Weight of the World

[Plenum]

As I meditate, I ask my social memory complex in 6D to send me a desire to be alive. A thankfulness. To defeat all these suicidal thoughts. Being here in 3D is like a fight. A fight to stay sane and love life. Whatever this is, I don't like it much at all.

do you eat chocolate? I think chocolate makes everything better, especially chocolate icecream.

- -

<serious mode now>

but to speak to your point, I think someone mentioned in another thread that if you can find things you like doing, things that give you joy, it gives you something to look forward to, even though they might be things that only happen infrequently or irregularly.

I know that you've mentioned your dogs, and the furries in your imaginative space, but is there anything else?

are there some sort of tv series you like, or do you have friends from college days that you can speak to?

I've also found that sometimes meditation is not always helpful for all types of problems. At times, the answer is to be more physically active and involved (some form of exercise) to get the blood flowing and to feel less 'sluggish'. That quite often leads to better (deeper) sleep and more vitality and energy the next day.

I think you said that your meds have led to some weight gain ... and carrying around those extra pounds everyday can start to become burdensome. Definitely becoming 'lighter' in body can lead to a greater 'lightness' and freedom of mind.

there were times when I had a down phase, and exercisng myself into exhaustion was a way of clearing the body complex, and refreshing the mind by focussing on a concrete, completeable task. It's like - 'hey, I actually achieved that goal and it feels pretty good!'.

It's a sadness about being alive.

I would be lying if I said that I had never felt this way, because in my heart of hearts, I have.

but I would also be lying if I said that this was fixed and unchangeable. Because in my heart of hearts, I did find another way of existing and being, even while in this 'heavy' earth density.

but I did have to make some hard changes (real life) to make this happen.

- -

peace brother. I know that these words alone won't suffice to alter your life situation; but it is possible to have a different way of beingness.

if you could see the times that I have been 'lost', 'confused', and 'isolated' from other selves, you would question if it was the same person who had been on this full journey; such are the mental spaces that I've visited.

much love, and full commiseration (because I've been there),

Plenum