question to current and former christians

[native]

Religion wasn't pushed on me as a child, but the noble virtues of Christianity were. I never really believed in a hell, but I had a positive spiritual structure that guided my actions. I was interested in the paranormal and et's from the beginning. In my late teens I started to abandon the self to a greater degree, so my heart center was opening. There was a specific event that encouraged this. I used to cry over my own life a lot, but after that I could only cry for others. Within a week of all this happening, I was jolted awake one morning with my chest shooting up in the air. It held like that, with a surge of energy going outwards I suppose. As this was happening, a white/yellow light was appearing in my mind coming from the right. I knew it to be the face of Jesus, but it never came into full view.