12-15-2016, 12:06 PM
Hey Glow,
What extremely difficult circumstamces you had to endure!
I deeply feel with the little child you have been!
And also the birthday situation is a pretty mean slap in the face
I'm not sure if this is of any help for you, but I would like to share my 'forgiveness' story regarding my dad.
My story with my dad has been one full of violence, all kinds of abuse and humiliation for all my childhood and teenage years.
It was followed by a many years with no contact at all in my twenties. I've been full of anger and hate.
After I started a therapy at around 30, I discovered, there's still a little boy in me that really loves his dad and longs for being loved return. Having been on a spritual path for quite some years, I decided to give it a go and work on forgiveness.
I seemed to be able to forgive a lot of things, we started having contact again and for quite some years, our relationship seemed to improve.
Then one evening two years ago we sat together and talked. And we started talking about childhood and teenage years. He wanted to know, how I experienced this. I didn't say more than two sentences, then he denied absolutely everything that happened between us.
I was more than shocked.
And all the suffering, all the pain that I experienced with him came up again.
We have not had contact since, I just am not willing and able at the moment.
I realized, that I used the forgiveness, to avoid re-experiencing that old pain. So, it was partially an honest wish to forgive and at the same time a means to avoid dealing with the old pain.
Since then I've been working gradually through this old pain. I hope, I can completely forgive someday.
But in the moment, there is still too much suffering to be worked through to honestly forgive.
And I realized, that first and foremost I need compassion for that little boy., that still lives in those unbearable circumstamces deep inside me.
I dont want to say, your forgiveness has not been real oder honest. But i seems to me, that you have opened the 'next layer' of that matter.
If it dont ring with you, just discard my words
I wish you all the best and all the love in the world. May you never give up and be free of all past pain soon!
With compassionate regards
Agua del Cielo
What extremely difficult circumstamces you had to endure!
I deeply feel with the little child you have been!
And also the birthday situation is a pretty mean slap in the face
I'm not sure if this is of any help for you, but I would like to share my 'forgiveness' story regarding my dad.
My story with my dad has been one full of violence, all kinds of abuse and humiliation for all my childhood and teenage years.
It was followed by a many years with no contact at all in my twenties. I've been full of anger and hate.
After I started a therapy at around 30, I discovered, there's still a little boy in me that really loves his dad and longs for being loved return. Having been on a spritual path for quite some years, I decided to give it a go and work on forgiveness.
I seemed to be able to forgive a lot of things, we started having contact again and for quite some years, our relationship seemed to improve.
Then one evening two years ago we sat together and talked. And we started talking about childhood and teenage years. He wanted to know, how I experienced this. I didn't say more than two sentences, then he denied absolutely everything that happened between us.
I was more than shocked.
And all the suffering, all the pain that I experienced with him came up again.
We have not had contact since, I just am not willing and able at the moment.
I realized, that I used the forgiveness, to avoid re-experiencing that old pain. So, it was partially an honest wish to forgive and at the same time a means to avoid dealing with the old pain.
Since then I've been working gradually through this old pain. I hope, I can completely forgive someday.
But in the moment, there is still too much suffering to be worked through to honestly forgive.
And I realized, that first and foremost I need compassion for that little boy., that still lives in those unbearable circumstamces deep inside me.
I dont want to say, your forgiveness has not been real oder honest. But i seems to me, that you have opened the 'next layer' of that matter.
If it dont ring with you, just discard my words
I wish you all the best and all the love in the world. May you never give up and be free of all past pain soon!
With compassionate regards
Agua del Cielo
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