New Age Spiritual Movement Frustrations

[Spiritualchaos]

All is well dear sister Spiritualchaos. I feel there is a well disquised (or maybe not so well disquised) calling for sympathy and understanding, connection, in your late posts; thus I try to offer some words of potential help.

To me it seems you went to outer workings too early, before your inner workings were standing on, shall I say, a steady foundation. One heals oneself to heal others. One teaches oneself to be able to teach the others. Soul group work is not bound to timeframes, it is eternal; you are not in a hurry, you are here to accept and Love no matter the situation. You'll get better and better at it, and at some point you'll swim in the True color green-blue, just like at your true home. Have patience my friend, your intuition will surely enlighten your most efficient path forward, if you just looked closely within. We feel alike, you and I, and I can feel your frustrations and sorrow like an ice cold knife sinking in my chest. I truly hope you'll some day find the paradoxical and quite ironic humor in this hall of smoke and mirrors called the Earth experience, which seems to be taken as such serious business.

See you on the other side.

 
All I have been doing is trying to connect with others, my entire life. I tend to gravitate towards those with the most pain, as I feel a great need to help heal suffering. Unfortunately, those in great pain tend to lash out at me the most (see above) and cannot seem to let it go when I say or do something that digs out that pain. I am not trying to dig out anyways pain, but maybe I am just trying to help others heal. 

I am not in a hurry with my soul group, I am aware that no matter what happens, we have bonds that are not going anywhere. I just feel those connections and wish I could help, I can see them struggling, I can feel their sadness as well as the sadness of all those around me, and it’s not in me to ignore it. I can see it in every situation I find myself in, where people are hurting, struggling and needing support. I am here in the name of the One Infinite Creator, as a Sister of Sorrow. Sorrow is what called me here, and there is an endless amount of it, sometimes it feels like I’m being suffocated by it, but I am also aware of how much I can handle it. As an example…

When my husband and I split up 7 years ago, he sent me the longest email of my life, pretty much dissing the entire 6 years we spent together as the most awful, twisted event that had ever happened. He could not see what our relationship was through his own pain. I never replied to the email, I accepted it as where he was at mentally, forgave him, and moved on from it. As another example, my first ex husband ignored me while I had overdosed on pills, thinking I was faking it, so he allowed me to “die” while he continue on with his day. One confusing text I sent to my friend, is the only reason I am here today. I forgave him for that too. I do not hold on to pain, I hold nothing against anyone. If someone is angry with me, I feel it’s a reflection of their own pain and something they need to heal in themselves, as I do no feel angry at anyone. More often than not, it’s just sad people have such a hard time letting go and letting themselves find healing, and because I seem to dig out that pain naturally, people tend to lash out at me as a result. 

This is nothing new for me. My partner has had memories of us helping souls trapped in the astral plane. There was this one soul who was trapped deeply in a hell of their own making. They were making a knife manifest in anyone’s hand who tried to help them, and then making that person slit their own throat. They would “die”, get booted out of the manifestation of that soul’s own personal hell, and then go back in. My partner tried desperately to help, but was not making headway. I stepped in and tried, again, and again, and again… ”dying” over and over again by my own hand in order to help this soul break free. My partner told me to be careful, as it was going to leave a mark on me, and I said “No, I’m helping him, let me keep trying.” Apparently I helped him break free, and my partner thinks this soul might be my son Orion is this lifetime. It did leave a mark, as it left an energetic imprint on me, I can feel it.

I may come across as naive, but I am anything but. I understand pain, suffering and sorrow in ways I wish I never did, because I can relate to anyone, in any state of mind, whether they are a murder, rapist, or just someone who is looking for their self worth. My love in unconditional to anyone who wants it.