+- Bring4th (https://www.bring4th.org/forums)
+-- Forum: Bring4th Studies (https://www.bring4th.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=1)
+--- Forum: Spiritual Development & Metaphysical Matters (https://www.bring4th.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=9)
+--- Thread: Projecting positive energy in the presense of a negative father (/showthread.php?tid=370)
Projecting positive energy in the presense of a negative father - Vince - 06-28-2009
here's a question for you on the topic of STO (service to others) and STS (service to self): aren't most people generally a combination of the two, as opposed to simply being one or the other? aren't people often equally divided within their own selves and not merely polarized against each other? we had discussed in our group that people may actually grow beyond polarization at some point, but i'm not sure.
there is suggested the idea that the simple discharge of positive energy from a person will automatically bring healing to those in the immediate vicinity. the focus is not on trying to 'fix' the other people around us, but simply to discharge positive energy that will affect others around us. such is an issue i've actually been deeply contemplating for the past couple of months now. i've found that trying to intellectually expand the consciousness of other people around me is ultimately futile in 9 out of 10 cases, and have been seeking alternative methods of positively affecting others around me on more of an energy level.
-
i had ceased contact with my father from age 14 to 28. now i'm 40. he doesn't try to upset me anymore, although i get very distressed by his unhealthy relationship with this criminal pedophile man whenever i think about it. my father can't really be reasoned with. he's in a great deal of denial and can't admit to things when they are brought up.
i'm not quite sure how to express oneness with my father. he doesn't interpret affection properly.
for example, one time about ten years ago, i was visiting him for a holiday. i went to give him an innocent hug goodbye from son to father, but he somehow misinterpreted it and attempted to reciprocate sexually with inappropriate touching. i became somewhat startled by his response and had to forcibly break away from his grasp. from that time on, i've refrained from giving my father any physical hugs, for fear that he might misinterpret again. he doesn't seem to know how to interpret physical affection (such as a hug from son to father) non-sexually.
-
this is basically where i'm at. i really have no energy to put up with my father's mistakes anymore at this point. if he calls and contacts me occasionally, i suppose that's fine, but i'm not necessarily going to go out of my way to maintain contact with him beyond that. he's started into his drinking again since this man has moved in with him again, and i don't really care to talk to him when he's drunk. he at least wouldn't be drunk when talking with me on the phone when this man wasn't living with him for the last twelve years.
they refuse to get counseling because they fail to see a problem. even the man's probation officer is requiring counseling, but they both struggle against it and act like the government is bad or something. i'm just going to refrain from contacting my father unless he directly calls me on the phone or something. maybe i'll call him once every six months if i don't hear from him, if even that.
i strongly believe that they're very ill, like if a person damages their physical brains on drugs or something. i try to find no rhyme or reason in it. if one tries to understand madness, one will simply go mad. i find it impossible for me to reason logic out of madness. i understand a bit more intellectually about it, but it seems like sheer madness to me emotionally. they're not into psychological counseling like they should be, because they deny a problem.
i'm more concerned about a child's safety than i am about maintaining a relationship with my father. i'd report something immediately if ever i found out, because i have zero tolerance about harming children. especially since the man has HIV and has been in denial about it too. it can be life or death when extended to that point.
-
i had a very good mother who raised me. she was the exact opposite of my father, and that's probably why they got divorced when i was six years old. i'm 40 years old now. my mother passed away three years ago, so that support is recently gone, and this strange man (whom i've only met in person twice now) just moved in again with my father after being in jail for fourteen years.
they don't pose an immediate threat to me personally, although i start to get mentally distressed when thinking about it. i can't hug my father or anything ever, because he interprets physical contact (a simple hug from his son) the wrong way, and tries to respond sexually if he's drunk. the one man also has the HIV virus, but they both deny the doctors' diagnoses. I'm afraid to touch them or use their toilet, so i've always had to limit myself to restaurant contacts with my father.
we live a half hour from each other, so i don't really have to contact him if i don't want to. i've been going out to lunch with my father about once every two months for the last few years, but that was before this pedophile ex-convict recently moved in with him again. they live in a mobile home park with several children, so i get concerned that way. the sex offender lists don't get published online for a few months.
i had once ceased total contact with my father from age 14 to 28 under the counsel of a pastor many years ago. now i'm 40. i'm more concerned with maintaining my own health than a relationship with my father. he had married this man without my knowledge during the time that i had ceased contact with him when i was younger. the wierd thing is that this man that he married is exactly my age. they're not the same age. it's like he was trying to marry a replacement for me as his son. so this strange man is both a surrogate son and a husband to him.
i tend to be very strict in my relationships in general. i don't affiliate with anyone who might endanger my health in any way. i'm also concerned that illegal activity with children may recur, because they don't necessarily hold each other legally accountable. they are against the government, whereas i'm extremely law-abiding myself, perhaps due to the way that my mother raised me.
RE: Projecting positive energy in the presense of a negative father - pluralone - 06-30-2009
Vince, the first time I saw the Serenity Prayer, I laughed my guts out. I thought it was hilarious. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure, but just in case:
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Know what? It still makes me giggle; I can't get past that last sentence as the ultimate punch line. But I digress...
If you fear your father and his partner are actively victimizing children, what can/should you do about it? This may require a decision on your part, either to do something or accept that there's nothing you can do. Either way it's more settled inside of you, yes? And you've more or less made the decision regarding how much contact you can/should have with your father, given his - ugggggh - dreadful behavior toward you if you try to express your love for him by offering a hug. I'm sorry; that just curls my lips into a major grimace. My own father and his brother, my uncle, were exactly the same way... although they were both heterosexual on the surface. Underneath, they were pedophiles. In their lifetimes I never did come to the conclusion that I could simply not have contact with them, although I would choose that for myself now (at age 50, some thirty years after my father's death but only ten years since my uncle passed on). Hm. Perhaps I could never have come to that conclusion while they were still alive..? It's a thought.
I did successfully break contact with my eldest brother the last six years or so before he passed on, but his behavior was violent and was not hidden within the guise of 'love'. That was a much easier break to make.
Off on another tangent altogether, and this may not resonate with you at all, so bear with me. I have spoken with my father since he passed on. I was aware of his presence for several years before I could bring myself to communicate with him; I sent him away many times first. It was his willingness to respect my boundaries that finally convinced me to open communication with him.
In regards to the many awful things he did in his life, he reminded me of my understanding that I had chosen my family in this lifetime because I knew the way I would be raised would bring many difficult experiences that ultimately provided the opportunity for me to learn the things I came here to learn and to accomplish the evolutionary goals I'd set for this lifetime. He then explained to me that he, too, had chosen the family into which he incarnated for similar reasons, only his purpose in this life was to do the awful things he did because they facilitated the necessary experiences I (and others) came here to have. He's not the only one who's come here to take on a life he knew would be reprehensible to him as a spirit being. It was, in fact, a sacrifice he (as a spirit being) made. Yes, it brought him experience and taught him things he wouldn't have otherwise learned but it wasn't that he liked the idea of coming here and being a pedophile. As a spirit being, 'he' is kind, gentle and loving.
This conversation (so to speak) gave me a great deal of clarity regarding a past life memory of mine in which I murdered another human being. I was able to see that my purpose in that lifetime was to bring certain hardships to others in order that they could learn and meet their own evolutionary goals.
This is what I understand: The strife and hardships in this life are the balance of of the happiness and wonders that also occur here. These things are extremes now, but I understand that, at least for some of us, we're heading toward an evolutionary transformation that will change the way this balance manifests. But that's fodder for the 2012 thread....
plur
RE: Projecting positive energy in the presense of a negative father - Vince - 06-30-2009
(06-30-2009, 11:48 PM)pluralone Wrote: Vince, the first time I saw the Serenity Prayer, I laughed my guts out. I thought it was hilarious. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure, but just in case:
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
thank you. i've always found this to be a valuable prayer. and yes, having the wisdom to tell the difference is a vital part.Quote:Off on another tangent altogether, and this may not resonate with you at all, so bear with me. I have spoken with my father since he passed on. I was aware of his presence for several years before I could bring myself to communicate with him; I sent him away many times first. It was his willingness to respect my boundaries that finally convinced me to open communication with him.my mother has made contact with me about a dozen times after her death (after passing away about three years ago), but she and i didn't have the same conflict as my father and i have had. my father is still living, of course.
Quote:This is what I understand: The strife and hardships in this life are the balance of of the happiness and wonders that also occur here. These things are extremes now, but I understand that, at least for some of us, we're heading toward an evolutionary transformation that will change the way this balance manifests.perhaps one of my ultimate goals for myself in this life is balance.
RE: Projecting positive energy in the presense of a negative father - pluralone - 07-01-2009
Vince Wrote:perhaps one of my ultimate goals for myself in this life is balance.
That's it for me, in a nutshell. This life has been one long, wild roller coaster ride; it's not so easy to find balance under those circumstances -- but it's a darn sight more significant to have done so than it would have been while walking an easy, meandering path.
hee
plur
RE: Projecting positive energy in the presense of a negative father - Vince - 07-01-2009
(07-01-2009, 11:21 AM)pluralone Wrote:Vince Wrote:perhaps one of my ultimate goals for myself in this life is balance.
That's it for me, in a nutshell. This life has been one long, wild roller coaster ride; it's not so easy to find balance under those circumstances -- but it's a darn sight more significant to have done so than it would have been while walking an easy, meandering path.
hee
plur
what has been a challenge for me is just surrounding myself with balanced people. i've been surrounded often by imbalanced people (and i don't exempt myself from having imbalances either), so i tend to limit my contacts with people if their imbalances vastly affect my own personal balance. life is sometimes already a tightrope, so balance is very important to me. i just want to be healthy, pay my mortgage and have a little bit of peace in my life.
RE: Projecting positive energy in the presense of a negative father - litllady - 12-07-2009
Hi Vince and all
This thread (and your other one about your father) really hit home with me. Its not my father that I deal with but my brother. He is highly STS and he lives next door to me. As much as I think I dont want him this close to me and my family in this life, my parents (who he lives with and who lives next door to me) are the ones that keep supporting his disruptive and destructive behaviors (there is a long story of why they always had problems telling him no). The fights we all have had have been horrid and very blunt sometimes. I see my parents aid in his destruction and him destroying their spirits for the cost. A nasty bought of cause and effect going in circles.
But my path has placed me here, caring for my mom, which keeps her out of a nursing home. So along the way, as much as they influence me with both vibrations of love and strife, I in the end, have learned so much about myself and them.
I know that one day we will stand together, facing our spiritual paths that we took together. I prepare to offer that unaccepting love for him, and hope that he too forgives for the things I do not know I do. But here in the flesh, that is easier said then done. I am defensive of certain behaviors because my kids see such things and I dont like this. They see my parents also help him be a STS person. They then see me upset with them all, but then see me turn around and still love them.
I cant explain why some of us have this in our lives, but it does have purpose. There are times I have had to place distance between my home and theirs, making sure that vibration didnt pour over into our home. It at times has gotten me very very stressed. Was driving me mad for a while I swear.
My brothers worst tool was to use the death of my first brother against my parents...telling them they loved him more (in order to make them feel bad for money or dope or whatever). I guess this went on for years...until this year I caught him in the act and came unglued. I think my two brothers are more related then what my present brother thinks they are. Long story short, my parents had my older brother and me....dad got a vasectomy....we lost my older brother...dad reversed the vasectomy....mom and dad had another son, who was my younger brother. The catalysts that this has brought us are many and some cut very deep.
I think space and distance can be important when having family that you know you will always love, but yet not always be able to tolerate. The force of my situation of brother living next door so far has been a positive thing in the end for me and my family. This took a tole at first, I had to work on my ego development so I could learn to cherish the good and bad. I actually used my psychology course to give myself therapy and learn how to use different tools to deal with this part of my life, I was close to insanity before taking classes. Learning about these behaviors in others helped me, and of course, growing in spirit helped me also. STS behaviors live very much for the life of flesh. It is somewhat natural for some to take on these behaviors in order to adapt and cope themselves.
I think you are a huge part for your father, the possibilities of this are endless really. It could be you both are a part of the same higher self, both coming to offer a catalysts for the other....one being a positive catalysts and one being a negative catalysts. I know its hard sometimes to imagine our lives are meant to be just what they are....but it is this way. You sound like someone who is pretty content with who you are (I think we can think mom for this?) and you sound like you bring balance nicely to the world around you. As much contemplating this kind of life brings, I think your reasons and choices will be sound and valid.
If accepting phone calls is the reach of your relation...that is fine also. What ever you can tolerate without the drama pouring over too much into your world. I know its there, no matter what, it doesnt go away, I know....but keeping your contentment the best you can, shows one thing for your father...contentment, without the pleasures of self and flesh...is possible. You hold possibility, for your father, if he ever looks outside of his box he is in. You show him it is possible, to live a life without so many Earthly attachments for the self, such as alcohol. If your father ever decides to stop escaping, and start facing....he has a foundation with you, his dear son. You could be a light holder for him. He may be a reminder to you why to be more grounded.
Thanks for sharing all that you have...we can learn so much from others...
Love Lynette