The Sexuality of Each Experience

[Daze]

Within our passage through life, I see the Creator as having two natures, the manifest and the mystery. I think Ra likened it to intelligent energy and intelligent infinity. The manifest is that which pervades all our senses, while the mystery is that which engulfs, drawing us ever further into her infinite depths. The sexual dynamic can therefore be explored and expressed throughout many levels of the creation, so that one may come to see that that which you seek, seeks you out as well. 

Both the quote and what you said align with my own experiences.  Particularly the manifest and mystery of the Creator is something that I have experienced time and again. Often what seems to keep these separated is my own clinging to illusions. And in surrendering to the unknown, there is the ecstasy of togetherness. Where my own seeking, longing, and vulnerability is reflected back with perfect understanding.

Since before I can remember I've been sexually repressed, and it has manifested in many of the ways you mention.

I'm still sort of puzzled by sexuality on the whole though. Idk, growing up in western society, and constantly being exposed to all the overt and base sort of depictions of sex may have just triggered a reaction of "oh that's all there is to it, that's gross and shallow, no need to get into that on any level" when I was younger.

I think that having such a biased and negative perspective on sexuality has caused me to become unable to see the other side of it. Seriously, when I try to imagine a sort of holistic sexuality, it's pretty difficult to imagine what that is like. There's a block there.

And it's also sort of difficult for me to imagine, having been cut off from that part of myself, my whole experience being one of a sexual nature, because sex is soooooo gross (wink), that it's almost sort of unbearable to imagine for me.

I understand what you mean.  Those experiences that we cannot even remember seem the hardest to really deal with.  I find that the long suppression and sense of constraint on my own sexuality has helped me to feel more acutely just how much I have missed, even though I often felt like it was something that would never change.  Like discovering a new color.