Power over others

[Night Owl]

Hi everyone.

It's the fifth day of me quitting morphine and it's not really enjoyable. day 3 was the peak.. I survived that by reading inspirational material all day/night in misery and pain, but faith kept me going. so I'm going to survive the rest of the withdrawal days.

I have realized a part of me wants to tower above others. maybe because of growing up in a harsh reality.
Somethings tell me that it is wise to completely destroy some people for example (by words I mean) to protect/honor others or self.

My doctor today told me that I'm superior and stuff like that. that's all everyone tells me when they find out I am an addict. the psychologist said the same thing in the other room. they think addicts are garbage and I shouldn't be one of them and it's strange that I am.

So anyway, I think the devil is feeding my ego through people as well. I don't like to be what I hate most..
These may relate to the issues with acceptance of self..the shadow side.. I don't know I've been awake a lot recently.. very little sleep..

You can't serve others without serving yourself my friend, maybe this is why you have a hard time allowing yourself a little slack. No matter what you do to yourself and to others, you are doing it to yourself first and foremost. If you take power over others, you are simultaneously doing it over yourself. It's a good thought to want to serve others, but by wanting to serve them 'more' than yourself, there is already power included in the relationship by thinking there needs to be more of one than the other.

The most 'power'ful way to execute service to others is to serve yourself. They are one and the same. For that, there is no need for power in both relationship between you and yourself and you and others. This relationship is the same. Serving yourself doesn't mean serving yourself over others. You can't be good to others without being good to yourself first. We learn it the hard way, but everything we do and think starts with the self. There is also no better way to serve yourself than to serve others. You see it's all about balance between the two. Power just means there is an imbalance between the two sides.