Suicide

[Kaaron]

Lately, I've felt my connection to my partner and everything around me slipping away.
I let my 2 eldest children slip away through a messy breakup. It was like watching them die slowly inside over a period of 13 years.
Now I can't stop these psychic attacks which make it hard for my partner and everyone else to even function.
I know I was put here to change the world but all I seem to be doing is destroying the lives of those I care about the most.
My partner tries her hardest to help. She even talks to my demons as they come out and try to attack her. She tries to tell me that she loves me and that this will all be over some day. I used to believe her...but now I feel like she's over it and is going elsewhere for the good times and friendship.
We used to be best friends n now she is finding other people online to connect to which reminds me of how me n her met...hours of FB messenger...she now has those moments with someone else who makes beats like I do and all I can think of is finding the highest cliff I can find to jump off so that atleast I'll only hurt everyone one big time instead of watching them drift away again like everyone else.
I really don't know what to do and keep crying all the time.
When I try to talk to her about it, she says that she needs to have friends in music which is true but I feel like she is just using that as an excuse to escape from the impossible task that I've turned her life into. I feel like she is escaping into another world which doesn't involve me.

I've been feeling for a long time that me and Don are connected.
I feel like I'm the negative balance for the project that me and my partner are involved in.
I feel that for the music we've been making to have a chance at getting out there, I need to remove myself from the picture because I'm (or my friends attached to me are) taking all the energy from my partner that she should be putting out into the world through music.
Maybe I have to die for the mission to succeed.
I think it's my passengers who are trying to convince me of this and I think that I'm happy to believe it because part of me wants out.
I don't want to feel like the stone around someones neck anymore.
I've destroyed too many lives already.
There really is only one humane thing to do...you put a horse out of it's misery when it is more painful for it to continue than to try to heal it...I feel that people should be granted the same dignity.

[Minyatur]

I lack the words to say, so I'll just wish you well on your path.

Take care of yourself brother.

[Diana]

Suicide is definitely a choice. And it is one that I honor for those who choose it.

I understand very much how horrible regrets can be. I've contemplated this a lot. One reason is because my brother shot and killed himself when he was 29. A twisted labyrinth of feelings going back to childhood are interwoven with his being gone from here, even though I have seen him since. I have regrets about other things as well. People here may say, regrets, guilt, etc. don't serve me, or they indicate nonacceptance. This is true. But the reality is, they are there. So judging me for judging myself really doesn't help me. And there is the idea that until you walk a mile in another's moccasins...

I will ask you, however, do you do any drugs or alcohol (no answer needed)? The reason I ask is because a very good friend of mine, who is one of the best "psychics" I've ever encountered, told me once that people who do drugs (such as crystal meth) have holes in their auras which allow attachments to come in. I would suggest that before making any decisions, you do actually discern if the prompts you are getting are from you for your highest best.

I don't know where you live (New Zealand?), but I would also suggest getting out into nature. Walk on the earth barefooted and let Mother Earth ground you and take away some of the built-up emotional charge.

I'm sending love and acceptance your way. 

[Ashim]

Look. I went through hell. I lost my business because of a devious partner, lost my wife, who i really loved and almost sacrificed my sanity in the name of 'doing the right thing'.
I'm still here, living, breathing and enjoying a quality life.
You can pull through. Never give up.

Hold on there.

[Manjushri]

It's possible to let go of every single attachment you mentioned without killing your self.

It is not possible to let go of them if you do.

You'll be back and so will they unless you stay alive and let go now.

[Agua del Cielo]

Dear kaaron,
I can deeply understand how you feel. I often write lengthy posts.
But this time, because it was so important for me to find the right words, i closed my eyes and asked for guidance.and sudenly i felt i must write what i just experienced:

I call upon the forces that would aid me.
I call upon my higher self
I call upon my guides
I call upon babaji
I call upon krishna
I call upon those holy beings of Ra

I ask them to join me in a circle around you.
I can see these holy entities some bright blue white
Some shining in golden light

I can feel them joining in and direct their love, their sacred presence, their warmth and their understanding to you.

I ask everybody reading this to join in


My you find the best possible path for you, dear brother, in and supported by the love and the light of the creator and his employees!

[third-density-being]

Hello Dear Kaaron,

Ra:
69.4
(…) the death by suicide causing the necessity for much healing work and,
shall we say, the making of a dedication to the third-density for the renewed
opportunity of learning the lessons set by the higher self.

Stay and survive/solve this now, rather than stay with this inner conflict “out-there” and back again here. Please.

All I have Best in me for You

[Glow]

Kaaron - perhaps you destroying parts of them was what was needed.
I just healed from a 36 year old wound because the love of my life finally broke me completely.
I'm greatful and look forward to better times including with him.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much, your humour on the other thread was so completely relatable I didn't see you were at this state. Things can change over night. They just did with me. I thought I was at the end last night but it was really the beginning. Thanks to someone who surely felt bad about destroying me.

I don't think there is sto or sts. The pain caused to me in acts of self service were exactly what I needed to heal. It's an illusion, a play, not the most pleasant one.

I can't tell you what to feel about your partner seeking enjoyment to escape except she hasn't left, maybe just needs help to lift her so she can keep trying to help you. We are one. We separate into pairs but truely we are interconnected and need more than just one other person.

Admin please feel free to delete this if it's deemed not helpful.
I know how kaaron feels, don't want him feeling alone but maybe I will say the wrong thing.

[Kaaron]

My partner assures me everything is fine...I think I might be really jealous of other guys who are talented. I don't mean anyone...just the ones she finds talented :/
I feel like she finds them more interesting than me and that I'm just a bag of catalysis for her to evolve through. I think I sabotage alot of things in my life by expecting something that's the opposite of what's really going on and then manifesting it by acting like it's already happened.
That's what my partner says I do and I think she's right.
I think there's a part of me that enjoys that feeling of misery and despair.
Well it's more like a part that I think is me that likes the feeling of self pity and separation.
I think it's more that there's a thought being beamed to me that generates a certain emotional charge.
Is it possible that I'm addicted to the feeling of self loathing?

[isis]

you put a horse out of it's misery when it is more painful for it to continue than to try to heal it...I feel that people should be granted the same dignity.

i'm reminded of this poem i happened across the other day:


"My Swan Song"

Has man the right
To die and disappear,
When he has lost the fight?
To sever without fear
The irksome bonds of life,
When he is tired of strife?
May he not seek, if it seems best,
Relief from grief? May he not rest
From labors vain, from hopeless task?
—I do not know; I merely ask.

Or must he carry on
The struggle, till it's done?
Will he be damned, if he,
World-weary, tired and ill,
Deprived of strength and will,
Decides he must be free?
Is punishment awaiting those,
Who quit, before the whistle blows,
Who leave behind unfinished task?
—I do not know; I merely ask.

it's the final poem written by george sterling, in 1926, just before he killed himself. i read that he would keep a cyanide pill on him at all times & when asked about it he'd reply with something like, 'a prison becomes a home if you have the key to leave.'

[Infinite]

Suicide it will only get worse. Your astral body will be charged with negative energy and the trauma can last for thousands of years before the cure. Not worth it.

To stop these psychic attacks you need found the source of him. Use of drugs in home, heavy environment charged with negative emotions, negative emotions and thoughts can be the cause.

I recommend psychic defense techniques before sleep. Here you have some:

http://www.knowledgeofoneself.website/th...entalfa-7/

About your partner. You must love yourself before love the others. You can't love the others evenly if you don't love yourself. The addiction is the source of suffering. Good lucky.

Peace, love and light.

[smc]

(((  ))) > ((( Kaaron ))) < (((   )))

[anagogy]

I think I sabotage alot of things in my life by expecting something that's the opposite of what's really going on and then manifesting it by acting like it's already happened.
That's what my partner says I do and I think she's right.

I commend your ability to self observe.

As somebody who has learned this the hard way many times, don't forget this momentous realization. It is a painful lesson to undergo multiple times. I say that out of compassion. Do your best to pay more attention to what is going right, than what is going wrong. The results will be deceptively natural (like they had nothing to do with your thoughts), but it is the difference between a happy future and despondent one. If there is any question as to where your thoughts are pointed, do a gut check and see how you feel. Thoughts of well being FEEL like well being.    

[Kaaron]

I think I sabotage alot of things in my life by expecting something that's the opposite of what's really going on and then manifesting it by acting like it's already happened.
That's what my partner says I do and I think she's right.

I commend your ability to self observe.

As somebody who has learned this the hard way many times, don't forget this momentous realization. It is a painful lesson to undergo multiple times. I say that out of compassion. Do your best to pay more attention to what is going right, than what is going wrong. The results will be deceptively natural (like they had nothing to do with your thoughts), but it is the difference between a happy future and despondent one. If there is any question as to where your thoughts are pointed, do a gut check and see how you feel. Thoughts of well being FEEL like well being.    

I think when I don't forgive someone, it leads to me not forgiving me...which leads to whatever inception follows...
Then I play out that reality like it's the only one...when in actuality, it's only the one that I live when I'm unforgiving.

[Glow]

My partner assures me everything is fine...I think I might be really jealous of other guys who are talented. I don't mean anyone...just the ones she finds talented :/
I feel like she finds them more interesting than me and that I'm just a bag of catalysis for her to evolve through. I think I sabotage alot of things in my life by expecting something that's the opposite of what's really going on and then manifesting it by acting like it's already happened.
That's what my partner says I do and I think she's right.
I think there's a part of me that enjoys that feeling of misery and despair.
Well it's more like a part that I think is me that likes the feeling of self pity and separation.
I think it's more that there's a thought being beamed to me that generates a certain emotional charge.
Is it possible that I'm addicted to the feeling of self loathing?

You think it's what you deserve. You are stuck, you are agreeing with who ever taught you to feel that. If you can pick apart your catylist little by little. I bet you can find the patterns and parallels. Finding the source and patterns and parallels finally helped me see the truth that set me free.

I've been working at it for 36 years and I'm sure more are coming but the main one I just figured out today.
When it's time to be solved it will be, keep trying. You DONT want to face this again.
We really are hard task masters and we will come back to get it right. Just like you punish yourself now big you will be like " for god sakes we made it that far, only a bit longer now we have to start over" lessons aren't going to learn themselves.

(BIG HUG) you aren't alone,

[Kaaron]

You think it's what you deserve. You are stuck, you are agreeing with who ever taught you to feel that. If you can pick apart your catylist little by little. I bet you can find the patterns and parallels. Finding the source and patterns and parallels finally helped me see the truth that set me free.

I've been working at it for 36 years and I'm sure more are coming but the main one I just figured out today.
When it's time to be solved it will be, keep trying. You DONT want to face this again.
We really are hard task masters and we will come back to get it right. Just like you punish yourself now big you will be like " for god sakes we made it that far, only a bit longer now we have to start over" lessons aren't going to learn themselves.

(BIG HUG) you aren't alone,

I'm 36 aswell (37 in march).
It seems we chose similar experiences.

I know I'll have to repeat stuff if I leave of my own accord.
It's one of the biggest reasons I don't do it.
The biggest is because I don't want to leave my son without his father. He'd grow up wondering why I didn't love him enough to stick around. I feel like everyone would probably think that to some degree n I don't want them to think there was something wrong with them to make me want to leave.

[Glow]

Just reading this thread! Wow all of you and Kaaron for starting the topic so bravely and talking it over with us. Then sharing your insight and wisdom.

Do you see how we are learning from each other? Kaaron you brought up a huge subject opened your heart, I never would have heard such wisdom if you hadn't. I'm still wide eyed at getting to listen to these discussions and learn. I learned here in your thread and I'm greatful.
Thank you Kaaron, please see your effect, this wasn't negative catylist but open hearted sharing and allowing an opportunity for the rest of us to learn with you..

[Glow]

You think it's what you deserve. You are stuck, you are agreeing with who ever taught you to feel that. If you can pick apart your catylist little by little. I bet you can find the patterns and parallels. Finding the source and patterns and parallels finally helped me see the truth that set me free.

I've been working at it for 36 years and I'm sure more are coming but the main one I just figured out today.
When it's time to be solved it will be, keep trying. You DONT want to face this again.
We really are hard task masters and we will come back to get it right. Just like you punish yourself now big you will be like " for god sakes we made it that far, only a bit longer now we have to start over" lessons aren't going to learn themselves.

(BIG HUG) you aren't alone,

I'm 36 aswell (37 in march).
It seems we chose similar experiences.

I know I'll have to repeat stuff if I leave of my own accord.
It's one of the biggest reasons I don't do it.
The biggest is because I don't want to leave my son without his father. He'd grow up wondering why I didn't love him enough to stick around. I feel like everyone would probably think that to some degree n I don't want them to think there was something wrong with them to make me want to leave.

First I just turned 40 2 weeks ago, my big wound started at 4, can't mislead about my age. but close and yeah I think some of us really crammed it in to get as much out of it as we can. A bit cocky up there.

I think that's pretty awesome you are roughing it out for your son.
The one I spoke of it's the same for him. I will tell you what I tell him.

If you can't love yourself enough to find the answer to what torments you try to do it for him. If you can learn to heal yourself you can teach him to do the same. That's an even bigger blessing than if you'd never had the wound to begin with.

Obliviously happy people don't learn to heal themselves, as a result they cannot help anyone else heal either. You broke hard. It may take you many years to solve all your wounds but day by day, as you go, you can't teach him the wisdom you learn along the way. The life you save may be his, or his sons.

You taking all this on, slowly learning to over come it, even one breath at a time has the potential to change life in the future for whomever crosses your path. Friend, family, even people in shops. Head up, you've got this, one step at a time, no rush.
It happens as it's meant to.

[Nía]

I'm grateful that you wrote about it, Kaaron. Thank you. -`ღ´-

[Kaaron]

First I just turned 40 2 weeks ago, my big wound started at 4, can't mislead about my age. but close and yeah I think some of us really crammed it in to get as much out of it as we can. A bit cocky up there.

I think that's pretty awesome you are roughing it out for your son.
The one I spoke of it's the same for him. I will tell you what I tell him.

If you can't love yourself enough to find the answer to what torments you try to do it for him. If you can learn to heal yourself you can teach him to do the same. That's an even bigger blessing than if you'd never had the wound to begin with.

Obliviously happy people don't learn to heal themselves, as a result they cannot help anyone else heal either. You broke hard. It may take you many years to solve all your wounds but day by day, as you go, you can't teach him the wisdom you learn along the way. The life you save may be his, or his sons.

You taking all this on, slowly learning to over come it, even one breath at a time has the potential to change life in the future for whomever crosses your path. Friend, family, even people in shops. Head up, you've got this, one step at a time, no rush.
It happens as it's meant to.

My biggest hurt comes from when I was 4 aswell.
I think I'm here to teach people who they are. I only have 3 real life friends in this town n they're all Tohunga (Maori shaman). One stood in front of me with his eyes closed, plucking things from thin air with his hands. Then he said "aaahhh...you're a navigator". I asked what that means and he said that I am here to teach people how to be who they really are.

Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts everyone.

[Glow]

First I just turned 40 2 weeks ago, my big wound started at 4, can't mislead about my age. but close and yeah I think some of us really crammed it in to get as much out of it as we can. A bit cocky up there.

I think that's pretty awesome you are roughing it out for your son.
The one I spoke of it's the same for him. I will tell you what I tell him.

If you can't love yourself enough to find the answer to what torments you try to do it for him. If you can learn to heal yourself you can teach him to do the same. That's an even bigger blessing than if you'd never had the wound to begin with.

Obliviously happy people don't learn to heal themselves, as a result they cannot help anyone else heal either. You broke hard. It may take you many years to solve all your wounds but day by day, as you go, you can't teach him the wisdom you learn along the way. The life you save may be his, or his sons.

You taking all this on, slowly learning to over come it, even one breath at a time has the potential to change life in the future for whomever crosses your path. Friend, family, even people in shops. Head up, you've got this, one step at a time, no rush.
It happens as it's meant to.

My biggest hurt comes from when I was 4 aswell.
I think I'm here to teach people who they are. I only have 3 real life friends in this town n they're all Tohunga (Maori shaman). One stood in front of me with his eyes closed, plucking things from thin air with his hands. Then he said "aaahhh...you're a navigator". I asked what that means and he said that I am here to teach people how to be who they really are.

Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts everyone.

Well that sounds like the same crew I'm on. Not so much me showing them who they are like you but, I own my not normal bits, revel in them, and help other people have someone to show their weird(unconventional) to.
Maybe something different but on the same crew(clean up in isle 2)

Sounds like neat friends I'd like to have the help of a shaman, with 3 at your side it sounds like you came well prepared

[Kaaron]

Well that sounds like the same crew I'm on.  Not so much me showing them who they are like you but, I own my not normal bits, revel in them, and help other people have someone to show their weird(unconventional) to.
Maybe something different but on the same crew(clean up in isle 2)

Sounds like neat friends I'd like to have the help of a shaman, with 3 at your side it sounds like you came well prepared

It's interesting to me that we're having similar experiences at the same time but from opposite sides of the same coin.
It's also interesting that we chose this thread as a means of helping each other.

Having spiritual friends is priceless in this existence.
It's the difference between a shared burden or suffering in darkness, to me anyway.
One of my friends is someone I learned to carve Pounamu (NZ Greenstone) with over the period of 2 or so years.
He's quite a recluse who has a deep understanding of Maori Tikanga or traditions/ways.
My friends come about as a natural result of not really having much in common with "normal" people.
They wanna talk about sport, the latest game or some other topic that I find uninteresting.
These dudes talk about star systems...helping souls...learning to change the weather...that time they instructed the fish from an entire bay to move to another bay because the locals were over fishing them.
The way I met my two other friends is cool.
One day, after an attack, I sat and firmly decided to find out what my true purpose is on this earth.
I said to my partner "today I'm going to find out why I'm here" with conviction.
That day I went to the library and a man who had been sitting across from me, every day for a week, decided to talk to me.
I found out that he is a Tohunga who goes around with other lightworkers and heals/balances energy. Then he introduced me to his friend who told me about the navigator thing.

[Glow]

I'm just running out to dinner but will reply tonight.
It's nice to know you Kaaron. You aren't alone.
I look forward to more stories.

[Nía]

Having spiritual friends is priceless in this existence.
It's the difference between a shared burden or suffering in darkness, to me anyway.

You're not the only one thinking/feeling this way :

Each of you came here determined to make a difference. Each of you has those tools and resources that are needed. It is a matter of stepping forth in peace, in confidence, and in the sense that each is not alone.

And here we would encourage each more and more consciously to realize the strength of linking up with one’s spiritual family. It is as the anchor that truly does help those who were not particularly used to the exigencies of third density to feel more and more comfortable within the realms of your planetary sphere and the incarnation you are experiencing at this time. We are aware that each within this circle has serious difficulties in enjoying all aspects of planet Earth. There are memories, shall we say, of better times, of happier vibrations to rest in, and yet, once one begins to link in a comfortable and subconscious way with one’s spiritual family, one is able to recover a good bit of this sense of comfort, knowing that one truly is not alone on the level of intention and desire and group service. For this is a mission that can be done not by one but by a group. The one known as Jesus pointed out that, if an entity has perfect faith, it can move mountains, and that entity known to this group as Ra pointed out that, while it takes a pure entity to move a mountain, if a group attempts to move a mountain, each within the group may have an acceptable amount of distortion, and the mountain will still move. That is the power of the very deeply felt linking into one’s spiritual family. We leave this phrase very loose, because you have a very large family. And it is not simply one group that has come into this Earth to serve but, rather, you are experiencing a very complicated, interrelated bunch of groups from fourth density, from fifth density and from sixth density, from the inner planes and from other planets that all have been attracted to the Earth sphere at this time because of the stunning clarity of its passage at this time from one heaven and Earth to the next.

Glad you have found these friends, and they you!

-`ღ´-

[BlatzAdict]

Lately, I've felt my connection to my partner and everything around me slipping away.
I let my 2 eldest children slip away through a messy breakup. It was like watching them die slowly inside over a period of 13 years.
Now I can't stop these psychic attacks which make it hard for my partner and everyone else to even function.
I know I was put here to change the world but all I seem to be doing is destroying the lives of those I care about the most.
My partner tries her hardest to help. She even talks to my demons as they come out and try to attack her. She tries to tell me that she loves me and that this will all be over some day. I used to believe her...but now I feel like she's over it and is going elsewhere for the good times and friendship.
We used to be best friends n now she is finding other people online to connect to which reminds me of how me n her met...hours of FB messenger...she now has those moments with someone else who makes beats like I do and all I can think of is finding the highest cliff I can find to jump off so that atleast I'll only hurt everyone one big time instead of watching them drift away again like everyone else.
I really don't know what to do and keep crying all the time.
When I try to talk to her about it, she says that she needs to have friends in music which is true but I feel like she is just using that as an excuse to escape from the impossible task that I've turned her life into. I feel like she is escaping into another world which doesn't involve me.

I've been feeling for a long time that me and Don are connected.
I feel like I'm the negative balance for the project that me and my partner are involved in.
I feel that for the music we've been making to have a chance at getting out there, I need to remove myself from the picture because I'm (or my friends attached to me are) taking all the energy from my partner that she should be putting out into the world through music.
Maybe I have to die for the mission to succeed.
I think it's my passengers who are trying to convince me of this and I think that I'm happy to believe it because part of me wants out.
I don't want to feel like the stone around someones neck anymore.
I've destroyed too many lives already.
There really is only one humane thing to do...you put a horse out of it's misery when it is more painful for it to continue than to try to heal it...I feel that people should be granted the same dignity.

do you need your partner to make you happy, you shouldn't need your partner to make you happy, you should be able to first make yourself happy, before you are able to make your partner any happier.

the psychic attacks occur as a result of what you are putting into the situation, and they seem to be winning because you keep focusing on the negative instead of letting it go. 

second of all, you should never be attacking your partner. "My partner tries her hardest to help. She even talks to my demons as they come out and try to attack her. She tries to tell me that she loves me and that this will all be over some day." - you may have lost self control and allowed yourself full inhibition with your partner,  is this behavior that you do with other people as well?

everyone expects a standard of being, you should not lower that because you are with a trusted partner, you should be raising it for your partner instead of lowering it.

she's looking to others for friends because you're not able to provide that fun positive time, because you're letting yourself focus on all the negative instead. my kung fu master told me stop thinking so much you always think too much. i bet this advice would fit into you.


everyone has positive and negative within them, while it is okay to explore this negativity within you, you are allowing it to overtake all that is, which is why the path back to your heart is so long, your partner is getting lost. always keep the path back to your heart short, otherwise your partner and you will never find each other admist what is going on, as long as you continue to dwell in the negative and do not try to either heal it or take a balanced approach, it's not about hoping things will get better, it is about trying the best that you can everyday with the full ability that you have everyday. Meditate to help you accomplish this, ask for guidance from your spiritual guides.

Make positive affirmations in the morning, make positive intentions everyday. every morning as part of a morning ritual.


Please please please read this: suicide is a one way ticket back to reincarnation, and doing this entire ride all over again, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, you will regret it instantly. Also it is entirely selfish because you do not consider how it makes the people around you feel, your kids, this community, the people close to you, your parents, it would make them all sad for extended periods of time. You absolutely should not consider taking your own life, it is just completely selfish.


We're supposed to polarize service to others, so get crackin!. Another healthy habit is to pray before going to bed, last night I thought about all the things i am thankful for and tried to be thankful for all the friends in my life while praying for their safety. Slept so well, woke up so balanced <3.

Is my life perfect no, is everything that i want happening? no, nothing is perfect a lot of things suck but i'm learning to focus on what i do have ability to change, and learning to stop focusing on things i do not have power to change or affect. re assessing priorities.

if the infinite creator wanted you to pass on, rather your higher self, it would happen very quickly.

[Minyatur]

If one day you do happen to commit suicide (not saying you should either). Know it's well, it's fine, it isn't selfish, it won't get back to you. It'd be a step in your seeking of love and peace and for which your duty would then become to find understanding and love for yourself on why it happened this way.

I think to advise you otherwise than seeking to love and understand yourself would only result in greater wounds to your soul if you were pushed down that path, so I rather say that whatever you do, seek to be at peace most you can with your choices and all will be well.

[Nicholas]

Hi Kaaron,

The lowest point in my life was when I flipped out on my mother. I had truly become psychotic and ended up trying to strangle her when I was 24 (16 years ago). I was heartbroken at the time and trying to sort myself out by coming off drugs the hard way, and then I went and did that. And it happens sometimes, when you are stuck in the underworld of despair. 

Somebody once told me that suicide was "The sincerest form of self criticism". He wasn't even somebody I knew, but he had overheard me talking to a friend preaching about how cowardly and selfish suicide was. He was just a stranger passing in the street. And yet my preaching was after I had felt suicidal myself. After being interviewed by 2 policemen while in my bedroom, asking why I attacked my mum. I saw this desire as a weakness, as an escape route, but it was also true to say that it was the logical consequence from feeling a deep remorse for my mindless behaviour. What this stranger imparted to me was to take a compassionate view of such a situation.

So in an incomprehensible way, if we can't bring ourselves to look into the mouth of the dragon, or explore the belly of the whale, and stay the course, we will burn or drown while trying to escape.

So all I can say to you is to repeat what a friend said to me new years eve just gone. I had a little tiff with my wife expressing my frigging annoyance at her sustained victim hood, at my refusal to clean up her own emotional crap for her, and being generally fed up with her expectations. I was triggered for sure because I did not even want to be at the bloody party!!

He said "...get sweaty with the small stuff". 

So let the world save itself is what I am saying. The people closest to us in our lives are the ones that are reflecting truth back to us, not in what they say or do as such, but in how we react to what they say or do. Those thoughts of being responsible, and those feelings of hopelessness and dread, are like the heat of a dragons breath, or the journey to the whales belly. We need to sweat it out.

Hope my sharing and rhetoric helps.

[AnthroHeart]

Hi Kaaron,

The lowest point in my life was when I flipped out on my mother. I had truly become psychotic and ended up trying to strangle her when I was 24 (16 years ago). I was heartbroken at the time and trying to sort myself out by coming off drugs the hard way, and then I went and did that. And it happens sometimes, when you are stuck in the underworld of despair. 

Somebody once told me that suicide was "The sincerest form of self criticism". He wasn't even somebody I knew, but he had overheard me talking to a friend preaching about how cowardly and selfish suicide was. He was just a stranger passing in the street. And yet my preaching was after I had felt suicidal myself. After being interviewed by 2 policemen while in my bedroom, asking why I attacked my mum. I saw this desire as a weakness, as an escape route, but it was also true to say that it was the logical consequence from feeling a deep remorse for my mindless behaviour. What this stranger imparted to me was to take a compassionate view of such a situation.

So in an incomprehensible way, if we can't bring ourselves to look into the mouth of the dragon, or explore the belly of the whale, and stay the course, we will burn or drown while trying to escape.

So all I can say to you is to repeat what a friend said to me new years eve just gone. I had a little tiff with my wife expressing my frigging annoyance at her sustained victim hood, at my refusal to clean up her own emotional crap for her, and being generally fed up with her expectations. I was triggered for sure because I did not even want to be at the bloody party!!

He said "...get sweaty with the small stuff". 

So let the world save itself is what I am saying. The people closest to us in our lives are the ones that are reflecting truth back to us, not in what they say or do as such, but in how we react to what they say or do. Those thoughts of being responsible, and those feelings of hopelessness and dread, are like the heat of a dragons breath, or the journey to the whales belly. We need to sweat it out.

Hope my sharing and rhetoric helps.

You're lucky you didn't go to jail for doing that to your mom. I almost punched my mom once because after screaming at me all day she turned the tv off while I was watching it. She told me she'd have me arrested if I hit her. Even on normal days she's so vindictive. She wanted seriously to get rid of my dog whom I love when she sent me to jail before when I was schizophrenic for 3 weeks till she bailed me out.

[BlatzAdict]

If one day you do happen to commit suicide (not saying you should either). Know it's well, it's fine, it isn't selfish, it won't get back to you. It'd be a step in your seeking of love and peace and for which your duty would then become to find understanding and love for yourself on why it happened this way.

I think to advise you otherwise than seeking to love and understand yourself would only result in greater wounds to your soul if you were pushed down that path, so I rather say that whatever you do, seek to be at peace most you can with your choices and all will be well.

"69.6 Questioner: Do I understand, then, that death, whether it is by natural means or accidental death or suicide, all deaths of this type would create the same after-death condition which would avail an entity to its protection from friends? Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. We presume you mean to inquire whether in the death experience, no matter what the cause, the negative friends are not able to remove an entity. This is correct largely because the entity without the attachment to the space/time physical complex is far more aware and without the gullibility which is somewhat the hallmark of those who love wholeheartedly.

However, the death, if natural, would undoubtedly be the more harmonious; the death by murder being confused and the entity needing some time/space in which to get its bearings, so to speak; the death by suicide causing the necessity for much healing work and, shall we say, the making of a dedication to the third density for the renewed opportunity of learning the lessons set by the higher self."


just cause minyataur doesn't know what he is talking about.... "the death by suicide causing the necessity for much healing work and, shall we say, the making of a dedication to the third density for the renewed opportunity of learning the lessons set by the higher self."

again suicide is a one way ticket back to third density. do not kill yourself because you had to literally beg and wait in a long ling to incarnate on this planet you call Earth.



i remember that line and i penetrated the forgetting. Mark my words, you just don't remember being on that line.

[AnthroHeart]

I used to be excited about thoughts of suicide. Even when I wasn't depressed. Just the thoughts brought me comfort.