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Something on My Mind - Eneary - 11-11-2009
I'm not sure where this should go, but I think this is the best place for it.
I don't know where I should be or what I should be doing, other than what makes me happy, to follow my highest excitement, as this is a common way the soul speaks to the mind and body. For about a year or so now I've been entertaining the possibility of just up and leaving everything in my life right now and starting up something new, essentially running away from home. It first arose while hanging out with someone, who at the time was a friend, but truly was just using me (I now know he was definitely a STS oriented person). Since I stopped hanging out with him I've merely written off the desires of running away as stupid ideas I once had and that they wouldn't work out or they wouldn't turn out to be what I believed them to be.
More recently, back in August, I began to educate myself in all of the things associated with this site, the universe, the Law of One, etc. Shortly there after, I began contemplating with a friend of mine the possibility of one day having to put some distance between us and society for one reason or another. My friend told me (and my brother) that he has access to a cabin in northern Maine, which his grandfather owns. The thought of my life changing greatly from moving into a cabin in Maine rekindled the old idea of running away.
When I first contemplated running away, I didn't think of it lightly. I worked out a pretty detailed plan of how I would leave home, take enough money for the trip, and go to Canada. From there I wanted to eventually make my way to Holland.
I now think daily about leaving my current life of attending college during the week and living at home on weekends with my family, so that I may venture out into the world and live on my own, away from it all. Most people would call me crazy for considering willingly throwing away having a warm home, a loving family, and the opportunity for a great education. But I have to say, as wonderful as the life I'm living now is, it just isn't resonating with me, at least not nearly as much as some alternative could.
I only say this next bit because I have to take into account this possibility, given what I now know about how souls and the spirit work and so on. When I was hanging out with that "friend" we would spend every day smoking quite a little bit of marijuana. This was bad because it put me into a very lazy, open to suggestions mood, and I would let him, without a license, drive my car, which technically was registered to my mother. That said, I can't deny the possibility that this constant use of marijuana connected my mind to my soul much more than I ever had before. In that sense, I see the possibility that the sudden ideas, which came from nowhere, of me running away, did in fact originate from my higher self.
My whole life I've wanted nothing more than the freedom to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it. I've never once had that, ever. I've always in some capacity, to some extent, done things I didn't want to do (because I "had to" do them). The way how my world is now, the way how I see it, is that the only way for me to be genuinely, truly happy is for me to enjoy this ultimate freedom. The only way I see that happening in any practical way is for me to just go out and live on my own.
I haven't done this yet, though, because I don't wish to wrong anyone I know. Were I to do this my parents would be forced to pay off my college loan with nothing to show for it. My dad has already told me he's not sure how they're going to be able to make the payments of $200 a month come January. On the other hand, what I know now is that I can't let the feelings and desires of other people prevent me from doing what I feel I need to do.
I bring this up now because a pretty big event happened earlier today at home. I won't go into details but it involved my mom feeling upset and unappreciated and was mostly due to how my brother interacted with her after she came home from grocery shopping. That said, what first started it all was the fact that I said nothing when she first came home, and none of what happened would have happened had I behaved differently. Out of all this, the only thought that I had was leaving home and the benefits of this for my family, as well as me. I hate to say it this way, but I can't help but feel that I need to leave, that for once in my life I need to do something that is truly for my own happiness, and not for the desires of my family. At this point I don't really care about the consequences of my leaving, but I'm still reluctant to do so. I'm not sure about where I should go, but I have a few nice ideas.
If you don't mind, I would like to know what you think about this. Thank you.
RE: Something on My Mind - Turtle - 11-11-2009
I'm coming from a very similar state of mind my friend...and would offer this advice.
I would suggest you take your time sorting out how you feel about all of this, and do not rush into any decision you decide on. Time is your ally in this, because more than likely, you're not going to leave this reality anytime soon (aka death). Sometimes, we feel we know what we want...and sometimes we find what we wanted is a bit more complicated, or simpler, than it originally seemed. I wish clarity and courage for you, and godspeed on your endeavor!
RE: Something on My Mind - Monica - 11-11-2009
Hi Eneary! Welcome to Bring4th!
This is definitely the right place to post any concerns about living according to Law of One principles, how to apply those principles, seeking advice, etc. We welcome your questions!
Some of us might offer some suggestions to consider. Please keep in mind that they are only suggestions, and we encourage you to honor your own personal guidance and free will!
As someone who smoked a lot of pot when I was your age, lived in a home that was restrictive, and who is now the mother of a son in college, I can relate to much of what you said, from the perspective of both you and your parents.
My experience with pot was that I often gained wonderful insights. It's true that this sometimes happens!
However, there were also times in which I felt that the spirit of the weed misled me. For example, I remember very clearly when I first started meditating and got on a spiritual path...I decided to quit getting high, in favor of meditation, yoga, and a 'light' vegetarian diet. For several months, I felt 'naturally' high! I felt a sense of peace and clarity that I had never felt before.
During this time, a boyfriend and I broke up. We had been together over 3 years and I had thought that we would get married. I took the breakup hard at first, but was finally starting to get on my feet and become independent of him and my former social circle. The clarity from my new spiritual path helped me to let go of him!
Then, after a few months of feeling really good about life, and really free of that relationship, I got high with some friends. My ex-boyfriend was a dj and my friends and I were listening to his radio show. Upon hearing his voice while very stoned, I felt such a sense of familiarity that my old feelings for him came flooding back! That whole evening, I felt absolutely certain that we would get back together!
The next day, I was incredulous that I had entertained such ideas! I felt very confused about what I had felt the night before, and basically backslid on the progress I had made in letting go of him. It took me some time to regroup. I realized that there was absolutely no reason for me to have started feeling that way about him again, except for the fact that I'd gotten high!
I had a couple of other similar experiences later, when I got high after not having done it in awhile. It seemed that my judgement got 'off.' I felt that I lost some of the clarity I had gained.
This is not to put any sort of judgement on smoking pot whatsoever! Although I quit getting high every day like I did during my high school and college years, I enjoyed an occasional toke every now and then over the next few years, and I have lots of friends who get high regularly with, apparently, no ill effects. But I definitely concluded that, when I was in a stage of my life in which I had to make some big decisions about what direction to go in, I felt that the weed was sort of a double-edged sword. It seemed to open my mind to other possibilities, but, at the same time, it definitely seemed to impair my ability to rationally and clearly assess the wisdom of those possibilities!
In fact, it was this experience with the ex-boyfriend that got me to finally quit altogether. I'm not suggesting that you necessarily quit altogether. I'm simply sharing what happened to me. In my case, I felt that the pot definitely skewed my thinking during times when I needed clarity. I suppose it could go either way. Maybe some people get clarity. I just know that what I thought was clarity at that time turned out to be some sort of trick or delusion...there was no way my ex-boyfriend still loved me, there was no way we were getting back together...I remain convinced to this day (28 years later) that not all ideas that pop into our minds while stoned are necessarily good ideas...and they're not all from our Higher Self either! I have felt entities trying to influence me while stoned...and I would even suggest that an idea that would cause pain to others should perhaps be even more carefully scrutinized! Would your Higher Self suggest that you do something that would hurt others?
Was your Higher Self suggesting that you run away? Or just that you needed to move out? I am questioning whether that guidance actually came from your Higher Self or not. Moving out might be a really positive thing, but I don't see how running away could ever be positive, except in the case of escaping abuse. You can move out without running away! It's the running away part that has the 'mother' part of me concerned!
So, my advice regarding any insights you obtained while high, would be to clear the mental fog for awhile - maybe a few weeks of no weed - and then see how you feel about those plans that seemed so appealing while stoned. You might be surprised at how your frame of mind might shift, and you might gain new perspectives.
When you say 'run away' do you mean without telling your family where you are going? Now the mother in me is going to come out: I would be absolutely devastated if my son did that!
Devastated doesn't even begin to describe what I would feel. The pain would be so overwhelming that I would probably get very sick. It would be a huge challenge to ever get on with my life. I would wonder why he did such a thing! I wouldn't be able to sleep...my husband and I would probably exhaust all our resources searching for him, fearing the worst. I would be overcome with guilt, wondering what I did wrong to cause him to take such a drastic action...I would wonder why he didn't just tell us that he wanted to move out...I would wonder where the communication breakdown occurred...it would be an absolutely horrible experience!
Sorry to paint such a bleak picture, but that is just a mild description of the horror my husband and I would experience, were our son to do that. I think it's reasonable to assume that most parents would feel the same way. It would be horribly painful for them! Having to pay your college bill is the least of their concerns! The pain would be in not knowing whether their beloved child is ok or not, and in being cut off from their child's life. It's impossible to describe the depth of pain a parent feels upon the loss of a child! I encourage you to consider this.
Being considerate of the pain our actions might cause another, is not the same thing as sacrificing our highest good in favor of what they want for us. There is no need to sacrifice our well-being, but neither is there any need to hurt them in order to obtain our own well-being. There is no reason to settle for a win-lose outcome! The very heart of STO is to make a decision that you will only settle for a win-win scenario! I believe that if you are steadfast in your resolve to not hurt anyone (including yourself) then you will find a solution that is good for everyone involved.
I understand your need for independence. You didn't mention your age, but assuming that you are in the usual college age bracket, that is an entirely normal feeling! It's a transitional time, for exploring your independence, while still having your family to fall back on should you need support.
You didn't mention anything that sounded really awful about your parents. I get the impression from what you said that they are generally loving and supportive, but you're just feeling antsy.
In light of the Law of One principles of love and service to others, how would your parents would feel if you ran away? I invite you to consider this, and ask yourself whether you want to initiate an action that would cause so much pain to others.
The good news is that you don't have to choose between what's best for you and what's best for your family. I personally have a very firm conviction that, if we truly seek our personal guidance, with a willingness to do what is best for both ourselves and those who are affected by our decisions, and make a decision that we truly want' what's best for ALL concerned, then we will be shown a solution to our dilemma that brings about the highest good for all!
For example, if a woman is being abused by her husband, even though the husband tells her he wants her to stay, and he needs her, and would fall apart if she left, it's clearly not in the best interest of the abused wife to continue letting him abuse her. So, in this type of case, it's usually for the highest good of both people for the woman to leave the abusive situation. Even though it might seem to the husband that she is hurting him, she is actually helping him, by no longer allowing him to hurt her...since allowing her to hurt her isn't really helping him...at least not in the STO paradigm.
Conversely, if you were to decide that you really didn't want to continue college, and really wanted to move out, and felt certain that this was your highest guidance, then it could very well be a catalyst for wonderful growth for your parents! Whereas, continuing to stay where you aren't happy might not be the best catalyst for either of you.
BUT, you can do that without running away! Why not just tell them the truth about how you feel? If you feel you must move out, why not do so with your parents' knowledge and blessing? They love you so would probably understand and be supportive! They might not like it, but it might be a catalyst for them to respect your wishes for your own life!
There is no reason why you should continue living the life your parents want for you, if it's isn't what you truly want. But you don't need to inflict pain on them by running away, in order to change your life!
Which leads me to this question: Is it the moving out and being on your own that is appealing? or the running away part?
I would encourage you to ponder this question. If you truly just want to move out, you can do that without running away. On the other hand, if you feel attracted to the idea of running away, then I would suggest doing some soul-searching on that. It could just be a rebellious, impulsive streak common to young adults, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it, when you know it would hurt those you love.
My suggestion, as a first step, would be to distinguish between the idea of running away vs just moving out without running away.
What I'm suggesting is that you get some clarity about whether it's the moving out that is important to you, or the running away, and try to separate them. You don't have to necessarily do both. You can do one without the other.
If it turns out that the running away is what's appealing, then my suggestion would be to talk honestly with your parents about what you're feeling. Maybe there is something in your home that is making you feel stifled. Maybe they can help you address it, without you resorting to something so drastic.
Open, honest communication isn't always an easy task. If you feel you can't communicate your true feelings to your parents, you might consider getting some sort of counseling, to help you work thru this and get some direction.
I hope you find some of these ideas helpful! Whatever doesn't resonate, just discard. Please let us know how it all works out!
RE: Something on My Mind - fairyfarmgirl - 11-12-2009
Good Greetings and Welcome!
Moving out on ones own is a big step! Take time to think carefully about what it is that you really are seeking. Seeking to avoid life will only lead to stagnation. Running and Hiding is not solving any problems for what are you hiding from? Feelings that make you feel uncomfortable? Thoughts that seem to compel you to run. The inherent problem with this solution is that you take it all with you. Before you can move forward you must let go. Put them bags down and open up the contents. Review and discard according to your level of expansion. This is best done in a safe environment. Where there is heat and hot water, good food to eat, and amenities. Believe me doing this process while homeless or in an unheated cabin in the backwoods between somewhere and no where is challenging to say the least. You can get lost in that brier patch. Ease of life makes review of life possible. Struggle for survival makes review and healing of life near impossible. Why? Because it becomes about the struggle to survive. I know about struggling to survive. It is what I did for years. And during that time it was like I was stuck in a cycle of personal pain. I am from the backwoods of Maine and let me tell you hauling wood in the middle of a snowstorm day in and day out sucks big time... even worse if all you have is a humanure toilet and are homesteading it. It is not romantic in the least bit! Gathering enough food and fuel for the winter will consume you ever working hour. It is a constant struggle. Maine also has one of the worst unemployment rates currently. The standard of living is so poor that I had to move myself and family to NH just so my husband could find a job that allows for us to pay all our money for rent and food and amenties like Electricity. There is no left over and there is not much leisure. Mainers are nice as long as you are a tourist... but move there and start drawing from the local economy and see how long they stay friendly. It is a harsh environment with harsh and stoic people. I know for I am one of them Mainers. If you feel you must move to Maine please stay below the Augusta, Maine line. If you decide to stay the winter make sure you have a very warm coat, sleeping bag rated for -60F, a good pair of boot that are lined, wool socks, long underwear and snowpants and a good snow shovel.
Rents are not cheap in Maine either. They are similar to what you would find in Boston. A cabin in the woods goes for about 700.00 a month... that is not including utilities. To survive you will need a JOB that pays more than 7.50 an hour or have your money already made. It is hard living there. Hard living. If you plan to live by the side of the road invest in a good winter camping equipement! No fooling around this is a harsh winter environment in which you will freeze to death if you are not careful and know what you are doing. It would be prudent to come for the summer and then go somewhere warmer for the Winter--- below the mid-atlantic states or to the Southwest, southern CA or parts of the Pacific Northwest.
My suggestion is to finish out your semesters at the college/university you currently attend. Make Peace with the parents (I know not easy--- may require you to eat crow if they are anything like my parents) and then apply to Americorp as an Americorp volunteer-- choose DownEast Maine (like Indian Island, Lubec, Calais, Augusta) and if you are selected announce you are going off to be an americorp volunteer in Maine. Go to Maine. Explore it. Make new connections. See how it is to live without. Then when the summer ends go back to the University and stay on campus or rent a room of your own. Get a job. Maybe do school part-time... Maybe go somewhere else as an americorp volunteer... Through service you will find out the stuff you are made of. But only if you begin the journey with Peace in your Heart and Truth in your mind. Doing this while hiding and running only leads to more hiding and running. Please understand I know alot about running and hiding for in my roaring twenties I did just that for reasons that at the time felt necessary but upon review 20 years later I see I could have made Peace first and then moved forward after safely letting all that luggage go... because you take it with you and well it was a lot of luggage. Try hauling it around with no resources or support system and you will soon tire and enter into just a survival mode where all exists simply to exist to exist to struggle.
I wish you well. I believe cannabis use is no longer a safe option. We have genetically moved beyond this plant helper being able to help us. The expansion she offers is limited and with hooks. It is best to expand in a space of freedom where you can really spread out and commune with the cosmos. She will always lead you astray for in doing so she makes sure you continue to come back for just one more time.
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Something on My Mind - Questioner - 11-12-2009
Hi Eneary,
Your post brings up some broad questions that are fundamental to the meaning of life.
One question: what is our ethical responsibility to other people?
Another question: what is our ethical responsibility to ourselves?
And yet another: if the first two questions seem to give conflicting answers, how do we resolve them?
You also bring up themes of the meaning of freedom, of education, of opportunity, of our roles in society and family; and of self-definition versus the labels others have for us, or would like to have for us.
Deep, deep, deep questions there, my friend. I admire you for asking them. I commend you for looking for spiritually minded people to help you explore these questions. I very much hope that your asking these questions, and having this conversation on the forum, turns out to be life-changing in a positive way for you and all those you'd like to love, no matter what housing, education or business roles you accept or change.
If I read your post right, you do not have any immediate deadlines to make your decision.
I can share some ideas for your contemplation.
First, I suggest: If your current outward circumstances do not inflict dishonesty, dishonor, pain or pollution on anyone, let them continue for now. Within those circumstances, do what is necessary to fulfill the roles you already have in your life. Do those things efficiently, so that as much of your time as possible is yours to ponder your next moves. Don't make outward changes until those outward actions reflect a peaceful, integrated inward life that honors all of Creation the best way you know how.
To gain time for reflection amid your current whirlwind of catalyst, it might help you to be up to speed on principles of priorities and time management. Suppose, for the sake of discussion, you were to borrow some books from the library such as Covey's 7 Habits, Canfield's The Power of Focus, Allen's Getting Things Done, or Tracy's Maximum Achievement - whatever in this genre resonates with you. I suspect that many people at your home, and at your school, would be supportive that you want to learn how to be more effective with your tasks, so you can handle your responsibilities and get more personal time. You don't have to tell them right off that the personal time is to ponder whether Ra's advice would be for you to escape to the woods like Thoreau!
Another point you raised is the premise that freedom is the absence of external expectations upon you. May I suggest that you consider the power of redefining freedom as the presence of your choice of actions regardless of the expectations of others. Harry Browne's How I Found Freedom is a classic book about how this works. Although I believe he sometimes preaches destructive irresponsibility, I also think that Tom Leykis had a lot of good things to say about personal choice on his radio show; Internet archives are easy to find.
In short, what states of mind and being would you expect to have inside of you in Maine, Canada, or Holland? Is there something about those thoughts, feelings and experiences that is in your power to have for yourself, where you already are? Have you gone through any of the wonderful, loving materials from Dick Bolles or Barbara Sher about how to define yourself, for yourself, in terms of career paths?
Next, with streamlined use of your time to handle genuine obligations, could you free up enough time and energy to do something that would bring in $50 a week, so that your parents could trust you to handle the loan payments? Could you consistently earn enough more to also pay for renting a room at your own choice of abode? If it didn't cost your family money to accommodate a new plan from you, they might well be more supportive; or at least, have less reason to complain.
Many colleges can easily handle a student's request for a semester or a full year off, with the option to return to studies without any penalty.
I have no experience with Maine, but I do have very painful experiences of trying to resolve emotional problems while destitute. I totally agree with fairyfarmgirl that this is an outrageously difficult situation to avoid getting into if at all possible to choose anything better.
Also, while I can't give wisdom about this from personal experience, I certainly see the wisdom in the suggestions that you avoid mind-expanding chemistry for a while. Your mind is currently so expanded with vague options that you have seem to have nothing to hang onto inside your own identity. Choosing to oppose, escape, rebel or run against something is still a form of sacrifice to it: it defines you in relationship to that external standard, just as much if it you're a slave. Paddling upstream is still letting the river define your path, isn't it?
Where do you see your life in terms of the service orientations choice described by the L/L Research materials?
RE: Something on My Mind - ayadew - 11-12-2009
I will give you two quotes from Ram Dass that might help you, if you apply them in broader senses.
"All techniques are traps, but you have to be trapped by them to get them to work."
"You don't want to end up a meditator, you want to end up free."
RE: Something on My Mind - Eneary - 11-12-2009
I thank you all for your consideration and insight into this. Upon review, it is not the feeling of running away that attracts me, but rather the desire to just start up my life. I'm 19, and this is my first semester in college, so I don't graduate until after the age shift is said to occur, though it won't necessarily happen in 2012. It's not that the material is difficult, or that I have a problem doing the work to get my degree. It's more that my whole life has been spent in the throws of the American education system. And that is one of my greatest conflicts in this world.
The school system in America, from kindergarten to Post Doctoral work, is built around the idea that we live the entirety of our lives doing what someone else tells us to do. Do the homework assignment. Explain how you came to this conclusion. Prove to us that you didn't slack off and actually learned what you were supposed to. I love learning, I love information, I love thinking about theoretical concepts. I hate having to show the world that I know that momentum is conserved in a collision, or that Hamlet is a tragedy that explores the depression one goes through when their incestuous uncle kills their father and marries their mother. Heck, even having to explain to a stranger that I know how to solve a Rubik's cube, and that's the reason why I brought one with me to college, irks me.
The reason why I want to run away, is not just to escape home, but to escape this world which spends all its resources trying to prevent us from pursuing our desires, just because if we did, we'd have no need for technology. I love my family, and they are the reason I don't run away from home. That said, I do want to live, in some way, without having any worldly, societal responsibilities, so that I may do what I feel I must do in order to help the world. Call me crazy, or lazy, but that's who I am. A brilliant genius of a kid who doesn't wish to be bothered with the insignificants of the world (which, by the way, we are told are absolutely the most significant).
I want to have the opportunity to devote all my time in a day, every day, to developing myself into the best me I can be, because it is that me that I know the world needs. I want to marry a loving, caring, understanding like-minded woman, who I can make a family with, and raise my children with, with the belief from before birth that you are a mind/body/spirit complex, and that manipulation of the illusion of reality is as easy as breathing.
In a way I see the future every single day, and I just want fast forward to the day when that future is today. It pains me to live every day with this presently unachievable foresight. It's like seeing the ultimate Christmas day flash in front of you every time you close your eyes, and knowing that today's not Christmas, and that it probably won't even be this upcoming Christmas, nor the Christmas after that.
I must sound impatient, but when you've been ready for ascension for more than 25,000 years, you can't help but get a little cranky during the last few.
RE: Something on My Mind - fairyfarmgirl - 11-12-2009
I truly hear you, brother. Have you considered a co-housing option or an intentional community. They are everywhere. Do the research and gather the information to get a clear picture of what is available out there for you. To do this though it takes work: planning and learning... maturing self and relationships. All of this is work... the work of the Soul. There are also permacultural studies. These are places where you can meet and work and create with highly intentional people interested in bringing forth the New Earth in a tangible way. To co-create the New Earth with the Earth, the Cosmos, and other human beings: THIS IS REAL WORK! LOL and Happy work as well.
What do you consider to be the insignificants of the world? Some would say bathing and wearing clothes are this... some would argue that eating is an insignificant of the world... and still others would say all worldly experiences are insignificant and turn their nose up and sniff in their superiority as a Yogi or "Metaphysical" person or in their "genius." But is this truly living? Is this truly experiencing Love and being here now? Is this truly creating the New Earth to sit in distain for the very beauty that does surround you right now?
The New Earth begins for each individual when they can look in the eyes of another and see the beauty of the Soul of that other person. This is where the New Earth resides. As more and more people awaken to this so will the reality of this New Earth emerge quicker. I am finding this is occurring for me as I connect with others and see them for the Souls that they are... to see that we are all truly One.
Work is necessary. You must work to feed yourself and clothe yourself. You must work to create and to expand your Beingness. Work does not equal enslavement. It is only the corporate system that enslaves.... and that is even changing. Work can be a happy affair full of fullfillment and joy of the inherent act of creating and sharing.
A relationship is Work! LOL to live harmoniously with another Being is work... the happy Work of learning about Self and others: Happy work in learning to communicate compassionately. Happy work in creating together... It is not about what just you want in a relationship----
I wish you well!
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Something on My Mind - Eneary - 11-12-2009
Thank you fairyfarmgirl, I will be sure to read up on intentional communities, they sound like what I've been looking for.
What I meant by insignificants were the things that we do that neither play any role in our physical survival (i.e. clothes, food, shelter) nor do anything to help us along the spiritual road we're on. Specifically, most of the mainstream norms of society. Television, video games, sports (spectating not participating), fashion, fads. Sitting on the couch, watching TV 4 hours a day and then playing Call of Duty another 4 hours does nothing but turn a person into a functional illiterate (as the US congress of 1930 so dubbed We The People).
Another major problem I see is the extremely high, unquestioned pedestal we place science on. It's one thing to have scientific insight, curiosity, and pursuit of new knowledge, but what's going on today is we have "mainstream" science saying "F you, I don't care what you have to say" to anything that even mentions a contradiction with any currently held scientific beliefs.
I'm a very scientific person, I'm in college right now pursuing a degree in Microbiology so that I can become an R & D scientist in Biotechnology. I chose this path because it is extremely interesting to me and I would get the best shot I could get to help the world. You see, for a while, in my mind, ever since I saw a particular scene from Stargate Atlantis, I've had the belief that there's just no good reason why people die (when I say no good reason, I mean that the reason why, the reason exists, is absurd, and has no business being there). Lately though, with all the H1N1 flu vaccine scandals involving contamination with H5N1, and all the other scary crap going on with that, I've been disgusted, because the company making vaccine is Baxter, a biotech company, the same type of company I'd be working for! I want to unlock the biological secret to immortality for all humans to have, and here I'm seeing my future peers pursuing means to end life!
I definitely am going to do some good reading up on these New Age Earth movement communities. I have some very important, vital, insightful skills that can be put to great use. I'm sure they can find something for me to do. I guess that sums it up for me. I just want to live in close proximity, on a daily basis, with people who are looking to accomplish the same thing as me. I just can't stand daily life on campus being bombarded by teachers with their lectures that just don't resonate with me, assaulted mentally by the thoughts and words of fellow students who just don't get it yet.
I want to be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone, face to face, about all this wonderful information, without having to bring them up speed, unless they truly are interested in it. I also could use some time away from the daily battle with my brother, who is a year younger than me. Constantly belittling me because of the way in which I speak and explain things. He constantly concerns himself more with how much I'm saying and not what it is I'm saying. I tell him he really should read up on this information in the Law of One series, but he refuses solely because I constantly talk about it and I'm the one who's suggesting he read it. Whether I'm the reason or he's the reason, I think some significant time apart would be very healthy for us both.
Thank you very much for helping me! Peace, love, and light to all. Adonai, and Namaste.
RE: Something on My Mind - Brittany - 11-12-2009
I know this feeling well. At times the life I live now is just unbearable. I live in a cluttered apartment in a smoggy city, I work in a toxic social environment and I have little time to devote my life to spiritual endeavors. Everything goes toward paying the bills. Quite often I've thought of just quitting my job and moving out into the country, but I've realized that doing this suddenly would hurt several other people, even if I might be able to make it work for myself, so I stay and try to find a more long term solution. I still want a different job in a cleaner place, but for the ones I care about I am willing to take it slow and try to find a solution that could be beneficial to others.
Ultimately, your soul knows what you need. If you feel you absoloutely must change your life drastically, I would at least give mind to what your soul is telling you, but that intellect thing can be of use as well, in spite of its primitive nature. I would suggest that you try to resolve any issues you would have with making this change before making it or you could just carry the negative feelings with you wherever you go. Also, sometimes the soul brings hardships upon itself in order to learn. Is there perhaps something you can be learning from the discomfort you feel, or has the lesson perhaps already been learned and you are ready to move on?
RE: Something on My Mind - fairyfarmgirl - 11-12-2009
The Siddahs are thousands of years old. The true immortality is in the HEART... And Mind---- Where the MIND is IN THE HEART and THE HEART IS IN THE MIND... IT is both forms of light that create longevity.... The Light of Knowledge and the Light of Love. This is not found in biology. This is found in the essence of the Source Energy which is within us all.
I think, Eneary that you would find astro-biology more to your liking than what you are currently pursuing.
Also, having a younger brother myself that is on a different path than I--- demonstrating the Law of One by the way of leading by example with very little explanantion will compell him to seek more and higher. Talking only turns those who are just beginning to awaken off from the message of Truth and Love... Oneness.
Perhaps after you finish up this semester you could take a semester off to go and study permaculture in Hawaii and/or Australia. It is biology and spirtuality at its best. There is even a degree program for this as well... and communities centered around this way of life. It is communal living with some of the best minds and hearts of this world... It would give you a break from all that is vexing you and also allow you to further your studies of biology and learn a useful trade as well as be part of a community that is living values closer to those that you are looking for. Just some thoughts.
It is hard to be a pioneer when everyone else is just beginning to wake up. Hang in there.... you always have options. Open your Heart and feel with your mind.
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
Bill Mollier is the best in the field... look him up on youtube and google and find out more.
RE: Something on My Mind - Monica - 11-12-2009
(11-12-2009, 11:50 AM)Eneary Wrote: I thank you all for your consideration and insight into this. Upon review, it is not the feeling of running away that attracts me, but rather the desire to just start up my life.
Thanks for the clarification! That is an entirely normal feeling, at your age.
(11-12-2009, 11:50 AM)Eneary Wrote: I'm 19, and this is my first semester in college, so I don't graduate until after the age shift is said to occur, though it won't necessarily happen in 2012.
I can see why what something that's a normal part of growing up (the urge to get out on your own) can be greatly intensified when you have the knowledge of the Shift!
(11-12-2009, 11:50 AM)Eneary Wrote: The school system in America, from kindergarten to Post Doctoral work, is built around the idea that we live the entirety of our lives doing what someone else tells us to do. Do the homework assignment. Explain how you came to this conclusion. Prove to us that you didn't slack off and actually learned what you were supposed to. I love learning, I love information, I love thinking about theoretical concepts. I hate having to show the world that I know that momentum is conserved in a collision, or that Hamlet is a tragedy that explores the depression one goes through when their incestuous uncle kills their father and marries their mother. Heck, even having to explain to a stranger that I know how to solve a Rubik's cube, and that's the reason why I brought one with me to college, irks me.
Gosh, you remind me a lot of my 21-yo son!! He too became disillusioned with the college system. He thought it would be a rich environment encouraging independent thought, but it turned out to be pretty much an extension of the normal school system...being told what to learn and having to regurgitate on demand. He too is a brilliant genius of a kid who learns much better when he's self-motivated, instead of being told what to learn. I see a lot of parallels.
(11-12-2009, 11:50 AM)Eneary Wrote: I want to have the opportunity to devote all my time in a day, every day, to developing myself into the best me I can be, because it is that me that I know the world needs. I want to marry a loving, caring, understanding like-minded woman, who I can make a family with, and raise my children with, with the belief from before birth that you are a mind/body/spirit complex, and that manipulation of the illusion of reality is as easy as breathing.
Apparently a lot of dual-activated souls have a clear understanding of the higher frequencies and what it would be like to live in such a reality, but may feel frustrated that they aren't yet in a position to apply what they know. And yet, they did incarnate for some reason...perhaps to learn patience, understanding, and compassion, in dealing with others. These too are valuable lessons, which may aid in your quest to "develop yourself to be the best you can be."
"Be the change you want to see in the world." --Mahatma Gandhi
(11-12-2009, 11:50 AM)Eneary Wrote: In a way I see the future every single day, and I just want fast forward to the day when that future is today. It pains me to live every day with this presently unachievable foresight.
Ra stated that we all learn as well as teach...I know whenever I've felt impatient in my life, there was usually something I still needed to learn from my current situation. Eventually, with some patience and acceptance, I usually was able to move out of the frustrating situation. Sometimes the lesson is to apply the knowledge we have in our minds...You mentioned manipulating reality...Perhaps the task here is to leant to harmonize with your current reality and transform it into what you are envisioning...see it blossom and transfrom, rather than denying it in favor of something else.
(11-12-2009, 05:03 PM)Eneary Wrote: Thank you fairyfarmgirl, I will be sure to read up on intentional communities, they sound like what I've been looking for.
There is one forming right now...you can learn about it at:
http://pesn.com/
This particular community is based on sustainable living and mutual respect, not on any particular spiritual path. I'm not sure where on the website it tells about the community, but if you are interested, I can connect you with the people there. It's a cutting-edge free energy website so it might be a good resource for you anyway, because of your interest in getting beyond the strictures of the conventional scientific paradigm.
I know there are lots of other communities out there, but I happened to hear about this one recently, so I thought I'd mention it. I know I've heard of one in Austin TX as well...not sure about the details on that but I could find it if you're interested.
(11-12-2009, 05:03 PM)Eneary Wrote: Another major problem I see is the extremely high, unquestioned pedestal we place science on. It's one thing to have scientific insight, curiosity, and pursuit of new knowledge, but what's going on today is we have "mainstream" science saying "F you, I don't care what you have to say" to anything that even mentions a contradiction with any currently held scientific beliefs.
Wow, ain't that the truth!
(11-12-2009, 05:03 PM)Eneary Wrote: Lately though, with all the H1N1 flu vaccine scandals involving contamination with H5N1, and all the other scary crap going on with that, I've been disgusted, because the company making vaccine is Baxter, a biotech company, the same type of company I'd be working for! I want to unlock the biological secret to immortality for all humans to have, and here I'm seeing my future peers pursuing means to end life!
Ah, I see your dilemma! You are a sharp lad! You figured it out sooner than most!
Here's a suggestion: In addition to exploring the above website, you might consider checking out Nassim Haramein's work:
http://www.theresonanceproject.org/
He is doing some amazing, cutting-edge research, bridging the gap between science and spirituality. I'm a huge fan of his and I know a few others here on the forum are too. You can find a lot of his videos on youtube. He has internships available, which don't require conventional degrees. Perhaps connecting with others who have visions similar to yours might help give you some clarity and direction!
(11-12-2009, 05:03 PM)Eneary Wrote: I just can't stand daily life on campus being bombarded by teachers with their lectures that just don't resonate with me, assaulted mentally by the thoughts and words of fellow students who just don't get it yet.
You sure do remind me of my son!
(11-12-2009, 05:03 PM)Eneary Wrote: I tell him he really should read up on this information in the Law of One series, but he refuses solely because I constantly talk about it and I'm the one who's suggesting he read it.
Dang that free will stuff!
Why can't people just 'get' it? Ha. Yeah I can soooo relate! I used to go around telling everyone about it too...until they told me I was cramming it down their throats! Now I try to just offer it, but respect their right to decline...it's really difficult sometimes! Especially when we care about them! But alas, respecting the free will of others is one of the cornerstones of the Law of One.Nice to meet someone so young who's into the Law of One! Many blessings to you as you seek your path!
RE: Something on My Mind - Eneary - 11-13-2009
Thank you very much for this additional information, I look forward to reading up on it.
Not to get off topic much, but, I became a major fan of Jethro Tull (some would say a fanatic) a few years ago. What I've noticed recently is that almost every one of their songs has lyrics that contain very important messages. Some of these even resonate very much with the teachings of the Law of One. What I find happens usually with a new song I listen to by Tull is I'm first captivated by the beautiful music, but am not too sure about the lyrics and what they mean. I later look up the lyrics, and am surprised how relevant and resonant they are with both me and the situations in the world. My most recent experience with this is the song Silver River Turning Link . I was first wowed by the music itself, but after reading the lyrics, I found out it's about the present crisis involving industrial pollution and the working man's plight. "We know what's right. We're just living it wrong. There's no easy answer in the green man's song. What do you do when your river's turning blue?"
I mention this because I can't help but wonder if my obsession with Jethro Tull is somehow connected with one reason I'm incarnated now at this time, because Jethro Tull seems to be a largely under rated band that actually had some brilliant music and important words of warning for mankind. I also think it would be very relevant if studying Jethro Tull lyrics in English class at school was part of the curriculum. Just my thoughts.
RE: Something on My Mind - fairyfarmgirl - 11-13-2009
Bring4thMonica:
Do you have more infor on that community in Austin, TX. Austin, TX has been the setting of several "invite" dreams I have been having lately.
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
Eneary: LOL I grew up on Jethro Tull... it was on the radio all the time while I was a child. I love their music very much! That which is the Light of Knowledge and the Light of Love prevails no matter what generation it is in. If you listen carefully you will hear the tones that are encoded within Mozart and Crystal Bowls as well as toning... it is intertwined with the frequency signature... you will feel it in your HEART and Throat Chakras....
Who says that you can not use the lyrics of Jethro Tull when studying poetry. Lyrics are simply poetry set to music... Also by studying the style of poetic expression of the Jethro Tull band lyric writers you can develop your own style of spoken and written expression based on what you have learned.
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Something on My Mind - Ali Quadir - 11-13-2009
Jethro Tull's music is brilliant. That said, is there any indication that the man was into this mystical aspect? I haven't been able to find any indication. I'd sure like to know...
RE: Something on My Mind - Monica - 11-13-2009
I grew up with Jethro Tull too! Along with other spiritually aware music...so much of the late 60s hippie generation was 'turned on' and I don't mean drugs I mean spiritually! The obvious being the Beatles...both Lennon and Harrison were incredible Lightworkers! So many songs promoting peace...
Other notables: Peter Gabriel (virtually every song of his is intensely meaningful), U2, oh and Shawn Phillips! Wow! Amazing lyrics both spiritually and politically.
Here's some cool stuff I found on Ian Anderson:
http://www.madstone.com/Pages/iananderson.html
http://www.ministry-of-information.co.uk/app/index.htm
(11-13-2009, 02:49 PM)Eneary Wrote: I mention this because I can't help but wonder if my obsession with Jethro Tull is somehow connected with one reason I'm incarnated now at this time, because Jethro Tull seems to be a largely under rated band that actually had some brilliant music and important words of warning for mankind. I also think it would be very relevant if studying Jethro Tull lyrics in English class at school was part of the curriculum. Just my thoughts.
Many of us have utilized music as part of our spiritual journey, and, while we continue to do so, the music of our youth will always hold a special place in our hearts, because in our youth we tend to have more time to devote to serious study of the lyrics, and special, spiritually uplifting music finds its way into our lives at a time when we are searching for our own path, and thus and thus has a special meaning for us that is perhaps deeper than at any other time in our lives.
I will always treasure the many hours I spent listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon with headphones! Or realizing with astonishment just how 'awake' and 'aware' Shawn Phillips was! Or the feeling of reverence I had when I later got studied Tarot and realized what a spiritual (as well as musical) masterpiece Led Zep's Stairway to Heaven is...and how mystical many of the Zeppelin songs are...songs I grew up with but didn't fully appreciate how much they influenced my spirituality until later. All I knew at the time was how deeply they resonated with me!
Visionary artists like Shawn Phillips, John Lennon, Peter Gabriel, Bono, Ian Anderson...have lots of fans whose lives have been touched in deep and profound ways by the music. I believe these artists are Wanderers whose contribution is their music...which serves to awaken other Wanderers!
I think your deep attraction to music is normal and you've chosen a great band to be resonating with!
(11-13-2009, 02:49 PM)Eneary Wrote: I also think it would be very relevant if studying Jethro Tull lyrics in English class at school was part of the curriculum. Just my thoughts.
I agree! And the same with the lyrics (and music) of some other great artists as well! I've often said that the late 60s thru around 1980 was an incredible era for music; I'm fond of calling it The Golden Age of Rock...a Renaissance of incredible music! I truly believe that, someday, kids will be studying Tull, Zep, Floyd, etc. the way they now study Mozart.
(11-13-2009, 03:05 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: Bring4thMonica:
Do you have more infor on that community in Austin, TX. Austin, TX has been the setting of several "invite" dreams I have been having lately.
I'll pm you! (Please remind me if I don't get it in the next few days ok.)
RE: Something on My Mind - airwaves - 11-16-2009
(11-11-2009, 06:52 PM)Eneary Wrote: For about a year or so now I've been entertaining the possibility of just up and leaving everything in my life right now and starting up something new, essentially running away from home.
Ok, I have no idea where the thread is going, or what is being said in response to this because I felt the need to respond first then read :-/.
I have been considering pulling my own disappearing act since I was 15. I am almost 22 now. I am living with my brother and fellow wanderer and his fiance'. They are, by far, my two best friends. Now its sad to say, but they will both openly aggree, that I am the glue that holds there relationship together. I, in fact, got them together and have held them together since then. This is by there own will or I would have nothing to do with it, personally speaking. I am currently working on a couple of computer related degrees(I took the last semester and a half off, a public speaking proff was failing me because of my political views so I got pissed and took some time off.) and working full time to make ends meet(you would all chop me up with an ax if you knew where i worked, my only excuse is that there are people that once needed me there).
Now both of my "kids", as i call them, know of my desire to get away. In fact my brother would happily go with if it werent for the wifey. She cannot stand being away from home. Live and let live I say and I have always been a loner anyway. In fact most of my dayz are spent alone due to the fact that I work a night shift. (Is it wierd that I desire to have people around me due to the lonelyness yet I also really really really just want to be left alone? I should develop another personality so I have someone to talk to! "ay you!" "who me?" "yes me!" lol)
I am pretty sure that both of my parents would be cool with it and I will tell them ahead of time so that they can try to reason with me. They will be ok they have other families and other lives to distract them anyway. No I am not bitter. Every problem that I have is my own fault and I will openly admit that. Now, I have yet to tell my "kids" but I am getting an apartment by myself in a few months. From there I will finish my schooling as quickly as possible then make my move. I think that I will tell my parents and no one else that I will be leaving. And I will probably only give them a days notice if that so that they cannot organize some crazy intervention or something
. They have both heard me on several occations talk about getting the "f" out of dodge, and they are both well aware by now of what I am capable of. Slowly but surely my social obligations have been slipping away and this is by design. I really think that I have an uncommon opportunity to start fresh somewhere where I am an unknown(as if i am known here
lol). The more that I sit in the silence and let it wash over me, the more it seems to me that it is indeed my guidence system telling me to go. Where to go? I dont know, but the details will trickle in with time. I am thinking somewhere on the west coast.
I am sorry Eneary, but I really do not have a comment on your post
. It just really hit home for me.Edit: Maybe this is just the wanderer spirit coming out again? The 3d battle ground does intregue me....
RE: Something on My Mind - Peregrinus - 11-16-2009
It is typical at this time of wanderers and all deeply affected by the increasing vibrational frequencies to break relationships and leave where they are. I have already done this. I left my work, my service to self woman, and am now where I am spiritually able to grow. It may have been a move from and upscale 1/2 million dollar home to a basement suite on poor street, but I'd rather have a whole and loving spirit than a bad relationship and all the money in the world.
RE: Something on My Mind - airwaves - 11-17-2009
(11-16-2009, 08:01 PM)Peregrinus Wrote: It is typical at this time of wanderers and all deeply affected by the increasing vibrational frequencies to break relationships and leave where they are. I have already done this. I left my work, my service to self woman, and am now where I am spiritually able to grow. It may have been a move from and upscale 1/2 million dollar home to a basement suite on poor street, but I'd rather have a whole and loving spirit than a bad relationship and all the money in the world.
I know what you meen! It actually sounds like I am doing just the same thing only flip the money part around
(broke as a joke lol). I dont know. I feel no shame in saying that I am definitely in a rut/depression atm. It just feels like everytime that I press on the accelerator too hard I start spinning my wheels like I am driving through snow or something. I feel that if I were just left to my own devices, no one around to pester me for this or that, I would be able to regain my health(as if I ever had it lol!), achieve all of my goals, and just be happier for a time until I am ready for my people again. I feel this on a weekly basis and have for a very very very long time. So it cant me a lie right? So why cant I escape? Why cant people see what they do to me? Why cant they just feel some compassion? For the longest time I locked myself behind this great wall and didnt feel anything even though I really still wanted to help people(i can never escape that). And now that I finally have the ability to feel and have emotions I find myself in a lot of pain. The deep emotional kind that just doessnt stop. Maybe its all of those bottles of the deep emotional pain that I had stored away finally coming out(used to bottle everything up)? It makes me miss the numbness behind the wall. The thick rino skin(lol Ali). Its hard for me, as an aquarius, to feel anything at all. It took a long time to get where I am at. And for what? More hurt? So is it not right to finally do something for myself? I have spent so much time helping others that I have been thoroughly neglected in almost every way that a human can be. Is it not safe to say that I have finally earned the right to work on my own life and say to heck with everyone else for at least a little while, no matter how hard that may be??I really feel that finally doing myself right is the way to go, but at the same time I just cant neglect the needs of others that easily. Maybe I can find a place to do charity work. I always enjoyed tutoring at the college to.
I just dont know......
:idea: Do you guys think I am crazy?
RE: Something on My Mind - fairyfarmgirl - 11-17-2009
Good Greetings Airwaves and all:
part of my learning as a lightworker and wanderer is to take good care of myself. All energies can not be focused outward helping others without it finally beginning to take a toll on our own selves.
Focus on healing yourself and assisting others when feeling guided to do so. This is challenging at first because so much of our indenity is linked up to helping others... now is the time though to begin helping ourselves. Many of us are the first wave... thus the pioneers. It is our job to go through the doorways and hold open the door for others... that is it... it is not in our best interest to go through the doors and then go back out again... This will deplete you and leave you lacking in all areas.
I find that this site offers a perspective that has assisted me in my learning to care for myself and also assisted me in learning why sometimes I am completely out of tune with the rest of the people around me. http://www.emergingearthangels.com/2009/wings11.12.2009.html
Short term lightworking assignments are best at this time... to help those who are unawakened results in having to slow down our frequency signature... this causes all kinds of difficulties for us... the best solution I have found in my life is helping others in small doses with an open ended arrangement. If I am able I show up and help If not then I let them know it is not a good day for me and I will show up when I am able.
All kinds of things are getting in the way for me from childcare to transportation to having several bouts of the flu to my kids and husband being sick... etc... Planning is just not possible for me right now.
I also find that I am able to assist others by simply offering to dialogue concerning what I have or am experiencing at this time. This is only a small part of that many lightworkers are doing now by the internet to assist in guiding others through the doorways that they have just gone through. It is a process and a journey.
Take care of yourself and offer only that which you have to give. To give more than you have is irresponsible giving and ultimately will hurt you the giver.
Love--
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Something on My Mind - Ali Quadir - 11-17-2009
(11-17-2009, 12:09 PM)airwaves Wrote: :idea: Do you guys think I am crazy?By definition, but that's a good thing !
(11-17-2009, 12:09 PM)airwaves Wrote: It just feels like everytime that I press on the accelerator too hard I start spinning my wheels like I am driving through snow or something.I'm feeling the same thing, Perhaps considering that FairyFarmGirl you and me are feeling the same means that the universal energy comes in waves, perhaps now is a time to retire to the self a little, be a little more introverted and come out again when the tide comes back in.
When the tide is out we remember the tide being in, when the tide is in we remember it being out. This way we connect the two and bring them closer together in a more balanced unity.
(11-17-2009, 12:09 PM)airwaves Wrote: And now that I finally have the ability to feel and have emotions I find myself in a lot of pain. The deep emotional kind that just doessnt stop. Maybe its all of those bottles of the deep emotional pain that I had stored away finally coming out(used to bottle everything up)? It makes me miss the numbness behind the wall. The thick rino skin(lol Ali). Its hard for me, as an aquarius, to feel anything at all. It took a long time to get where I am at.I've been called a slab of concrete, and a black hole. Having emotions isn't so hard though. And it's often not an all or nothing affair. I find that I can pick the emotions to feel and those to ignore. Also hiding behind the concrete walls of a hardened psyche at appropriate moments isn't in itself wrong. A little wisdom is called for to know when and where. When we encounter pure STS there is no point in taking risks with ourselves. STO on collision courses requires some compassion but we can't fight off the sorrow of the world, we can only deal with it so as not to cause more or relieve our little share. Just be compassionate towards yourself.
Quote:And for what? More hurt? So is it not right to finally do something for myself? I have spent so much time helping others that I have been thoroughly neglected in almost every way that a human can be. Is it not safe to say that I have finally earned the right to work on my own life and say to heck with everyone else for at least a little while, no matter how hard that may be??Absolutely
But here too there's a lot of ways to go about it. Be sure to pick one that answers all your ideals. Quote: I really feel that finally doing myself right is the way to go, but at the same time I just cant neglect the needs of others that easily. Maybe I can find a place to do charity work. I always enjoyed tutoring at the college to.Me thinks you just said you wanted some time to spend on yourself. There's always old ladies in the supermarket to pick things up for when they drop something. Meaning that it's more about your willingness to assist in the moment than it is in a life commitment to be of service. Chances will be there on any path you choose.
I just dont know......
It isn't always easy. By participating in the world we are bound to get hurt at times. No rhino skin is going to solve that. But we can adopt a frame of mind where we accept that we sometimes run forward and at other times have to brace ourselves not to get swept back. Connect the two in the now and their effects will be more subtle and the result will feel more consistent. In the long run this will be beneficial to us pioneers
RE: Something on My Mind - Questioner - 11-17-2009
(11-16-2009, 03:32 PM)airwaves Wrote: Ok, I have no idea where the thread is going, or what is being said in response to this because I felt the need to respond first then read :-/.
Hi airwaves,
Would you be willing to read the thread from the top? You're within a few years of the same age as eneary. I wonder if you think that there is something to all of this that comes from being born in the late 80's? Or do you think that is just a coincidence for both of you to have the same kind of concerns in life at around the same age? Also, do you think any of the comments already directed to eneary might be helpful to you?
RE: Something on My Mind - airwaves - 11-18-2009
(11-17-2009, 10:07 PM)Questioner Wrote: Would you be willing to read the thread from the top? You're within a few years of the same age as eneary. I wonder if you think that there is something to all of this that comes from being born in the late 80's? Or do you think that is just a coincidence for both of you to have the same kind of concerns in life at around the same age? Also, do you think any of the comments already directed to eneary might be helpful to you?
Oh wow! Eneary are you my long lost twin? My brother, though i believe him to be a wanderer, is the same way. Actually a lot of my friends are. Dolts. In fact, other than the difference in our respective degrees, we are in about the exact same position. I am possibly a step closer to escaping though
. I had to get out of my parents shadow, trying to controll me is like holding a gun to my head. It encourages the fight or flight effect. And americorps sounds fantastic! Particularly americorps nccc.I will be back with a response and few answers in a few days. My mind has a lot to chew on atm!
Btw I finally got a new job! If i can work up the guts, i will tell you where i used to work. It will make for an intresting discussion :-/.
L/L guys thanks for all the help and support!
RE: Something on My Mind - airwaves - 11-19-2009
Ok now for the update........
I started my new job today. I am cooking in a restaraunt/organic foods store. I absolutely love cooking and always have. There is no better or easier service to me than feeding others what they need to survive. Its very rewarding! And, as it turns out, there are two individuals there not unlike me, with similar goals, ideals, and histories. Well the female of the two I am speaking of(who is very attractive in practically every way, physically, mentally, and metaphysically) is going to start up a community center in my home town (jasper, indiana). It will serve the underprivilaged food, give financial support, counselling and possibly room and board. Good stuff imho. I asked her if she would like some help in this endeavor and she said any help she can get is infinitely appreciated. The whole thing is still miles away from starting so thats in the future. I have also decided that I am going to take a stint with the americorps nccc or peace corps. Which ever will have my help is the one I will go with, or both idc. I ran it past my mom and she thought it was a fantastic idea, so i have some parental support. I hate to push off college even more , but who is to say further education is even in the cards for me? Once again I may be dancing to the beat of a different drum.
It is quite amazing to me to think that everything falls together just as quickly as it falls apart.
And yes I finally do have the guts to tell you all where I was working. I was working in Perdue's turkey proccessing facility in Washington, Indiana. It was quite the experience knowing that 100 hundred yards away from where I was doing my job there was thousands of creatures being slaughtered. 36,000 a day is the official figure. I would never have worked there if there was not a few individuals there in need of me. I suppose it does not matter where we are called for service so long as we provide the light. I am so glad to be away from that nightmare.
Thats all I have to say about that. I would be very happy to hear what you all have to say about where I have been and where I am going. This is a place of learning /teaching and I would greatly appreciate any advice that can be had.
Also I am very sorry because I realize that this could all be conglomerated and tossed into wanderer stories
L/L and thank you ahead of time.
P.S. sorry about the typos I was in a hurry lol
RE: Something on My Mind - Ali Quadir - 11-19-2009
Keep moving forward
Congratulations on a new job. Don't forget to look back occasionally so if a setback comes along you'll know that there's bound to be more light behind it. Some waves require us to brace for impact others have us grab our boards and riding with them. If we keep our heads clear and let the ocean speak for itself we usually end up on the beach in no time.Thanks! It's inspiring to read about your good fortunes. The turkey factory is behind you. Ahead is feeding loads of people wholesome meals! Tell your two "kids" that if they wish to be together in those difficult situations to spiritually link up with you and act from compassion and to otherwise always look out for each other. You may have facilitated their being together. But there's more to it than that. It was never up to you to make that decision. They must have made it themselves but for whatever reason saw fit to attribute it to you. If they want to be together then they should as the green Muppet said: "Do or do not.. There is no try".
RE: Something on My Mind - ayadew - 11-19-2009
I am happy for you, airwaves. I hope myself to be able to help people through geologic knowledge, perhaps tell them to not build houses near a volcano.. it's harder said than done, since real good soil is made from volcanic ashes as it contains new minerals from the earth's inside, and volcanoes really like to puke lava in the same place it had before.
What you could do is to not blame yourself or feel negative about your past experience at the turkey factory. You were meant to be in that place at that time, and it's all well and perfect. I don't think the turkey's are angry at you.
Find comfort in that it made you appreciate your current job more, and that all things that has happened before in your life has led you to this point.I will restrain myself from giving you any romantic advice, that you fix best yourself I'm sure.
I wish you well
RE: Something on My Mind - ExperiencedGhost - 11-19-2009
Eneary, you said "That said, I can't deny the possibility that this constant use of marijuana connected my mind to my soul much more than I ever had before. In that sense, I see the possibility that the sudden ideas, which came from nowhere, of me running away, did in fact originate from my higher self." Your higher self won't tell you what to do but he will always let you make your choice. Please do not link a thought to a drug, is what I would say.
My cousin wanted to go away too, but I knew in his case that this was just running away from his situation. I can say by my own personal experiences that you'll take your troubles with you wherever you'll go, unless you try to solve it first. If you should decide to go away, try to do this with a clean slate.
Life can be weird sometimes and signs can be so hard to interpretate. I do not believe anymore that coincidence exist, I had my own proof of that. So if everything would already have been written down than this means that any choice you might make, the end result would finally be the same. Every path you choose wil lead to the same point but might take some years before getting there ! That's why it's so important that a decision may not be based on a negative feeling. That's my insight.
RE: Something on My Mind - Questioner - 11-20-2009
(11-19-2009, 04:40 PM)airwaves Wrote: Ok now for the update........Thanks.
Quote:Also I am very sorry because I realize that this could all be conglomerated and tossed into wanderer storiesI think you just did that.
There is another way to interpret your "turkey time." The turkeys had already been slaughtered by the time they got to you. You did what you could, within the confines of the system, to make parts of the birds available as good food for other people to enjoy. Now, you get to use ingredients that were obtained mindfully, and make them into good food for other people to enjoy. And all this in a system that supports your values and creativity, and inspires friendship.
The other place was something that might have helped you have more dexterity in food processing. No question that it definitely helped you clarify, in your own spirit, what you most wanted to do about food. In other words, I don't see any reason to try to drop it off your resume, or not mention it without shame. It's a valid part of your journey that helped you get where you are now.
Perhaps the organic place wasn't ready for you yet, when your spirit was ready to serve food with joy. Maybe the turkey factory was the closest match your higher self could find at the time to what your heart really wanted, given circumstances in Jasper when you got that previous job.
How cool that you get support at home with your desire to join the service program. Maybe what you learn there will help you be able to organize a community center, if it turns out to be your calling to help with that. Or maybe you'll learn something else that will inspire a next step that you can't even imagine now.
Quote:P.S. sorry about the typos I was in a hurry lolYou'll find an Edit button on your posts if you want to fix them up. I've done that myself when I caught typos later.
As for college, I went at traditional age but I had a lot of respect for the people who came back to school after some years of life experience. They were much better students because they were focused on why they wanted to learn something. Also they were typically more mature about who they were, and how their lives were organized. If you do want to go back to school later, this will always be an option for you.
Meanwhile, there is a great time in history to be as self-educated as you'd like to be. For example, MIT has just about all of their study material available for free online - search for "MIT Open Courseware." And remember Mark Twain's words: "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
RE: Something on My Mind - fairyfarmgirl - 11-20-2009
Airwaves:
Consider this: Working with food is a akin to working with morphogenetic fields... All is mostly made of water. Water is programmable and crystalline in nature. Dr. Emoto has written and researched this extensively. click here for info http://www.hydrogen2oxygen.net/tag/masaru-emoto/ This might assist you in your learning/teaching/healing yourSelf and Others.
Peace Pilgrim once said: "all the good you do in the world keeps going on and on... "
Blessings--
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Something on My Mind - Richard - 11-20-2009
Late to the subject…but “running away”….within the LOO…is this an STO act or an STS act? How does this serve others? What effect will this act have beyond your personal satisfaction? I’m not trying to be a stick in the mud, but contemplation of the consequences of an act, both spiritually and physically, is part of the “the choice”. Not just in this instance, but in every decision of every day.
Richard