How do you learn from/understand catalyst when it doesn't make any sense?

[AnthroHeart]

What's helping is that I haven't gotten any of my furry fantasies to come true. I'm really grateful that none of them have. Every time my mind had gotten a wish for something like that, I felt a shift in energy. It unsettled me because they say to be careful what you wish for. My ego seems to want things, and makes them really attractive, but in the end are things I do not wish. They may be life lessons that I'm just not getting.

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i'm just concerned the lower three are not open enough but i could be wrong. have you tried working on closing all your chakras to a lesser flow? it seems you have such strong energy currents or something.

do you find something you are doing now is helping? is it helping now that you avoid all that stuff?

[Oceania]

when they say be careful what you wish for, they mean it in a less wishmastery way. they don't mean those wishes will always come true, they just mean people don't always know what they really want and might end up regretting wanting something that did not end up fulfilling them. other people don't get shifts in energy, or at least perceive any, when they wish for things. i could wish for an ice cream cone right now and there'd be no shift for me. and no cone. you're in a mortal's body now. with a mind that is... well more extraordinary than that, but i don't think you will manifest your wishes. it may seem like you do, don't you think it might be a hallucination?

[AnthroHeart]

I think my wishes would have defied the laws of nature so I don't think they were possible anyway. I've had hallucinations in the past, but nothing that I could touch, only visual and auditory.

[Plenum]

I tried strengthening my communication with guidance, higher self, creator, whatever label seems best. Truth is, I cannot hear any of them or if I do the answer I get seems to be "Go forward, backwards, left and right", so I chose to stay where I am. At this moment I feel that the only thing I want to do is be a passive observer of my life, not because I'm tired and sick of it not making any sense, but because I feel any choice i make will just drop me further into the void. A lot of the time I just imagine myself pointing the middle fingure high up to all the guidance watching over me to simply state that their way of guiding feels cruel.

I should say that meditation, contemplation and anything related don't seem to have the same effects on me that most here report. It might be that my ego is too strong and holding hands with what some would call high intellect. So, I'm trying looking inside and there's too much noise outside or I'm trying to figure it out through dreams but (after several months of trying to understand symbolism) they just don't make sense, so I record them but I avoid trying to explain them cause I just get let down, either because I end up feeling incompetent or completely disconnected. In the meantime, i understand that there are people out there with problems far surpassing mine, but given the fact i am the centre of my universe the only problems I can really, trully identify with are my own.

Thoughts?

thanks for being so honest OP.

I commiserate with you. I've been in that situation, where one choice seems to lead you into a box, a very dark box, and there's no seeming way to get out.

all the old tools that you had used quite effectively to that point then become ineffective and blunt. They just worsen things.

there's no easy out. all I can offer is this. ask yourself:

if I could see one star in the whole universe, and only one, what would it look like? what would it represent? what qualities would it have?

at first, you will just recycle old answers, old inspirations. Then you will find new ones, but they don't seem to fit quite exactly, they're almost there but not quite.

then when you find that one quality, that one thing that you would want in the whole universe, you will make the life changes necessary to get to that point. It may take months, even years, but you will start moving in that direction.

you have my sympathies friend

plenum

[Sagittarius]

I tried strengthening my communication with guidance, higher self, creator, whatever label seems best. Truth is, I cannot hear any of them or if I do the answer I get seems to be "Go forward, backwards, left and right", so I chose to stay where I am. At this moment I feel that the only thing I want to do is be a passive observer of my life, not because I'm tired and sick of it not making any sense, but because I feel any choice i make will just drop me further into the void. A lot of the time I just imagine myself pointing the middle fingure high up to all the guidance watching over me to simply state that their way of guiding feels cruel.

I should say that meditation, contemplation and anything related don't seem to have the same effects on me that most here report. It might be that my ego is too strong and holding hands with what some would call high intellect. So, I'm trying looking inside and there's too much noise outside or I'm trying to figure it out through dreams but (after several months of trying to understand symbolism) they just don't make sense, so I record them but I avoid trying to explain them cause I just get let down, either because I end up feeling incompetent or completely disconnected. In the meantime, i understand that there are people out there with problems far surpassing mine, but given the fact i am the centre of my universe the only problems I can really, trully identify with are my own.

Thoughts?

thanks for being so honest OP.

I commiserate with you. I've been in that situation, where one choice seems to lead you into a box, a very dark box, and there's no seeming way to get out.

all the old tools that you had used quite effectively to that point then become ineffective and blunt. They just worsen things.

there's no easy out. all I can offer is this. ask yourself:

if I could see one star in the whole universe, and only one, what would it look like? what would it represent? what qualities would it have?

at first, you will just recycle old answers, old inspirations. Then you will find new ones, but they don't seem to fit quite exactly, they're almost there but not quite.

then when you find that one quality, that one thing that you would want in the whole universe, you will make the life changes necessary to get to that point. It may take months, even years, but you will start moving in that direction.

you have my sympathies friend

plenum

[unir 1]

No matter how deeply you attempt to bury your faculty of judgment, you as a human being are all about judgment. It is a judgment that is carefully
created as a kind of instinct within consciousness which propels you forward in a metaphysical sense. As you form opinions and make choices, consciousness, which has links in the inner planes and throughout the universe, creates a reverberating sounding board which bounces your decisions, your choices, and your judgments back to you for review.
Until you begin to grasp the power and the responsiveness of this system, you may well experience a wide range of catalyst. As you become
more skilled at realizing the dynamics of the natural system in which you are involved, energetically speaking, you will begin to realize that there are
attitudinal choices that you can make that create within your experience much more of a feeling of participation in the process of experiencing catalyst and choosing to respond to it. Until you grasp just how powerful a being you are as one possessing consciousness, you will be completely
at the mercy of catalyst. Conversely, once you grasp the rules of this game of incarnation you are playing and begin to apply the rules of the game, which are relatively simple, you may well find yourself in a process of transformation...

What is help? Is it providing an opportunity, an appealing one due to its level of ease, that would keep everything good for the entity that calls? How would it be "good"? Is it because one would have a certain control over their otherwise inconvenient circumstance?
Wouldn't that be inadvertently promoting control of one's situation?
The other self still has the opportunity to choose to accept, though. As far as I know, to control is to face suffering, for the need to control only exists when one has something unwanted in their path. Therefore, to teach to control does not much to alleviate another's suffering, does it?
That other self is always responsible for their choice to accept or control, so it seems. One can only offer the opportunity for that other self to look within and see that if they accept their self, after a moment of clarity, there will be no suffering.
That's what I would suggest. Accept yourself. To control yourself seems quite delusional, as your true Self is the One Creator; there is nothing that can control or contain the Creator.

[Oceania]

I think my wishes would have defied the laws of nature so I don't think they were possible anyway. I've had hallucinations in the past, but nothing that I could touch, only visual and auditory.

touch hallucinations are possible though. i've had some myself in a hypnopompic state.

[reeay]

Sensory hallucinations are not common but they do happen.

GeminiWolf, did you need these identities (wanderer, anthro) to serve you in some way?

[AnthroHeart]

Sensory hallucinations are not common but they do happen.

GeminiWolf, did you need these identities (wanderer, anthro) to serve you in some way?

Maybe to teach me about obsession and attachment.

[W1981]

:-) Loads of posts, haven't been online in a couple of days but will address/answer everything.

@ C-Jean and Meerie: I've watched several documentaries/movies all talking about similar stuff but with the same main conclusions, all about self empowerment, "what the bleep included". I haven't heard of Tolles' work before but will give it a go.

@Norral: i could give that a go indeed :-)

@Wander: I have gotten amazing info previously from dreams...they jave alltogether stop making sense and I don't think i could describe it accurately enough. Going from amazing dreams where the info I asked for came through right that night to dreams that (no matter how open minded i remain when explaining them) don't fit anywhere in my waking life, has really really confused me. Also, this is reccuring catalyst in the sense that I thought I had dealt with it and went through it fine. I am saying this because I saw a major change in myself in the last three years, it felt like I was a new person. At this moment it seems like old and new catalyst are just showing up everywhere, that's what confuses me.

@Gemini Wolf:Tell me about it. The amount of times I have imagined bitchslapping the self that designed this life on this planet, inner self and guides, is more than I'd like to admit...but sometims it takes the frustration off.

@Plenum: The frustrating thing in all this is that I had decided to fully trust myself and fully trust others no matter what. I still have faith in myself but I am seriously doubting that having faith in others is the right way to go.

@Sagittarius: Soooo cute :-)

@unir 1: this text kinda sums it up, my confusion. When you learn the rules you transform. I witnessed the transformation, now I'm back to square one, it feels like getting a face slap for waking up.

[reeay]

Maybe to teach me about obsession and attachment.

Maybe you have this internal switch that when pushed, it starts reminding you of some 'morality' stuff that isn't working for you. Where did you learn that these obsessions and attachments were disgusting? That sounds like more your socialized sense of morality. Are you struggling with acceptance of that part of yourself that obsessed/attached to things, and that part of you that feels this is disgusting/bad?

[norral]

self acceptance is critical because without it there is no self worth. and so so many people are suffering from a low sense of self worth. i look at it like this , after the stuff that i have seen people do on this planet to each other, without second thoughts , even on my worst worst day i am not so bad. and if someone doesnt agree with that well tough ha ha. i is who i is for better or for worse and their is a lot more better than worse there. in me and in all of us. and some holy perfect dude i most certainly aint. but real yes i am.

norral

[AnthroHeart]

Maybe to teach me about obsession and attachment.

Maybe you have this internal switch that when pushed, it starts reminding you of some 'morality' stuff that isn't working for you. Where did you learn that these obsessions and attachments were disgusting? That sounds like more your socialized sense of morality. Are you struggling with acceptance of that part of yourself that obsessed/attached to things, and that part of you that feels this is disgusting/bad?

I don't have problems accepting myself. I just know that if my fantasies were to materialize I'd probably vomit. That's not saying much since even energy coming in can make me do that.

[reeay]

I don't have problems accepting myself. I just know that if my fantasies were to materialize I'd probably vomit. That's not saying much since even energy coming in can make me do that.

Vomiting is in a way helpful. My old therapist told me once that he spent about 2-3 days vomiting when he was going thru his healing process. I felt like that (constant nausea), too, but didn't happen so intensely.

[Oceania]

ayahuasca causes diarrhea and vomiting, it brings out all the demons and cleans you