How do I heal this. I lost balance but I feel balanced

[Glow]

I think you handled yourself well! I can imagine being in your shoes, sitting there with fists tightening, blood boiling, trying to stay calm as I suffer the highlights of the life that my Dad chose over a relationship with me.

It sucks when we lose our cool; you're right, it's mortifying. But hey, you didn't toss the table and start screeching and throwing things. That is mortifying. To stand up, calmly explain yourself as best you can, and then remove yourself from the situation ... well, we should all strive to handle ourselves with such grace when confronted by difficult, emotional reactions, IMO. Don't beat yourself up! You did very well.

I think she was trying to effect me because then addressing only me she went through all the cards from her kids and told me not anyone else what a great grandad and dad he is how he does anything for them and they are so lucky.

Do you think your Dad feels guilt over the father he was for you? If so, she might have been trying to assuage your Dad's guilt about not being a good father to you, by showing you what a terrific father he was, to her. Maybe she even thought this would be healing for you to hear.

Which, yes, would be completely tone-deaf. But she doesn't understand "Dad's" guilt, nor your pain, because all she knows is "whaddya mean? Dad's A+, truly a great guy!"

Thanks for saying I didn't do to bad.

In regards to her thought pattern. I have 3 thoughts.
1. I'm not certain she knows her mother drove us kids away on purpose, and that my father wrote a letter disowning me. She blurted out as I was leaving that "it was your choice re: not having had him in my life, so I calmly mentioned being written a letter telling me "he was through with our relationship when I was 17."

It was 4 pages long and I still remember exactly where I was and what the weather was like when I read it. It was like a knife to the chest because it came 2 months after a car accident that left me crippled for a year(almost died) and only 6 months after he came to the house to meet the police because my much older brother had beat me up so bad my mother thought he was going to kill me so called the cops.

I needed someone so badly then and instead he walked away.

My second thought is perhaps she felt threatened by my presence because I was told by an aunt I also hadn't seen in 20 years (his doing) that he was only half paying attention to anyone but me as he was glad I was there.

Either way I'm not mad, anyone who would need to act out as she did when I was not being anything but neutral and appreciative needs my sympathy more than I need their kindness.