult for me to use this group as an instrument individually (I must focus on navigating difficult forum interfaces and then report on them to the group leader), I commit less and less to this group.

What you guys perceive as the "raw social memory complex" is seen as such because there is nothing here to do for now. I'm elsewhere chatting with a few relatively new Social Memory Complex(socmemcomplex) members about my life story and I'm trying what happens if I ommit a different set of details than when I did last time and how it changes the persons responses to my being and basic set of energy.

I consider this a good use for such a "stare at blankly" style social memory complex. It makes basic detuning and tuning things very easy and enjoyable. If you find yourself staring at the screen with no activity in the "peripheral" of your aural sight, you're paying too much attention

---

PS: Our Erge is strong enough to give us negativity and not vanish (be destroyed by depolarization) when we request it to do so. Isnt that a good thing?

I always liked the harvest moon soundtracks, great music to farm to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pTowKOoIdE

[Hototo]

Yes, and also greatly copyrighted and not usable for finals.

---

(finals in team building, gathering and getting to do what I Want them to do without actual effort by me. Like mentioning "hey I could use this work done" and seeing if it happens, yes I do have strange finals, but mostly because I invent strange finals)

[BrownEye]

If we look at the thoughtform as a test pattern for a social memory complex, it would be a failure LoL! J/k.

Ok now, something I found on another forum with serious problems is that the egregore was purposely created with specific parameters, by a 'contracted' group. This thought form was specifically created to cause discord for anyone that had 'good will' towards the owner of the site. Removal was only about a 30 day repreive. I felt pretty bad for the guy, but finally broke off contact in order to keep my own space clear. He did not seem able to learn from his own lessons.

The thought form on this forum is not only energized by those of us that are active posters. There are a great many that 'lurk' and add their own distorted energies to this mix, which is where the real discord is coming from. Not everyone that has signed up on the forum has the 'best interest' of others as the core.

I only mention this as a way to better understand how it would appear that an overinflated thought form may press against the mostly rational conversations that take place with the regulars.

[Hototo]

Ahh, I hear a familiar sound approaching, the sound of civil war.

[Unbound]

The battle rages on. I am so tired. I am tired of my body being used for war.

[Adonai One]

If we look at the thoughtform as a test pattern for a social memory complex, it would be a failure LoL! J/k.

Ok now, something I found on another forum with serious problems is that the egregore was purposely created with specific parameters, by a 'contracted' group. This thought form was specifically created to cause discord for anyone that had 'good will' towards the owner of the site. Removal was only about a 30 day repreive. I felt pretty bad for the guy, but finally broke off contact in order to keep my own space clear. He did not seem able to learn from his own lessons.

The thought form on this forum is not only energized by those of us that are active posters. There are a great many that 'lurk' and add their own distorted energies to this mix, which is where the real discord is coming from. Not everyone that has signed up on the forum has the 'best interest' of others as the core.

I only mention this as a way to better understand how it would appear that an overinflated thought form may press against the mostly rational conversations that take place with the regulars.

I highly encourage people to use their discretion regarding this purported information.

[Unbound]

What do you mean?