11-27-2017, 11:24 PM
You're probably right about my holding onto feelings. It's weird but the Ra Material gave me a profound appreciation for feelings. It's why I'm so perplexed by the heavier ones.
I do not think the hell I found is adequately stated by you though. In a way, I understood the material in a much darker way that others seem to just...Not connect with. I pieced it together somewhat differently, and overall was ruled by my distress at the level of detachment, indifference, apathy, and almost emotionless cold deep examples of the loss of love(d ones) that I was going through.
I don't handle emotional stress well anymore, it's like my aquity to people's emotions and thoughts was magnified x3, x5, x10, and my usual calmness has been replaced with an advanced self awareness versus my once lacking self awareness.
In many ways it was all just an increase in my sensitivity to things being taken and multiplied, suddenly its all too intense to handle, and worst of all, it might all just be in my mind.
I cared about people's misery, that got magnified until I was freaking out over their misery. Hatred is a form of Love, and I found in it that its source and fuel was my compassion at how deeply disturbed and saddened I felt at all of the suffering that was so clear and sharp to me then.
It's really a fascinating look into how one might change in a state of altered consciousness.
Thanks Kundalini~
And I guess I don't want to be seen as an adept because I attach a very painful experience to that title. I'd rather just be a monk.
I do not think the hell I found is adequately stated by you though. In a way, I understood the material in a much darker way that others seem to just...Not connect with. I pieced it together somewhat differently, and overall was ruled by my distress at the level of detachment, indifference, apathy, and almost emotionless cold deep examples of the loss of love(d ones) that I was going through.
I don't handle emotional stress well anymore, it's like my aquity to people's emotions and thoughts was magnified x3, x5, x10, and my usual calmness has been replaced with an advanced self awareness versus my once lacking self awareness.
In many ways it was all just an increase in my sensitivity to things being taken and multiplied, suddenly its all too intense to handle, and worst of all, it might all just be in my mind.
I cared about people's misery, that got magnified until I was freaking out over their misery. Hatred is a form of Love, and I found in it that its source and fuel was my compassion at how deeply disturbed and saddened I felt at all of the suffering that was so clear and sharp to me then.
It's really a fascinating look into how one might change in a state of altered consciousness.
Thanks Kundalini~
And I guess I don't want to be seen as an adept because I attach a very painful experience to that title. I'd rather just be a monk.