Lotsa Questions

[Agua del Cielo]

It's a bit hard to accept that experience is in an eternal state, but I think you're right for the most part...

Although...It's hard to accept that my inability to remember the experience vividly is because I'm not of a high enough consciousness to do so.

I'm sorry but I can't really accept that last part in some ways.  I just don't feel that it's fair way to judge someone's level of consciousness by how easily they can handle trauma without disassociating from it.  I don't think every 4D, 5D, or 6D soul that went through the more painful experiences as a 3D entity, just walked through those experiences without some level of trauma that they blocked out in some manner or another.

I find everything else mostly comes off as things that I can find to be true and accept.  I think those people who can manage to handle trauma without many blockages might be more efficiently equipped in some manner of personal bias to process those experiences.  Some people seem to be able to apply the idea of not crying over spilled milk to things like going through a traumatic experience.  I see that with things like becoming lonely or socially isolated in ways, but not in things like being raped or someone trying to ruin my life.  I think those demand more thought be considered as to how to avoid those energies in the future, how to not repeat the same mistakes and re-manifest those experiences.

I'm not big on the idea of transcending the human properties, I find they're somewhat integral to living a balanced life for myself...So for such exercises as experiencing a time/space trauma to acquire healing is maybe a bit too top heavy for me to try at this time...  I'll consider a visualization meditation of it tonight though...

I find the lower chakras make up these dimensions some of us are afraid to repeat cycles within such as 3D, as well as our many faults leading to unawareness, are all natural formations by the energy centers.  So to me, trying to shed my human ego or perform 'ego death' is not the path for me.  It's something to take into myself, not out of myself.  Or basically, to strive to perform it purposefully is inappropriate for me.  It needs to naturally fall away from no longer being needed, not because I'm trying to shake it off by doing what is supposed to work to make it shed away.

I see it this way, our human ego is a portion of the Yellow-Ray Personality Shell that in death deactivates, so what's the point in trying to prematurely deactivate the human ego within this Personality Shell?  Sure we came here to shine our loving soul self through our 3D self, but we need to consider the 3D self too as it is too a part of who we are as souls. The human body was not designed (by us as consciousnesses) to be able to handle in a prolonged way the energetic activation's necessary of the energetic body system to allow us to shine our true soul personalities through all the filters and distortions of our human energetic system.

We need to be our selves through (as you said) our human selves.  To try to be more than human as a human is...Not helpful in my experience.
As a human, seek to be a better you, that's all I think reality and the lessons offered here seek to teach us.  We get some dank and dark experiences to challenge this ability of ours as well.  It's not made to be easy...

In that sense, I think my experiences are as worthy as anyone else's in their purpose and meaning.  A 2 year old might not feel the same depths of awareness to the depths of pain it's experiencing, that doesn't make the experience any less painful.  The experience is recorded in the 2 year old now, maybe it's not conscious of the physical pain it endured, but on some level it's psyche is scarred by it all the same.

I see no apology needed from you Muad-dib, your words come from a place of love and wisdom, I'll try to not be so stubborn and arrogant when I find them too true to want to accept initially.  Just in kind, please forgive me and my inability to accept some bits of your advice.

Dear CA,
There was a misunderstanding in some parts!
You find ithard to accept, where it simply isnt true, maybe because i wasnt clear enough on that!

I was not referring to a person being overall completely unconscious.
I meant, the "trigger" would bring up echoes of the traumatic experience as well as activate the "defense mechanism".
This would render one unconscious for as long as the situation lasts and until one has " recovered"
For example, when your in a rage, it would indicate that you re unconscious in THAT moment, not neessarily your whole life!
Our degree of being present or conscious usually greatly varies. Very present now, completely unconscious then next moment.
That was what i was refering to. I was trying to make you understand the mechanisms of trauma and how unconscious patterns develop and why (because of the emotional charge) itwould be so hard to stay presentwhen they arise.
It was meant to be an aid in betterunderstanding and being able to self-forgive.

I think its not possible to access trauma just by will.
It took me more than two decades of therapy, meditation, conscious spiritual development and more to step by step come to this point.
It started at the surface. Examining the emotions in certain difficult situations. I would gradually find deeper roots, and each time it would arise newly, i got a little bit deeper. Over the decades i've come to the point i described and found these were the roots.
Each time, however, that i got a little bit deeper, i found iteasier to stay conscious, when those feelings would arise.
So, itis a very long process. One will need rest inbetween to develop stability, to gain trust and to find a new base for living one s life.
As i said, it is not to be expected to "access" this right now. My hope was simply, that the "process" and the factors involved would be more understandable, my further hope was it would help (because that knowing helped me to stay a little more conscious in these times) you being more present in those situations (because you can see at least to a certain degree that you re actually dealing witholdpain and old patterns), and my biggesthope was, to show, you justhad no other choice facing these emotions and would be able to forgive yourself.

I find the lower chakra work to be crucial, since otherwise the heart cant open and accessing "higher energies" would just magnify all difficulties.
I came to the conclusion, that the blockages are ultimately undissolved trauma and the resulting mechanisms.
Its probably a life long mission to unblock and resolve this.
I also found, that unprocessed experiences from other lifetimes would be re-actualized in this lifetime (by the means of traumatic experiences) so one would be provided with all "material" necessary.

Also, i dont advertise the ego being demonized. The ego is a sacred "institution" that serves an evolunionary purpose.
Many parts of the ego simply are necessary, at least for some time.
Every part of the ego thatis notneeded anymore will dissolve anyway.
I am just saying to not put the ego in thesriver's seat all thetime

And, no, i dont think we have to be "superhuman", overcoming our "human-ness". But if one is, for example, beating up ones wife, thatwould surely be an ego facet worth healingand dissolving, i think you get the point.

To clarify the example withthetwo year old:
The two year old would suffer from the pain the same way we would.
With dissociation i mean, it would seperate from the experience and suddenly stop feeling anything. Then the emotions as well as the very memory are usually being forgotten.
Btw, this dissociation , this state of non-feeling, is also a common state for many adults...easy to see what the possible roots of such a pattern would be...
When and if the point is reached where onere-experiences this traumatic situation, it would not be a memory,youwould be inthatsituation right now, thats what i meant with existing in time/space.
To the "experiencing consciously"
The two year old would feel the pain very much the same as we would, itwould only be even harder for him or her.
With consciously experiencing i meant, being completely present with the emotions, holding that awareness and the inner light, holding the energy until it subsides.
And with the "solution of a two year old" i meant, he would not have much life experince and simply not be "clever" enough to come up with a well-differenciated one-size-fits-it-all solution, and the "pattern" would be subconscious. Soone cannot "refine" it.
An example would be, a child is being hurt very badly maybe emotionally and/or physically by the parents.
The solution could be:
Someone being close while heart is open > much pain > close heart > pain reduced > solution to avoid re-occurence > never let someone close again
This would then be a solution, which would be necessary to survive. But twenty years later the situation would be different. You would be able to guard yourself emotionally and physically better and wouldnt need such a strong defense pattern.

The pattern however would be subconscious and it would lead to a life where you cannot even allow a close relationship.
Many people on a conscious level wish for a deep intimate relationship, the even try affirmations and stuff.
But it just dont happen. And they wouldnt even know why.
It would be (in this case) the pain-avoidance solution of a two year old and one wouldbe completely unaware of it.

(Btw, this is one of the reasons i think affirmations are quite useless, as long as the root of the situation is not discovered. One would try to "beat" a pattern, whichhas a very good reason AND has an incredible emotional energy behind it with some "whimpy" half-hearted affirmations, ignoring the fact that there is a necessity to the pattern or situation, at least for thatpart of us, who created it)



I hope, this clarifies a little!