06-28-2009, 08:19 PM
here's a question for you on the topic of STO (service to others) and STS (service to self): aren't most people generally a combination of the two, as opposed to simply being one or the other? aren't people often equally divided within their own selves and not merely polarized against each other? we had discussed in our group that people may actually grow beyond polarization at some point, but i'm not sure.
there is suggested the idea that the simple discharge of positive energy from a person will automatically bring healing to those in the immediate vicinity. the focus is not on trying to 'fix' the other people around us, but simply to discharge positive energy that will affect others around us. such is an issue i've actually been deeply contemplating for the past couple of months now. i've found that trying to intellectually expand the consciousness of other people around me is ultimately futile in 9 out of 10 cases, and have been seeking alternative methods of positively affecting others around me on more of an energy level.
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i had ceased contact with my father from age 14 to 28. now i'm 40. he doesn't try to upset me anymore, although i get very distressed by his unhealthy relationship with this criminal pedophile man whenever i think about it. my father can't really be reasoned with. he's in a great deal of denial and can't admit to things when they are brought up.
i'm not quite sure how to express oneness with my father. he doesn't interpret affection properly.
for example, one time about ten years ago, i was visiting him for a holiday. i went to give him an innocent hug goodbye from son to father, but he somehow misinterpreted it and attempted to reciprocate sexually with inappropriate touching. i became somewhat startled by his response and had to forcibly break away from his grasp. from that time on, i've refrained from giving my father any physical hugs, for fear that he might misinterpret again. he doesn't seem to know how to interpret physical affection (such as a hug from son to father) non-sexually.
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this is basically where i'm at. i really have no energy to put up with my father's mistakes anymore at this point. if he calls and contacts me occasionally, i suppose that's fine, but i'm not necessarily going to go out of my way to maintain contact with him beyond that. he's started into his drinking again since this man has moved in with him again, and i don't really care to talk to him when he's drunk. he at least wouldn't be drunk when talking with me on the phone when this man wasn't living with him for the last twelve years.
they refuse to get counseling because they fail to see a problem. even the man's probation officer is requiring counseling, but they both struggle against it and act like the government is bad or something. i'm just going to refrain from contacting my father unless he directly calls me on the phone or something. maybe i'll call him once every six months if i don't hear from him, if even that.
i strongly believe that they're very ill, like if a person damages their physical brains on drugs or something. i try to find no rhyme or reason in it. if one tries to understand madness, one will simply go mad. i find it impossible for me to reason logic out of madness. i understand a bit more intellectually about it, but it seems like sheer madness to me emotionally. they're not into psychological counseling like they should be, because they deny a problem.
i'm more concerned about a child's safety than i am about maintaining a relationship with my father. i'd report something immediately if ever i found out, because i have zero tolerance about harming children. especially since the man has HIV and has been in denial about it too. it can be life or death when extended to that point.
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i had a very good mother who raised me. she was the exact opposite of my father, and that's probably why they got divorced when i was six years old. i'm 40 years old now. my mother passed away three years ago, so that support is recently gone, and this strange man (whom i've only met in person twice now) just moved in again with my father after being in jail for fourteen years.
they don't pose an immediate threat to me personally, although i start to get mentally distressed when thinking about it. i can't hug my father or anything ever, because he interprets physical contact (a simple hug from his son) the wrong way, and tries to respond sexually if he's drunk. the one man also has the HIV virus, but they both deny the doctors' diagnoses. I'm afraid to touch them or use their toilet, so i've always had to limit myself to restaurant contacts with my father.
we live a half hour from each other, so i don't really have to contact him if i don't want to. i've been going out to lunch with my father about once every two months for the last few years, but that was before this pedophile ex-convict recently moved in with him again. they live in a mobile home park with several children, so i get concerned that way. the sex offender lists don't get published online for a few months.
i had once ceased total contact with my father from age 14 to 28 under the counsel of a pastor many years ago. now i'm 40. i'm more concerned with maintaining my own health than a relationship with my father. he had married this man without my knowledge during the time that i had ceased contact with him when i was younger. the wierd thing is that this man that he married is exactly my age. they're not the same age. it's like he was trying to marry a replacement for me as his son. so this strange man is both a surrogate son and a husband to him.
i tend to be very strict in my relationships in general. i don't affiliate with anyone who might endanger my health in any way. i'm also concerned that illegal activity with children may recur, because they don't necessarily hold each other legally accountable. they are against the government, whereas i'm extremely law-abiding myself, perhaps due to the way that my mother raised me.
there is suggested the idea that the simple discharge of positive energy from a person will automatically bring healing to those in the immediate vicinity. the focus is not on trying to 'fix' the other people around us, but simply to discharge positive energy that will affect others around us. such is an issue i've actually been deeply contemplating for the past couple of months now. i've found that trying to intellectually expand the consciousness of other people around me is ultimately futile in 9 out of 10 cases, and have been seeking alternative methods of positively affecting others around me on more of an energy level.
-
i had ceased contact with my father from age 14 to 28. now i'm 40. he doesn't try to upset me anymore, although i get very distressed by his unhealthy relationship with this criminal pedophile man whenever i think about it. my father can't really be reasoned with. he's in a great deal of denial and can't admit to things when they are brought up.
i'm not quite sure how to express oneness with my father. he doesn't interpret affection properly.
for example, one time about ten years ago, i was visiting him for a holiday. i went to give him an innocent hug goodbye from son to father, but he somehow misinterpreted it and attempted to reciprocate sexually with inappropriate touching. i became somewhat startled by his response and had to forcibly break away from his grasp. from that time on, i've refrained from giving my father any physical hugs, for fear that he might misinterpret again. he doesn't seem to know how to interpret physical affection (such as a hug from son to father) non-sexually.
-
this is basically where i'm at. i really have no energy to put up with my father's mistakes anymore at this point. if he calls and contacts me occasionally, i suppose that's fine, but i'm not necessarily going to go out of my way to maintain contact with him beyond that. he's started into his drinking again since this man has moved in with him again, and i don't really care to talk to him when he's drunk. he at least wouldn't be drunk when talking with me on the phone when this man wasn't living with him for the last twelve years.
they refuse to get counseling because they fail to see a problem. even the man's probation officer is requiring counseling, but they both struggle against it and act like the government is bad or something. i'm just going to refrain from contacting my father unless he directly calls me on the phone or something. maybe i'll call him once every six months if i don't hear from him, if even that.
i strongly believe that they're very ill, like if a person damages their physical brains on drugs or something. i try to find no rhyme or reason in it. if one tries to understand madness, one will simply go mad. i find it impossible for me to reason logic out of madness. i understand a bit more intellectually about it, but it seems like sheer madness to me emotionally. they're not into psychological counseling like they should be, because they deny a problem.
i'm more concerned about a child's safety than i am about maintaining a relationship with my father. i'd report something immediately if ever i found out, because i have zero tolerance about harming children. especially since the man has HIV and has been in denial about it too. it can be life or death when extended to that point.
-
i had a very good mother who raised me. she was the exact opposite of my father, and that's probably why they got divorced when i was six years old. i'm 40 years old now. my mother passed away three years ago, so that support is recently gone, and this strange man (whom i've only met in person twice now) just moved in again with my father after being in jail for fourteen years.
they don't pose an immediate threat to me personally, although i start to get mentally distressed when thinking about it. i can't hug my father or anything ever, because he interprets physical contact (a simple hug from his son) the wrong way, and tries to respond sexually if he's drunk. the one man also has the HIV virus, but they both deny the doctors' diagnoses. I'm afraid to touch them or use their toilet, so i've always had to limit myself to restaurant contacts with my father.
we live a half hour from each other, so i don't really have to contact him if i don't want to. i've been going out to lunch with my father about once every two months for the last few years, but that was before this pedophile ex-convict recently moved in with him again. they live in a mobile home park with several children, so i get concerned that way. the sex offender lists don't get published online for a few months.
i had once ceased total contact with my father from age 14 to 28 under the counsel of a pastor many years ago. now i'm 40. i'm more concerned with maintaining my own health than a relationship with my father. he had married this man without my knowledge during the time that i had ceased contact with him when i was younger. the wierd thing is that this man that he married is exactly my age. they're not the same age. it's like he was trying to marry a replacement for me as his son. so this strange man is both a surrogate son and a husband to him.
i tend to be very strict in my relationships in general. i don't affiliate with anyone who might endanger my health in any way. i'm also concerned that illegal activity with children may recur, because they don't necessarily hold each other legally accountable. they are against the government, whereas i'm extremely law-abiding myself, perhaps due to the way that my mother raised me.
thank you. i've always found this to be a valuable prayer. and yes, having the wisdom to tell the difference is a vital part.