11-25-2017, 03:42 AM
Ahh, Jeremy you've been exemplary this entire conversation, no worries man!
Overall I think we've touched a very delicate matter here, and that is whether or not we should be more active in guiding others that come across this material and are struggling with it.
It seems I am of the minority party, to help move those struggling away from such traumatic catalyst regardless of if they ask or not, while the majority party seems to prefer the way of the universe, to only offer a hand once it is asked for.
I think we can all agree the majority is in the safer basket of choice here.
I think it's not incorrect what was said of me, that I am trying to learn/teach for others, although I don't fully agree, I can see why this is perceived.
Sadly I lack the ability to properly express myself, of which I usually blame the HFA, thanks brain for trying anyways.
So, overall I just want to voice a great pleasure in how we're all sharing. I was worried I was derailing my thread again but it turns out I've offered an interesting bit of catalyst to this community in pondering the safety and dangers of the information in the Law of One.
I will try to stick to the camp of helping others proactively, without awaiting for their help, at least those who are clearly showing problems assimilating safely this information.
I find it perfectly acceptable that others do not join me in this endeavor. I just can't...Admit to feeling okay with just leaving others to the same experiences I had.
To answer your question Jeremy, I would've liked someone to take me aside and tell me that if I'm not meditating, trying to perform the practices given will potentially lead me to very strange and even painful experiences. That I need that meditative state, it is not optional, and that if I'm going to seek understanding darkness, I must do so from a very well grounded placement of light and love, and nowhere else.
Instead I had no real guidance, no real help, but speculation, just opinion, just the usual, and it damaged me.
And the best part is I KNOW, from my own life theme recurring, that I will find someone who does not want my help, but will need it, and whom will reject my help, and get hurt. I KNOW that pattern is coming on, and this time I'm going to break it.
I won't fumble and screw up expressing myself, I will manage to help that person, by simply giving them someone to ground against, someone to grab them by the hand and pull them back up out of the pit of hell and to say, "Hey that was rough, are you okay? Want to talk about it?"
In a way, at the very least...I wanted someone to talk about it, to look at me and say, "No dude, this isn't Hell, what's going on with you??" But no one did. So I had to make sense of it myself. Had to walk through the bloody horrors of my own mind losing control to one brutal murder fantasy after another, with all the vividness of blood and bone and sinew, with emotions equating mostly to despair and such a deep level of it that even suicide seemed hopeless, like killing myself would just leave me in the same place repeating it all over, in a way, prolonging the experience by trying to escape it. It was this perfect little hellish prison I built for myself inside of my head and put myself inside of and there was no key, no lock, no cage, just emptiness, pointlessness, hopelessness, worthlessness, pitch absent despair of the highest magnitude I was capable of knowing.
All I wanted was for it to be a dream, to wake up and be back in reality before I knew heaven or hell, to wake up and not think I just came back from astral realms of sleeping, to not think I am attached to some God aligning me to 'catalyst' that was intended to hurt me to teach me a lesson. All I wanted was for someone to break that delusion, but I didn't really talk to anyone back then, I still don't, and when I'm suffering I close up and shut down and don't tell anyone anything.
So in the end irregardless I have myself to blame on various layers of reality, and in many ways, there's no blame to even be given, it was just meant to happen and that's that, no wrong, no right, just Being.
So. I look back at those times, now that they have passed, all of 2014, 2015, and most of 2016 feel like a blur, a blur through experiences of heaven and hell, and I am much greater, much better, much more defined and known now because of those experiences...
Looking back, it feels like the moment my son was taken from me, I began a spiritual journey that culminated with me waking up in late 2013/early 2014, and culminated in my witnessing the light, and the dark, and now there's only one thing left. The Unity.
Or maybe I'm just intellectualizing my known path in-so-far as I know it so far, as I see it that I am experiencing the whole spectrum, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the whole.
I've seen heaven, I've seen hell. What's left to be seen but that which makes it all up?
And it's funny because the heaven side of things felt like I was already partly aware of the all that makes it all up, and yet outside of that experience I am now profoundly caught up with the realization that my experiences of knowing my Higher Self, Creator, and Creation, were very shallow despite their profoundness, and that the darkness I experienced mirrored this.
It's like...I have Spirit Guides of the Light and the Dark, as if the Angels and Demons know me, and as if the gods and devils know me. It's like, I'm walking on the cusp of the outer world while teetering on the cusp of the inner world, and that all of the good and the bad are just things to help pass the time, to help teach me, to help be me, and that all the madness and perfection is just games and titles and arbitrary things designed to just give me something to do.
I remember, the only time I ever did shrooms, I had such a dark profound realization, or what I call a delusion at the time, of being The Creator, having realized it is Singular, and thus, Only. AllOne/Alone. It was not painful, it was not deleterious, it was... Just a fact. That at the end of it all, I am me, The Creator, I am by myself, all alone, on my own, no one else, at the beginning, at the end, and all things between.
Pray Tell, Other-Self, art thou lonely this day?
You think you're not, but are you not all things?
And therein lies my awe and wonder and bewilderment, knowing that when I die my attempts of longevity of ego will fail, I will fade away into memory and that which is truly me will re-emerge and consume me with the sheer towering of it's being. Shadow's taller than my soul, yet my soul is taller than my shadow, it stretches into infinity while the shadows converge into a singular point and disappear, consumed by the lack of a point to cast it.
It's just another damn metaphor. Coming here, for what purpose but to be a whipping boy wanderer to help a planet destitute with greed and forgetting. My very presence enlightens this place? Strange, because I feel like I'm but a shimmering candle on an oceanfront in the middle of the night, what I wouldn't give to be in a world of light doing things that don't leave me feeling so... Wishful to not exist.
It's tiresome, why am I so tired? It's not just physical, mental, or emotional, it is clearly spiritual. It's like my soul is tired of 3D, like I'm tired of this, I'm even getting a headache just focusing on the darn sensation of weariness.
Is it that I have come far enough in my understanding as a soul to feel sleepiness as a soul? Is it that I am actually exhausted from my work in 3D?
The Law of One, answered so many questions but then the Catch is known, for every question answered, two more questions pop up, the mysterious infinite nature of creation, every answer has a question.
At the end of the day, or perhaps my life, I hope to know only one damn thing and one damn thing only.
Everything. All I want, to know everything.
And should I not know everything when I die, then I suspect I will succeed in my true purpose in life; To Fail Life and Still Finish It.
I have come to deeply believe that this particular incarnation I'm in now has been failed a myriad of times, I'm talking at least two dozen times, like this is the life that has given me the greatest trouble, the greatest problems, the greatest obstacles for my personal being. The depth of my...Thoughtfulness brings me to some very deeply disturbing ideas that have left me now and then feeling devoid of what to do but just give up.
Maybe this life is about making it through, and that the only way to view it as a success in my own...Uh...Soul...Eyes... View, the only way to view it as a success in my own view is to simply complete it.
That scares me, because I'm...Keenly worried about my 40's... I have this horrible feeling, belief, that my 40's is where it all gets screwed up, again, and again, an again. Maybe it's even age 44, maybe that's what I've been discovering in this recurrent number of 44 going on since 2014 when I was 22. Maybe 44 is my great big challenge, maybe it's what I'm dreading, maybe it's what makes me feel so weak and feeble, like I'm a twig on a river about to go down a big ass rapid and get stuck against a rock instead of making it to the sandy beach.
I don't know, but overall, the Law of One is what KEPT me from suicide, in fact, I remember it so vividly, I had JUST decided on a deep level to plan out my suicide, like I was on the 120% serious mode, prepared to start getting things straightened up to end them, and then I come across this comment on facebook calling some conspiracy theorist 'ignorant' and then there's the Hidden Hand Dialogues right there, and even then, another two weeks passed before I read the actual Law of One because I was slowly preparing and planning on how to most easily make things easy on everyone, and then I read the Law of One.
I remember, as I read those first few pages asking me to keep an open mind to the idea of UFO's and Aliens, and I thought to myself, I already believe in aliens (ever since seeing a crop circle on the news and then being subsequently terrified that night of being abducted, and then boom a dust storm hits, I'm so terrified I'm sleeping upstairs with my parents, literally PRAYING to God, something I don't usually do, adrenaline rushing, terrified, and then boom, it's the next morning.
How'd I fall asleep with so much adrenaline in my system? Some part of me thinks I had a visit that night, or perhaps I just wore myself out and fell asleep.
Either way, I also believed in UFO's though never saw one, but I wanted to, I was always looking into the night sky, longingly, like there was something out there I missed.
Then I got to the first few sessions and saw the basic philosophy summed up, All Is One, One Is All, that One is Unified Infinite Unconditional Love, The Original Thought, The Truth.
I found the answer to my long question, What Is The Truth? The Truth is Unconditional Love.
Then, after discovering the Law of One, I looked back through my books and drawings. The Law of One was ABUNDANT, INSIDE OF MY IMAGINATION, before I even knew anything about it. I already had such concepts as Love is the Answer to all conflict, that creation was nested inside of a vast plenum (which I named The Obliteration) of which was the real creation, and within which existed 'The Creator', and such concepts as The Truth that I tried to explain in these writings had one thing alluded to it that even I never noticed until I re-read the final fight between my major book's protagonist and antagonist, and realized that I had already revealed what The Truth is to myself when my protagonist narrowly defeated the antagonist while on the brink of death, by simply forgiving the antagonist, and having compassion for all the horror he went through that made him into the malicious murderous madman he was presently, and in that one moment of providing unconditional love, all of the problems that plagues the protagonist and the plot line of the book quickly fell apart into a swift ending.
I look back at my emerging college experiences just before I found the Law of One, I was already aiming towards a Creator in-line with how the Material portrays The Infinite Creator.
It's so hard to put into coherent simplified sentences just how much coincidence, unbelievable coincidence, that there is in my life that aligns with the Law of One, I CANNOT ESCAPE IT, I CANNOT GET AWAY FROM IT.
The Universe is alive and it is calling me, and it knows I'm hesitant but it seems to believe in me because it will NOT STOP CALLING.
And I'm sitting here shitting myself in terror that I'm not good enough for the Universe, and all the while it holds it's arms wide open still awaiting me, telling me I'm welcome to join it anytime.
I, want to. So why, do I feel so compelled to stay...And suffer... And... Continue going on, here and now?
Life is but a melody of Love dipping into the strangeness of an intelligent infinity's creative imagination. We're but figments of God's overactive creativity.
I don't know what's going on anymore or who I am or what's what.
I just know that, I know nothing, and nothing is still something, and that this something I know, cannot be known, and thus I am here grasping and groping the sphere of mystery, trying to pierce it's surface and look in, but I can't, because I am not capable of doing so, yet this sphere sits here before me.
And I can choose, to be with the universe, or to try the inevitable impossibility of understanding this mysterious sphere. I choose the impossible every, single, time.
Maybe...Maybe I'm not crazy, maybe...Maybe it's my soul who is crazy, and I'm just the innocent bystander whom has the divine mis/fortune to witness a soul slam it's metaphorical head against the proverbial sphere.
I wish...
I don't know.
Have some music.
Whew, better, I can think now.
Trying to describe the effects of the Law of One on my life is like trying to describe the effects God has on my life... They are in a way intertwined, I failed what seems like not one, but two different life paths I had planned and this is the fail safe it seems, discovering the Law of One, because had I never lost my son, or dropped out of college, I probably never would have discovered the Law of One to begin with, and both those previous paths had signs of slowly revealing that information to me, but it seems I opted for this path unconsciously... Otherwise, why was I led into it so effortlessly?
Regardless, thank you God, Creator, Law of One, and the Original Thought. I think... I have much to learn, and...I am hopeful, that when the time is right, when the hour has come, I will be ready and willing to learn the lessons of The Law of One.
Sorry for the long messy post.
I guess it is my trademark, huh o:
Overall I think we've touched a very delicate matter here, and that is whether or not we should be more active in guiding others that come across this material and are struggling with it.
It seems I am of the minority party, to help move those struggling away from such traumatic catalyst regardless of if they ask or not, while the majority party seems to prefer the way of the universe, to only offer a hand once it is asked for.
I think we can all agree the majority is in the safer basket of choice here.
I think it's not incorrect what was said of me, that I am trying to learn/teach for others, although I don't fully agree, I can see why this is perceived.
Sadly I lack the ability to properly express myself, of which I usually blame the HFA, thanks brain for trying anyways.
So, overall I just want to voice a great pleasure in how we're all sharing. I was worried I was derailing my thread again but it turns out I've offered an interesting bit of catalyst to this community in pondering the safety and dangers of the information in the Law of One.
I will try to stick to the camp of helping others proactively, without awaiting for their help, at least those who are clearly showing problems assimilating safely this information.
I find it perfectly acceptable that others do not join me in this endeavor. I just can't...Admit to feeling okay with just leaving others to the same experiences I had.
To answer your question Jeremy, I would've liked someone to take me aside and tell me that if I'm not meditating, trying to perform the practices given will potentially lead me to very strange and even painful experiences. That I need that meditative state, it is not optional, and that if I'm going to seek understanding darkness, I must do so from a very well grounded placement of light and love, and nowhere else.
Instead I had no real guidance, no real help, but speculation, just opinion, just the usual, and it damaged me.
And the best part is I KNOW, from my own life theme recurring, that I will find someone who does not want my help, but will need it, and whom will reject my help, and get hurt. I KNOW that pattern is coming on, and this time I'm going to break it.
I won't fumble and screw up expressing myself, I will manage to help that person, by simply giving them someone to ground against, someone to grab them by the hand and pull them back up out of the pit of hell and to say, "Hey that was rough, are you okay? Want to talk about it?"
In a way, at the very least...I wanted someone to talk about it, to look at me and say, "No dude, this isn't Hell, what's going on with you??" But no one did. So I had to make sense of it myself. Had to walk through the bloody horrors of my own mind losing control to one brutal murder fantasy after another, with all the vividness of blood and bone and sinew, with emotions equating mostly to despair and such a deep level of it that even suicide seemed hopeless, like killing myself would just leave me in the same place repeating it all over, in a way, prolonging the experience by trying to escape it. It was this perfect little hellish prison I built for myself inside of my head and put myself inside of and there was no key, no lock, no cage, just emptiness, pointlessness, hopelessness, worthlessness, pitch absent despair of the highest magnitude I was capable of knowing.
All I wanted was for it to be a dream, to wake up and be back in reality before I knew heaven or hell, to wake up and not think I just came back from astral realms of sleeping, to not think I am attached to some God aligning me to 'catalyst' that was intended to hurt me to teach me a lesson. All I wanted was for someone to break that delusion, but I didn't really talk to anyone back then, I still don't, and when I'm suffering I close up and shut down and don't tell anyone anything.
So in the end irregardless I have myself to blame on various layers of reality, and in many ways, there's no blame to even be given, it was just meant to happen and that's that, no wrong, no right, just Being.
So. I look back at those times, now that they have passed, all of 2014, 2015, and most of 2016 feel like a blur, a blur through experiences of heaven and hell, and I am much greater, much better, much more defined and known now because of those experiences...
Looking back, it feels like the moment my son was taken from me, I began a spiritual journey that culminated with me waking up in late 2013/early 2014, and culminated in my witnessing the light, and the dark, and now there's only one thing left. The Unity.
Or maybe I'm just intellectualizing my known path in-so-far as I know it so far, as I see it that I am experiencing the whole spectrum, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the whole.
I've seen heaven, I've seen hell. What's left to be seen but that which makes it all up?
And it's funny because the heaven side of things felt like I was already partly aware of the all that makes it all up, and yet outside of that experience I am now profoundly caught up with the realization that my experiences of knowing my Higher Self, Creator, and Creation, were very shallow despite their profoundness, and that the darkness I experienced mirrored this.
It's like...I have Spirit Guides of the Light and the Dark, as if the Angels and Demons know me, and as if the gods and devils know me. It's like, I'm walking on the cusp of the outer world while teetering on the cusp of the inner world, and that all of the good and the bad are just things to help pass the time, to help teach me, to help be me, and that all the madness and perfection is just games and titles and arbitrary things designed to just give me something to do.
I remember, the only time I ever did shrooms, I had such a dark profound realization, or what I call a delusion at the time, of being The Creator, having realized it is Singular, and thus, Only. AllOne/Alone. It was not painful, it was not deleterious, it was... Just a fact. That at the end of it all, I am me, The Creator, I am by myself, all alone, on my own, no one else, at the beginning, at the end, and all things between.
Pray Tell, Other-Self, art thou lonely this day?
You think you're not, but are you not all things?
And therein lies my awe and wonder and bewilderment, knowing that when I die my attempts of longevity of ego will fail, I will fade away into memory and that which is truly me will re-emerge and consume me with the sheer towering of it's being. Shadow's taller than my soul, yet my soul is taller than my shadow, it stretches into infinity while the shadows converge into a singular point and disappear, consumed by the lack of a point to cast it.
It's just another damn metaphor. Coming here, for what purpose but to be a whipping boy wanderer to help a planet destitute with greed and forgetting. My very presence enlightens this place? Strange, because I feel like I'm but a shimmering candle on an oceanfront in the middle of the night, what I wouldn't give to be in a world of light doing things that don't leave me feeling so... Wishful to not exist.
It's tiresome, why am I so tired? It's not just physical, mental, or emotional, it is clearly spiritual. It's like my soul is tired of 3D, like I'm tired of this, I'm even getting a headache just focusing on the darn sensation of weariness.
Is it that I have come far enough in my understanding as a soul to feel sleepiness as a soul? Is it that I am actually exhausted from my work in 3D?
The Law of One, answered so many questions but then the Catch is known, for every question answered, two more questions pop up, the mysterious infinite nature of creation, every answer has a question.
At the end of the day, or perhaps my life, I hope to know only one damn thing and one damn thing only.
Everything. All I want, to know everything.
And should I not know everything when I die, then I suspect I will succeed in my true purpose in life; To Fail Life and Still Finish It.
I have come to deeply believe that this particular incarnation I'm in now has been failed a myriad of times, I'm talking at least two dozen times, like this is the life that has given me the greatest trouble, the greatest problems, the greatest obstacles for my personal being. The depth of my...Thoughtfulness brings me to some very deeply disturbing ideas that have left me now and then feeling devoid of what to do but just give up.
Maybe this life is about making it through, and that the only way to view it as a success in my own...Uh...Soul...Eyes... View, the only way to view it as a success in my own view is to simply complete it.
That scares me, because I'm...Keenly worried about my 40's... I have this horrible feeling, belief, that my 40's is where it all gets screwed up, again, and again, an again. Maybe it's even age 44, maybe that's what I've been discovering in this recurrent number of 44 going on since 2014 when I was 22. Maybe 44 is my great big challenge, maybe it's what I'm dreading, maybe it's what makes me feel so weak and feeble, like I'm a twig on a river about to go down a big ass rapid and get stuck against a rock instead of making it to the sandy beach.
I don't know, but overall, the Law of One is what KEPT me from suicide, in fact, I remember it so vividly, I had JUST decided on a deep level to plan out my suicide, like I was on the 120% serious mode, prepared to start getting things straightened up to end them, and then I come across this comment on facebook calling some conspiracy theorist 'ignorant' and then there's the Hidden Hand Dialogues right there, and even then, another two weeks passed before I read the actual Law of One because I was slowly preparing and planning on how to most easily make things easy on everyone, and then I read the Law of One.
I remember, as I read those first few pages asking me to keep an open mind to the idea of UFO's and Aliens, and I thought to myself, I already believe in aliens (ever since seeing a crop circle on the news and then being subsequently terrified that night of being abducted, and then boom a dust storm hits, I'm so terrified I'm sleeping upstairs with my parents, literally PRAYING to God, something I don't usually do, adrenaline rushing, terrified, and then boom, it's the next morning.
How'd I fall asleep with so much adrenaline in my system? Some part of me thinks I had a visit that night, or perhaps I just wore myself out and fell asleep.
Either way, I also believed in UFO's though never saw one, but I wanted to, I was always looking into the night sky, longingly, like there was something out there I missed.
Then I got to the first few sessions and saw the basic philosophy summed up, All Is One, One Is All, that One is Unified Infinite Unconditional Love, The Original Thought, The Truth.
I found the answer to my long question, What Is The Truth? The Truth is Unconditional Love.
Then, after discovering the Law of One, I looked back through my books and drawings. The Law of One was ABUNDANT, INSIDE OF MY IMAGINATION, before I even knew anything about it. I already had such concepts as Love is the Answer to all conflict, that creation was nested inside of a vast plenum (which I named The Obliteration) of which was the real creation, and within which existed 'The Creator', and such concepts as The Truth that I tried to explain in these writings had one thing alluded to it that even I never noticed until I re-read the final fight between my major book's protagonist and antagonist, and realized that I had already revealed what The Truth is to myself when my protagonist narrowly defeated the antagonist while on the brink of death, by simply forgiving the antagonist, and having compassion for all the horror he went through that made him into the malicious murderous madman he was presently, and in that one moment of providing unconditional love, all of the problems that plagues the protagonist and the plot line of the book quickly fell apart into a swift ending.
I look back at my emerging college experiences just before I found the Law of One, I was already aiming towards a Creator in-line with how the Material portrays The Infinite Creator.
It's so hard to put into coherent simplified sentences just how much coincidence, unbelievable coincidence, that there is in my life that aligns with the Law of One, I CANNOT ESCAPE IT, I CANNOT GET AWAY FROM IT.
The Universe is alive and it is calling me, and it knows I'm hesitant but it seems to believe in me because it will NOT STOP CALLING.
And I'm sitting here shitting myself in terror that I'm not good enough for the Universe, and all the while it holds it's arms wide open still awaiting me, telling me I'm welcome to join it anytime.
I, want to. So why, do I feel so compelled to stay...And suffer... And... Continue going on, here and now?
Life is but a melody of Love dipping into the strangeness of an intelligent infinity's creative imagination. We're but figments of God's overactive creativity.
I don't know what's going on anymore or who I am or what's what.
I just know that, I know nothing, and nothing is still something, and that this something I know, cannot be known, and thus I am here grasping and groping the sphere of mystery, trying to pierce it's surface and look in, but I can't, because I am not capable of doing so, yet this sphere sits here before me.
And I can choose, to be with the universe, or to try the inevitable impossibility of understanding this mysterious sphere. I choose the impossible every, single, time.
Maybe...Maybe I'm not crazy, maybe...Maybe it's my soul who is crazy, and I'm just the innocent bystander whom has the divine mis/fortune to witness a soul slam it's metaphorical head against the proverbial sphere.
I wish...
I don't know.
Have some music.
Whew, better, I can think now.
Trying to describe the effects of the Law of One on my life is like trying to describe the effects God has on my life... They are in a way intertwined, I failed what seems like not one, but two different life paths I had planned and this is the fail safe it seems, discovering the Law of One, because had I never lost my son, or dropped out of college, I probably never would have discovered the Law of One to begin with, and both those previous paths had signs of slowly revealing that information to me, but it seems I opted for this path unconsciously... Otherwise, why was I led into it so effortlessly?
Regardless, thank you God, Creator, Law of One, and the Original Thought. I think... I have much to learn, and...I am hopeful, that when the time is right, when the hour has come, I will be ready and willing to learn the lessons of The Law of One.
Sorry for the long messy post.
I guess it is my trademark, huh o:
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