Lotsa Questions

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

The male aspect of the mind is that which reaches while the female is that which waits to be reached.

You have the capability to answer your questions in a satifying way. No one can directly help you. At most one could only offer perspective to consider. In that way you might find the answers yourself. In this way i will respond to you.

First, i would like to say that the consciousness you are, even experienced as seperate, is complete. Everything you ever think feel or experience is this completion. Judgment engenders distortion of this understanding. Therefore it is critical to know and accept the self as you even judge yourself to be seperate.

Everything is one. You are part of this one and are this one in all power and glory. This why Ra says he/they offer the solving of paradoxes. Understanding this is simple and is the core message of the confederation which Ra said in his very first response


"The Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator has only one important statement. That statement, my friends, as you know, is “All things, all of life, all of the creation is part of one original thought.”"(1.0)


Everything you can conceive of and experience is this, one orginal thought. Ra has also said that it is necessary to realize you do not understan." It is absolutely necessary that an entity consciously realize it does not understand in order for it to be harvestable. Understanding is not of this density." (16.39)

14.20 Questioner: And you ready yourselves for harvest through [the] best service you can provide. Is this correct?
Ra: This is correct. We offer the Law of One, the solving of paradoxes, the balancing of love/light and light/love.

16.39 Questioner: I am assuming it is not necessary for an individual to understand the Law of One to go from third to fourth density. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. It is absolutely necessary that an entity consciously realize it does not understand in order for it to be harvestable. Understanding is not of this density.

Thank you for your words, I have provided myself the full quotes you were speaking of.  

While I believe these things to be true, I, ironically, do not know them to be true beyond the year of my life when I was 22 in 2014 and had a spiritual awakening as a sort of response to a life crisis at the time, were that spiritual awakening never to have happened, I'd be dead via suicide.

I find that it is a great irony that I, seeing myself as a paradox, would come upon the one things that is said to be the solver of paradoxes, and in taking it into my self, found both simplifications in some areas, and in others a great extension of their complexity.

I say, who knows where the road leads, because it's true.  Even God can't precisely predict a future that hasn't happened for it yet.  How does a consciousness beyond time working within time experience instantaneous changes to itself as it interacts?  The higher self, the oversoul of the high self.

I believe this life has some kind of important purpose.  I doubt my ability to fulfill this purpose, because I can't even seem to fulfill myself.

Yet, I continue on, because of the Law of One and what few friends I have.

You can feel you have so little, and still have so much.

Thank you for your words.

I have to point out, that I have an endorsement deal with emotions

I...Doesn't everyone have this? lol

Min, I wish to share to you some mostly disjointed lyrics of a song called Thoughtless

"Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies, pushing all the mercy down, down, down. [...] All of my hate cannot be bound, I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming"

For me I sometimes feel the thoughtless mind is the most dangerous one in regards to scheming.  I find that where others tell me to sit with my anger, they are asking me to sit in the fire and self immolate myself.  I have tried, but I'm unable to do so, mostly because I cannot handle it.

I equate this to being unable to sit in the eye of the storm due to its severe intensity around the core, I can't penetrate it into the stillness at the center.

I find this a failure on my part, but forgive myself as I view that my anger is a...Lifelongterm obstacle to be distilled.  I might even make the assumption that failing to come to peace with this anger will alone signify a failure to distill a primal experience necessary for harvest.

I will try to stop reinforcing my perceptions of myself I feel I need to bring to the surface to work on.  I just find surfacing the emotion is easier when I apply them to my identity.  Just remember, here on Earth we are mostly activated as entities of Earth, not so much Entities of Infinity.  In regards in 5.2 when Don asks Ra for aid in becoming healers, they mention in their response

It is not for a being of polarity in the physical consciousness to pick and choose among attributes

, I see this as applying to healing, and in that light it can be applied to the internal healing process.  I am not picking to be the things I call myself, I see they simply are.

When I call myself a failure, or a monster, it is because I have observed these things to be true.  I am also a successful person and a lover in other areas, but these feelings I do not think need be worked upon like those of 'failure' and 'monster', so I do not attempt to surface them upon my merely intellectual consciousness, but to hold them there to get processed down into the subconscious in a different manner, to approach them subconsciously at a consciously differently aimed perspective.

For instance, depression and suicide are major emotions I have felt my entire life, I felt these before I even knew that the other thing I felt was anger.  Yet these three things, sadness, madness, and hopelessness, have since then been cultivated into these extreme feelings of depression, hatred, and suicidal tendencies.

I don't touch these right now, as in the past doing so has caused consequences such as the intensification of hatred or suicidal tendencies or depression.  Sitting with them doesn't help, they are ingrained habits of my brain's circuitry, it's almost like there's also redundancies in place for them, as when I go through a meditation with one and sit clearly and lovingly with it, the instant I return into the intellectual mind and are subject once more to my own thoughts, they are immediately surfacing as reinforcements by my thoughts of the emotions I've just worked on.

My only hope I'm seeing is to return to a state of near constant conscientiousness, something I only ever managed back in the middle of my spiritual awakening.  Attempts afterwards are like trying to go on a jogging regiment.  It's haaard hahaha, but it's needed.

I plan on, if I don't keep on falling to depression and finding it pointless, to not only begin a literal regiment of practices for both mind and body, but to begin once again 'living' the Law of One, as it was in doing that that all of my issues were exacerbated, yet at the same time, many others were shed off, INCLUDING my anger.

2014, a year without my anger plaguing me.  It was blissful, my sadness was shallow compared to my love.

So, I...I almost said know...I am aware that my anger/madness, and it's extremities of hatred, malice, frustration, and ignorance, can be shed away.  That my sadness and it's extremities of depression, hopelessness, pointlessness, and suicidal tendencies can be lessened down to a puddle rather than the ocean it is.

Yet, in the interim, as I became more loving it seemed like things like laziness also shed away, I cannot in that period recall any real emotions of negativity except after the moment I tried to reconnect as friends with me ex, and saw she hadn't changed a bit.  Now, a few days ago, I documented this in my journal thread, that now I am the one who has no changed where she is.

It just feels like, there's...A clear picture for my life, right in front of my eyes, and it's just hidden in plain sight, not even see-through or transparent but just so perfectly blended it's indistinguishable from being 'separate'.  I need to literally look into reality itself to see this picture, and only once did I have the eyes for this before they closed.

I go again and again and again to 2014, to that year.  To remember what I am, what I can become, what I once was.

I am not choosing to be any of these things, I merely am them.  It ultimately becomes how I'm willing to work with myself.  Will I cultivate my suffering or my love despite both always existing with one another?  It's obvious the suffering is a gravity well, to cultivate it is to become pulled away from the ability to cultivate love, but it cannot take me away from what is a part of me even if it does block such from myself.

As The Glitch Mob says.  The closest space between two points is alive.

Just need to cultivate that life, rather than shelter it away and suppress it.

Really, these analogies all ultimately conclude to the fact I am lazy and not cultivating myself, whether out of pure laziness or fear or disbelief, it is a fact.  I am scared of myself.  I believe I should suffer in some ways.  I think I should be alone in others, because I am a scary person.  People here have seen that, I've seen it.

If a monster who wants to be good can't be good, the least it could do to incite good is to keep itself from harming others.

I'm trying not to harm myself, and it's never working.  Keep myself from others it hurts me.  Interact with others, still gets me hurt, but worse also hurts others.  Do nothing and I still get hurt.  It made me believe I was in hell.  I can't do anything right!  I'm always alone!  I hurt people when I'm not!  I hurt them when I am, somehow!

Yet, I am not in hell, but heaven and purgatory.  I know I do things right all the time.  I'm not always alone, I don't always hurt people when I'm with them, I don't always leave people with my suffering.

But I also don't even know myself, because for all I know, I'm a negative polarity purposefully doing these things, purposefully hurting myself, to hone something in a later life for all I know.

I am truly uncertain but considering the energies in my life, I'm getting feelings as to what I am supposed to do, as to what I need to work on...

But it doesn't change the fact my future projections after my mother dies all puts me on the street.  There's no one out here who's going to give me a home.  I can't manage two jobs, I can barely hold onto one job.  I have no family who gives a s*** about me out here, and I'm not moving to New Jersey when my life and my friends and everything I know is out here.

Your help is useful still though, and I'll consider many of the things you've said despite what I've just replied.

Just see that I might be a walking shield, so everything said to me I sometimes accidentally deflect or block.  The downsides to being a Cancer, my internal shell is always up unless I take it down, and I do not do that anymore.  Just gotta make out the muffled sounds and knocks