Michael Newton vs Law of One

[anagogy]

The more and more I go through this kind of information I begin to wonder who is this all for because it doesnt look like its for me/us. Try to imagine how I feel, to go through thousands of years of incarnations and abuse (which is what it is) to then have your personality diluted in unity in the end and you pretty much fade away. That sounds horrible. Logically when all the Creators pieces return to unity there will be only one personality/identity, all the other identities will be gone.

To be honest, and I dont want to alarm anyone here but, I have been contemplating suicide for a long time now. If everything I experience is for the Creator and not for me then what is the point? If unity is the end then how I get there is irrelevant because I wont have a choice anyway right?

I just want to be me  

We do have choice. But not unlimited free will. The amount of free will we have is directly proportionate to the amount of awareness we have. Incidentally, the experiences that awaken more consciousness are not necessarily "pleasant" experiences. They are often aversive. Pleasurable experiences are great and all, but they do little to potentiate more consciousness. The experiences that often result in the most character and spiritual growth are often traumatic. Pleasure lulls you to sleep, and pain wakes you up. This is the metaphysical underpinnings as to why your warm comfortable bed helps you stay asleep, but a splash of cold water to the face makes you more alert to your surroundings. Thus, the experiences of your incarnations are designed to increase your awareness, and sometimes within the latitude of free will you presently possess, via your current state of consciousness, you sometimes increase your "free will" by choices made during incarnation, and sometimes you decrease your free will by other choices (an accumulation of karma which lowers consciousness). For example, animals have less free will than the consciousness of a human, because they have a less broad awareness of the infinite array of choices. But then, it is not a simple formula of: maximum pain would wake up your consciousness. That would similarly retard consciousness. There has to be balance (the amount of karma, or "spiritual lessons", one is able to "take on" in a given life time). The cycles of pain and pleasure generally follow the principles of the sine wave, swinging back and forth, but even so, the cycles, though they are equal (though sometimes over multiple concurrent lifetimes), the pain is often more noticeable than the pleasure for the reasons I previously explained. This is why the matrix of the spirit (if you are familiar with the archetypes of the universal mind) is The Devil. Because the melody of the "playfield" of the spirit often seems dark or evil, just like if you place your somewhat cold hand on your much warmer body, the cold is still more noticeable because it is aversive, contrasting, and shocking.

So no one forces you to becomes ONE with all other souls. You can just be "you" for eternity if you so chose to. But I'm telling you, if you had even a slight whiff of oneness you would never want anything else for as long as you live. It doesn't make you less, it makes you more, in ways that are impossible to understand from our egoic state of consciousness. You are free to be "you" for as long as you want, in an eternal present.

tl;dr (the more conscious you become, the more free will you have -- this is what polarity is btw. Newton's books just frame it in different words that mean the same thing)