Other-selves and projection

[Dtris]

It sounds like your brother has always been the dominant part or your duo, and he is feeling a loss of control. As you grow into your own person and not what he thinks you should be, it causes him to lash out at you. Then you are used to being the follower and you cave to what he wants to make him happy.

Any time someone changes, those changes will be resisted by those around them, no matter how well meaning they are. A different version of you exists in everyone you knows head. When your behavior is not congruent with that version, they will try to put you back into that box they have made for you, that is because your changes make them uncomfortable. That is on them to correct, not on you.

There is a control/controlled dynamic that seems to be going on here. Nothing nefarious or even intentional, but this is part of many people's relationships. I would suggest you examine your relationship from that perspective and you need to decide if that is a dynamic you want to accept moving forward.