Divine Re-Invention

[Vestige]

To answer you, Quincunx, and flofrog, in short: yes, I believe I have faced violence during my childhood, and, really, throughout my whole growth.
I am only, nearly, one-quarter of a century in age in this current vehicle.  So, I feel, simultaneously, that I have lived much and probably not enough.
Quincunx, I am so sorry that you have faced violence, even, I assume, physical harm, at the hand of your father.  I have sometimes feared physical blows but, in truth, I have suffered very little physical harm of this sort.  I have experienced severe illness, and the frustrations of others at my ill health.  I have experienced raised voices, and witnessed anger taken out on nonliving things.  I have experienced alienation, and seeming neglect, and seeming betrayal, in various forms, usually through emotional catalyst.  In my opinion, I am still experiencing much of this.  

flofrog, I like very much what you have said, that "much work is needed to rise above that childhood experience and finally choose to be of service to others. And at the same time, how empowering in the end with the peace and equanimity it brings."  I would say that it is with my family that I am, perhaps, least peaceful, least equanimous, and least dedicated to service-to-others.  This I find unfortunate, because when I review my dynamics with others outside my family, I can, certainly, see where I have also been belligerent, and unfair, and selfish--and I have seen where those dynamics have been turned to the more positive, in most cases.  In those cases which I feel are more of a "demerit," I find also the energy of inharmonious shared living, and other energies which resemble what is still between myself and my birth family.  

...

OK, all that was probably an overreaction.  In fact, a few hours after all that, I had a heart-to-heart(!) discussion with my family, and I feel much more in-balance and in-tune.  In fact, we uncovered several intriguing energy patterns--and, although it was not my whole self that was disintegrating, I did indeed have some complicated blockages and confusions which could be likened to a microcosm of a more total energy disruption.  I now feel much more prepared to work with these energies going forward.  I apologize for the disturbance.


... "There are many ways to communicate with one’s distortions while within the distortion as an entity. They all partake in various ways of the use of those ways of communicating which go beyond words and intellectual considerations so that the spirit within the self may speak healing to the manifested self. If one attempts to bring into the heart chakra each felt distortion, one is violating the self, attempting to drag energy where it is not rising naturally. However, if one can see the heart as always open and allow the heart to be moved into communication with the lower chakra in the lower, then the combined vibrations, instead of the green muddied by forced portions of red, orange and yellow, remain crystalline—the green color shimmering upon the type of communication mentally or physically voiced. This, then, looks like a living stream of the most lovely light green, which shimmers and surrounds and gradually alleviates the blockage of red, orange or yellow so that the two colors gradually become equal in their radiance and power.”