The Weed Thread

[Black Dragon]

I think you covered all the bases pretty well and accurately. This is still an issue I'm dealing with myself. I'll share my experiences, but first I'd like to clarify my opinion about weed in a nutshell: It can be a useful thing for opening up new avenues of perception by smoking on a few occasions, learning from it, and then moving on with your life. After an individual has "gotten the message", though, it's wise to "hang up the phone" and not become a regular smoker like I did. Occasionally smoking in social situations can also be harmless/positive overall. I smoke alone often and can vouch 100% that it usually takes one to dark places. Not in the beginning so much, but after you've been smoking for a while.

It was probably seven or eight years ago, I started smoking. I told a story about it on another thread involving the friend I used to smoke with making STS decisions in his life and me burning my bridges with him. Not going to go into that here, just the weed and other topics addressed here. At this point in my life my spiritual perceptions were beginning to open a tiny bit on their own, and I was doing pretty decent mentally speaking. Still, I was just a little too grounded in 3d at this point, and I didn't remember/realize at the time 90% of the weird wanderer crap that's happened throughout my life and how I shut down/suppressed my third eye in my childhood.

I had some bad experiences as a small child. I tried to explain seeing fractals when I closed my eyes to my dad, who started acting like an a****** and saying basically "either your imagining it or your sick and there's something wrong with you and you have to see a doctor". I knew there was nothing fucking wrong with me, so I just went with "yeah must just be my imagination". That built resentment and the beginning of me shutting down some of my own "extra" faculties that had become nothing but a nuisance and pariah for me in 3d. I had many odd dreams and probably ET contact, too much to go into detail and no specifics anyway. There was one time at night it must have been that specific time between 3 and 4 when the third eye was most active, I was awake looking at shadows in my room and felt scared and watched/saw floating little eyeball things popping in and out of visibility.

There was a lot like this and over the years I suppressed it more and more, but it suppressed a lot of my creativity and spirituality and so many good things too. When I first started smoking weed and it "blasted the doors open", it's like the good stuff came back first, but then over time, weed started to lead more and more often into the fears, the pain body, the shadow, and just all the baggage, including from experiences I had at about 11 years old that were intense existential panic attacks that were so awful it  must have been psychic or psychotronic attacks. I don't even know how I got through it(though I have some idea and it involves something Agua said about wanting to leave and making an agreement with my soul where only part of me stayed). I could not handle the mental anguish, so at that point in my life I split more of my soul off and became more of a shell.

All of this is why I was so incredibly veiled/blocked by the time weed forcibly blasted everything back open. So, I want to quit but it's just another annoying and frustrating challenge/demand of myself on a long list of them and I don't have a lot of willpower and driving force right now. You talk about asking for help, and I suppose at this point in my life I've stopped doing that, because of how many times I asked for help when I most needed it in my life, and it wasn't there. When I was 11 going through those psychic attacks, I could have used help. So many times I've been betrayed, and then what do all these "materials" tell me? "You create your own reality. Nobody's going to save you. Can't break your free will. There's no such thing as a victim."

Alright so "toughen up your on your own" is the message I'm getting. Why would I even want to be dependent on fickle beings who abandon me at their whim when I need them most? They abandoned me, so I reject them. They can go 69 with the negatives and cancel eachother's polarity out into fucking nonexistence(I think to myself sometimes when I'm really angry). Ask for help and get silence. That's where I feel "I have to help myself, and I'm not going to nice about it". It's not a problem when crap blunders into my dream state looking for trouble, but but the waking world does not accommodate my will so smoothly and seamlessly as my own dream state, so I find it a lot harder to defend myself.