Lotsa Questions

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

...

I'm still left to my own devices to ponder things I have trouble grasping with my own devices haha.
Control and Acceptance are interesting labels for the energies being emitted, I emerged from my meditation last night utterly restless.  Which has subsequently ruined my sleep schedule v-v

But in the process I did some healing of the indigo ray and the crossed circuitry I have between indigo and yellow, as this has been pretty much bombarding my mind with endless affirmations of a negative nature, that nothing matters or is going to change or be worthwhile, all things I allow to come forth, and try to be impartial towards with respect for myself and my long-term desires.

Ultimately I'm beginning to feel like I don't so much want to change the nature of this place as much as tweak it, as said.

In total truth, all of you, polarizing consciously was a bit traumatic, which was said would happen.  For being so 'openminded' I'm pretty arrogant and closed off.  Sometimes I feel like I'm a sts entity moving towards sto and in the process am meeting wave after wave of internal programming that needs to be reconfigured.  Still, because of my experience I did a short contemplation session before my meditation on whether or not it would be...Efficient to consciously attempt to polarize again.

I came to a resounding no.  The current system works well enough from the unconscious state, the conscious interference while helpful, causes the side effect of trauma.  Do not like, so I'll allow the system to work behind the scenes so-to-speak, and I'll take my two steps forward and one step back versus one step forward, then two, then four, then a leap of eight, then sixteen, thirty-two, so on and so forth.  I'm fine with taking it one step at a time, I have no rush even if this is my last incarnation to achieve harvest, it's really not worth the suffering I'd put myself through attempting to achieve it continually across my life.

So, sadly I'm going to say any and all information pertaining to polarization, has probably for a reason not resonated with me, because I'm not meant to consciously be propelling it forward but rather, I just need to have faith that as it is now works, and will continue to work.

Which does leave me with the highly resonating catalyst issues I have, which to me have become such a focus I was overwhelmed and tried to run away.  However, where can you run in a place where omnisciently-omnipresent energies exist?  Is it possible that ignoring a catalyst is the close-brother to accepting a catalyst?  Is the leap to accepting from ignoring a large one in the mind, I wonder?

Aion, I'm not sure if you recognize who I am yet, but I've said in the past that I am like a giant paradox.  For me, there isn't disharmony in my disharmonious connections of rational and irrational as much as there is curiosities.
For instance, you mention that harmony must come from a proper connection between the rational and irrational parts of the mind, I already believed this, and actually took it one step further, not only must a harmony exist, but it must be informed by the superational energies of the intuitive mind, otherwise no matter how much harmony is made internally, life will still be as standing in darkness with a candle.  The intuitive mind illuminates the environment somewhat and aids greatly, without it's cultivation and connections we may as well be hitting two rocks together and using the sparks produced to guide our way through our own internal selves.

My internal self has evolved from a simple house to an expansive landscape to an entire novel to a full universe and beyond throughout my life, I've kept track unintentionally by writing it all down in my books when I was a teenager.  To this day when I go back to my first writings and drawings, I see the Law of One just etched into paper by my own hand without my ever having been aware of it.
Truly, I came into this world with my imagination as a form of channeling it'd seem.  From there though, I'm left baffled as to how to hone this ability, as having become consciously aware of it has pretty much damaged my...Originality.

For instance, my name is a reference to an ability by my zombie novel's protagonist to attract and repulse a massive amount of the living dead to and from certain places or people, the novel has an entire back story hiding between the lines of a generic slightly different zombie experience.  Because of this when I look back and read my draft, I find that when I try to insert concepts and ideas such as in the back story trying to explain the nature of why Earth became plagued by zombies (and how), and try to add in Law of One concepts, I completely interfere with my natural process and damage the integrity and dignity of my own works, making for a dull and droll read that sounds closer to preaching ideas than it does showcasing them in a novel fashion.

You want to change the nature of reality for everybody, but I may be so bold as to suggest that there are those who would not want you to.

This is potentially more true in a general sense than I think you are willing to point out.
I may so bold as well to point out that most negative entities who enjoy using places like this would immediately try to shut down my attempts at pulling the power of inflicting suffering away from them slightly, ever so slightly, no matter how slightly, attention will be garnished, there will be...A 'tug of war'.

Similarly, sto entities do this exact same thing, I'm attempting to do so, why am I any different from any of them and their efforts?  Everything done to affect the nature of reality is going to be met with the complex systems in place attempting to maintain themselves.  It ultimately comes down to transmuting them, if not in experimentation in isolated instances of the reality mechanics, then in the actual real simulated reality.

Everything done has those who wanted it done, and those who did not, and those who are indifferent.

My attempts won't be simply dissuaded because the nature of reality makes changing it difficult.

I wonder how much resistance was initially met when the concept of the veil was desired to be integrated, or the creation of a second polarity.  I appreciate your warning though.  Warnings are always nice, better than just wiping me out lol.

Dear Jade, I once lost 32 pages of my zombie novel because windows 8 wanted to automatically update while in sleep mode, and Atlantis Word Processor did not autosave the work.  This was purely my mistake as I should make a habit of ALWAYS SAVING MY WORK before I walk away from it. (In any program, from Blender to Sketchup to Photoshop, to MS word, excel, powerpoint, even in google docs).  I was very mad, I had just written the parts introducing the strongest ability of the protagonist, his Coordinate Apotheosis, and in the process I took a long break from working on the novel.
Then when I returned to it and rewrote the 32 pages I realized something.
That catalyst helped me to make a better read.  I was given a second chance to write that portion of the story, and I highly appreciated this due to the fact I had digested the story in mind, and was able to provide much more detail and create a better immersive experience.

So if I may offer some tips I've used to avoid this exact issue on here in the past.
Ctrl+A + Ctrl+C periodically.
If you ever scroll away from the text box, or something else pops up, ALWAYS click the text box first.  (Of course this is hard to do if you don't notice your typing is no longer being inserted into the text box when you suddenly try to correct a typo that's not even present and BOOM, too late.)
Hit the 'preview post' button after a while, it's essentially a security backup plan in case you accidentally hit back, as you should then be able to hit forward and the current page with all text in the box should reload, at least on chrome it does for me.  Not sure about ff or ie or safari or tor or [insert browser name I've never heard of here].

Beyond those, I'd suggest to all of us that we take typing classes so we don't stare at the keyboard while typing

I look forward to your response Jade, do know you can answer a few questions at a time per post, and don't need to do it all in one shot if that's easier for you.

Plenum, it sounds like you have fingers possessed by the backspace-key, one moment you're typing, the next the calling is heard in your finger tips, and they bend to that will over your own.  That or you've become so proficient at smacking that backspace key that when the impulse to undo something accidentally fires off in your brain, it's all but a battle of physical body reflex against mental mind realization.  I promise you, the reflex usually beats the realization.  Slow down with those fingers of yours!

Do not battle the keyboard, make love to the keyboard, my fellow keyboard warriors!~