Intelligent infinity/energy, time/space, catalyst, and your experience

[Agua del Cielo]

Quite a few very interesting questions in one post
I would like to share my experiences and perspective with/on intelligent Infinity (i'll use "II" as abreviation).

I came to experience II first maybe eight years ago, since then it occured more and more often and i have quite a few observations on it.
The experience would be very diefferent each time and for every person i think.there are some aspects common to it however.

It felt like my consciousness would explode into infinite dimensions, there were no boundaries whatsoever in no way, there was no such thing as "thought" at all (at least not what we would consider "thought") there was no identity at all, my identity and what i used to consider a person just dissolved and ceased to exist.
The "personal" thing comes into play AFTER the experience.
What i was able to remember and "hold" in my again reduced consciousness (although it will never again be reduced to what it was formerly) was just a timy microscopic version of the actual experience, reduced to the capability of my current state of evolution, highly colored and distorted by my limitations.
So, the actual experience would be absolutely impersonal, the part that one remembers would be quite personal (one always will simply forget everything that currently doesnt make sense).

I am not sure if comtemplating "II" is helpful in achieving it.
I would rather say no, but i might be wrong.
We usually function within the limits of our ego. We perceive it as reality. And we hold on to this "made-up" identity.
From there we would kind of "project forward" or imagine what "II" is like, which would then be like the ego, only "bigger".
This is far from the truth. The ego just cant imagine an ego-less state of being.
We would then contemplate a concept of "II" that would be the egos imagination, this would in my opinion rather create an obstacle.

I came to the conclusion that there's a good reason for everything, though i may not understand it at the moment.

So, lets say, we dont experience or havent yet experienced "II", why would our "system" not allow this?
There would be a good reason, since our system and life itself is not stupid.
Why would it be a necessity to prevent one from experiencing " II"?

Afetr having experienced it i came to some conclusions:

Identity

Especially when one tends to be in the "head" a lot, think a lot and live rather on the intellectual side of life, this would be what a big part of our identity is made up from.
So, obviously one is not willing to let go of this in everyday life at least a little bit, now imagine all the thinking, all the self-perceived identity just ceases to exist.
This is like dieing. Are you ready to die? Are you ready to let your thinking "die" in normal life?
If not, how would you expect it to die completely in order to experience "II".
This would also be true for other "parts" of identity that would cease to exist.
And most of all, your sytem knows that after such an experience it would be impossible to go back to normal.

Control

This might not be too obvious at first.
We have a lot of control mechanisms, the intellectual mind" being the strongest one for most.
This control was installed in mostly childhood tomes and is the mechanism that is supposed to prevent us from old unprocessed pain surfacing and from re-experiencing such situations. Not sure if you found these mechanisms and the old pain in you, if you, you probably know, what i mean.
When you experience "II" although its a very pleasant experience, opens many many doors in you. Your control mechanisms would be weakened (since you experienced life at least for some time without them).
I found many times, that some time after touching "II" ( sometimes days, sometimes weeks after) very heavy and difficult issues would surface in me, it opens the door to deep issues ( actually these issues are the very reasons we closed the door to higher states).
Your system, especially the controlling part "knows" this will happen, so this would be another good reason.
Are you willing to pay the price? Are you willing to face the dark and painful sides in you?

Grounding

After my first "II" experience i fell into deep depression for some months. I was very unwilling to live in such a reduced state.
I had quite a few suicidal phases then.
I found "grounding" the connectedness to earth and the physical plane very important to allow such experiences.
Grounding would mean, deciding definitely to live this often painful and reduced life. As long as one "knows" nothing "better" the decision is easy, after knowing "heavenly" states this is not easy at all.
This in my experience comes down to our emotional state.
If we openheartedly deal with emotions, recent ones as well as old buried ones, we transform our physical beingness into a pleasant state, which is desireable to inhabit.
If we are not yet ready to face our emotions openly, living here most probably is quite unpleasant.
Without this "grounding" i guess many would simply be much more unwilling to be here after such an experience than before.

The fear of love and being

This might also not be too obvious, but i had a convincing experience of this.
I was using lsd as an aid here and was undertaking this journey with my therapist.
I was in a thought-brain-abstraction mode for morethan an hour, things got more and more abstract and ever-increasing complicated. Finally she said, come on, this leads to nowhere. Just lie down and relax. She then touched my heart with herhands. I relaxed. And relaxed.
My thoughts started to become less and ever less. At some point there was only a rememberance that i once was thinking. Then even that memory was lost. I was in a state of pure being.
Nothing existed except being, no thought, no mind, not even consciousness, only being.
It was so all-encompassing, nothing else existed. No physical world, no higher dimension or density, no "beings" or entities, nothing but pure being.
It was so utterly pleasant. It felt as if i would be there for millions of years. Then she asked a question, it was hard to perceive at all in my state.
But i refused to think or even botherto answer. I was convinced that i never ever would wantto experience anything else than being. I would sink for another million of years into being.
Some millions of years later i decided to answer. I gotback into the "physical" world, but with the being still very present.
Later that day i hadthe desireto go back completely into being. Buti was so afraid. I was afraid that i would lose myself there completely and forever. I was afraidthat all my "evolution" so far would have been pointless since i would lose it all forever including consciousness.
My therepist promised to get me outofthere if would get lost.
Ittook me morethan an hour to overcome my fear.
Then i decided to go for it, jumped in,plop, junped backout, plop, and realized that my fear was unnecessary.
So, irealized, there is an immense fear, which was unconscious always, but still there, and keeping me from experiencing pure being.

I guess contemplating these reasons, discovering if they are infact anywhere deep down in us and doingthe work necessary to "dis-arm" these fears and mechanisms would be more promising in gettingcloserto "II"

A further note:
Experiencing "II" as well as the very popular Kundalini awakening would provide one with much much more energy.

Ra is referring to this (thepre-mature opening of indigo-ray) as inviting great imbalance.

If one considers there are many unresolved (or unbalanced) issues in us, fear, sadness, anger, hate, despair, pain and so on, now imagine all the fear, alltheanger, all the dispair and pain maginfied a hundred times.
Not only the stuff present before, but also a lot of suppressed emotions which would then be uncontrollable.
That would be a total mess, calling it "inviting great imbalance" sounds like understatement!

These are some of my experiences, observations and conclusions. I hope it is helpful in a way!