Catalyst growing in intensity,...

[AnthroHeart]

Sure, nothing is set in stone.
These sort of negotiations will take place in time/space, together with your guides.

If the emotional charge is sufficient to warrent their attention.

What would you like to change?

I would like to know. Just know without having to ask.

For instance to be able to know what a planet is like around a star, any star. To have that level of awareness. A galactic level of awareness. I would like Cosmic Awareness.

But do so without having my mind expand out of control.

I'd also like to be aware of my anthro form.

[BlueHeaven11]

[quote='Ashim' You sure about this?
Sort of makes coming here in the first place pretty pointless if that's what you really want.[/quote]

I wouldn't agree with the above statement, simply because raising our consciousness and being a loving human being is the point of being here.

[mjlabadia]

Wow,.....psychiatrists charge $150 dollars per hour for this kind of counseling.
I don't think I can afford to pay all of you for this fantastic service you're providing.
I think you all should get a 10% increase in your S.T.O. rating, just for putting up with my posts!!!

I had a chance to get out today, for a short hike. I have a lot of mental background chatter going on, but I was able to get a little "download" to think about.

In my perception, ALL of my wife/girlfriend relationships have been primarily Red/Orange Ray. (You know what I mean).

While I still perceive there to be an importance to the energy exchange at that level, I crave a much deeper connection to Michele. (The energy exchange may be happening at the higher levels, but they don't manifest as that "soul" connection that I seem to be craving.)
Certainly there is strong attachment between us. We've been together 7 years. (For the most part.)

But I can't seem to break through the "armoring". The gut level communication isn't there.
Yes,...we partake in all of the "emotional stroking" that takes place in relationships,....and while that can be mutually comforting,...I feel like we could fulfill each other's life much further, if we reach a higher level of communication.

On the verbal level, I've spoken with her about my awakening, and about some of the concepts of the Law of One,.....but I don't think she understands. I'm not disappointed about this,.....perhaps words are not enough to describe/relate this concept?
At least not to someone who may not have already had the biases towards this type of "belief system". (Not the right descriptive,....see,...It's even hard to effectively verbalize it with friends who understand it!!)

However, I don't believe it's a pre-requisite for her to understand the LOO, for us to open ourselves more to each other.

Still,...there seems to be a lot of armoring,...or rather,.... blockages, preventing us from being able to get the true connection to each other.
The "Red Ray" activities are fine. And there is a period of much deeper spiritual connection to each other, for about 24 hours post activity.
But that connection is ever so fragile, and easily disturbed by outside stressors. (In our situation).

Now, I understand that deep emotional connection requires a lot of trust. That is a BIG problem.

Going in to this is a little dangerous, as I don't want to dishonor her. I have to watch my motivations here,.......

I will phrase it as such,....In the past, she has presented me with some very strong "catalyst",...........Really Strong Destroy Your Life type "catalyst".
She is very explosive, and when in anger/vindictive mode can put you into,...challenging situations.
Now,...that is in the past,...and at the facile level we have forgiveness.

She says she's changed, and at some levels I see this change. I've changed also.

However, there is a great big "BUT" here,......

The "BUT" is,..... I see her fall into the same behavior patterns, that were present Pre-Relationship Apocalypse, (Circa 2011,....check it out,....it's in the history books,....I think it was on the Lifetime Network,... you can Google it,....The Great Michael and Michele Massacre,...includes an Interactive Timeline,...pictures,...maps.)

With all of my whining, you might say,..."With all this complaining,..if you're SOOOOOO PERSECUTED,.....you poor, poor man,....why don't you leave the @#$&% ?

Because I see her soul. I SEE HER! It doesn't eliminate the danger,...it often doesn't even soothe the frustration and resentment.
I see the love she is capable of. I see her interaction with our Rabbits and Cats.

AAAHHH NUTS!!...perhaps I'm deluding myself here? Am I confusing attachment for love?
This whole thing is a paradox,....a dichotomy.
God, what is wrong with me?......I have never told ANYONE this stuff.

So,...you see,.... I have some armoring of my own going on. But I'm still trying to "reach" her.
Aaaannnd,... we come back around to forgiveness,...and you all are right.

In typing this "epic novel" post, I am beginning to see I can't expect this "soul connection" to form quickly. No matter how strong my desire is for it. (This is starting to sound like a Doctor Phil script.)

We have accumulated a lifetime of scar tissue. Or maybe it's more like we're "emotionally sunburned"?

Darn-it,...why did I have to have this "awakening" anyway?
I was perfectly happy being miserable,....banging my head against the catalyst and kharma.
Now I've added mindfulness, thrown in with a conscience, to make life more entertaining.
Now I need a "soul connection" with my partner.
Listen to me,......My God,......I have LOST MY MIND!!

[BlueHeaven11]

Perhaps you will benefit from your postings, it's getting it all out and set in front of you, reading it back and taking a deeper look.