Catalyst growing in intensity,...

[kycahi]

Here is something I've started to do on a rare occasion, although not with any teen. I'll put it in words that you might use with them.

Find a time when you can get them together with you and no one else. Say words to this effect:

"I want to say something that I believe is important for you and I won't bring it up again, so let me get it out. You are living the years where you confront powerlessness all the time, and that brings out resentment and anger. I lived it just as everybody does, so I get that.

"I'm not directly involved because I'm not your parent, but from my outside perspective, I find your attitude tedious and unattractive. It's also counterproductive because you actually prevent adults from seeing you as trustworthy, so you won't have a chance to get any self-decision power from them. So pretend that you can cope with your situation, or you are trying to. That ought to bring about some change over time, and then you won't be pretending any more.

"You have grown up a lot and getting closer to being all the way there. To really be there, you are going to have to know how to make really important decisions, so why not start practicing now?

"That's it, unless you have questions. Thanks for letting me talk!"

This ought to get yourself some new respect from them as they will see you in a new, caring light. At first they might shrug off your ideas, but you planted a seed that likely will germinate. You might want to converse with each one separately to explore inner workings, but try to make that accidental, so as not to "set them up." Don't ask what they thought; wait for them to bring it up or not. Good luck!