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Catalyst growing in intensity,... - mjlabadia - 11-01-2014
I am having difficulty navigating the "minefield" of catalyst.
I say this with the caveat of understanding catalyst is not something that should be avoided.
The focal point of the catalyst is immediate family. (What else!?) Namely,...Girlfriend and her Teen Children.
I am trying to see what this mirrors to me regarding my behaviors. I wish I could find a link,....something I could change in myself,....that would be easier than just trying to live as an example, only to have the drama continue.
There is just no real love in them. People either serve a purpose, or are in the way to them. The three of seem to exist in this cycle of anger, manipulation, name calling,...etc.
There is always some enemy inside or outside the family, with which to be at war.
Up until about three months ago, I was travelling a lot. Since July, I have been working at home under contract. Having to be around the drama on a daily basis, is so damn draining.
I know I've mentioned to everyone how much I love hiking. I find myself wanting to leave the house more often, get out in the mountains, and just isolate and think.
This can't be a healthy way to deal with this catalyst. If anything, I feel it's an avoidance defense mechanism.
I had previously played the "peacemaker" role, but Man,...that can be so exhausting in itself. And,....the walking on eggshells is pretty tiring also.
However, I have to admit,...THEY ARE NICER AND MORE RESPECTFUL TO ME, THAN THEY ARE TO THEMSELVES! This is why I don't understand my aversion to the situation.
I can't help but wonder if it is only due to the laid back role I fill in the family. I've learned not to make a stand on many situations here. But again, I feel this is only a defense mechanism, in the hopes of avoiding conflict.
I wasn't always this way. I would ALWAYS vigorously defend my position, sometimes even if deep inside, I knew I was wrong.
That changed a couple of years ago, after what I perceived as a spiritual awakening. Now, I constantly second guess myself,...and at times,...when after a long period here at home,....I'm filled with indecision,..and self doubt.
The strange thing is,...when I'm away for awhile,...things get more clear, and I get less "confused".
What role do I have to play in this? What function could I possibly serve? I can't even think clearly unless I leave the house, and get away from all of the psychic background noise.
My role surely can't be just Breadwinner and Referee.
I have long since given up on trying to have them go hiking with me. There is just no interest in it for them,...and I understand. They have no interest in spiritual matters,...but the reality is,...most people don't.
It is almost impossible to get them to spend ANY time together, without a general brawl starting.
Now, I've just been informed,...we're leaving this beautiful location.
WAIT, WHAT!!!!???
I have to make a stand here.
I've had to move with them every year or two, only to have them hate the new location within six months. Only to witness some war start with their new friends, filled with drama and hatred.
I simply can't pay for another home,..... another move,.....only to hit the reboot button once again,...a year down the road.
There is also a selfish element on my part. I have finally returned to my natural environment, here in the Catskills. I have some ability to find some peace here.
I gladly paid the extra expense of keeping her kids in their original school, 25 miles away. I know what it's like to have to change schools, and want to graduate with your friends.
How do I make this stand? How do I maintain a loving approach. As a man, I can't just give up and bail on them. That goes against so much of what the Law of One is about.
I am trying to meditate, (In my feeble way),...trying to find some answers,....but there is just so much confusion,... and yes even resentment clouding my attempts.
I thought I had grown so much since my Awakening, and discovering the Law of One. Now I fear I haven't grown at all.
And to add to the confusion, I'm telling all of you this, with the full understanding that there is only One of Us here!! We are all One. That Michele, her kids, and I are the same being.
However, understanding this concept and being able to apply it, are very different things. In fact in some situations,..... since discovering and attempting to live by the Law of One,....it has become more confusing. I have become very indecisive,...always over-thinking my motives.
I'm sure there are many among us who have found this uptake of catalyst take place during the early years of Law of One/Spiritual workings.
Any advice or guidance?
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - isis - 11-01-2014
i feel like 1 day every1 will get to experience exactly what i experience & vise versa. many people that die & come back to life say this is the case. for instance, i think dannion brinkley says it...& i'm pretty sure this guy says it, too:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOSb3G53HsA
if this is the case then naturally u'll wanna make sure u're not putting others thru hell but also u've gotta make sure u're not putting yourself thru hell. STO gets tricky sometimes bc torturing yourself for others isn't exactly being STO - IMO
sometimes we're forced to choose our own comfort over the comfort of the seemingly other self. the other day i really didn't want to laugh about something bc i knew it would hurt the person's feelings but i simply couldn't hold the laughter in - no matter how hard i tried. this a great example of a time when i was forced to serve myself over the other self
it sounds to me like these people u live w will be in hell w or w/o u. u say, "There is just no real love in them. People either serve a purpose, or are in the way to them. The three of seem to exist in this cycle of anger, manipulation, name calling,...etc. There is always some enemy inside or outside the family, with which to be at war."
u have an opportunity to escape hell. unlike them, u r not trapped
if u take a stand & say u're not moving again, i'm betting they make your life more of a hell than they already do. if u don't make a stand & move then there's a great chance your life will become more of a hell than it already is, since u're happy where u're at & u're certain u'll have no chance of finding peace in any other location. u might make their life much harder, for a while, by bailing - but at least 1 soul would be freed from hell. so my vote is bail
i'm betting, tho', that u go w/ the option to make the stand rather than to try moving 1 more time or bailing. if u do this, my advice to u is to do it by writing a letter & then give them some time to stew before u let them scream at u about it or w/e
good luck
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Shemaya - 11-02-2014
Hey m,
Yes, it sure sounds like a minefield. I think boundaries and limits are really important in healthy relationships. If you are being a doormat and others are walking on you, it is not healthy for any of you.
I think in the struggle of 3D we are mired in red/ orange/ yellow ray power struggles. There comes a point, I think, to decide to remain strong within yourself and your own energy, and say "I am not being pulled into the vortex" that other-selves are creating. I think that is coming from a place of love.
It sounds like you are being faced with some very challenging decisions right now. There is not a right or wrong answer as far as what is STO. It is loving to continue to support and be a part of a family that you care about and want to be a part of. It is loving to decide you don't need to be sucked into the drama anymore and you are happy staying where you are.
I think that if you choose to go along, counseling or support for working out some of the drama is warranted. People generally need help to work out their issues, a mediator of some sort, counselor. I think now it is more important than ever , with the intensity of energy we are experiencing, the push to expand in consciousness, and to become more aware of 4D energy. People will need help and assistance, because so many are not aware of what the shift is all about.
Quote:I thought I had grown so much since my Awakening, and discovering the Law of One. Now I fear I haven't grown at all.
And to add to the confusion, I'm telling all of you this, with the full understanding that there is only One of Us here!! We are all One. That Michele, her kids, and I are the same being.
However, understanding this concept and being able to apply it, are very different things. In fact in some situations,..... since discovering and attempting to live by the Law of One,....it has become more confusing. I have become very indecisive,...always over-thinking my motives.
I'm sure there are many among us who have found this uptake of catalyst take place during the early years of Law of One/Spiritual workings.
Of course you have grown. But until the whole world is completely 4D, there is work , growth and evolution to do, and we are here to do it. That is how the oneness comes in, the individual work we do adds to the whole. Our personal evolution will continue until we have reached our goal, that's a pretty long time! We are individually each walking our own path, a part of a whole that is evolving together.
I think the confusion can be alleviated by keeping the goal in mind, a new world/ 4D. We can decide in each moment, "Does this serve the emerging new world? " "What will bring me closer to my goal?"
If there is a strong foundation of love in your family and good communication with Michelle, it is workable, but boundaries are imperative.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - native - 11-02-2014
It once took me four years to fully understand catalyst between me and someone. Not sure what the answer is, but sometimes things just don't serve us. A situation can provide lessons that are learned, and even then the environment remains the same but it is no longer useful. Not suggesting that you leave..just that there might not necessarily be some sort of inner lesson.
So more than anything it sounds like the kids need some discipline or sit down and talk sessions..work things out..set boundaries/rules.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Stranger - 11-02-2014
mjlabadia,
No one can tell you what choice to make (or at least, no one should) but I can offer some thoughts.
I am going to make the assumption that you have been in this relationship for a while now, and have established ties with your girlfriend's sons, such that leaving the relationship would be traumatic for everyone. I am also going to assume that their pattern of behavior is not making them happy, either. Therefore it may be particularly worthwhile to explore other options first. You may be in a position to lovingly and non-critically guide them toward a healthier pattern of behavior. Family therapy or counseling, as Shemaya suggest, may be particularly helpful because you would have an impartial individual intervening, leading to less drama. You mention their disinterest in spirituality - that is ok, you can frame this in terms of happiness, which I am sure they all would like to have if they only knew how to obtain it. You can show them.
You are right that this is catalyst. However, catalyst has to be of the right difficulty to produce growth -- for the same reason that you wouldn't give an elementary school student a calculus exam. If you feel that this set of relationships prevents you from being able to find and remain in peace, lovingness and acceptance, then this may not be the right situation for you at this particular time. As I understand it, if you remain in a situation but remain agitated and unhappy, that does not serve anyone's best interests.
The flip side of that is that, if you can find love and acceptance in this situation, then you will have mastered a very, very difficult lesson and will have served as a very powerful role model for the others, simply by being there.
Again, self-sacrifice only works if it can be done with love. Otherwise it is simply suffering.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Turtle - 11-02-2014
(11-01-2014, 01:39 PM)mjlabadia Wrote: There is just no real love in them. People either serve a purpose, or are in the way to them. The three of seem to exist in this cycle of anger, manipulation, name calling,...etc.
So do you serve a purpose to them, or are you in the way of them yourself?
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - mjlabadia - 11-03-2014
Everyone, thank you for the advice. I became concerned after posting this. I started to question whether I was just using the forum to vent. (Still possible. Captive audience and all!) Still, You've given me the inspiration to look in the mirror on this.
This made me have direct witness as to how I may let resentment and anger flip my polarization to S.T.S.!
Yeah,....it's easy for me to "feel" the "love" of the universe when all is sunny,....I've got my hiking on,....my biking on,....or surrounded by a group of people who are happy or striving towards a common good.
Ooohh,....but I think I see the true test is feeling the love in the dark situations. In being able to give love to those who may seem unlovable. Even if they become a spiritual porcupine in your heart.
But then, as you mentioned,....there is the love balanced by wisdom issue also.
Man,...I have a lot to think about.
Do I just serve a purpose to them,....good question. I know I'm easily replaced. Michele proved that in 2011. Didn't work out as she planned, though. I imagine that's a big part of why we're together now.
She says she learned a lesson, and has changed,...but I wonder what lesson that may be?
Yet,...I still can see the good qualities in her. Her love of animals,..she is capable of love.
As far as the kids and the overall situation,...I think I am tolerated,...and serve a financial purpose. As long as I keep a low profile, and don't make any waves,...things are fine.
Still,...I'm starting to think there is a BIG catalyst in this for me. My S.T.O. decision, while strong at the conscious level, seem to be very fragile at the deep spirit level,.....when faced with inter-relationship difficulties.
Almost as if at the sub-conscious level, I've set conditions on my acceptance, love, and overall S.T.O. desires.
It's not that I consciously say "I'm switching teams,...DAMMIT!" I just seem to go into self serving, self protection mode, in the face of perceived injustice and resentments.
I'm going to do a bit more soul searching on this, guys. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - kycahi - 11-03-2014
Here is something I've started to do on a rare occasion, although not with any teen. I'll put it in words that you might use with them.
Find a time when you can get them together with you and no one else. Say words to this effect:
"I want to say something that I believe is important for you and I won't bring it up again, so let me get it out. You are living the years where you confront powerlessness all the time, and that brings out resentment and anger. I lived it just as everybody does, so I get that.
"I'm not directly involved because I'm not your parent, but from my outside perspective, I find your attitude tedious and unattractive. It's also counterproductive because you actually prevent adults from seeing you as trustworthy, so you won't have a chance to get any self-decision power from them. So pretend that you can cope with your situation, or you are trying to. That ought to bring about some change over time, and then you won't be pretending any more.
"You have grown up a lot and getting closer to being all the way there. To really be there, you are going to have to know how to make really important decisions, so why not start practicing now?
"That's it, unless you have questions. Thanks for letting me talk!"
This ought to get yourself some new respect from them as they will see you in a new, caring light. At first they might shrug off your ideas, but you planted a seed that likely will germinate. You might want to converse with each one separately to explore inner workings, but try to make that accidental, so as not to "set them up." Don't ask what they thought; wait for them to bring it up or not. Good luck!
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - mjlabadia - 11-04-2014
Great action plan Kycahi,
I will attempt this. There is a limited "interface" window with them unfortunately,......usually when they want something. Perhaps I can slip it in when they are in that mode.
The 14 year old daughter is still "reachable". There is still a spark of conscience/consciousness there. Especially when away from the "negative" influence.
In fact, in the rare "one on one" moments we've had, she verbalized a very intuitive knowledge of what life is,.....very much paralleling the Law of One. I was STUNNED!!
I have never mentioned anything regarding this to her previously. When, during this conversation,...I brought up some of the major concepts of the Ra Material,...there was a "recognition" in her eyes. Not the usual "busy signal" we so often get if we speak of this to others.
Even more bizarre, was the reaction of the 17 year old son, upon overhearing our conversation,........It was as if the mere discussion taking place was an existential threat to him.
I have to watch my ego here,...But I think the difference between them may be that for half of the daughter's life, there was a stable, loving influence to offset the anger and chaos surrounding her.
However, by the time I came into their life, the older son's personality had already taken on the profile I speak of now.
Then throw in the general explosiveness of their relationship with Michele,.....I imagine this must feel pretty insecure for a child and young adult.
Thanks for allowing me this borderline vent session. You guys are the best!!
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Diana - 11-04-2014
Service to others includes you. Otherwise, there is separation.
I think there may be a clue here, that when you hike alone, you regain balance and clear thinking. Honor yourself while doing service for others. If you don't honor yourself, things will be out of balance, in my opinion.
At least keep finding time to be alone and re-center, since you are surrounded by high family drama. Or do Tai Chi or something to process that energy out of you.
Here is a video of Wayne Dyer speaking with Abraham Hicks that addresses the need to have good feelings inside us:
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - mjlabadia - 11-04-2014
Thanks Diana, I agree.
I was concerned I might be using the hiking/biking as an avoidance to the catalyst being offered by my family. The desire to be alone in the mountains has been a common thread in my life.
From what I've read in the Ra Material, a being will continue to be presented with a certain type of catalyst until it is accepted, and the required lesson learned?
So I started to think perhaps I am being forced to face these types of situations until I learn some lesson. On the same thought, it feels like this type of situation causes great interference in my perceived connection to the One.
I lose focus, and start to self armor.
Still, I will use the time I spend alone to meditate, and see what "mirroring" these situations provide.
Perhaps it shows me a part of myself I haven't forgiven?
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Jade - 11-05-2014
I don't think hiking to get away is a STS endeavor. You should feel blessed in taking that time for yourself. You are able to recharge your batteries by experiencing the energy of 2D life in such a way - which in the end makes you better prepared to handle whatever catalyst your family decides to generate. So in the end, taking that time for yourself is service to the all, because you can be in a better place to defuse tensions at home. I hope you feel encouraged to take that time for yourself more - I know Q'uo especially stresses that nature is that way that many entities meditate, and we all know how important a good, regular meditation schedule is.
I think very often when we are angry with others, it is about something about ourself that we haven't forgiven. Noodling that out can be difficult, as it's often something fairly minor we've been beating ourselves up over. So feel encouraged to meditate!! Not to the detriment of the family structure, but for its benefit. The best outcome is that someone else sees that you're spending time in this endeavor, and that your peace of mind is greater, and they emulate your actions. I meditated (almost in secret!) for over a year before my husband, who I'm very close with, jumped on board. Meditation is a life skill that we don't teach on a societal level (yet!), so expressing to others that these tools are available is a great service.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - isis - 11-05-2014
i feel like this Ra quote belongs in this thread:
The distortion lies in the fact that those who seek to serve the self are seen by the Law of One as precisely the same as those who seek to serve others, for are all not one? To serve yourself and to serve other is a dual method of saying the same thing, if you can understand the essence of the Law of One.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - BlueHeaven11 - 11-05-2014
I am sure you will find your perfect way through your present challenges, if your solution includes a peaceful resolution for your self too.
The present energies on the planet are bringing many situations up for re-evaluation, and we will all handle things differently, but no matter how much we try to follow advice given through books, channeling etc., we have our own inner soul guidance to follow, which is the closest to God.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - mjlabadia - 11-05-2014
Yeah,....I just can't see something that provides such a positive inertia/momentum,...being a bad thing.
I used to be able to get Michele out for simple walks with me,...and the change in her would be dramatic.
It's not so much the stressors being gone,...but that the act of getting out,...seeing something beautiful,...breathing the air,....returns the stressors to their actual size.
The stressor may even still be large,......but it's no longer the only voice screaming in ones mind.
As you suggested,...I'll just continue to "lead by example". I can't change them,...I can only change myself. (And my perceptions.)
...I am re-studying the forgiveness sessions in the Ra Material. I think your perceptions are right on. Perhaps much more of this has to do with Me,....my self/other-self acceptance and forgiveness.
(11-05-2014, 05:51 PM)BlueHeaven11 Wrote: I am still new to this material (am busy watching youtube interviews with Carla), having said that I have been involved in the spiritual stuff for many years, read far too many books to name, and dipped my toe into many of the 'new age' therapies.
Hi Blue Heaven,
We were typing at the same time, so the order of this posting may be wrong.
First,....WELCOME to a group of wonderful people.
I read your introduction posting, but didn't get a chance to say Hi.
Like you, I had been on a spiritual quest (....term loosely!!) for most of my life.
Unfortunately, I was missing the point of what a spiritual life is.
I tended to view God/The Creator as a "Bipolar" Santa Claus, bestowing gifts or lightning bolts, dependent upon how much I prayed. (Let's not try to be the best person I could be,...as long as I said my 10 Hail Mary's my wish would come true.)
And in reality, I was blessed more than my behavior deserved.
Like many of us, I experienced a "spiritual awakening" just before discovering the Ra Material.
However, I sometimes feel I am backsliding terribly.
It's one thing to not have understanding, and continue "separating/self-serving" behaviors,...But when I started to get some "light",....my self serving motives and separateness became glaringly apparent.
Perhaps we all go through this stage of growing.
Where we have enough understanding to see the self-imposed suffering of our behaviors/distortions/biases,....but there's not yet enough illumination or strength to take effective healing measures?
It's strange,...6 months ago I felt like,.."Yeah,..I've got a handle on this Great Experiment of Life, I know how to live in the light."
The past few months have shown me I'm still just a Red Ray Rider,...sticking my finger up into the densities,...trying to get some direction from the "cosmic wind".
(YIKES!! I've got to throttle back on the cliches.)
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - BlueHeaven11 - 11-06-2014
Thanks so much for saying "hi" - much appreciated, and hello from me,
These are huge challenges that we are going through, and maybe there is no wrong or right way to address them, just to hold the highest good in our sights no matter what decisions we make.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - IzAzIz - 11-06-2014
Hi mjlabadia,
Here are a few of Qu’o quotes for your consideration:
********************************************************
Your chief spiritual concern in dealing with any relationship is to bring to that relationship your true self. Thusly, we move the energy back from “what shall you do with another” to the consideration of “how shall you be.” How shall you create an atmosphere that will provide you with a good environment for pursuing your spiritual process? P4 11-16-2006
Self-forgiveness must always precede new beginnings. P3 6-3-1990
You have much to learn. You will make mistakes, but they are not metaphysical mistakes. The mistakes are part of your learning, part of the illusion, part of being human. Forgive yourself, for in forgiving the self you become able to forgive all and the redemption in the eyes of a peaceful person is a blessing indeed to those who behold it, and to the planet in general, for love lightens the planetary vibrations. P4
10-22-1995
Follow the line of Resonance in your Experience. P5 4-22-2007
Serving someone is not necessarily pleasing the entity. Serving someone is not necessarily doing anything to, with or for an entity. Serving someone is fundamentally the awareness that you and the person you are serving are one entity, united, singular and absolutely equal. P3 5-4-2003
In truth everything that occurs to you is a gift. P3 4-19-1998
When service is occurring it will become clear to the self only gradually and only by hindsight. And the hallmark of that service will be the awareness that the heart remained open throughout the decision-making processes of everyday life. There shall be many words in working out any tangled relationship; there will be many feelings and many balancing and re-balancing of the energy between the two. Yet when service is being successfully offered, there will be the continuing stubborn, quirky and absolute insistence upon continuing to see self and other-self as both worthy and loving and compassionate entities who are striving to solve that mystery which is implicit in humanhood: how to express the metaphysical nature of the self within the material world. P5 5-4-2003
You are here to get caught in the free flow and stop the flow so that you can examine the catalyst that you have just caught or that has just caught you. Nevertheless, when you are caught the appropriate reaction is not self-pity or floundering in despair but rather the realization that you have been given a gift. You have been given a puzzle to solve and in the solution of this puzzle you will come across a version of yourself whom you have not yet met. The working out of the puzzle may involve suffering, especially if one is new to the practice of the discipline of examining one’s thoughts and responding to them as if they had worth and honor, but repetition makes every attempt to do this easier than the one before it and as you gain results from doing this work, that too will give you the courage to make even bolder attempts to understand yourself and to allow to fall away those distortions which do not serve you. P4 9-3-2006
In the conscious use of catalyst in third density, however, any entity will be creating, or attempting to create, a more positive action, in an unpredictable number of ways depending upon that person’s momentary degree of self-forgiveness, of grasping of the nature of catalyst and of the temporal and mundane personality of the illusory self. P2 6-3-1990
You cannot truly make a mistake, for whatever road upon which you turn, you shall meet your catalyst again and again until you recognize it, love it, forgive it and move beyond. You are queens and kings, rulers of yourselves, all of you royal. Remember who you are, remember your birthright and remember that you live in a spiritual democracy where each entity is precisely, mathematically equal. The differences within the illusion come from your use of will through faith. p4 5-14-1989
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - mjlabadia - 11-07-2014
Wow,.....so much to meditate on, so much to process. It's hard to look at the various puzzles/catalyst, and decide which to focus on first. They all seem to scream out for attention, and the arrival of new ones to the cosmic choir occurring daily.
Thanks for the great postings Blue Heaven and IzAzIz.
On forgiveness/acceptance of self /other self,.....yes,...clearly that is one of the critical steps in healing/growing.
Ah,...but to truly be able to do this,....to rid yourself of the guilt towards yourself, and resentments towards others is very difficult.
It seems to be one thing to say "I forgive",....but at the deeper level,.....for me,...there are recurring intrusive emotions surrounding the perceived offense. These emotions can either be triggered by an external situation, or may even occur randomly.
How,....what action does one take to truly "let go". To truly,...at more than a facile level,....forgive self and other-self?
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - AnthroHeart - 11-07-2014
My catalyst appears to have dwindled. It's smooth sailing now. Except for when work picks up.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Jade - 11-07-2014
You can try to find the place of with a higher point of view. You can try to accept that we are playing roles on this stage, to help each other develop to be our best. We are stumbling all the time but we have plenty of good moments to keep us going. Learning how to rise above the deep muck that we get into sometimes is really the biggest accomplishment. Revel in the moments you give them peace of mind - even if it's just in their normal interactions with you, how they aren't as antagonistic with you as each other. This is you helping teach them how to treat others more reasonably.
You signed up for this rough service, and due to the picture society tries to paint of family (perfect, constantly loving and in synch) is rarely the case. I think we should start to think more about "family" as "the specific group of crazies that I decided to hitch myself to for this act in the play". It seems that you are spared of most of the direct conflict, which is a success, and your next step is to learn how to not be too sympathetic to the others for the roles they have chosen to play for each other. Yes, they may cause each other pain, but this doesn't have to cause you pain - you can bless and love them in their frantic attempts at learning to love on another. A person who acts as a rock in a group setting usually means more to the others in the group than they let on.
Taking this wider point of view can help for when the emotions of hurt, betrayal, etc catch you in the crossfire. From this place it's easier to forgive.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - AnthroHeart - 11-07-2014
I don't find it hard to forgive others. But I don't feel like a rock among family. I get swayed by emotions all too frequently. After all I'm bipolar. I have ups and downs, even on my meds, though not as strongly. At least it doesn't feel like I'm going to hell. The closest to hell I've already been there. My next challenges shall not be as frightful I don't think. But must live on faith. Take the leap of faith off the cliff that stands before me. I know the symbolism, but I don't know how it truly applies to me.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Jade - 11-07-2014
Gem, I see you as a rock. I can always count on your sweet and endearing character to add to the melody of these forums, like a lovely lilting symbol. You mom may treat you like you're a nuisance but really it sounds to me like she envies your dedication to being your true self.
Faith means letting go of your fears and doubts. It's hard to imagine because on Earth, if you were to leap off of a cliff, it's presumed that you would die. But wereally don't know that, for sure, do we? And even if we do, why do we fear death? It is a doorway to another world. Why do we fear what we don't know? Taking a leap of faith means stepping into a new way of being, shedding the old reality and welcoming a new one. This isn't physical death, it's ego death. The cliff represents everything that is holding us into the 3D reality. What we really desire is to be in that moment of freefall, with the wind rushing past us, the exhilaration of the true moment.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - AnthroHeart - 11-07-2014
In tulpamancing, egocide, or ego death is where you switch consciousness with your tulpa, and then never switch back. Basically your tulpa takes on your body, and you go into your imagination reality. It's like giving up on life. And is usually unfair to the tulpa.
I'd be afraid of breaking my foot jumping off a cliff, not dying.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - BlueHeaven11 - 11-07-2014
(11-07-2014, 12:05 PM)Jade Wrote: You can try to find the place of with a higher point of view. You can try to accept that we are playing roles on this stage, to help each other develop to be our best. We are stumbling all the time but we have plenty of good moments to keep us going. Learning how to rise above the deep muck that we get into sometimes is really the biggest accomplishment. Revel in the moments you give them peace of mind - even if it's just in their normal interactions with you, how they aren't as antagonistic with you as each other. This is you helping teach them how to treat others more reasonably.
You signed up for this rough service, and due to the picture society tries to paint of family (perfect, constantly loving and in synch) is rarely the case. I think we should start to think more about "family" asa "the specific group of crazies that I decided to hitch myself to for this act in the play". It seems that you are spared of most of the direct conflict, which is a success, and your next step is to learn how to not be too sympathetic to the others for the roles they have chosen to play for each other. Yes, they may cause each other pain, but this doesn't have to cause you pain - you can bless and love them in their frantic attempts at learning to love on another. A person who acts as a rock in a group setting usually means more to the others in the group than they let on.
Taking this wider point of view can help for when the emotions of hurt, betrayal, etc catch you in the crossfire. From this place it's easier to forgive.
Jade, I very much like your take on 'family', I had a good laugh at your sense of humour, cos I'm quite sure that my family think of me as being 'crazy'.
There is so much info out there about finding our own power, remembering we are God, and staying in our heart, and of course the 'we are all one' most important statement. So when it comes to deciding what is the best course of action to take, we have a whole lot of truths to consider.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - AnthroHeart - 11-07-2014
(11-07-2014, 03:06 PM)BlueHeaven11 Wrote: I also believe (for myself) that as I AM GOD incarnate (a part thereof) that I am within my sovereign right to cancel any and all contracts that I previously made, if I believe that they are no longer in my highest good.
I believe that too. I'd like to cancel any contracts I had in this life, and just live out my life peacefully without having to worry about fulfilling them. Are they keeping me alive? I don't know. Should I have died a long time ago? I nearly almost did a few times. But I survived, and I will survive.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Ashim - 11-07-2014
Quote:I'd like to cancel any contracts I had in this life, and just live out my life peacefully without having to worry about fulfilling them.
You sure about this?
Sort of makes coming here in the first place pretty pointless if that's what you really want.
Be careful what you wish for.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - AnthroHeart - 11-07-2014
I just don't like the idea that life is full of lessons we have to learn and if we don't learn them we have to repeat them. Not sure if it's like that at all though.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Ashim - 11-07-2014
(11-07-2014, 04:29 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: I just don't like the idea that life is full of lessons we have to learn and if we don't learn them we have to repeat them. Not sure if it's like that at all though.
You don't have to learn them.
You choose to learn them.
Big difference.
You also choose to repeat the process if you so desire.
You are never forced to do anything against your will.
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - AnthroHeart - 11-07-2014
I guess I hope my contracts weren't cancelled because I thought of it. I want the contracts though to be updated based on what I have learned. Are contracts flexible?
RE: Catalyst growing in intensity,... - Ashim - 11-07-2014
(11-07-2014, 04:42 PM)Gemini Wolf Wrote: I guess I hope my contracts weren't cancelled because I thought of it. I want the contracts though to be updated based on what I have learned. Are contracts flexible?
Sure, nothing is set in stone.
These sort of negotiations will take place in time/space, together with your guides.
If the emotional charge is sufficient to warrent their attention.
What would you like to change?