How do I heal this. I lost balance but I feel balanced

[outerheaven]

I think you handled yourself well! I can imagine being in your shoes, sitting there with fists tightening, blood boiling, trying to stay calm as I suffer the highlights of the life that my Dad chose over a relationship with me.

It sucks when we lose our cool; you're right, it's mortifying. But hey, you didn't toss the table and start screeching and throwing things. That is mortifying. To stand up, calmly explain yourself as best you can, and then remove yourself from the situation ... well, we should all strive to handle ourselves with such grace when confronted by difficult, emotional reactions, IMO. Don't beat yourself up! You did very well.

I think she was trying to effect me because then addressing only me she went through all the cards from her kids and told me not anyone else what a great grandad and dad he is how he does anything for them and they are so lucky.

Do you think your Dad feels guilt over the father he was for you? If so, she might have been trying to assuage your Dad's guilt about not being a good father to you, by showing you what a terrific father he was, to her. Maybe she even thought this would be healing for you to hear.

Which, yes, would be completely tone-deaf. But she doesn't understand "Dad's" guilt, nor your pain, because all she knows is "whaddya mean? Dad's A+, truly a great guy!"