Multi-dimensional BEing

[zanny]

I think for me I just was not ready to admit that-
1. Evil beings exist and
2. They would have any interest in me if they did

yes I know what you mean. It also indicates how you/we got into the mess --a lack of worthiness, in it's antithesis is hoping to be special. That was another hook for me that was brought in and used magnificently. I was presented with many ideals of history, and told I was reincarnations of some considered worthy in our history.

Certainly, like most of us we do have savior complexes resting deep in us. I sure did, though I would never have admitted it.

Your moms response is confirmation on the worthiness lack. What a messed up world that we all are so unworthy. At one point I got to feel the bottom of what that is, and it was lower than a lowest caste person or slave, for 24 hours I felt as if I did not have the "right" to walk on the earth nor the "right" to even take my own life. Interestingly enough, though I could FEEL the feelings, I also knew they were not MINE and were being downloaded into me.

I'm glad your still here zanny, I think few can relate.

Lulu

I think you are very intuitive Lulu. When you mention these -hooks- it resonates with me strongly...Every hook you have mentioned has helped me see- where and how- I was hooked and manipulated. This has really helped with my understanding and my healing process.

I was at the time doing a good job of fending off the negative- spiritually- But when I had a 3d person sitting in front of me- my guard was completely down. He said all the right things to catch my interest and when I started to feel something was amiss, my conditioning of- human social protocol- prevented me from heeding these internal warnings. I, of course, take full responsibility for this. I am not looking for someone to blame, I simply want to understand what happened and why. (what within me made me so vulnerable to these manipulations.) That is why I am so grateful for your posts...Your insights into your own experience has helped me gain insight into the how and why of my own.

Once my guard was down to this person, I was open season for the rest...And then the situation was (for a time) completely crazy...I was using every ounce of my energy to fight this battle emotionally, spiritually, and physically, that I was completely exhausted, and many times almost just gave up...

So, I am also glad that I am "still here" because I almost wasn't. I hope that your post, and maybe even mine, helps others who might be struggling to know that- It may be difficult, it may be the hardest battle of your life, you may be confused and feel like you are losing, but you have the power to get through it and will be stronger for it. And you will learn a great deal about yourself in the process.

zanny