Lotsa Questions

[Agua del Cielo]

I would also like to jump in here

Dear CA ,
I havent been on the board when all those things happened, but i've read many of your recent posts.
I think the honesty that you display, the self-reflection and also the humbleness in your wish to apologize are very inspiring.
But feeling guilt and feeling you deserve punishment makes me speak out.

Guilt an ego trap. Period.
The ego makes you feel guilty, them it will make you be punished for your guilt, then at some point you have enough. You dissociate from the feeling of guilt, you start attacking again, because you project your guilt unto others, which then would deserve punishment.
This is vicious circle, the different stages of it are all part of the same problem, they just look different.

As long as you believe in guilt and punishment, you not only believe you are rightfully being attacked, at some point you will transfer this to others as well, probably unconsciously.

With that mechanism, the ego keeps you from moving on.

Moving on would mean:
There is no guilt, so there is no punishment.
You made mistakes.
You have been unconscious.
You did this, because there was at that stage of evolution no other choice.
Now you realize this.
You could take full responibility for what you did, you can confess to yourself that you will make better choices when a situation similar arises, you can apologize and maybe do something to repair the damage.
This is all you can do and all it takes.

You can confess to innocence, to view innocence in all humans.
We all make mistakes, we are all unconscious more often than not.
Some make terrible mistakes.
But deep down, we are all completely innocent.

When you reach this place of innocence in you, you can see that we are all the same.
So, there is only two possibilities. Either everyone is innocent or everyone is guilty.
Theres nothing inbetween.
You dont make the decision only for yourself, it determines how you view the rest of humanity.

I know self-forgiveness is very very hard. But if you cant forgive yourself for your owns sake, you could do it for the sake of other-selves.
As long as you cant forgive yourself, you will ultimately not forgive others, and you will at some point again attack those around you, simply because you believe in guilt and punishment.

I can clearly perceive the unconsciousness you were in. And i can completely understand it, i understand what emotions were your inner drive. And you just couldnt help it.
I view you with love and compassion as you struggled on your path just as we all do.
And i hope, for the innocent loving being that you truly are, that you let go of guilt and let your light shine!

All the love in the universe, dear brother