Powered by depression. STS path.

[Minyatur]

Its why I say, each path is in itself a piece of the other and together they make the only true nonillusion path I've seen...

Service to All.
And even that is a hard path to tread if you try to fulfill percentiles given.  How does the Universe determine a selfish or selfless act? How does it add up?  What's the math look like?
No answers.

Picture that polarity lies in your intent and not your actions. So any action is well and good in the great cosmic plan that seeks to create new experiences of the Creator of Itself but on self-basis toward other-selves, your intent is polarized.

To be completely selfless in my view you'd need your own fate to be resolved with no more lessons to learn. Then your actions would be driven by what is required by other-selves and not yourself as yourself does not require anything anymore from this exploration. Then just like the earth, whether you offer creation or destruction, accodance or resistance, you are simply an actor of others fate. You already are such a thing but at the same time your own fate also is to be resolved, not just those of others.

Its literally...literally...the only thing I can think to do as a sort of apology for incarnating into this life and turning it topsyturvy when all I as a Human wanted was a simple life in a simple home with a family.

You do realize this human would not be without your soul? This human ego is your experience and mirror unto yourself. The body in itself is dust that will return to dust to be reformed as something else until this portion of the Creator by it's experiences move on through densities like we all did. Your passions and desires are more likened to your soul than body.

Instead, I'm sitting here complixicatedmerbobbing myself in the face against a wall, because I at one point had that, then lost it all.

And now can't seem to get it back.  My son.  My SO of the time.  My apartment.  My car...Literally all I wanted.  A home, a car, a job, a family.  Or no car if close enough to work.  Had it all, lost it all, can't get half of it back.

Or is it still a surprise to some of you that I'm unhappy with myself in ways I've yet to reconcile or 'balance'? Lol.  My path is a winding one.  If you see me treading it on by.  Wish me luck.

I dont remember choosing this and I have no comprehension as to why I would beyond if I'm 6D I'm just here passively giving light/higher vibrations.  And even then.  Why is my life Not going simply?  Where am I going wrong?  What's wrong?

Absolutely nothing.  So why does it feel off?

In my view if at this point you are not starting to pierce your veil and remember that is because you've set yourself to deal with this while not understanding.

Why? Because it all makes it much more potent to create change within your soul.

The causes and effects of one's fate comes from far and wide. In 3D it is mainly oriented toward the mirror unto yourself it creates, it allows you to perceive yourself in ways which would not be possible without a veil.

[Minyatur]

To me this earth is greatness, glory, beauty, light and love.

These come into many kind of forms, but that is all there is. I do think it will take time for this whole experience to be appreciated to it's true value but I do believe all are gaining from their earthly experience.

There are many things one can find disheartening but I like to think humans shift around their roles in this grand play and as such gain perspectives from many ends of human interactions over many lifetimes. Each on it's own is not as great as all of them making a greater picture of one's soul.

This is a dream, an insightful dream to learn about what we are. And everything we find we are is there to be understood as how it came to be and loved for what it is. That is how we transmute darkness to light.

[Aaron]

You are within a 3rd density illusion with all of us. The suffering is catalyst. The illusion is efficient in causing a desire to polarize. All the energy has to go somewhere. There are two choices. Control or acceptance.

They can both be painful sometimes... for me personally control usually hurts more, in the long run.

Don't forget that our logos has a bias towards the positive polarity. If you are any sort of positive wanderer, then making choices that are aligned with understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, the catalyst will become less rigid and you will tune up to your higher self.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I live in infinity, in finity, with free will, but limited choice, with infinite choices, but finite possibilities.

I'm working through hell here to put it in alignment with heaven (or however the relatives of those two words can reconcile.)

I'm not the most open at this time but not for lack of trying.  Its like I'm constantly in an emotional psychosis losing empathy to apathy and constantly getting mad at being as am as I try to keep it together and it all sorts off into tangents and reasons that are empty.

Polarity doesn't make sense to me in the ways explained because I don't Think I'm here in regards to polarity.   I actually view polarity overall, STS and STO as farces for STA.  I see no polarity, just a Singular energy dancing in various ways.  Maybe that makes me 'confused' but I feel I see somewhat clearly a darker aspect of being alongside a slightly clearer lighter aspect, yinyang 3D torus style, and underneath this farce of duality is a singularity where both stem from.

So I see polarity and I see through it.  Similarly, I see through negative tinged interactions in person now.  Its...why I'm leaving my job, this place is very dark and very unhealthy mentally and emotionally.

Anywho: Until someone here realizes reality as per the Ra Material makes use of pain and discomfort, sometimes in the extreme, for catalytic motivation, I doubt anyone will see how this can create hell for others.  This place is heavenly in a sense by default, but I don't really know how to word it concisely.  Its distorted into mundane, by choice, then turns to hell once severe catalyst start rolling in.
While some people are okay with an empty pointless existence as per faithbound concepts of handling reality, I'm not so satisfied.  And its not an absence of intellectual satisfaction.

I'm truly uncertain why I'm unsatisfied, I intellectually have seen and proved to myself the views I provide to this day.  That was satisfying in a sense that hell is just input/output based illusion or a figment of my own creative reality (I honestly thought I was losing my mind and was furious about it) but is here because it does exist in a sense enough to be considered, not just illusion or created by my self but real for more than just I.

But its not dominant, nor recessive, its just.  A reality-view-altering projection caused by thought.  Poorly maintained thought, and an anger I quit fighting a long time ago.

I'll be fine.  I'm oriented STO and STS in an indifferent way because I am otherwise indifferent to polarity.  I will do how and as I will, if its not enough then its not enough, but...who judges 'enough' and how do the percentiles apply or tally?  I worry not of those things.  I see this polarity duality is no different a religious moral aspect of doctrines.  To cause fear, guilt, shame, and such issues that come with humans adopting a system of literally one way and another, left, right.  A paradigm...  and I seldom enjoy using that word as it leaves no room for unity unless it folds in upon itself.

Min, I agree that I'm not piercing the veil, as well as unable to perform OBE's or Lucid Dream consciously because of limitations I placed on myself that'll probably dissolve (or disintegrate) once I'm done with working on Hell and Horror and look back to Light.
Problem is what Light I see, is very dark.  So I ponder my nature to be negative moving to positive.  Would explain the odd mix of my...beingness growing up...  I feel like a conglomeration of ups and downs all flumsily mashed together.

Its like I want to Love, but once more have put conditions to it due to the abuse I've been put through with unconditional outgiving bringing much...despair where it once brought joy.

So that tells me I need a change.  STA allows for me to do as I will to basically any point, no real wrongs except those I derive to be wrong in moral relationshio to my self, aka its only wrong if I feel it is.  Beyond that, its a personal distortion of actuality and true/real view, its not really or truly wrong, but it is as I make it, real enough to be real thus 'real' and wrong simultaneously, which is paradoxical as real is right morally humanly speaking.

I said I needed a break, I made one where none were. I feel halfway accomplished and halfway exhausted.  I was in heaven, which turned into a nightmare, I woke up to Hell, and realize now I never left Heaven.

My path, I now deem, The Way of Torque.  There's some extreme twisting in my life, causes some very interesting paths and spirals and winding terrains.  I've said before my reality with polarity feels like Something akin to the Matrix of the Spirit.  I'm in a very dark place witnessing dark things to better identify greater variants with their opposite.  Didn't mean I like it but this is STO work, so.  I'm gonna keep at it.  By myself.  Like I have been.

(Why, Why am so I full of words??  I'm sorry for the huge posts...) edit: hey I see my dyslexia showing!

[Minyatur]

Lucid dreaming has been totally outside my reach except for 4 experiences throughout the years. Other than that I barely dream at all despite wanting too. Today I got a flash that I was having a dream while not being able to remember any of it... yay it's something! I've unveiled visualization during a psychedelic experience but I quickly went back to not heing able to form images within my mind. So we all have our own veil to work with. But the thing is that I know why I have these limitations and when faced with them I reaffirmed desiring things to be that way despite afterwards thinking that was a stupid choice.

Picture polarity as having meaning toward where you want to be outside of this experience. Sure there's just STA, but densities are polarized so you have to pick an what environment you want to pursue your evolution in.

I don't think you need to apologize for long posts, just keep in mind that many skip those.

[Reaper]

Seven years ago I was depressed, so low, the hatred against society, the power found in it, fed me even deeper. I could feel this unexplainable power coming from being so low, for the self,  a separation.
I managed to get out, much learning came from it, I found The Law of One.
Now back again, depressed, even with daily meditation and exercise. The hatred against the sleeping ones, the selfish monkeys, even those close to you. Disappointed because doing the right thing does not pay off in this illusion that humans have created.
Being so isolated my whole life, because of my soul, and now my understanding, there's no balance when you are against the world.
Depressed again, the sorrow, the power found in it, feeds me to go even deeper, I pray, I want more, I wanna test myself, how low can I go, how much power can I get from it, I'm not fighting this selfish world anymore, I'm joining them, but just as I was the most compassionate and accepting I'll be the most manipulative and controlling one, let be show you how it's done.
I've had dreams about it. I'm playing with fire, but only thoughts, I'm tired, I'm just really f*ing sad. I still have faith that I'm in the right path, I can see the flow, the pieces fit, I want more, I feel alive, this is fun.

Let the fire burn in your veins. One way or another, the old will burn away and a new form will emerge.

[Aaron]

Anywho: Until someone here realizes reality as per the Ra Material makes use of pain and discomfort, sometimes in the extreme, for catalytic motivation, I doubt anyone will see how this can create hell for others.

That's what I literally JUST said in the post before yours, dude.


To address what you said there though, I think that other people do not suffer from these inherently negative interactions as much as you or I do. UNLESS they are a positive wanderer. And they may not be aware of it.


YOU have to be the light and positivity in those interactions. For your sake, their sake, my sake, for Gaia's sake, for Nowheretoday's sake... If your heart isn't open and you're not happy when interacting with people, then why?

[Nowheretoday]

Service to All.
And even that is a hard path to tread if you try to fulfill percentiles given.  How does the Universe determine a selfish or selfless act? How does it add up?  What's the math look like?
No answers.

....................

I'll be fine.  I'm oriented STO and STS in an indifferent way because I am otherwise indifferent to polarity.  I will do how and as I will, if its not enough then its not enough, but...who judges 'enough' and how do the percentiles apply or tally? 

Violet ray?

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Does Violet 'judge' though? What if 51% is a nice way of saying at some point in your life, Not your entire life? 51% overall during year 31 maybe.  Or finally 95% in year 65?

There is no real explanation as to the way these things matter.  They seem open to interpretation.

Aaron, I honestly thought you meant something else when you said its either control or acceptance.

I do both simultaneously.  Under the right conditions I provide unconditional love as much as I humanly can, I'm still learning my limits otherwise I wouldn't havd worked basically 66 hour weeks at one point for my coworkers because my customers were fun to provide a 'real' 'convenienence' towards at my otherwise inconvenient convenience gas station...

I'm trying to tell you all I'm not completely unhappy because I no longer feel fear in such a way as to...stop caring so much.  In fact, I ponder if I'm supposed to provide catalyst for some people.  There's more than Love, Wisdom exists too and it is needed here where I am...lol

I need it too.  And many people said exactly what I came upon, this hellish viewpoint and feelings are right where I'm supposed to be not cause I'm bad, but my path brought me here, all is as it should be.  I've even gotten crazy synchronicities ever since I put in my 2 weeks.  I stood my ground very selfishly against my manager, in a way that even made me feel a bit bad, at first.  Til she showed her Dark side then I knew, I am the catalyst this time around.  I have become. -puffs up chest- -pushes glasses up- The Catalyst. For myself even.  My own selfish holding of my ground and my conditions made me realize how the LOO morality system became a doctrine in my mindset when I felt 'STSish' 'in a bad way'.  I knew polarity was an.issue at that point.  Sts and sto intermingle.  I shouldn't let my manager use me, I shouldn't quietly let her abuse my asst mngr.  I should say something, leverage with her our availability and workability and not just be her foot soldiers to deal with customers for her to see in the back doing paperwork, half of which on that slow slow slow computer is sitting waiting, doing nothing...

I don't feel bad anymore for being selfish, I feel appropriate.  The Universe sent me signs in help.  I saw 6's to determine I will fulfill my 2 weeks and not just walk out.  144 and combinations of 1, 0, and 4 on the clock told me I'm right where I should be. (4:14, 4:41, 10:04, 10:14, 11:14, 11:44, 4:04, 4:44)

I think I'm.doing exactly what I need to be doing.  I hope I am. A.
B. In fury I told the Universe it had One shot to help me.  To show me it isn't as I have been saying, immoral.  To my...slightly horrified and very shameful but otherwise pleasant surprise.

It listened, those syncs were on par with my initiation a year ago.  It tried apparently, I see that.  And so I believe.  That was my condition.  I'll believe it when I see it.

I'm speechless.  Thank you Universe for hearing me.

And also.  I am so sorry

[Aaron]

Aaron, I honestly thought you meant something else when you said its either control or acceptance.


I do both simultaneously.  Under the right conditions I provide unconditional love as much as I humanly can, I'm still learning my limits otherwise I wouldn't havd worked basically 66 hour weeks at one point for my coworkers because my customers were fun to provide a 'real' 'convenienence' towards at my otherwise inconvenient convenience gas station...

Well, I said "suffering is a catalyst. The illusion is efficient in causing a desire to polarize." In other words the longer you experience things in the illusion of life on planet earth, the more that suffering will cause a soul-deep desire to polarize. Then you said 
"Until someone here realizes reality as per the Ra Material makes use of pain and discomfort, sometimes in the extreme, for catalytic motivation, I doubt anyone will see how this can create hell for others."

And I'm like isn't that what I just said...? 

I like the way you put it though. Catalytic motivation.


Everyone ive ever met "does both simultaneously". Everybody is selfish and has selfish thoughts all that. Even polarized people, because they still deal with the illusion we live in. Youre working a ton of hours right now. Youre probablly stressed... I'm working pizza delivery right now and I've done the gas station thing. It's tough. It takes so much work to run a convenience store that management is always stressed out, which stresses the employees out.

[Minyatur]

Anywho: Until someone here realizes reality as per the Ra Material makes use of pain and discomfort, sometimes in the extreme, for catalytic motivation, I doubt anyone will see how this can create hell for others.

Who is it that experiences this hell?

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I don't know Min, maybe one day you'll look out your store and see people in hell with you.  Maybe you'll be driving and see someone enter hell.  Have you ever heard the phrase: "Oh!  What fresh Hell is THIS?!"
Hell is even known to be a part of some people's lives unconsciously enough to manifest phrases infering such is known.  Its like the picture of a person in a burning building Holding their coffe cup smiling at their table all like, 'This is Fine'.  Its not, but it may as well be, hell is my usual LOL

Imagine if the Twilight Zone were real. Were inexplicably coincidentally so, somethings need must happen to a person for no good reason beyond they require catalyst to suffer to push them in a certain direction with no sure idea what that direction is or that there is even a push.  The person enters into suffering.  Its like stepping into your car before it breaks down, could be a moment of entering hell for someone.  For others the small things create hell.  The dirty floor, dusty counter, the cat sprayed again and the kids hit over a vase.  For others its people's ugliness in personality that does it.  For others its things falling apart, going literally wrong, or something is happening without reason.  There's a twilight episode where hell is simply being stuck in a place without any clue as to why.

Hell is made by us.  Its ironic some people love hell and never stumble upon it, and others hate hell and live within it daily.

Aaron, I desired to polarize at first.  I no longer do, I just want to live my board game life.  Polarity became hellish for me and introduced me to hell.  Its one of many areas that do not align to describe me personally anymore.

...and Pizza Delivery.  I am.  So.  Sorry :l
I'm going to look for a more heartfelt job in the daytime.  I'm tired of overnights.  Tired of mean rude people.  Tired of apathy and indifference with companies.  I need some green ray in my job.  I'm in a very orange ray job that deals with many red ray only people incapable of even orange ray transfers of a clear nature.  Change is needed and pain and discomfort did not need to be anywhere near severe.
Catalyst seems okay, but at times its...mean approaching cruel.

[Minyatur]

The answer I was looking for is that it is the Creator that experiences it's own hell.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Well, yeah.  Thank you, you reflect what I already have figured.  Actually, I wouldn't have figured it without all of you always chiming in.

So thank you.  I think things will get better.  I have my self to work on.  My own real issues of denial and such, the work of digging up childhood memories isn't very fun to me, so I put it off.  The response typically is to throw it in front of my face by deceiving myself into seeing something that isn't actually there.

Gets.  ugh.
In my personal opinion, hell isn't worth heaven.  That seems a bit cruel.

[Minyatur]

Like you said, hell is relative as one's hell is another's heaven just as one's heaven is another's hell.

[Night Owl]

I'd say hell and paradise are already here on earth. You have the power to decide which one your life contains. For that you need to get control over your thoughts instead of being an observer of thoughts.

[Aion]

I disagree, I think that controlling one's thoughts is perhaps only one way to approach mental mastery. I think that the state of observation is effective if you understand that you are directing your focus and thoughts arise according to your focus. Thus, it appears to me to make little sense to combat observation and control as such. Rather I see it that such 'directing' (control) of the mind is done through the willed act of observation.

Instead of containing my mind and thoughts, I empty it to reveal infinity at its core. The mind is empty in its purest state. Look how much turmoil a mind always tossing contents around experiences. It is the stillness of Pure observation which releases mental and emotional energies from their solidified forms, returning to a state of growth and potential. In my experience, anyways.

[Night Owl]

Well I agree though I guess for some people to be able to obtain the pure observer state one must have enough control over thoughts to not be victim of thouhts. In other words some may have overactive mind and must take control to quiet it first and then reach that state.

[Aion]

I see what you're saying, but again I think the answer lies in release. The more you 'wrestle' with your thoughts or try to suppress them, the more they will become potent. I think what you mean is along the lines of 'emotional control' whereby one is able to observe thoughts and be aware of one's emotional reaction to it. It is not thoughts that need to be balanced in such a way, it is emotions.

To attempt to compress an overactive mind is, to me, counterproductive because I view it that all activity comes from internal states so if one has an active mind it is because of the adjacent internal states which support that. Thus, trying to 'stop' thoughts is, in my opinion, useless but rather the more you release, let go and become unattached to your thoughts the less you react to them and the less you react the more you are able to observe purely.

I think what you are getting at is an old idea that the mind should be master of the thoughts and not the other way around. To see that your thoughts are not something you 'have' or which 'have you' or are even 'just there' but rather they are a type of anatomy and have structure just like your body does. See then that activity of the Mind is simply your own activity. The thoughts are not something 'other', but are part of your own 'substance'. Just like your body had many constant unconscious processes so does the mind. Thus, just like how you can become more conscious of the unconscious activity of the body you can become more conscious of the unconscious activity of the Mind through observation, or as Ra calls it, 'focusing the attention'. I believe this is the fulcrum of 'will development'.

Thus, if there are many scattered thoughts it must be seen that that is because there is some part of the self has its attention focused upon those things. So, instead, I suggest that to attempt to escape that to silence is one step forward but two steps back because you are not in any way penetrating the structure of your thought-processes.

Although, perhaps that is what you mean by control over one's thought, is to do that effort to become aware of your reactions and thought-structure. Again, I just see it as a facet of awareness rather than any need for control. The control is only needed because there is fear. Once you get to the root of fear the need for control dissolves away.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Emotional Responsibility is what I called it a year ago, in retrospect, I am a hypocrite hehe

But I think Aion is right from my personal experience.  Trying to control my thoughts is akin to interruption their natural being, a sort of self interruption that causes disarray, like trying to grab a hooked form and in-so-doing I get attached to it even as I try to throw it away or get rid of it or just silence it gone.  Whereas disassociating such emotional responses from even occurring in the emotional body (feeling) so that you remain otherwise calm and present in the Moment by coming to accept them, love them, and then forgive them and just let them go right by you without you getting attached, was what worked for me.

Having a form of enthusiasm and compassion is helpful in keeping one constant in this performance.  As well as not doing it purely alone, as isolation brings about great self doubt that can undo everything one worked towards (I mean in the case of loners).

Fun thread, thanks guys.

[Night Owl]

I think what you make me realize is that the word control was misused on my part. Your last definition was very much resonant with my intent. I was indeed talking about the effort of becoming aware of the reactions to thoughts and thought's structure in order to realize you are not defined by them. You are also right that is only a facet of awareness. But I do not know which would be the appropriate way to call it. Maybe that is because english isn't my primary language. I understand well and write well but when in search for a really precise concept I somewhat find myself overexplaining things.