Something on My Mind

[Ali Quadir]

:idea: Do you guys think I am crazy?

By definition, but that's a good thing !

It just feels like everytime that I press on the accelerator too hard I start spinning my wheels like I am driving through snow or something.

I'm feeling the same thing, Perhaps considering that FairyFarmGirl you and me are feeling the same means that the universal energy comes in waves, perhaps now is a time to retire to the self a little, be a little more introverted and come out again when the tide comes back in.

When the tide is out we remember the tide being in, when the tide is in we remember it being out. This way we connect the two and bring them closer together in a more balanced unity.

And now that I finally have the ability to feel and have emotions I find myself in a lot of pain. The deep emotional kind that just doessnt stop. Maybe its all of those bottles of the deep emotional pain that I had stored away finally coming out(used to bottle everything up)? It makes me miss the numbness behind the wall. The thick rino skin(lol Ali). Its hard for me, as an aquarius, to feel anything at all. It took a long time to get where I am at.

I've been called a slab of concrete, and a black hole. Having emotions isn't so hard though. And it's often not an all or nothing affair. I find that I can pick the emotions to feel and those to ignore. Also hiding behind the concrete walls of a hardened psyche at appropriate moments isn't in itself wrong. A little wisdom is called for to know when and where. When we encounter pure STS there is no point in taking risks with ourselves. STO on collision courses requires some compassion but we can't fight off the sorrow of the world, we can only deal with it so as not to cause more or relieve our little share. Just be compassionate towards yourself.

And for what? More hurt? So is it not right to finally do something for myself? I have spent so much time helping others that I have been thoroughly neglected in almost every way that a human can be. Is it not safe to say that I have finally earned the right to work on my own life and say to heck with everyone else for at least a little while, no matter how hard that may be??

Absolutely But here too there's a lot of ways to go about it. Be sure to pick one that answers all your ideals.

I really feel that finally doing myself right is the way to go, but at the same time I just cant neglect the needs of others that easily. Maybe I can find a place to do charity work. I always enjoyed tutoring at the college to.

I just dont know......

Me thinks you just said you wanted some time to spend on yourself. There's always old ladies in the supermarket to pick things up for when they drop something. Meaning that it's more about your willingness to assist in the moment than it is in a life commitment to be of service. Chances will be there on any path you choose.

It isn't always easy. By participating in the world we are bound to get hurt at times. No rhino skin is going to solve that. But we can adopt a frame of mind where we accept that we sometimes run forward and at other times have to brace ourselves not to get swept back. Connect the two in the now and their effects will be more subtle and the result will feel more consistent. In the long run this will be beneficial to us pioneers