Other-selves and projection

[Ohr Ein Sof]

Hello everybody.

I've been dealing with some pretty tough catalyst with a sibling of mine this year.

My brother and I make music together and we both really like doing it. We live together now and most days we play together.

Lately, my brother has been getting really frustrated because (I quote) "we are so lazy about making music", "we could be doing way more", etc etc.

Last night, my brother seemed upset and I asked what was going on and he said that first thing, "we are lazy about making music." I sort of shut it down because I really didn't appreciate my self being brought into the equation in that way. I basically told him that I appreciate his feelings about it but I don't appreciate him bringing me into the equation, because it's clearly an issue within himself.

He sort of dropped it after that.

Well today it got brought up again. It was sort of presented this time as, "well, I can't bring this up with you anymore because you just get offended so I'm just not going to bring it up cause I don't wanna argue." I told him we can talk about it without arguing. We tried but it turned into an argument.

My issue with this is that my brother's issues with himself are very clearly being projected on to me. In the sense that, he feels that he should be doing more or that he's lazy, and yet he frames it as an "us" issue. We are identical twins, so each of our sense of self has always sort of been wrapped up in each other in one way or another. Just to give you a bit more context.

So, we are at a point now where my brother doesn't want to talk about it because "we both want different things and I just have to get over that," and he doesn't want to argue. And I will absolutely talk about it but often times I get upset about it just because of how the conversation always goes. Whenever I just listen to him, that is never enough for him, and whenever I explain my perspective on music-making or my perspective on how the "issue" is being framed, I just get pushed to the side. It's like he needs something from me and if I'm not giving it to him, he doesn't want to talk? I don't know. It's not a great feeling.

Does anyone have any experience with this sort of projection, particularly with a close family member? It is a total mind-f*** for me (pardon my language). It's like a stalemate. I understand my brother is upset about some things, and I want to give him the space to express that, but it's very difficult to do when the entire issue is framed as an "us" problem, and especially when I don't at all share the same sentiments. So on one hand, I want to provide the space to listen to him, but on the other, I can't sit and just listen to some of the things he says because he talks about it as a "we" problem, and to me it's totally not like that. We are each our own persons, and having faith in ourselves as individuals is more important than anything else.

Really just looking for some advice here. This has been my biggest catalyst that I can remember and it's quite draining at times. Less so than in the past, but still.

I appreciate you all. To my American friends: happy thanksgiving....... aw hell, thanksgiving to you all

I can completely understand why this is so draining!
I was looking at the subject title and was thinking, is it projecting or is it somehing else? I think we assume that nearly every encounter with the other is about us of which is true, but, it is not always about projection. Sometimes it concerns an emotion within us that lies hidden until your sibling says...YOU ARE LAZY! Then you get that sudden gut punch. Before you label your experience as a projection maybe search for what would heal the situation but not in order to give your sibling all that he wants, but, you too. Encounters like this, I have often asked myself where is the lesson? I will investigate the situation until I can be satisfied that I have located the thing that needs adjusting or healing. You also mentioned you were experiencing a lot of catalyst which is already tough therefore you may need a little time of rest and reflection. When our lives shift we forget to take the time to really connect with the One whom is always with us and us with It. You cannot be separated.
At night before bed, give thanks for the day even though it was according to you, an imperfect day, be grateful and bless it. Bring harmony into the last thing you do before closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep. Remember that if you cannot discover something, you can say, "in time all things will be revealed to me" and rest easy on that; keep your faith focused. I have a feeling you are on the precipice of discovering something intensely wonderful about yourself, your music and your sibling!
You seem far too loving to allow a disharmonious circumstance to take you down stream and that is why I say to bless it and be thankful as it will intensify that love within you that is already a large part of you.