A story I didn't want to share.

[One of Love]

Sorry to hear he's still not doing better, hopefully with time he will open up to your help.

Like I said I've been here awhile and I've seen a lot of different things going on. However, there are some things about the forum and L/L Research that I have observed. One is that the people who are physically involved with L/L and the members of the forum are fairly separate entities. Even most of the people who go to the yearly gatherings are not people who are on the forum. (Maybe cause others have picked up on the funky vibe...) In general I think that not a lot of attention is paid to moderation in terms of behaviour.

This is because, two, I have noticed that since the claim in the Ra Material that acceptance is the pathway to positivity has driven many to insist on absolute acceptance of all things, even atrocity. I think that part of the driver for this is the existence of the Hidden Hand material. I am not sure if you are familiar but if not then you should probably read it. I think it will give you an idea of what sort of energy is lingering around this place. It attempts to make acceptable all the evils of the world.

https://www.wanttoknow.info/secret_socie...and_081018

I agree with you that there is a lot of confusion here and that darkness and light have been conflated with eachother. As far I am aware there is no one who has caused anyone else to actually commit suicide on the forum and the only previous member I am aware of to off themselves already had the tendency and it had nothing to do with the forum but there is no doubt that C_A is not the first individual to be troubled by the 'total acceptance is the way' narrative.

There's this idea that goes around that 'balance' or being 'positive' means accepting every horror that is before you. I don't agree with that. I think that the forum is stuck in the 'sinkhole of indifference' as some might put it. It's not really moving towards either polarity but rather spinning in circles caught in the middle. That's how it seems to me anyways.

I think that really what this forum is missing and what C_A needed but didn't get here was gentleness, softness and listening compassion. I certainly don't have a talent for being gentle, as you've already noted, but I do still try to help.

He did get that, only it was done via pm.
We talked a lot, even the day he left.

I would bet money other people also connected with him in a more nurturing way via pm.

Maybe so, but that clearly didn't give him the overall impression of the place and on many occasions he expressed similar things publicly so whatever he was getting through PMs clearly wasn't enough to offset the feelings he got from the rest of the place.

Personally, I'm not a 'rose coloured glasses' kind of person. I can acknowledge people do things in ignorance or unintentionally while still acknowledging that harm can still come from that. I'm not trying to put down the members of the forum, I am trying to bring light to what I observed in regards to the ways he seemed to often be hurt by this place.

Brushing off the hurt with 'everyone does their best' is exactly the kind of talk I think he was very bothered by, and which also bothers me. People aren't perfect so I don't feel the need to justify their every action as being part of some cosmic lesson plan. Pain doesn't need justification, it needs nurturing and care. This is something I didn't properly understand when interacting with him before either. I wish I could go back now and be a lot wiser with my words, but I also accept responsibility for any hurt I may have caused.

I agree it is unlikely there are many, if any, individuals who are consciously and intentionally trying to be cruel or hurtful, but the fact is someone doesn't have to be conscious or intentional to be harmful and just because one thing may not seem harmful to someone doesn't mean it doesn't hurt someone else.

My point being that what I would really 'point the finger' at on this forum is really just simple carelessness with words. I think that often the power of words is grossly underestimated and I am also guilty of that carelessness. However, this can never be addressed if anytime someone gets hurt its brushed off as 'their interpretation'. This 'everyone for themselves' attitude does not befit a cooperative community, in my eyes.

Your wisdom aligns with my feelings.  Turning issues like bad behavior into nonissues has been a major thing I've noticed I've had to deal with in my life.  My father made his drinking a nonissue because it wasn't an issue to him.  It was to us because he'd become abusive and he didn't care to notice.

Invalidating a real problem is abusive in my experience.  A tool to silence rather than anything else.

CA has done the same and he's no saint, but he turned things like polarity into a nonissue and all it did was make things worse for him.  He turned his mother into a nonissue and things got worse.  Saying something that isn't okay IS, that's dangerous.  It's not okay when people are abused, or hurt, especially in a place that expresses itself as a place of love which equates it to a safe place for some.

If I came here believing this place was a safe place, my replies would be greatly varied, I'd be more open about myself, share about myself, but I do not believe this is a safe loving place.  I think you've all deluded your views of this place because you love this place.  It's like how I just want to stroke the ego of CA to make him feel better and more mundane than stroking his beliefs.  He wants to believe but it just hurts him, sometimes he needs to be reminded he's just a human, nothing more, nothing less.  Not a soul or consciousness underneath filters of perception, just a human with a lot of beliefs.

It grounds him, and he can't ground himself for some reason I can't make sense of.  I just assume when your mind runs like a super computer the humanity gets lost in there...

I see many turn blind eyes here.  That the view of acceptance here is in an absolute manner does not align with my understanding of this material.  To accept someone hurting you just because 'its the right thing to do' doesn't mean it is actually the right thing to do.

I'm sure that is especially true if the person hurting you has no awareness of the consequences they're inflicting upon you.  Planned or spontaneous, hurting someone is not acceptance, letting yourself get hurt is not acceptance.

You can accept something and still attempt to not be harmed by it.  Just like I accept this place is as it is, that doesn't mean I just say 'kay' whenever harmful energies come my way because I accepted they exist here.

For all of you that see nothing with what this place has done negatively to others, I will especially ask true love to illuminate you for my avoidance.

Aion you don't need to apologize!  You didn't change the context, conversations evolve and the subject did move onto you.  I'm not gonna attention ----- myself lol, I like a shifting spotlight.  Plays need them to get the focus across haha!

And life is a play so they say.  So you have no need to apologize.

I will admit, I was hit with a twinge of anxiety clicking on this thread and other replies to me.  I don't want to fight or argue as much as just inform.  I'm not here to stay so I'm not going to expend my emotions here like he did.  I'm just on a mission of mercy to find answers for someone I love.

That such a journey brought me here, I get a good laugh out of it.  Exploring the fallacies and issues of a loving place (since it's not a forum or a cult according to community members) has really made me recognize my own love and wisdom compared to my dark love and wisdom...  I do not believe I understand, I just feel that I must take these sides of my love and wisdom, and combine them into their true part since light and dark are components of trueth (made up word, think of it as if truth has a sleuth of parts that needed to come together to manifest it).

Beyond that, truth seems to exist in all parts, like love and beauty.  In my anger is truth.  In my joy is truth.  In my pain is truth.  In my healing is truth.  In all of these things, to unify them was to manifest their truth.  And of what little trueth I've found, belonged to my love for CA, and my hate for the male gender.  Belonged to my selfishness discovering something that finally made it not act only for itself.  Belonged to my suffering finding healing.  To my frustration finding tranquility.

To me, I am just a clueless bumbling confused human enjoying the mysteries of life and the serendipitous ways of god.  I am fallible, I scream and hit and yes. I bite and scratch.  I am a monster in one part, and a sacred divine being in another.

When Ra said are we not all things, I was surprised to find that I am.  I'm the rock on the trail, the tree in the greenery, the running water of a lake, my emotions mimic these things and stem from life itself, my sadness shines like the moon, my joy rains down on me like a downpour.  My silence is still as the rock and my mind's eye is fluttering about like a butterfly.

When I come here I feel moved by the war of energy here.  I enjoy the show, it is entertaining, but I have to put down my smile to this place and remember why I'm here.  This place drove someone down the road to suicide, the keys to that cause still lay within this place.  I'm just here to dig them up, I'll enjoy myself still but ultimately my time here is temporary, so everyone who may have an issue with my issues here, worry not for I will not be around forever.

I believe nothing here will change, having seen the stuckness of the energy that sits over this community, the 'egregore' as this place seems to call it.  It is like the show Catdog, two totally different beings attached as one, both pulling their own way.  Result is a tug of war.  End result is a place as seen now, a loving community that drove someone to attempt suicide.

Seems clear as quartz to me.