Quote:Ra:
69.4
(…) the death by suicide causing the necessity for much healing work and,
shall we say, the making of a dedication to the third-density for the renewed
opportunity of learning the lessons set by the higher self.

(01-16-2017, 01:26 PM)Kaaron Wrote: you put a horse out of it's misery when it is more painful for it to continue than to try to heal it...I feel that people should be granted the same dignity.

(01-16-2017, 09:40 PM)Kaaron Wrote: I think I sabotage alot of things in my life by expecting something that's the opposite of what's really going on and then manifesting it by acting like it's already happened.
That's what my partner says I do and I think she's right.

(01-16-2017, 11:25 PM)anagogy Wrote:

(01-16-2017, 09:40 PM)Kaaron Wrote: I think I sabotage alot of things in my life by expecting something that's the opposite of what's really going on and then manifesting it by acting like it's already happened.
That's what my partner says I do and I think she's right.

I commend your ability to self observe.

As somebody who has learned this the hard way many times, don't forget this momentous realization. It is a painful lesson to undergo multiple times. I say that out of compassion. Do your best to pay more attention to what is going right, than what is going wrong. The results will be deceptively natural (like they had nothing to do with your thoughts), but it is the difference between a happy future and despondent one. If there is any question as to where your thoughts are pointed, do a gut check and see how you feel. Thoughts of well being FEEL like well being.    

(01-16-2017, 09:40 PM)Kaaron Wrote: My partner assures me everything is fine...I think I might be really jealous of other guys who are talented. I don't mean anyone...just the ones she finds talented :/
I feel like she finds them more interesting than me and that I'm just a bag of catalysis for her to evolve through. I think I sabotage alot of things in my life by expecting something that's the opposite of what's really going on and then manifesting it by acting like it's already happened.
That's what my partner says I do and I think she's right.
I think there's a part of me that enjoys that feeling of misery and despair.
Well it's more like a part that I think is me that likes the feeling of self pity and separation.
I think it's more that there's a thought being beamed to me that generates a certain emotional charge.
Is it possible that I'm addicted to the feeling of self loathing?

(01-16-2017, 11:33 PM)Glow Wrote: You think it's what you deserve. You are stuck, you are agreeing with who ever taught you to feel that. If you can pick apart your catylist little by little. I bet you can find the patterns and parallels. Finding the source and patterns and parallels finally helped me see the truth that set me free.

I've been working at it for 36 years and I'm sure more are coming but the main one I just figured out today.
When it's time to be solved it will be, keep trying. You DONT want to face this again.
We really are hard task masters and we will come back to get it right. Just like you punish yourself now big you will be like " for god sakes we made it that far, only a bit longer now we have to start over" lessons aren't going to learn themselves.

(BIG HUG) you aren't alone,

(01-16-2017, 11:52 PM)Kaaron Wrote:

(01-16-2017, 11:33 PM)Glow Wrote: You think it's what you deserve. You are stuck, you are agreeing with who ever taught you to feel that. If you can pick apart your catylist little by little. I bet you can find the patterns and parallels. Finding the source and patterns and parallels finally helped me see the truth that set me free.

I've been working at it for 36 years and I'm sure more are coming but the main one I just figured out today.
When it's time to be solved it will be, keep trying. You DONT want to face this again.
We really are hard task masters and we will come back to get it right. Just like you punish yourself now big you will be like " for god sakes we made it that far, only a bit longer now we have to start over" lessons aren't going to learn themselves.

(BIG HUG) you aren't alone,

I'm 36 aswell (37 in march).
It seems we chose similar experiences.

I know I'll have to repeat stuff if I leave of my own accord.
It's one of the biggest reasons I don't do it.
The biggest is because I don't want to leave my son without his father. He'd grow up wondering why I didn't love him enough to stick around. I feel like everyone would probably think that to some degree n I don't want them to think there was something wrong with them to make me want to leave.

(01-17-2017, 01:54 AM)Glow Wrote: First I just turned 40 2 weeks ago, my big wound started at 4, can't mislead about my age. but close and yeah I think some of us really crammed it in to get as much out of it as we can. A bit cocky up there.

I think that's pretty awesome you are roughing it out for your son.
The one I spoke of it's the same for him. I will tell you what I tell him.

If you can't love yourself enough to find the answer to what torments you try to do it for him. If you can learn to heal yourself you can teach him to do the same. That's an even bigger blessing than if you'd never had the wound to begin with.

Obliviously happy people don't learn to heal themselves, as a result they cannot help anyone else heal either. You broke hard. It may take you many years to solve all your wounds but day by day, as you go, you can't teach him the wisdom you learn along the way. The life you save may be his, or his sons.

You taking all this on, slowly learning to over come it, even one breath at a time has the potential to change life in the future for whomever crosses your path. Friend, family, even people in shops. Head up, you've got this, one step at a time, no rush.
It happens as it's meant to.

(01-17-2017, 02:10 PM)Kaaron Wrote:

(01-17-2017, 01:54 AM)Glow Wrote: First I just turned 40 2 weeks ago, my big wound started at 4, can't mislead about my age. but close and yeah I think some of us really crammed it in to get as much out of it as we can. A bit cocky up there.

I think that's pretty awesome you are roughing it out for your son.
The one I spoke of it's the same for him. I will tell you what I tell him.

If you can't love yourself enough to find the answer to what torments you try to do it for him. If you can learn to heal yourself you can teach him to do the same. That's an even bigger blessing than if you'd never had the wound to begin with.

Obliviously happy people don't learn to heal themselves, as a result they cannot help anyone else heal either. You broke hard. It may take you many years to solve all your wounds but day by day, as you go, you can't teach him the wisdom you learn along the way. The life you save may be his, or his sons.

You taking all this on, slowly learning to over come it, even one breath at a time has the potential to change life in the future for whomever crosses your path. Friend, family, even people in shops. Head up, you've got this, one step at a time, no rush.
It happens as it's meant to.

My biggest hurt comes from when I was 4 aswell.
I think I'm here to teach people who they are. I only have 3 real life friends in this town n they're all Tohunga (Maori shaman). One stood in front of me with his eyes closed, plucking things from thin air with his hands. Then he said "aaahhh...you're a navigator". I asked what that means and he said that I am here to teach people how to be who they really are.

Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts everyone.

(01-17-2017, 03:25 PM)Glow Wrote: Well that sounds like the same crew I'm on.  Not so much me showing them who they are like you but, I own my not normal bits, revel in them, and help other people have someone to show their weird(unconventional) to.
Maybe something different but on the same crew(clean up in isle 2)

Sounds like neat friends I'd like to have the help of a shaman, with 3 at your side it sounds like you came well prepared

(01-17-2017, 05:44 PM)Kaaron Wrote: Having spiritual friends is priceless in this existence.
It's the difference between a shared burden or suffering in darkness, to me anyway.

Quo Wrote:Each of you came here determined to make a difference. Each of you has those tools and resources that are needed. It is a matter of stepping forth in peace, in confidence, and in the sense that each is not alone.

And here we would encourage each more and more consciously to realize the strength of linking up with one’s spiritual family. It is as the anchor that truly does help those who were not particularly used to the exigencies of third density to feel more and more comfortable within the realms of your planetary sphere and the incarnation you are experiencing at this time. We are aware that each within this circle has serious difficulties in enjoying all aspects of planet Earth. There are memories, shall we say, of better times, of happier vibrations to rest in, and yet, once one begins to link in a comfortable and subconscious way with one’s spiritual family, one is able to recover a good bit of this sense of comfort, knowing that one truly is not alone on the level of intention and desire and group service. For this is a mission that can be done not by one but by a group. The one known as Jesus pointed out that, if an entity has perfect faith, it can move mountains, and that entity known to this group as Ra pointed out that, while it takes a pure entity to move a mountain, if a group attempts to move a mountain, each within the group may have an acceptable amount of distortion, and the mountain will still move. That is the power of the very deeply felt linking into one’s spiritual family. We leave this phrase very loose, because you have a very large family. And it is not simply one group that has come into this Earth to serve but, rather, you are experiencing a very complicated, interrelated bunch of groups from fourth density, from fifth density and from sixth density, from the inner planes and from other planets that all have been attracted to the Earth sphere at this time because of the stunning clarity of its passage at this time from one heaven and Earth to the next.

(01-16-2017, 01:26 PM)Kaaron Wrote: Lately, I've felt my connection to my partner and everything around me slipping away.
I let my 2 eldest children slip away through a messy breakup. It was like watching them die slowly inside over a period of 13 years.
Now I can't stop these psychic attacks which make it hard for my partner and everyone else to even function.
I know I was put here to change the world but all I seem to be doing is destroying the lives of those I care about the most.
My partner tries her hardest to help. She even talks to my demons as they come out and try to attack her. She tries to tell me that she loves me and that this will all be over some day. I used to believe her...but now I feel like she's over it and is going elsewhere for the good times and friendship.
We used to be best friends n now she is finding other people online to connect to which reminds me of how me n her met...hours of FB messenger...she now has those moments with someone else who makes beats like I do and all I can think of is finding the highest cliff I can find to jump off so that atleast I'll only hurt everyone one big time instead of watching them drift away again like everyone else.
I really don't know what to do and keep crying all the time.
When I try to talk to her about it, she says that she needs to have friends in music which is true but I feel like she is just using that as an excuse to escape from the impossible task that I've turned her life into. I feel like she is escaping into another world which doesn't involve me.

I've been feeling for a long time that me and Don are connected.
I feel like I'm the negative balance for the project that me and my partner are involved in.
I feel that for the music we've been making to have a chance at getting out there, I need to remove myself from the picture because I'm (or my friends attached to me are) taking all the energy from my partner that she should be putting out into the world through music.
Maybe I have to die for the mission to succeed.
I think it's my passengers who are trying to convince me of this and I think that I'm happy to believe it because part of me wants out.
I don't want to feel like the stone around someones neck anymore.
I've destroyed too many lives already.
There really is only one humane thing to do...you put a horse out of it's misery when it is more painful for it to continue than to try to heal it...I feel that people should be granted the same dignity.

(01-18-2017, 04:34 PM)Nicholas Wrote: Hi Kaaron,

The lowest point in my life was when I flipped out on my mother. I had truly become psychotic and ended up trying to strangle her when I was 24 (16 years ago). I was heartbroken at the time and trying to sort myself out by coming off drugs the hard way, and then I went and did that. And it happens sometimes, when you are stuck in the underworld of despair. 

Somebody once told me that suicide was "The sincerest form of self criticism". He wasn't even somebody I knew, but he had overheard me talking to a friend preaching about how cowardly and selfish suicide was. He was just a stranger passing in the street. And yet my preaching was after I had felt suicidal myself. After being interviewed by 2 policemen while in my bedroom, asking why I attacked my mum. I saw this desire as a weakness, as an escape route, but it was also true to say that it was the logical consequence from feeling a deep remorse for my mindless behaviour. What this stranger imparted to me was to take a compassionate view of such a situation.

So in an incomprehensible way, if we can't bring ourselves to look into the mouth of the dragon, or explore the belly of the whale, and stay the course, we will burn or drown while trying to escape.

So all I can say to you is to repeat what a friend said to me new years eve just gone. I had a little tiff with my wife expressing my frigging annoyance at her sustained victim hood, at my refusal to clean up her own emotional crap for her, and being generally fed up with her expectations. I was triggered for sure because I did not even want to be at the bloody party!!

He said "...get sweaty with the small stuff". 

So let the world save itself is what I am saying. The people closest to us in our lives are the ones that are reflecting truth back to us, not in what they say or do as such, but in how we react to what they say or do. Those thoughts of being responsible, and those feelings of hopelessness and dread, are like the heat of a dragons breath, or the journey to the whales belly. We need to sweat it out.

Hope my sharing and rhetoric helps.

(01-18-2017, 02:06 PM)Minyatur Wrote: If one day you do happen to commit suicide (not saying you should either). Know it's well, it's fine, it isn't selfish, it won't get back to you. It'd be a step in your seeking of love and peace and for which your duty would then become to find understanding and love for yourself on why it happened this way.

I think to advise you otherwise than seeking to love and understand yourself would only result in greater wounds to your soul if you were pushed down that path, so I rather say that whatever you do, seek to be at peace most you can with your choices and all will be well.