Intelligent infinity/energy, time/space, catalyst, and your experience

[loostudent]

My iniciation or first contact with II happened seven years ago. It's hard for me to explain it, find the right words (so much more in English!). I've already wrote something in another thread - Relationship with the Creator:

I once had a different expirience of this special "state" of conciousness. I don't know if it was close to samadhi, awakening of kundalini, tapping of intelligent infinity or something else ...

I was able to communicate with others in this state but this communication was different. I would call it double coding. When someone spoke to me it was like not only the person is speaking and not only literal meaning but some other meaning and someone was unveiling. Not just persons, everything "spoke" to me. Like many channels of one big channel ... Normally I'm a quiet person but at that time others noticed talkativeness and liveliness unusual for me ...

At that time I used to have a lot of free time. I was drawn to spiritual and philosophical quest. I discussed these things a lot (on a forum like this). I can't remember how this started but I became obssesed with some thinking and visualising. I started brainstorming on patterns, concepts, symbols and hidden connections behind everything... how God is showing his presence and connecting everything, how everything is coming from and returning to God ... This attracted me so much that I held a strong focus on this. I stayed awake long in the night ...

Then I started taking notes to not loose anything what comes to mind. I carried a notebook and pencil with me. This was a spontanuos process. I didn't know anything about automatic writing and chanelling.

Then I experienced for some time this altered state of conciesness I have already described above. The best words would be: seeing Creator in all, everything connected, feeling blissed and animated like never before, a burning sensation in the body ...

This couldn' last because I was totally unprepared. I couldn't handle all this. This is owerlheming indeed. I started to experience some health and mental issues. I felt my mind is going to explode. I couldn't control this intensive stream of thoughts wandering arround like crazy. Besides a lot of things I also had problems with vanity. Then I realized this and had problems with unworthines, feeling damned, deceived by negative spirits ... So crazy! I almost lost my mind. I even had a nightmare of being absorbed into dark nothingness ...

I wanted to stop all this and get back to normal. First thing that helped me and protected me was prayer and sacraments of my church. First I prayed alone then calling others for help. My family helped me a lot. I spontaneously created a ritual for ending this problems: I wanted the whole family to gather and I ritually burned my notebook in front of them. I had to ground myself a lot,doing only down to earth activities for a while. Gradually I was back to normal. Since then I haven't experienced something similar again. I became more careful in spirituality but I still feel a strong desire to be enlightened.