Interesting Title Alluding to My Spiritual Awakening

[Steppingfeet]

SpookyFish, hello and welcome,

Thanks for sharing your story, one rooted in the wisdom of seeing even the dark and hard chapters as ultimately in support of your awakening and transformation. To till that dark soil and grow from it the beautiful plant of the new or true you, that is the power available to one that awakens to their inner light, and that it occurs at all always amazes me. How much we suffer to let go of fear and defense in order to get open our wounded and guarded hearts.

I liked that you went out upon a search, sifting through various religions and practices in search of what might speak to you and shine a light upon the path you wished to walk. As with all searches, it was a journey that led you within. And to that encounter with the ball of light!, radiating a loving, supporting presence, confirming your seeking and dispelling some of the last major obstacles of doubts. "I was sold." : )

It sounds like walking away from that toxic relationship was an important development in your growth too. I hope that your former partner finds the healing that they presumably seek as well, however unconsciously.

The light bulb exploding, that gave me a laugh. I tend to like my light bulbs intact, but if the revelation is that good, it's that good.

This...

While I'm still depressed, I feel more alive than I ever have in my entire life. I'm a witch and Reiki healer and I can feel it deep in my chest that I'm fulfilling my life's purpose. And sometimes when I get really happy I can't help but look back at myself just a few years ago, when I was waking up and immediately sobbing because I felt as though I could not bare to face another day, and I feel such gratitude. I got a tattoo next to my self harm scars to remind me of the beauty and necessity that darkness has in life. I can look back at the abuse and accept, yes this happened to me, and appreciate what I got out of it.

I truly feel like I am living my life now. I see things differently. I'm amazed at regular daily occurrences. I have a fresh, childlike enthusiasm that makes my heart sing. Even on my depressed days (and weeks) I find something to marvel at. Like how crazy it is that millions of teeny tiny intelligent microscopic living things have created this larger living thing that I'm currently inhabiting. That just blows my mind.

I love those cleansing tears that tremble and ache with beauty and gratitude in empathy for the burden that's been carried and the gift that's been graced. Your words above make my heart sing, and I wanted to echo something in return, but I think IndigoSalvia said it best: "We each have beautiful scars to remind us of these legs of our journeys. And we have the honor/duty to gaze upon these scars with love and tenderness, and envelop them into our hearts."

The tattoo next to the scar is, to me, symbolic of the way that our pain becomes an honored, transformed part of our journey. I have a friend who was in a highly abusive marriage. When she, like you, gained the confidence and wherewithal to lovingly sever that dynamic, she repurposed her marital tattoo into spiritual iconography that reflected back to her who she is and the path that she seeks to walk. She is stronger, more whole, and free of the substance abuse that tormented that period of her life.

I find myself not infrequently locked into melancholy, depression, and anxiety that cocoons of my own making born of the uncultivated, unmindful, habituated mental patterns. I've been contemplating and expressing thanksgiving of late as a spiritual practice, expressing gratitude for the mundane to the wondrous, including the "teeny tiny intelligent microscopic living things that have created this larger living thing that I'm currently inhabiting." : ) It is a key that opens the hard shut windows to let in the light, to reveal to the blinded eyes a truer picture of the world.

Thank you SpookyFish for being here and sharing with us your discovery of gratitude and joy through the hard steps of the journey.