(09-23-2018, 10:33 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

(09-23-2018, 10:47 PM)blossom Wrote: I don't really know him very well, but I remember when he was going through some hardships and made a journal here so I tried to cheer him up and listen to him when I could. But it wasn't long until he flipped and decided to leave. I wanted to speak to him so much, he seemed so hurt and lonely. And it is so sad to hear that he has tried to take his own life, I hope there is something we can do to help him.

I know there are times here when people "play" dark games with one another, mind games, clever manipulative thought patterns to freak someone (anyone) out yet make it seem unexplainable to others so one who's mind is broken and traumatized can't redeem itself because nobody will believe or understand.

As part of a forum who's orientation is towards service to others, I am truly ashamed that this is what we came to, as if there isn't enough evil and mischief out there.

If it is possible, tell him that I am sorry I couldn't help him at that time. There was a time when I read his journal and tears came down my eyes from all the pain and suffering he was sharing.

I call out Bring4th staff members to address this issue with outmost seriousness. This can't be real. This is not who we are.

(09-23-2018, 11:36 PM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-23-2018, 10:33 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

(09-24-2018, 12:58 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

(09-23-2018, 11:36 PM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-23-2018, 10:33 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

(09-24-2018, 01:49 AM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-24-2018, 12:58 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

He spoke nothing but kind words about you, especially with how true and actual you were to him, nice to meet you.

Okay, so, my last post was lost to my phone dying on me.  But I'm already convinced there's something going on here because my phone just permadied on me, won't charge or turn on, it's brand new...  Hopefully it's just bad tech but honestly that is unusual timing.

@Blossom;
So you're saying this place is more of a mixed bag of polarity?  Funny how much the darkness likes to pretend to be light.  Seems like there's already a presence here, and from the sounds of it, the custodians of this site and material don't seem too concerned.  Kind of matches up with what he told me, but I will still attempt to wait and see, though I have a feeling I have already begun to.

@Aion;
I was specifically warned about you, I've been told you've got a lot of internal experiences to properly disseminate, no idea what that's supposed to mean about you though, but it's interesting you speak of an egregore, it's funny to me because I recognized it as a bad energy floating over the place, and something is currently attempting to dissuade my progress here...  It kind of worries me that you didn't notice that about it.  My understanding of an egregore from one of my friend's aunt's was that it's a culmination of desires and intents from many beings wrapped into one 'conduit', never knew what she meant by conduit until I read the Law of One.  If the egregore is as you say, that is a direct reflection of the state of the collective that spawned it according to my own metaphysical common sense.  Other's might disagree but overall, my overall being is telling me there is something going on here, and something tells me you know more about it than you wish to let on.  I mean that not like you're purposefully holding back or being manipulative, but more like you're 'aware' of something without being properly aware of it.

Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the fox?  The scorpion wants to cross a river but needs the help of a fox, and asks the fox for help.  The fox says it won't because it'll sting him.  It reasoned with the fox that if it did that it too would drown.  So the fox agreed.  Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the fox, and crying out it said you too will drown, and the scorpion responds.  I couldn't help it.  It is my nature.

Your nature reminds me of the scorpion, you mean well but you aren't sure if you can withhold your true nature.  In a VERY FUNNY WAY, you remind me EXACTLY of my friend.  You struggle with your shadow, that darkness you think you've got under lock and key, it's the one in control, and just like him, you're in a passenger seat with a fake wheel believing yourself in control.

I'll tell you what I told him that helped.  If your true nature is truly darkness, then your best bet is to realize you need to open your eyes, and see it, rather than just observing it.  Be it, because that's who you truly are, and it can't be changed until you're at that level holding it by the hand telling it, this isn't the place, we must move forward, together.

I haven't looked at my darkness so I speak hypocritically for him here, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes to look at my darkness, I too will be just as moved as he was at what lies within.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Thanks for linking me that thread.  I'm gonna try to let my phone charge (assuming it's getting any charge at all) and peruse that thread.

(09-24-2018, 02:22 AM)Aion Wrote:

(09-24-2018, 01:49 AM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-24-2018, 12:58 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

He spoke nothing but kind words about you, especially with how true and actual you were to him, nice to meet you.

Okay, so, my last post was lost to my phone dying on me.  But I'm already convinced there's something going on here because my phone just permadied on me, won't charge or turn on, it's brand new...  Hopefully it's just bad tech but honestly that is unusual timing.

@Blossom;
So you're saying this place is more of a mixed bag of polarity?  Funny how much the darkness likes to pretend to be light.  Seems like there's already a presence here, and from the sounds of it, the custodians of this site and material don't seem too concerned.  Kind of matches up with what he told me, but I will still attempt to wait and see, though I have a feeling I have already begun to.

@Aion;
I was specifically warned about you, I've been told you've got a lot of internal experiences to properly disseminate, no idea what that's supposed to mean about you though, but it's interesting you speak of an egregore, it's funny to me because I recognized it as a bad energy floating over the place, and something is currently attempting to dissuade my progress here...  It kind of worries me that you didn't notice that about it.  My understanding of an egregore from one of my friend's aunt's was that it's a culmination of desires and intents from many beings wrapped into one 'conduit', never knew what she meant by conduit until I read the Law of One.  If the egregore is as you say, that is a direct reflection of the state of the collective that spawned it according to my own metaphysical common sense.  Other's might disagree but overall, my overall being is telling me there is something going on here, and something tells me you know more about it than you wish to let on.  I mean that not like you're purposefully holding back or being manipulative, but more like you're 'aware' of something without being properly aware of it.

Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the fox?  The scorpion wants to cross a river but needs the help of a fox, and asks the fox for help.  The fox says it won't because it'll sting him.  It reasoned with the fox that if it did that it too would drown.  So the fox agreed.  Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the fox, and crying out it said you too will drown, and the scorpion responds.  I couldn't help it.  It is my nature.

Your nature reminds me of the scorpion, you mean well but you aren't sure if you can withhold your true nature.  In a VERY FUNNY WAY, you remind me EXACTLY of my friend.  You struggle with your shadow, that darkness you think you've got under lock and key, it's the one in control, and just like him, you're in a passenger seat with a fake wheel believing yourself in control.

I'll tell you what I told him that helped.  If your true nature is truly darkness, then your best bet is to realize you need to open your eyes, and see it, rather than just observing it.  Be it, because that's who you truly are, and it can't be changed until you're at that level holding it by the hand telling it, this isn't the place, we must move forward, together.

I haven't looked at my darkness so I speak hypocritically for him here, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes to look at my darkness, I too will be just as moved as he was at what lies within.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Thanks for linking me that thread.  I'm gonna try to let my phone charge (assuming it's getting any charge at all) and peruse that thread.

You got me! Pinned right down to the point. Glad to see you are just as observant as he is. (Although I had a hunch I might have been one of the 'mentionables'.)

Shall I bandy about and pretend to be your friend for awhile or start the psychic attack henceforth?

I jest... or do I? DUN DUN DUN

No but really, I'm the big bad wolf.

It goes way back really, there was some interest earlier in the forum, around when I joined but maybe before then, in the 'STS' side of things. Some individuals were doing STS magical and channeling work. It has coloured the egregore since. While an egregore is a culmination of the collective intent of the initiators it also is shaped in 'real-time' by the current collective environment and so while the egregore at the outset of the forum may have been relatively pure it has been 'tainted' by the influence of many different wills seeking through the forums and the entities called and followed by those individuals.

The forum definitely needs some help. Every time I mentioned these things I am brushed off, just as C_A was, but I am a bit more persistent. It is true, I am a somewhat chaotic individual and I have made some mistakes, but my intent and hope is to set right the damage done, I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I have tried to be more 'open' about myself, but not sure to what effect.

There is some part of me feeding on this place and I think, as you say, part of me is not sorry for it. Another part feels I should be, but hey, can't fight my nature right? People here are just so eager to pour their energy out. Their hurts and their pains, their joys and their fears and it all just swirls in to a big morass. I've tried just staying away. I deleted my account for quite awhile, but alas, here I am returned. Help an old vampyre out, will ya?

Sorry, I can't even tell anymore when I'm being sarcastic or not, you'll have to interpret that yourself.

(09-24-2018, 02:03 AM)GentleReckoning Wrote:

(09-23-2018, 11:36 PM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-23-2018, 10:33 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

Look up Himmler. He was highly STO. Because STS and STO are relative to the society that you live in. If you live in an ill or corrupt society, then being pure, true, and loving would cause you to be STS as you would be raining on the societal parade. You'll note that Don Elkins managed to get to 100% STO as he killed himself instead of channeling more information that would cause a negative outcome relative to the society in which he lived. This is because Ra is pure truth relative to your level of seeking.

This is why this material has people committing suicide. Because everyone wants to believe that it is perfect in every-way. Turns out, it becomes perfect only after you balance duality in it's entirety.

(09-24-2018, 02:42 AM)GentleReckoning Wrote:

(09-24-2018, 02:22 AM)Aion Wrote:

(09-24-2018, 01:49 AM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-24-2018, 12:58 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

He spoke nothing but kind words about you, especially with how true and actual you were to him, nice to meet you.

Okay, so, my last post was lost to my phone dying on me.  But I'm already convinced there's something going on here because my phone just permadied on me, won't charge or turn on, it's brand new...  Hopefully it's just bad tech but honestly that is unusual timing.

@Blossom;
So you're saying this place is more of a mixed bag of polarity?  Funny how much the darkness likes to pretend to be light.  Seems like there's already a presence here, and from the sounds of it, the custodians of this site and material don't seem too concerned.  Kind of matches up with what he told me, but I will still attempt to wait and see, though I have a feeling I have already begun to.

@Aion;
I was specifically warned about you, I've been told you've got a lot of internal experiences to properly disseminate, no idea what that's supposed to mean about you though, but it's interesting you speak of an egregore, it's funny to me because I recognized it as a bad energy floating over the place, and something is currently attempting to dissuade my progress here...  It kind of worries me that you didn't notice that about it.  My understanding of an egregore from one of my friend's aunt's was that it's a culmination of desires and intents from many beings wrapped into one 'conduit', never knew what she meant by conduit until I read the Law of One.  If the egregore is as you say, that is a direct reflection of the state of the collective that spawned it according to my own metaphysical common sense.  Other's might disagree but overall, my overall being is telling me there is something going on here, and something tells me you know more about it than you wish to let on.  I mean that not like you're purposefully holding back or being manipulative, but more like you're 'aware' of something without being properly aware of it.

Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the fox?  The scorpion wants to cross a river but needs the help of a fox, and asks the fox for help.  The fox says it won't because it'll sting him.  It reasoned with the fox that if it did that it too would drown.  So the fox agreed.  Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the fox, and crying out it said you too will drown, and the scorpion responds.  I couldn't help it.  It is my nature.

Your nature reminds me of the scorpion, you mean well but you aren't sure if you can withhold your true nature.  In a VERY FUNNY WAY, you remind me EXACTLY of my friend.  You struggle with your shadow, that darkness you think you've got under lock and key, it's the one in control, and just like him, you're in a passenger seat with a fake wheel believing yourself in control.

I'll tell you what I told him that helped.  If your true nature is truly darkness, then your best bet is to realize you need to open your eyes, and see it, rather than just observing it.  Be it, because that's who you truly are, and it can't be changed until you're at that level holding it by the hand telling it, this isn't the place, we must move forward, together.

I haven't looked at my darkness so I speak hypocritically for him here, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes to look at my darkness, I too will be just as moved as he was at what lies within.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Thanks for linking me that thread.  I'm gonna try to let my phone charge (assuming it's getting any charge at all) and peruse that thread.

You got me! Pinned right down to the point. Glad to see you are just as observant as he is. (Although I had a hunch I might have been one of the 'mentionables'.)

Shall I bandy about and pretend to be your friend for awhile or start the psychic attack henceforth?

I jest... or do I? DUN DUN DUN

No but really, I'm the big bad wolf.

It goes way back really, there was some interest earlier in the forum, around when I joined but maybe before then, in the 'STS' side of things. Some individuals were doing STS magical and channeling work. It has coloured the egregore since. While an egregore is a culmination of the collective intent of the initiators it also is shaped in 'real-time' by the current collective environment and so while the egregore at the outset of the forum may have been relatively pure it has been 'tainted' by the influence of many different wills seeking through the forums and the entities called and followed by those individuals.

The forum definitely needs some help. Every time I mentioned these things I am brushed off, just as C_A was, but I am a bit more persistent. It is true, I am a somewhat chaotic individual and I have made some mistakes, but my intent and hope is to set right the damage done, I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I have tried to be more 'open' about myself, but not sure to what effect.

There is some part of me feeding on this place and I think, as you say, part of me is not sorry for it. Another part feels I should be, but hey, can't fight my nature right? People here are just so eager to pour their energy out. Their hurts and their pains, their joys and their fears and it all just swirls in to a big morass. I've tried just staying away. I deleted my account for quite awhile, but alas, here I am returned. Help an old vampyre out, will ya?

Sorry, I can't even tell anymore when I'm being sarcastic or not, you'll have to interpret that yourself.

There are no seekers anymore. I think it died off with the Mayan 2012 awakening. Aligning with the amount of truth now available makes one immediately negative to Trump's America. All people wanted were miracles, to win the lottery so to speak. To be saved primarily I think. Realizing that the aliens were just projections of humans totally disconnected from their humanity was kind of a shock to people.

And I must be tired, I am beginning to confuse positive/negative vs STS/STO...

(09-24-2018, 07:53 AM)blossom Wrote: He needs to be with people who aren't talking in black and whites sto/sts. Real people with real life interests. You see the most important part in the Ra material, in my opinion, is when they say that this is not the density of understanding.

Once you start with the thought loop process of organizing everything into these baskets of sto and sts you just lose grip from life, from your thoughts, afraid to think thoughts because they might have "sts" to them or what not.

It's just not like that, it can't be. If everyone is indeed one then nobody, and I mean nobody is an angel, or a demon. Everyone, are everything, each different enough so these labels of polarity just shouldn't be applied on every single thing.

He needs to be reminded what life on earth is really about, and go out, out into the sun and the fresh air.

(09-24-2018, 05:08 AM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-24-2018, 02:03 AM)GentleReckoning Wrote:

(09-23-2018, 11:36 PM)One of Love Wrote:

(09-23-2018, 10:33 PM)GentleReckoning Wrote: It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

Look up Himmler. He was highly STO. Because STS and STO are relative to the society that you live in. If you live in an ill or corrupt society, then being pure, true, and loving would cause you to be STS as you would be raining on the societal parade. You'll note that Don Elkins managed to get to 100% STO as he killed himself instead of channeling more information that would cause a negative outcome relative to the society in which he lived. This is because Ra is pure truth relative to your level of seeking.

This is why this material has people committing suicide. Because everyone wants to believe that it is perfect in every-way. Turns out, it becomes perfect only after you balance duality in it's entirety.

Uh oh!  Ding ding, my BS Meter went off!

A quick Google search revealed that Himmler was one of the directly responsible individuals in pushing the holocaust forward.  Who exactly is was he benefiting with by endorsing and perpetuating their torture and slaughter?  I mean I'm literally laughing, in disgust.  This is a prime example of something having gone wrong with this material, to think it'd crop up in front of me so fast.  It's a farce, tricky tricky,

If you could offer some kind of editorial on your thought processes that brought you to believe service to self = service to others depending on circumstances.  I mean as far as I am aware, the laws of nature including the metaphysical laws are not flexible and mutable.  If the mechanics aren't going to flipflop for us, why would polarity?

Even Ra broke the Law of Confusion and incurred a polarity lose.  Yet they did so while helping someone, does their selfless acts of breaking the law come from a selfish place and if so, why?  To be honest I have had misinformative dreams of this material, I dreamed I read about some kind of pyramid sun meditation, but rereading I found no mention of it.  I also have a weird memory of recalling Ra saying they were something with polarity, outside?  Above?  Somehow detached from it despite being attached to it?  Even CA recalls this memory but neither of us could find it in the Material.  What's up with that?

Very tricky stuff here.  The mental illusions (like an optical illusion but on the mind itself) that have already shown up are interesting.  I like puzzles and all but this is more like a book of puzzles.  Don't mind if I crack it open, but beware, I like to read.

In fact, I'm actually enjoying his journal, he has a real life one that's personal that he won't let ANYONE read, but uhm, I might have sneaked a look.  Through it all!  But his handwriting made it kind of a rough read and you can tell when his hand gets tired cause his writing gets even worse lol, seemed to shorten things up compared to THAT journal.  You put that guy in front of a piece of paper or a keyboard with a blank document and you've given a magician his wand.


Hmm.  I especially like the 'Ra is pure truth'.  I kind of feel that's wrong because Ra's pure truth is illogically and factually wrong in areas.  I guess your idea of pure is some weird dualistic view of im/pure if I were to guess off of what you've provided me so far, it seems the impure part got you more than the pure.

Honestly...  That's a pretty concerning view, and I won't lie when I say I feel some concern for your mental health.

I can see this material has an interesting following.

(how do you guys quote multiple people??)

@Aion
Hi big bad wolfie, I've found even the biggest baddest wolf is just lonely.  They are a pack animal after all.  I sense a lot of loneliness here.  And I don't feel what you've described with this egregore, but that may be my own biases filtering my perceptions.  I just feel that it is out of place and 'stuck' here.  I think it wants to go but something else has it.  Are there magical practitioners here because if so, there mere presence is like a light to a moth that can't help fly into it.  In fact if I were to actually allow it a viable connection beyond just surrounding me, I'd have to say I'd be damaged afterwards, this energy is not a flexible one...  It wants to reshape things to it's way.  Maybe that's an issue here as, no one wants to be forcefully shaped (...Uh, unless they do...I had a weird ex once who was way too into femdom...)  But I can say I don't appreciate your egregore for it's pushiness.  It feels like a troll trying to get under my skin lol, I wonder how many of those are lurking here.

For real, I do not see at all what you see, are you sure that egregore doesn't have some wool cast over your perception of it?  If it's been taught these things, it is a mindless entity following instincts of a metaphysical energetic nature (I didn't even know metaphysical beings had instincts.)  And what will the instincts be of selfish users vs selfless users?  Think of a kitten, it's instincts are to play and pounce to learn how to hunt.  What would an egregore do instinctually if it had darkness in it?  I can't judge darkness well so I'm a bit clueless, I just have feelings that intuitively inform me, and from the moment I began interacting here I have felt and observed some 'BS' happening in real time.  My phone for starters.  I got goosebumps and knew some kind of energy found me, but beyond that, I never allowed it in because I don't allow anything in until I'm certain, and I'm certain I won't be letting the egregore in.

In fact, you all should do something about it if you're aware of it.  Just because you think it's being manifested by you or this community doesn't change the fact it is colored from all the visitors who allowed it to touch them, awarefully or not.  I do not sense the love in it that is claimed to be there.  That means something.  I wonder if my witch friend could parse it.  She probably won't though, she doesn't like working with negative energy, she says it taints her body and she has to flush it out.

It's interesting to already see these things, this is a magical community huh.  Maybe that's why he was so adamant I stay away.  I mean for real,  he told me when I first began reeading the Law of One with him that the attached community and it's forum were not an appropriate place for real or pure seeking or real research.  But I mean, you guys are called L/L Research so I didn't understand how he meant that.  Still, I wasn't going to join but with him the way he is I didn't feel any other avenue worth exploring.


You guys should know he hasn't done well since he left.  He's honestly a wreck, and I think he actually missed people here but was too stubborn to admit it because he spoke very positively about some people here, Geminiwolf, Glow, Isis, but other people it seemed just thinking about them upset him.  I will admit one of those people was a moderator, never gave me a name but said 'she' so it's a female.  Dunno who the mods are but even when I find out who she is I don't intend to judge, just to have my guard up.  He told me that he felt her issues with him were justified by his conduct and didn't blame her for her demeanor towards him, but he said the real issue was with her 'attitude' in general towards certain things.  I can guess what that means.

He also said someone named SMC was a mixed bag of awesome with some of the greatest caring he ever witnessed, but warned me he should have never of argued with her lol, so I can just imagine where that came from.  Oh, and he said something about not thanking her when she deserved it regarding some discussion on free will, he regretted that.  I can't apologize for him, but if that user is reading this, just know you left overall a positive impression on him.  He wished he felt as you did, so he could talk to you more easily.

He only spoke so much though because inevitably he'd get upset.  Most of what I know about this place is from discussions we had when I'd smoke his brains out enough to where he could talk and just laugh about something else immediately.  Some of those discussions were pretty mind blowing.  I never thought that down is up because a sphere's geometry with gravity allowed for the bottom to host a sky the same way the top does, causing the sky to be down and up no matter where we stand.  The geometry of the sphere, he used to say was, and I literally quote he used the exact word 'sexy' to describe it.  No clue how a sphere's geometry is sexy lol...  Unless he meant the curves?  He does like curves...

I'm sorry.  I like talking about him.  I wish.  Ah.  It sucks he doesn't date.  I feel like he's my soul mate or something, it's not fair other's got to have him before me and messed him all up...  Like, he can't shower most days because his mom has the only working shower, but no matter how dirty his hair is you can run your fingers through it, it's so filled with volume, I'm jealous of his hair, his eyelashes.  I mean, he is an ass no doubt but he directs it to those he feels deserve it.  Beyond that he is, a, fucking, angel.  I have never met someone so thoughtful and loving, yet so destroyed inside.  It really feels like fate to me, and it feels like he's fighting it...  And I don't blame that of him having been around him enough to see how life seems to throw him curveballs no matter what.

The adage you get what you give forgot about him.  He gave so much love to all of his friends and tried so hard to love his family, only for them all to take and give nothing back.  It actually has me tearing up, it's just all wrong to watch.  It's like he designed his life to f*** him up, became aware of it, and proceeded to attack his own soul for it.  I would sum him up with the song Mr. Self Destruct from his favorite band.  He does build himself up, he looks for work, manages things, and then like a precisely timed occurrence, it all collapses on him.

I can't fathom why, I just can't piece his life together in a way that makes sense, I can SEE his hell.  I have WATCHED life literally turn into hell for him right before my eyes from out of nowhere.  I have and.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  I don't know what to make sense of with it all.  He has the views he has for a reason, his life to him has been processed and observed, he's noted the patterns and he discovered how ruthless they were.

He gains three things and loses five.  He goes ten steps up and gets shoved down twenty.  My own life was rough but it had a consistent upside, his doesn't.  He is truly a sufferer of life.  He lurches from one suicide attempt to the next.  Did you guys know he's tried to kill himself literally over twenty times across his life?  And that's omitting the times when he didn't get things setup to follow through.  He knows he can call me whenever to talk, but I don't know if he will when the next time comes.

What really breaks my heart is this most recent time, only twice has he ever gotten into the car while it was running, the first time was in 2013, and he swears a spirit guide 'reminded him he wanted to play Watch Dogs' and he has admitted that because that was the thought that got him out of the car, he should've just stayed in it.  This time though the details I got were from his bestfriend who pretty much forcefully sat as a visitor to talk to him.

I just want to say, shame to whoever put this idea in his head.  He left a suicide note...Letter...  Novel...  No really it was a document on his laptop left open at home plugged in with the power settings set so the screen doesn't dim or shut after a while.  It was labeled '72nd Edition' and was literally a note dating back from his first suicide attempt, with an additional entry for every attempt he had after that.  Over 20 pages.

In it he mentioned someone from here gave him the idea to go to a peaceful place to avoid anyone he loved finding him, he didn't name 'her' but said she was one of the first people to talk to him here.  Shame to you.

He was on a hiking trail south of Sedona (or north?  I don't remember, sorry hard to take in information when you're crying), pretty much in his car with a hose running from the exhaust into the trunk into the cabin.  THANKFULLY his car had a catalytic converter on it because he was found barely conscious with vomit on him.  THANKFULLY he had his wallet and they could identify him and from there got his emergency contact info and called his mother.  Who informed his best friend.  Who was the only one to inform me.  When I visited him though...  He just yelled at me to get out, and apologized, then began crying.  And told me not to visit him, but I still did the next day.  Then the next and that's when he talked to me.

But the thing is I could hear in his voice that tone one makes when they're defeated.  He's been cold, doesn't smile.  I can't just leave him like that.  He's still angry, he's still so angry that he swears he'll spend eternity yelling at god for being a POS.

How.  Can you leave someone like that?  I don't know what to do either because he has the staff not allowing visitors now, I didn't even know you could ask that in a suicide watch.  You'd think they'd want the person to have visitors.  I mean he's supposed to be let out tomorrow (oh crap it's 2am????!!!!)

Long story short, I'm only here because I honestly am in love with him and I am desperate to find answers to help him.  Something.  Anything.  I have a friend who lost her best friend to cancer, and seeing how that destroyed her.  I selfishly admit, I don't want that to be me.  I don't want him to die because I want him.  Death can get in line.

Anyways, he's supposed to be let out in a couple of hours, and I intend to bring him back to my place, or to try anyways.  I don't even know what to say or do, I just want to start off with 'I love you' and then, 'Come live with me' or something.  I can't let him go back to live with his mom.  She has singlehandedly destroyed him internally.  My real concern is he seems to believe he will hurt anyone he's close to, and he has declined an offer to live with me in the past after we became really close friends and I can't fathom why.

I think he declined because he didn't want to burden me.  Which, honestly, I actually want that burden...  I don't mind supporting him, god knows his mother's support is more of a drain than invigorating.

Do you guys have any insights as to a way to persuade him?  I've heard that abused people instinctively form a strong bond with their abuser if it occurs over a long time as a defense mechanism.  He's had over 20 years since childhood being abused by her so I feel like I'm going to need to pull out a trump card or a low blow or something to get through to him.

(09-23-2018, 11:43 PM)Foha Wrote: I'm starting to give up searching outside for the truth. I'm currently enrolled in an online course for kriya yoga, but I'm losing interest because their forums have a $20/mo. service fee tacked on, which I refuse to pay.

(09-24-2018, 05:08 AM)One of Love Wrote: Uh oh!  Ding ding, my BS Meter went off!

A quick Google search revealed that Himmler was one of the directly responsible individuals in pushing the holocaust forward.  Who exactly is was he benefiting with by endorsing and perpetuating their torture and slaughter?  I mean I'm literally laughing, in disgust.  This is a prime example of something having gone wrong with this material, to think it'd crop up in front of me so fast.  It's a farce, tricky tricky,

If you could offer some kind of editorial on your thought processes that brought you to believe service to self = service to others depending on circumstances.  I mean as far as I am aware, the laws of nature including the metaphysical laws are not flexible and mutable.  If the mechanics aren't going to flipflop for us, why would polarity?

Even Ra broke the Law of Confusion and incurred a polarity lose.  Yet they did so while helping someone, does their selfless acts of breaking the law come from a selfish place and if so, why?  To be honest I have had misinformative dreams of this material, I dreamed I read about some kind of pyramid sun meditation, but rereading I found no mention of it.  I also have a weird memory of recalling Ra saying they were something with polarity, outside?  Above?  Somehow detached from it despite being attached to it?  Even CA recalls this memory but neither of us could find it in the Material.  What's up with that?

Very tricky stuff here.  The mental illusions (like an optical illusion but on the mind itself) that have already shown up are interesting.  I like puzzles and all but this is more like a book of puzzles.  Don't mind if I crack it open, but beware, I like to read.

In fact, I'm actually enjoying his journal, he has a real life one that's personal that he won't let ANYONE read, but uhm, I might have sneaked a look.  Through it all!  But his handwriting made it kind of a rough read and you can tell when his hand gets tired cause his writing gets even worse lol, seemed to shorten things up compared to THAT journal.  You put that guy in front of a piece of paper or a keyboard with a blank document and you've given a magician his wand.


Hmm.  I especially like the 'Ra is pure truth'.  I kind of feel that's wrong because Ra's pure truth is illogically and factually wrong in areas.  I guess your idea of pure is some weird dualistic view of im/pure if I were to guess off of what you've provided me so far, it seems the impure part got you more than the pure.

Honestly...  That's a pretty concerning view, and I won't lie when I say I feel some concern for your mental health.

I can see this material has an interesting following.

(how do you guys quote multiple people??)

@Aion
Hi big bad wolfie, I've found even the biggest baddest wolf is just lonely.  They are a pack animal after all.  I sense a lot of loneliness here.  And I don't feel what you've described with this egregore, but that may be my own biases filtering my perceptions.  I just feel that it is out of place and 'stuck' here.  I think it wants to go but something else has it.  Are there magical practitioners here because if so, there mere presence is like a light to a moth that can't help fly into it.  In fact if I were to actually allow it a viable connection beyond just surrounding me, I'd have to say I'd be damaged afterwards, this energy is not a flexible one...  It wants to reshape things to it's way.  Maybe that's an issue here as, no one wants to be forcefully shaped (...Uh, unless they do...I had a weird ex once who was way too into femdom...)  But I can say I don't appreciate your egregore for it's pushiness.  It feels like a troll trying to get under my skin lol, I wonder how many of those are lurking here.

For real, I do not see at all what you see, are you sure that egregore doesn't have some wool cast over your perception of it?  If it's been taught these things, it is a mindless entity following instincts of a metaphysical energetic nature (I didn't even know metaphysical beings had instincts.)  And what will the instincts be of selfish users vs selfless users?  Think of a kitten, it's instincts are to play and pounce to learn how to hunt.  What would an egregore do instinctually if it had darkness in it?  I can't judge darkness well so I'm a bit clueless, I just have feelings that intuitively inform me, and from the moment I began interacting here I have felt and observed some 'BS' happening in real time.  My phone for starters.  I got goosebumps and knew some kind of energy found me, but beyond that, I never allowed it in because I don't allow anything in until I'm certain, and I'm certain I won't be letting the egregore in.

In fact, you all should do something about it if you're aware of it.  Just because you think it's being manifested by you or this community doesn't change the fact it is colored from all the visitors who allowed it to touch them, awarefully or not.  I do not sense the love in it that is claimed to be there.  That means something.  I wonder if my witch friend could parse it.  She probably won't though, she doesn't like working with negative energy, she says it taints her body and she has to flush it out.

It's interesting to already see these things, this is a magical community huh.  Maybe that's why he was so adamant I stay away.  I mean for real,  he told me when I first began reeading the Law of One with him that the attached community and it's forum were not an appropriate place for real or pure seeking or real research.  But I mean, you guys are called L/L Research so I didn't understand how he meant that.  Still, I wasn't going to join but with him the way he is I didn't feel any other avenue worth exploring.


You guys should know he hasn't done well since he left.  He's honestly a wreck, and I think he actually missed people here but was too stubborn to admit it because he spoke very positively about some people here, Geminiwolf, Glow, Isis, but other people it seemed just thinking about them upset him.  I will admit one of those people was a moderator, never gave me a name but said 'she' so it's a female.  Dunno who the mods are but even when I find out who she is I don't intend to judge, just to have my guard up.  He told me that he felt her issues with him were justified by his conduct and didn't blame her for her demeanor towards him, but he said the real issue was with her 'attitude' in general towards certain things.  I can guess what that means.

He also said someone named SMC was a mixed bag of awesome with some of the greatest caring he ever witnessed, but warned me he should have never of argued with her lol, so I can just imagine where that came from.  Oh, and he said something about not thanking her when she deserved it regarding some discussion on free will, he regretted that.  I can't apologize for him, but if that user is reading this, just know you left overall a positive impression on him.  He wished he felt as you did, so he could talk to you more easily.

He only spoke so much though because inevitably he'd get upset.  Most of what I know about this place is from discussions we had when I'd smoke his brains out enough to where he could talk and just laugh about something else immediately.  Some of those discussions were pretty mind blowing.  I never thought that down is up because a sphere's geometry with gravity allowed for the bottom to host a sky the same way the top does, causing the sky to be down and up no matter where we stand.  The geometry of the sphere, he used to say was, and I literally quote he used the exact word 'sexy' to describe it.  No clue how a sphere's geometry is sexy lol...  Unless he meant the curves?  He does like curves...

I'm sorry.  I like talking about him.  I wish.  Ah.  It sucks he doesn't date.  I feel like he's my soul mate or something, it's not fair other's got to have him before me and messed him all up...  Like, he can't shower most days because his mom has the only working shower, but no matter how dirty his hair is you can run your fingers through it, it's so filled with volume, I'm jealous of his hair, his eyelashes.  I mean, he is an ass no doubt but he directs it to those he feels deserve it.  Beyond that he is, a, fucking, angel.  I have never met someone so thoughtful and loving, yet so destroyed inside.  It really feels like fate to me, and it feels like he's fighting it...  And I don't blame that of him having been around him enough to see how life seems to throw him curveballs no matter what.

The adage you get what you give forgot about him.  He gave so much love to all of his friends and tried so hard to love his family, only for them all to take and give nothing back.  It actually has me tearing up, it's just all wrong to watch.  It's like he designed his life to f*** him up, became aware of it, and proceeded to attack his own soul for it.  I would sum him up with the song Mr. Self Destruct from his favorite band.  He does build himself up, he looks for work, manages things, and then like a precisely timed occurrence, it all collapses on him.

I can't fathom why, I just can't piece his life together in a way that makes sense, I can SEE his hell.  I have WATCHED life literally turn into hell for him right before my eyes from out of nowhere.  I have and.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  I don't know what to make sense of with it all.  He has the views he has for a reason, his life to him has been processed and observed, he's noted the patterns and he discovered how ruthless they were.

He gains three things and loses five.  He goes ten steps up and gets shoved down twenty.  My own life was rough but it had a consistent upside, his doesn't.  He is truly a sufferer of life.  He lurches from one suicide attempt to the next.  Did you guys know he's tried to kill himself literally over twenty times across his life?  And that's omitting the times when he didn't get things setup to follow through.  He knows he can call me whenever to talk, but I don't know if he will when the next time comes.

What really breaks my heart is this most recent time, only twice has he ever gotten into the car while it was running, the first time was in 2013, and he swears a spirit guide 'reminded him he wanted to play Watch Dogs' and he has admitted that because that was the thought that got him out of the car, he should've just stayed in it.  This time though the details I got were from his bestfriend who pretty much forcefully sat as a visitor to talk to him.

I just want to say, shame to whoever put this idea in his head.  He left a suicide note...Letter...  Novel...  No really it was a document on his laptop left open at home plugged in with the power settings set so the screen doesn't dim or shut after a while.  It was labeled '72nd Edition' and was literally a note dating back from his first suicide attempt, with an additional entry for every attempt he had after that.  Over 20 pages.

In it he mentioned someone from here gave him the idea to go to a peaceful place to avoid anyone he loved finding him, he didn't name 'her' but said she was one of the first people to talk to him here.  Shame to you.

He was on a hiking trail south of Sedona (or north?  I don't remember, sorry hard to take in information when you're crying), pretty much in his car with a hose running from the exhaust into the trunk into the cabin.  THANKFULLY his car had a catalytic converter on it because he was found barely conscious with vomit on him.  THANKFULLY he had his wallet and they could identify him and from there got his emergency contact info and called his mother.  Who informed his best friend.  Who was the only one to inform me.  When I visited him though...  He just yelled at me to get out, and apologized, then began crying.  And told me not to visit him, but I still did the next day.  Then the next and that's when he talked to me.

But the thing is I could hear in his voice that tone one makes when they're defeated.  He's been cold, doesn't smile.  I can't just leave him like that.  He's still angry, he's still so angry that he swears he'll spend eternity yelling at god for being a POS.

How.  Can you leave someone like that?  I don't know what to do either because he has the staff not allowing visitors now, I didn't even know you could ask that in a suicide watch.  You'd think they'd want the person to have visitors.  I mean he's supposed to be let out tomorrow (oh crap it's 2am????!!!!)

Long story short, I'm only here because I honestly am in love with him and I am desperate to find answers to help him.  Something.  Anything.  I have a friend who lost her best friend to cancer, and seeing how that destroyed her.  I selfishly admit, I don't want that to be me.  I don't want him to die because I want him.  Death can get in line.

Anyways, he's supposed to be let out in a couple of hours, and I intend to bring him back to my place, or to try anyways.  I don't even know what to say or do, I just want to start off with 'I love you' and then, 'Come live with me' or something.  I can't let him go back to live with his mom.  She has singlehandedly destroyed him internally.  My real concern is he seems to believe he will hurt anyone he's close to, and he has declined an offer to live with me in the past after we became really close friends and I can't fathom why.

I think he declined because he didn't want to burden me.  Which, honestly, I actually want that burden...  I don't mind supporting him, god knows his mother's support is more of a drain than invigorating.

Do you guys have any insights as to a way to persuade him?  I've heard that abused people instinctively form a strong bond with their abuser if it occurs over a long time as a defense mechanism.  He's had over 20 years since childhood being abused by her so I feel like I'm going to need to pull out a trump card or a low blow or something to get through to him.

(09-24-2018, 09:24 PM)One of Love Wrote: It's alright Aion, I just wanted to be honest about how I felt.

He's out.  Nothing really went as I had planned.  He's not really doing too well...  It didn't help that he deleted everyone's number right before doing it and stopped being friends with everyone including me.  Took a lot of persistence to get him to let me back in.

I haven't told him about here yet.  I don't know for sure really what to do.

That I've already found one person I feel no need to reply to on this forum of love, kind of isn't surprising to me, I can see this place has some interesting dynamics of hypocrisy.  It's my understanding when management lays down rules you follow them or face consequences.  For instance, when these mind games or volatile members are causing people in this community to commit suicide, there should be consequences, responsibility.  At the very least moderate a post by these people before it's posted so you can tell the individual what is and isn't going to fly here.  One of his biggest issues was with polarity, with people like mr. Reckoning here I now can see precisely why after some further browsing...

If you like messing with peoples heads, maybe the management here should do the selfless thing, lose a few members but save some lives.  Doesn't it only take one to be a success to Ra?  Save one life by moderating these volatile people hurting people here.  Incur a loss to acquire a gain.  If people like to hurt others here, you cannot call yourself a loving community without sounding like a schizophrenic unaware of their surroundings.

I would like to know why this community thinks causing people to commit suicide isn't serious enough to warrant an action of some kind.

(09-23-2018, 10:47 PM)blossom Wrote: ...

I know there are times here when people "play" dark games with one another, mind games, clever manipulative thought patterns to freak someone (anyone) out yet make it seem unexplainable to others so one who's mind is broken and traumatized can't redeem itself because nobody will believe or understand.

---

(09-24-2018, 05:08 AM)One of Love Wrote: Uh oh!  Ding ding, my BS Meter went off!

A quick Google search revealed that Himmler was one of the directly responsible individuals in pushing the holocaust forward.  Who exactly is was he benefiting with by endorsing and perpetuating their torture and slaughter?  I mean I'm literally laughing, in disgust.  This is a prime example of something having gone wrong with this material, to think it'd crop up in front of me so fast.  It's a farce, tricky tricky,

Quote:36.14 ▶ Questioner: Was Himmler in any way in contact with his higher self at that time while he was incarnate in the 1940s?
Ra: I am Ra. We remind you that the negative path is one of separation. What is the first separation: the self from the self. The one known as Himmler did not choose to use its abilities of will and polarization to seek guidance from any source but its conscious drives, self-chosen in the life experience and nourished by previous biases created in other life experiences.


36.13 ▶ Questioner: Then using Himmler as an example, was his higher self at the time he was incarnate in the 1940s a sixth-density positively oriented higher self?
Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.


35.5 ▶ Questioner: Thank you. An important example, I believe. I was wondering if any of those who were subordinate to Adolf at that time were able to polarize in a harvestable nature on the negative path?
Ra: I am Ra. We can speak only of two entities who may be harvestable in a negative sense, others still being in the physical incarnation: one known to you as Hermann; the other known, as it preferred to be called, Himmler.

36.12 ▶ Questioner: Let me take as an example the one you said was called Himmler. We are assuming from this that his higher self was of sixth density and it was stated that Himmler had selected the negative path. Would his higher self then dwell in a sixth-density negative type of situation? Could you expand on this concept?
Ra: I am Ra. There are no [negative] beings which have attained the Oversoul manifestation, which is the honor/duty of the mind/body/spirit complex totality of late sixth density, as you would term it in your time measurements. These negatively oriented mind/body/spirit complexes have a difficulty which to our knowledge has never been overcome, for after fifth-density graduation wisdom is available but must be matched with an equal amount of love. This love/light is very, very difficult to achieve in unity when following the negative path and during the earlier part of the sixth density, society complexes of the negative orientation will choose to release the potential and leap into the sixth-density positive.
Therefore, the Oversoul which makes its understanding available to all who are ready for such aid is towards the positive. However, the free will of the individual is paramount, and any guidance given by the higher self may be seen in either the positive or negative polarity depending upon the choice of a mind/body/spirit complex.

36.15 ▶ Questioner: Well, then let’s say that when Himmler, for instance, reaches sixth-density negative at the beginnings of sixth-density negative, at this time would it be [the] case that an entity would realize that his higher self is sixth-density positively oriented and for that reason make the jump from negative to positive orientation?
Ra: I am Ra. This is incorrect. The sixth-density negative entity is extremely wise. It observes the spiritual entropy occurring due to the lack of ability to express the unity of sixth density. Thus, loving the Creator and realizing at some point that the Creator is not only self but other-self as self, this entity consciously chooses an instantaneous energy reorientation so that it may continue its evolution.