New and struggling

[Cirocco]

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate forum for this.  There never seems to be anyone in the chatrooms and I really need to talk about this.  

For whatever reason, I went to the Gematra (Jewish numerology) calculator and saw a return that said, "Hidden Indigo child" in 2013.  I didn't know what it meant and started doing the research.  So many things fit me like a glove and I felt that maybe...just maybe this was my niche, but I wanted to be sure I wasn't going crazy and just imagining what I was feeling, so I waited a few years and remained an isolated hermit.  

There's a LOT of baggage to unload and I won't go into all of it here.  Suffice it to say that I'm not able to get out of my apartment without help and there's very little I can do by myself anymore.  The logical thing (I thought to myself) was to hop online and try to spread the message.  

HUGE MISTAKE

Trolls abound on all social media sites except this one.  I cannot help getting angry at them simply because I was bullied so horribly as a kid even though I see that what they're doing is their sole purpose.  Knowing that doesn't help and I lost my temper today.  It's wrong.  I know it's wrong.  

What to do?  I've meditated, fasted and meditated again.  Pooey-Pie (my cat) has been my good friend and teacher, but I cannot at this time be as balanced and perfect as she is. I just had my 60th birthday and am somewhat old and set in my ways. The primary emotion is disheartened. They're too busy talking to listen. I've always been a giver and want to help others, but I'm not Tesla and am just unsure about whether this is real. I want to believe. Should I even if it's just in my head?

[smc]

Hello Cirocco

I'd love to help in any way I can.

[Cirocco]

Thank you so much. Is it real, this 'gift'? I've had a couple of weird things happen in my life that could be explained by logical means, but the 11:11 business is something I've been seeing since 2012. I didn't know what it meant until I started digging and looked up the Gematria entry.

Hello Cirocco

I'd love to help in any way I can.

[smc]

can you share the link or the info?

[Cirocco]

The link for the Gematria? Sure.

http://www.gematrix.org/

Be advised though that the returns I got in 2013 are not the same as the ones I get today. Someone has messed around with the program as part of the global manipulation of the masses.

[smc]

do you have a copy of those results?

[smc]

sorry I see... the results are "hidden indigo child"

[smc]

to me the most important consideration/indication is that those words resonate with you - this itself carries the information that they have relevance for you - and are potentially accurate for you... I once defined myself as an 'Indigo' as I related to the qualities described for that personality template... but the word is now not one I hold onto (nor have let go of...) it's just one concept/description of a star being in human form assessment - very useful at the beginning of my exploring about myself - though I'm since then aware I'm far more than a (useful) theory of a spiritual role/identity...

[Cirocco]

I did not save the old results, but one said, "One gold coin" and there were several references to horses.

[Cirocco]

Those words did resonate enough to start this journey.

I really don't mean to be negative because I know how sensitive I am when it's directed at me. Would just like to know if meditating and study is the way to proceed or if something else (like actively helping others) is needed at this early stage. It's rather obvious to me now that the other forum isn't the right place for me or anyone who's seeking the Light and I won't be going back.

to me the most important consideration/indication is that those words resonate with you - this itself carries the information that they have relevance for you - and are potentially accurate for you... I once defined myself as an 'Indigo' as I related to the qualities described for that personality template... but the word is now not one I hold onto (nor have let go of...) it's just one concept/description of a star being in human form assessment - very useful at the beginning of my exploring about myself - though I'm since then aware I'm far more than a (useful) theory of a spiritual role/identity...

[smc]

according to the Indigo theory you'd be the 'first wave' which is the 'system busters'...

there are (supposed) arrival dates and as an original 'Indigo' (supposedly) you (and I) have a different energy, way to newer ones...

have you been reading the Ra material?

I'm glad you feel a little better... being isolated can be very painful - I know that pain too well myself

The list you posted - to me - it's a whole lot of 'white-noise' - 'static'... (like the sound between radio stations)

it means nothing to me... so I can't comment there...

welcome to B4

[Cirocco]

Okay. I can see the warrior part in myself. Does it matter a lot of I was born in 1957? I also have images of a flaming phoenix and pyramids in meditation, but only in my blind eye, and I was getting those before I even heard of the Ra Material.

I apologize sincerely if I'm in the wrong place. I thought Wanderers were...well, something else besides the newer Indigos.

I have been reading the Ra material. Listening to it I should say. Very thoughtful of this site to provide an audio copy for those with visual impairments via YouTube. I've also started delving into the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, which is also pretty fascinating, but I'm not that far into it yet.

I do feel better. You've really helped me focus and not be so confused. I thank you kindly and have cookies if you want them.

Had to laugh a little at your 'white noise' comment. That's exactly what it was to me too. The original returns were more interesting and far more relevant to my past and present.

Thank you also for the welcome. It's a relief to not feel stressed out during a chat.

So - question. Since the global awakening is already underway, is my mission done? It feels sometimes like I'm coming to the end of this distortion, but I suspect I'll be repeating. Still have a lot to learn and I could have done way more.

according to the Indigo theory you'd be the 'first wave' which is the 'system busters'...

there are (supposed) arrival dates and as an original 'Indigo' (supposedly) you (and I) have a different energy, way to newer ones...

have you been reading the Ra material?

I'm glad you feel a little better... being isolated can be very painful - I know that pain too well myself

The list you posted - to me - it's a whole lot of 'white-noise' - 'static'... (like the sound between radio stations)

it means nothing to me... so I can't comment there...

welcome to B4

[Cirocco]

The Creator sent me here - http://www.redicecreations.com/specialre...rrior.html

I understand now. Everything on that page fits me, and I see how immersed I am in negative memories.

(chuckling) I REALLY have a lot of work to do now to forgive myself and let go of the past and all the baggage I mentioned.

Thank you for your light and love. Right back atcha.

Okay.  I can see the warrior part in myself.  Does it matter a lot of I was born in 1957?  I also have images of a flaming phoenix and pyramids in meditation, but only in my blind eye, and I was getting those before I even heard of the Ra Material.  

I apologize sincerely if I'm in the wrong place.  I thought Wanderers were...well, something else besides the newer Indigos.  

I have been reading the Ra material.  Listening to it I should say.  Very thoughtful of this site to provide an audio copy for those with visual impairments via YouTube.  I've also started delving into the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, which is also pretty fascinating, but I'm not that far into it yet.  

I do feel better.  You've really helped me focus and not be so confused.  I thank you kindly and have cookies if you want them.  

Had to laugh a little at your 'white noise' comment.  That's exactly what it was to me too.  The original returns were more interesting and far more relevant to my past and present.  

Thank you also for the welcome.  It's a relief to not feel stressed out during a chat.  

So - question.  Since the global awakening is already underway, is my mission done?  It feels sometimes like I'm coming to the end of this distortion, but I suspect I'll be repeating.  Still have a lot to learn and I could have done way more.  

according to the Indigo theory you'd be the 'first wave' which is the 'system busters'...

there are (supposed) arrival dates and as an original 'Indigo' (supposedly) you (and I) have a different energy, way to newer ones...

have you been reading the Ra material?

I'm glad you feel a little better... being isolated can be very painful - I know that pain too well myself

The list you posted - to me - it's a whole lot of 'white-noise' - 'static'... (like the sound between radio stations)

it means nothing to me... so I can't comment there...

welcome to B4

[smc]

I don't think your age is relevant to anything in particular - (except that these forums would benefit from the ideas of people who've lived on Earth longer.)

As a teenager I was fascinated by Pyramids and wanted to visit them and go deep into their centres but was conflicted about that as I'm VERY claustrophobic. (Some of those tunnels are so narrow you have to crawl along a space almost no bigger than your body.)

NO CAN DO! 0_0

I apologize sincerely if I'm in the wrong place. I thought Wanderers were...well, something else besides the newer Indigos.

apologies? not needed! if you're 'here' you are meant to be I relate to "wanderers" to help explain me to myself

I have been reading the Ra material. Listening to it I should say. Very thoughtful of this site to provide an audio copy for those with visual impairments via YouTube. I've also started delving into the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, which is also pretty fascinating, but I'm not that far into it yet.

My Dad has macular degeneration so I bought him an audio book on CD (Agatha Christie) - accessibility should be a 'given' - but able-ism still exists a lot... it's wonderful you can listen to it!

I do feel better. You've really helped me focus and not be so confused. I thank you kindly and have cookies if you want them.

Oh you're so welcome I'm in Australia and will pay the postage - but how will they stay fresh?

Had to laugh a little at your 'white noise' comment. That's exactly what it was to me too. The original returns were more interesting and far more relevant to my past and present.

I've just done my different names.. it's weird - interesting - but feels a bit arbitrary...

Thank you also for the welcome. It's a relief to not feel stressed out during a chat.

So - question. Since the global awakening is already underway, is my mission done? It feels sometimes like I'm coming to the end of this distortion, but I suspect I'll be repeating. Still have a lot to learn and I could have done way more.

I think you have about 2 hrs 22 minutes left then you will be relocated to Venus for a 'long' vacation waited on hand and foot by darling Robin Williams in drag on rollerskates   then you will wake up from your time out for more learning and as much fun as you can arrange till your departure in 30-40 years/months/weeks/seconds

(Seriously) -> You have done exactly as much as you were able

[smc]

remember - YOU are the ultimate 'authority' on who you are - how you feel - what is correct for you - about you

- keep researching, reading all you feel directed to - don't hold fast to anyone else's ideas... let them in - see what 'fits' and what floats away...

also my big healing has been: self love - self care- self respect

prior to this I was putting everyone before me and wounding myself as a result


put YOUR oxygen mask on first - then help others with theirs - if they need (preferably ask) for your help

[Cirocco]

I don't think your age is relevant to anything in particular - (except that these forums would benefit from the ideas of people who've lived on Earth longer.)

Not sure I have much knowledge to pass along that isn't completely geeky.

As a teenager I was fascinated by Pyramids and wanted to visit them and go deep into their centres but was conflicted about that as I'm VERY claustrophobic. (Some of those tunnels are so narrow you have to crawl along a space almost no bigger than your body.)

NO CAN DO! 0_0

I'm with you on the claustrophobia. Even watching movies that involve crawling through small tunnels gives me the willies. Was wondering if you'd seen this though - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gL6jwZNtVVk It appears to corroborate what Ra says about vibration, frequency and resonance. I also think I might know why the pyramids are "out of tune" as Ra said. There have been at least two (possibly more) Chandler Wobbles in Earth's history. A Chandler Wobble is when the poles shift and the liquid core of the planet sloshes around, throwing the axis off kilter. A shallow sea would also explain why there's so much water erosion on the pyramids. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5Dlde7YeQg

Told ya I was a geek.

I apologize sincerely if I'm in the wrong place. I thought Wanderers were...well, something else besides the newer Indigos.

apologies? not needed! if you're 'here' you are meant to be I relate to "wanderers" to help explain me to myself

I'm starting to see that. Like Mr. Chopra said, "There are no accidents, there's only some purpose that we haven't yet understood." Smart, smart man.

I have been reading the Ra material. Listening to it I should say. Very thoughtful of this site to provide an audio copy for those with visual impairments via YouTube. I've also started delving into the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, which is also pretty fascinating, but I'm not that far into it yet.

My Dad has macular degeneration so I bought him an audio book on CD (Agatha Christie) - accessibility should be a 'given' - but able-ism still exists a lot... it's wonderful you can listen to it!

Absolutely. I would never be able to read it. Please tell your Dad I said hello and he did a good job raising you. 'Cause he did.

I do feel better. You've really helped me focus and not be so confused. I thank you kindly and have cookies if you want them.  

Oh you're so welcome I'm in Australia and will pay the postage - but how will they stay fresh?

I suppose I could pack them in dry ice, but then they'd get all icky and burned. Seems that we'll just have to meet up at some point.

Australia seems so cool except for all the poisonous animals that can kill you with a stinkeye.

Had to laugh a little at your 'white noise' comment. That's exactly what it was to me too. The original returns were more interesting and far more relevant to my past and present.

I've just done my different names.. it's weird - interesting - but feels a bit arbitrary...

It is now. Didn't used to be.

Thank you also for the welcome. It's a relief to not feel stressed out during a chat.

So - question. Since the global awakening is already underway, is my mission done? It feels sometimes like I'm coming to the end of this distortion, but I suspect I'll be repeating. Still have a lot to learn and I could have done way more.

I think you have about 2 hrs 22 minutes left then you will be relocated to Venus for a 'long' vacation waited on hand and foot by darling Robin Williams in drag on rollerskates   then you will wake up from your time out for more learning and as much fun as you can arrange till your departure in 30-40 years/months/weeks/seconds

(Seriously) -> You have done exactly as much as you were able

I think I can do more. Have to get my proverbial poo together first.

Hmmm. Robin Williams in drag on Venusian rollerskates. I'm down for that! He was such a light. I miss him here.

Found this. Matches pretty well, especially the self-care stuff and going too far with teasing and joking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54G6qR5r4eY Not sure if I'm a Wanderer, but this was enlightening.

Re: The Wanderer thing - I guess the Egyptian imagery and the fact that I'm pretty disabled had me fooled. The idea of a Wanderer is appealing. Sadly, it doesn't fit entirely, especially if Wanderers are kind of introspective and peaceful. I do love a spirited, intelligent debate. Patience, however, is not one of my virtues.

[Cirocco]

remember - YOU are the ultimate 'authority' on who you are - how you feel - what is correct for you - about you

- keep researching, reading all you feel directed to - don't hold fast to anyone else's ideas... let them in - see what 'fits' and what floats away...

also my big healing has been: self love - self care- self respect

prior to this I was putting everyone before me and wounding myself as a result


put YOUR oxygen mask on first - then help others with theirs - if they need (preferably ask) for your help

Everything you just typed should be on a T-shirt. I will do.

I'd be interested in reading of your life if you're willing to share. I don't want to intrude. Well....maybe just a little 'cause I'm nosy.

[smc]

for sure there's more you'll do

again, I'd say don't take your self definition as needing to fit certain criteria - you can be feisty and be a 'wanderer'... it doesn't have character descriptions like the new age information websites have...

I haven't shared my life story here as I've had a lot of difficulty feeling trust around (some) members... and (just like the rest of the world ) - I don't 'fit' here very well (I have a very 'direct' manner...)

unique and interesting people here - perhaps the community has been too small and a bit of a clique for a long while which makes it hard for newbies... but that energy has been shifting lately...

many caring people here... everyone's different

be you

[Raz]

 

[Cirocco]

Thank you for your kind and gentle encouragement. I actually slept well for the first time in months last night all due to our talk and feel a whole lot better about everything. Maybe just being able to vent was the key. It's all good.

I don't mind direct. Plain and simple communication seems to be my style as well.

Can't much blame you for wanting to keep your life private. The moderated forums and chat here are reassuring after dealing with the virulent trolls on other sites.

I suppose it's natural to assume that a lot of us live alone because - as you say - we don't fit. How do you cope with that?

for sure there's more you'll do

again, I'd say don't take your self definition as needing to fit certain criteria - you can be feisty and be a 'wanderer'... it doesn't have character descriptions like the new age information websites have...

I haven't shared my life story here as I've had a lot of difficulty feeling trust around (some) members... and (just like the rest of the world ) - I don't 'fit' here very well (I have a very 'direct' manner...)

unique and interesting people here - perhaps the community has been too small and a bit of a clique for a long while which makes it hard for newbies... but that energy has been shifting lately...

many caring people here... everyone's different

be you

[Jade]

Would just like to know if meditating and study is the way to proceed or if something else (like actively helping others) is needed at this early stage.

First, it sounds like your main project is working on loving/accepting yourself. This will go a long way.

It's very helpful and healing to do a meditation where you comfort your little, child self. I do this at times. Go hold that child and offer it comfort in the times when no one else would.

Then the next step is forgiveness: Forgiveness for the self, and then finding forgiveness for others.

These are the first steps to get yourself into a better configuration. Then you can worry about "actively helping others".

[Infinite Unity]

The well spring of life ushers forth from you. The perception you hold will enable you to see the beautiful that abounds everywhere, and the heart to feel what is right. Or the perception held will dwindle the life around you into different moulds all resting upon the same foundation. The Great magnificent One Infinite Creator. The realty is one, what do you see?

[Cirocco]

Would just like to know if meditating and study is the way to proceed or if something else (like actively helping others) is needed at this early stage.

First, it sounds like your main project is working on loving/accepting yourself. This will go a long way.

It's very helpful and healing to do a meditation where you comfort your little, child self. I do this at times. Go hold that child and offer it comfort in the times when no one else would.

I'll most definitely try that. It's long overdue.

Then the next step is forgiveness: Forgiveness for the self, and then finding forgiveness for others.

I've meditated on this for a while now. Forgiving myself was difficult simply because I was obnoxious, willful and was interested in subjects that had no relevance to anyone else in my family. Forgiving my parents was and remains impossible and I don't even know how to empathize or resolve how my sisters and I were neglected and abused. Mother suffered from a mental illness, so her behavior can be explained, but Father knew better and was actually a pretty smart man who resorted to beatings rather than actual communication. Why? I cannot find an answer and this aspect of my past remains unresolved.

These are the first steps to get yourself into a better configuration. Then you can worry about "actively helping others".

I thank you for your advice. I will meditate today on my child-self and will need lots and lots of Kleenex.

[Cirocco]

The well spring of life ushers forth from you. The perception you hold will enable you to see the beautiful that abounds everywhere, and the heart to feel what is right.  Or the perception held will dwindle the life around you into different moulds all resting upon the same foundation. The Great magnificent One Infinite Creator. The realty is one, what do you see?

The bubble I've built around my life is intact and agreeable. Everything outside of that is perceived as potentially ugly and hurtful. I understand that I make my own reality and am trying to be as positive as I can, but it sometimes feels like going through the motions and not true joy. My world is rather limited at this time to a two-room apartment and I don't get out much anymore.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

for sure there's more you'll do

again, I'd say don't take your self definition as needing to fit certain criteria - you can be feisty and be a 'wanderer'... it doesn't have character descriptions like the new age information websites have...

I haven't shared my life story here as I've had a lot of difficulty feeling trust around (some) members... and (just like the rest of the world ) - I don't 'fit' here very well (I have a very 'direct' manner...)

unique and interesting people here - perhaps the community has been too small and a bit of a clique for a long while which makes it hard for newbies... but that energy has been shifting lately...

many caring people here... everyone's different

be you

If it makes you feel any better, I personally believe this forum is too good for me, so much so I believe my time here may be harmful more so to others than healing.

Because of that, I'm trying to be helpful, focusing on being helpful to this community is why I haven't run away ashamed of my past in this community...  Trust me when I say most posts I make now, make me feel ashamed and want to leave...  That everyone here so far has met this with kindness and love is extremely encouraging for me to not just run from catalyst again.

Cirocco
If I could offer some thoughts to your self doubts, as I struggle with self doubt strongly.

In the system of the Ra Material, its said that currently there is a 'senior vibration' or I prefer to see it as, an increase in people being born who are souls most likely to fulfill a 51% service to others threshold or a 95% service to self threshold, and achieve a graduation into a higher evolution or dimension above our own.

This isn't talking of just wanderers but also souls native to our 3rd Density/Dimension.

I'm sure across history Wanderers have been underhandedly guiding history directly by interacting with it from Jesus to Genghis Khan to George Washington to Lincoln to Tesla and Einstein and Hawking.

If you are a Wanderer, you will definitely question after initially believing you are if you are.  As you said, that introspective nature persists.

So don't let your age and personality empower your doubts.  Wanderers can be wholly unlike what one would typically imagine of a loving and compassionate soul while in a 3D personality.

I consider myself a wanderer, and often think I'm belonging to mid 5D.  I notice most people wish to be of 6D so be vigilant of outside forces skewing your internal view.

And I say that last part hypocritically, as I fail to do that often...But I'm still trying.

This forum seems almost magically protected by the influence of trolls.  The members themselves can be antagonistic and confrontational at times, but its my experience that those members are sharing their distortions to eventually be processed by the group present here unconsciously, and healed in time.

I myself have been a force of great malice and hatred on this forum from my own issues being allowed to be freely expressed here.
It ultimately comes down to responsibility.

No one here is going to tell you what or how to be, this is an extremely powerful and loving environment.

And as I said, if not for the extreme kindness of those here in this environment, I wouldn't be here now.  I do not believe myself worthy of some of the love that permeates this forum...But others seem to think so, so I think out of fairness to them especially for their thoughts and words to me, I owe it to them to try and see myself as worthy.

Its an honor to speak to someone rich with life experience.

It is fiercely painful for me to see another suffering within extreme social isolation...  I was only 22 (24 now) when I felt the agony of being nearly completely alone and isolated from everyone.  The experience was very damaging, I lost my love, my reason, my passion, all to anger and hatred for the suffering I was enduring.  I couldn't communicate it, I couldn't explain it, I was just simply losing my mind and lashing out violently at everything, with the majority being my spirit guides, god, and my own soul being in the receiving end of my malice.

Yet they didn't give up even as I did again and again.  Truly a testament of the purity of compassion.

I tested the universe's love and it never gave up on me even when I demanded it did.

...That you now find yourself with copious amounts of free time, I strongly suggest this is a period of time where you're encouraged to seek within and do some soul searching.
Meditate, meditate until its as fun to do as reading or writing or watching tv.

You have the time, it is a gift to yourself from your timeless soul

[Cirocco]

for sure there's more you'll do

again, I'd say don't take your self definition as needing to fit certain criteria - you can be feisty and be a 'wanderer'... it doesn't have character descriptions like the new age information websites have...

I haven't shared my life story here as I've had a lot of difficulty feeling trust around (some) members... and (just like the rest of the world ) - I don't 'fit' here very well (I have a very 'direct' manner...)

unique and interesting people here - perhaps the community has been too small and a bit of a clique for a long while which makes it hard for newbies... but that energy has been shifting lately...

many caring people here... everyone's different

be you

If it makes you feel any better, I personally believe this forum is too good for me, so much so I believe my time here may be harmful more so to others than healing.

Because of that, I'm trying to be helpful, focusing on being helpful to this community is why I haven't run away ashamed of my past in this community...  Trust me when I say most posts I make now, make me feel ashamed and want to leave...  That everyone here so far has met this with kindness and love is extremely encouraging for me to not just run from catalyst again.

Cirocco
If I could offer some thoughts to your self doubts, as I struggle with self doubt strongly.

I thank you and would value any and all input. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.

In the system of the Ra Material, its said that currently there is a 'senior vibration' or I prefer to see it as, an increase in people being born who are souls most likely to fulfill a 51% service to others threshold or a 95% service to self threshold, and achieve a graduation into a higher evolution or dimension above our own.

This isn't talking of just wanderers but also souls native to our 3rd Density/Dimension.

Just ran across a beautiful story about service to others. http://shanghaiist.com/2015/11/20/husban...d_wife.php

I'm sure across history Wanderers have been underhandedly guiding history directly by interacting with it from Jesus to Genghis Khan to George Washington to Lincoln to Tesla and Einstein and Hawking.

If you are a Wanderer, you will definitely question after initially believing you are if you are.  As you said, that introspective nature persists.

Well.............okay then. I just thought there was a point when I would know for sure. Thank you.

So don't let your age and personality empower your doubts.  Wanderers can be wholly unlike what one would typically imagine of a loving and compassionate soul while in a 3D personality.

I'm here to absorb everything. This website is fantastic for a new person to learn from others.

I consider myself a wanderer, and often think I'm belonging to mid 5D.  I notice most people wish to be of 6D so be vigilant of outside forces skewing your internal view.

And I say that last part hypocritically, as I fail to do that often...But I'm still trying.

Glad you added that second part. I was going to ask.

This forum seems almost magically protected by the influence of trolls.  The members themselves can be antagonistic and confrontational at times, but its my experience that those members are sharing their distortions to eventually be processed by the group present here unconsciously, and healed in time.

I myself have been a force of great malice and hatred on this forum from my own issues being allowed to be freely expressed here.
It ultimately comes down to responsibility.

Yes, that was clear from the beginning, which is why I think I felt so badly about snapping at the trolls. They have a purpose here like everything else, but having had a rough time with such people in childhood I really dislike bullies intensely.

No one here is going to tell you what or how to be, this is an extremely powerful and loving environment.

And as I said, if not for the extreme kindness of those here in this environment, I wouldn't be here now.  I do not believe myself worthy of some of the love that permeates this forum...But others seem to think so, so I think out of fairness to them especially for their thoughts and words to me, I owe it to them to try and see myself as worthy.

Agreed. I feel the love here as well. It's almost like taking a vacation from the rest of the world.

Its an honor to speak to someone rich with life experience.

It's my honor to learn from wiser heads.

It is fiercely painful for me to see another suffering within extreme social isolation...  I was only 22 (24 now) when I felt the agony of being nearly completely alone and isolated from everyone.  The experience was very damaging, I lost my love, my reason, my passion, all to anger and hatred for the suffering I was enduring.  I couldn't communicate it, I couldn't explain it, I was just simply losing my mind and lashing out violently at everything, with the majority being my spirit guides, god, and my own soul being in the receiving end of my malice.

Oh boy, I can relate to this completely. Such dark energy emanations. I'm not going to go there anymore. It feels swampy and perverse.

Yet they didn't give up even as I did again and again.  Truly a testament of the purity of compassion.

I tested the universe's love and it never gave up on me even when I demanded it did.

What a beautiful thing to say. Well done.

...That you now find yourself with copious amounts of free time, I strongly suggest this is a period of time where you're encouraged to seek within and do some soul searching.
Meditate, meditate until its as fun to do as reading or writing or watching tv.

You have the time, it is a gift to yourself from your timeless soul

I did that today. Trash cans are now full of Kleenex.

Thank you for your words. Everything posted on my original topic has been so supportive and helpful to the point that I was actually more stable on my feet than I was two days ago. It feels amazing not to feel like toppling over every time I stand up.