(05-06-2016, 02:36 PM)Stranger Wrote: Lovelyfaith, have you considered seeing a therapist?  At the very least, it would give you an objective listener who is completely on your side - not in the sense of approving of everything you do, but in the sense of having your well-being as her only goal in working with you.  She would also help you understand what patterns of thought and behavior are keeping you trapped in depression.  Ideally, look for someone with a psychology Ph.D. or Psy.D., and experience.

(05-06-2016, 01:38 PM)Glow Wrote:

(05-06-2016, 12:19 PM)Lovelyfaith Wrote:

(05-05-2016, 07:47 PM)Minyatur Wrote: You spoke that your soul chose the catalyst of betrayal, what do you believe are the lessons you are set to learn?

It does seem to me you surely are not here to work on being more loving, as that seems to be quite strong already despite the circumstances you spoke of.

I suppose I was just assuming it's betrayal, considering it's been the theme of my life from my perspective.  My dad carried on an inappropriate relationship with me at the age of 4 and abandoned me and my brothers at 8, and my mom is a compulsive liar and narcissist that refuses to have a normal healthy relationship with me.  So that, coupled with the fact that of the very few intimate relationships that I've built in my life, I've been betrayed by every boyfriend and female friend that I've had.  I have no problem with forgiving, I wonder though if it really just boils down to self love.

Take this please with the love behind it but perhaps the lesson is not to see things from the perspective you are choosing. You haven't learned it yet so it re-presents worse and worse till you do.

I was messed with as a kid by a family member. I never saw that as betrayal. I saw how hurt he was even then. It was messed up. I was 4-6 so it effected me but mostly I think it was unfortunate situations that taught me to forgive and always see the why behind things. People are hurting.

My dad left when I was 4 took all the money and moved to another country. In the late 70s he was already making $100 an hour yet he left the country so he wouldn't have to pay child support.
I didn't feel betrayed, I kinda thought even then he was pretty selfish but betrayed never entered my head even now.

He left us kids with a woman so unstable she actually packed my siblings in the car me 5, sister 9 and brother 12 with intentions of driving us all off a tall bridge. She didn't but even after ending up in the psych ward no one came to take care of us kids. The next bunch of years I'm sure you can imagine with no money, step fathers, extended family even from both sides walking clear out of our lives. just picture everything going bad that could lol still I don't feel betrayed.

I felt I had incompetent parents  and started to see family is those you choose to love, and who choose to love you. They (family)as far as I was conserned even as a kid were stuck at a level where they could only see their needs/wants. No betrayal just people not seeing the big picture.

Anyways I'm nit trying to say your feelings are at all incorrect. I did have abandonment issues, but we are here to learn. I've learned a lot through all that and really I can only be greatful.

Betrayal as a perspective isn't what you necissarily need to see. I would be looking deeper at why, I'm sure there is a dark painful root to why he needed her affection. It's not just sex if it's 4 days, what was he trying to heal. Maybe something he's hiding so deep he doesn't even know.

When you find their pain you can forgive and show compassion that heals.
As to your social anxiety. The phone is hard. I LOVE talking to people but even I hate phones and sales bites let's face it. Don't beat yourself up over that. Show yourself the same compassion. Laugh at it a bit and let that self judgement heal.

So I rambled but my thinking is if you pick a healthier lesson out of all this than betrayal you will change everything even what you attract. Forgiveness and compassion was where I went but something else might suit you better.

Being we are all otherselves, if we can see as a spark if we accumulated another's experiences with the life they had shaping them any one of us could perpetrate the same thing. I'm not a Christian but the saying "there but for the grace of God go I" has been a really useful thing for me to remember.

Big hug, it's hard to shift you heart and mind to a new perspective but sometimes that is the only way to be free. (Hug)

Ps I'm having dinner with my father tomorrow night after not seeing him more than 4 times in 20 years. He's a toddler at the consiousness level I always keep that in mind.

(05-06-2016, 03:33 PM)Minyatur Wrote: There are many articles about treating depression with magic mushrooms, I think it allows you to overwrite your thought patterns.

Definitely love the drug, to me it does a lot of harmonizing my human self with my true essence. On them I mainly see everything as Light and Love and the Creator.

I'd start with small dosages and not expect every trip to be pleasant. It makes you face yourself and should be seen as a tool to work on yourself.

(05-06-2016, 04:08 PM)Lovelyfaith Wrote:

(05-06-2016, 03:33 PM)Minyatur Wrote: There are many articles about treating depression with magic mushrooms, I think it allows you to overwrite your thought patterns.

Definitely love the drug, to me it does a lot of harmonizing my human self with my true essence. On them I mainly see everything as Light and Love and the Creator.

I'd start with small dosages and not expect every trip to be pleasant. It makes you face yourself and should be seen as a tool to work on yourself.

Thank you.  That was what my impression was, it's a tool to work on yourself.  I know this is a personal question so please don't feel compelled to answer, but can you tell me what it's like for you to experience that, knowing what you know about the spiritual world?  I hear about experiences of people that don't understand what they are seeing, so just like a near death experience of a religious person, they would see what they expect or want to see, but what about someone who knows what's actually behind the veil (assuming you have studied as I have), what is it like?  Do you see your guides or higher self?  Can you ask them to heal you, or can you even talk? Again, if this is too personal please don't feel pressured.  I'm just curious if this experience would be different for a wanderer vs someone else.  Obviously this study was done on random people, so it looks like it helps regardless..

(05-06-2016, 04:08 PM)Lovelyfaith Wrote: Thank you.  That was what my impression was, it's a tool to work on yourself.  I know this is a personal question so please don't feel compelled to answer, but can you tell me what it's like for you to experience that, knowing what you know about the spiritual world?  I hear about experiences of people that don't understand what they are seeing, so just like a near death experience of a religious person, they would see what they expect or want to see, but what about someone who knows what's actually behind the veil (assuming you have studied as I have), what is it like?  Do you see your guides or higher self?  Can you ask them to heal you, or can you even talk? Again, if this is too personal please don't feel pressured.  I'm just curious if this experience would be different for a wanderer vs someone else.  Obviously this study was done on random people, so it looks like it helps regardless..

(05-06-2016, 04:17 PM)Glow Wrote:

(05-06-2016, 04:08 PM)Lovelyfaith Wrote:

(05-06-2016, 03:33 PM)Minyatur Wrote: There are many articles about treating depression with magic mushrooms, I think it allows you to overwrite your thought patterns.

Definitely love the drug, to me it does a lot of harmonizing my human self with my true essence. On them I mainly see everything as Light and Love and the Creator.

I'd start with small dosages and not expect every trip to be pleasant. It makes you face yourself and should be seen as a tool to work on yourself.

Thank you.  That was what my impression was, it's a tool to work on yourself.  I know this is a personal question so please don't feel compelled to answer, but can you tell me what it's like for you to experience that, knowing what you know about the spiritual world?  I hear about experiences of people that don't understand what they are seeing, so just like a near death experience of a religious person, they would see what they expect or want to see, but what about someone who knows what's actually behind the veil (assuming you have studied as I have), what is it like?  Do you see your guides or higher self?  Can you ask them to heal you, or can you even talk? Again, if this is too personal please don't feel pressured.  I'm just curious if this experience would be different for a wanderer vs someone else.  Obviously this study was done on random people, so it looks like it helps regardless..

Have you tried meditation? Even meditated with a skilled meditator to guide you and influence your energy?

I only point this out as Ra strongly advised meditation.
I know it really helped me when I went through a dark night of the soul.

(05-06-2016, 04:45 PM)Minyatur Wrote:

(05-06-2016, 04:08 PM)Lovelyfaith Wrote: Thank you.  That was what my impression was, it's a tool to work on yourself.  I know this is a personal question so please don't feel compelled to answer, but can you tell me what it's like for you to experience that, knowing what you know about the spiritual world?  I hear about experiences of people that don't understand what they are seeing, so just like a near death experience of a religious person, they would see what they expect or want to see, but what about someone who knows what's actually behind the veil (assuming you have studied as I have), what is it like?  Do you see your guides or higher self?  Can you ask them to heal you, or can you even talk? Again, if this is too personal please don't feel pressured.  I'm just curious if this experience would be different for a wanderer vs someone else.  Obviously this study was done on random people, so it looks like it helps regardless..

I think you can talk to guides and your higher self even when sober, but the drug would definitely help. I am not one to seek these things other than having validated them.

As for general effects, it raises your vibration, expands your mind and increases your awareness in many ways.

At first to me the trips were like buddles (time/space facets of myself within the spiral) I'd move through to discover more and more of myself. A bit like parralel explorations that adds to one and then to another. Through many trips with increasing doses I got much more stable trips, now what I experience is more akin to my magical personality being more and more fully integrated within myself.

I came to see more and more of my true self, my essence, through some kind of initiation that would remove layers of my veil when I'd pass them.

I think the experience can be very personal depending on the individual, a focus on spiritualiy and the LOO would certainly make the use of them more veil breaking and accelerate the awakening process. They gave me a feeling of lessons lost, or rather bypassed also.

If you want to try them, I can only recommend to start with small dosages. I saw some dislike what it opens in them over many trips just as I saw others never truly feel anything they've disliked. If things go well you can increase, if not you can work more with small dosages.

(05-06-2016, 05:13 PM)Lovelyfaith Wrote: Thank you, that's amazing And when you say 'some kind of initiation that would remove layers of my veil when I'd pass them'  Do you mean pass them as in movement or like a realization?  I hope that's not a stupid question, i'm just curious.  

(05-06-2016, 05:13 PM)Lovelyfaith Wrote: Also, your friends that disliked what was opened in them, what does that mean?  Are these friends spiritual?  I've heard of lots of people having bad trips, I know that setting and atmosphere are important when having an experience like that, I've noticed a lot of people having a bad trip are doing it on a day when they weren't mentally prepared or they did it in a place that didn't make them entirely comfortable.  Sorry for all of the questions, I'm intrigued and just trying to see if this would help me.

(05-07-2016, 03:36 AM)Night Owl Wrote: I think some time off for yourself might be a good idea.

Quote:You haven't learned it yet so it re-presents worse and worse till you do.