The horror........

[ada]

Hi all, I just want to share an experience I've been having and see if anyone can relate.

First time this happened was last Christmas. I was drinking all day, and at the end of the night I went to bed. As I laid in bed, I began to feel this feeling utter terror. It was as though I was looking at an HP Lovecraft monster with my minds eye. Or if there was another human trapped in me, screaming. In between feeling absolutely horrified, I would occasionally hear little voices telling me to kill myself, that I'm no good, etc. Or the voices would just be screaming. 

Along with all of that, I entered a catatonic state. Couldn't move. My face was frozen in horror. 

Definitely felt very uhh... schizophrenic in that way. I feel as though the thoughts and feelings were my own, and yet I was so detached from my self that it felt like I was hearing 'others' voices.

So that was last December. Flashforward to last night. I am almost 2 months clean from drinking, I get back home from a long day, lay down and the same thing happens. However, this time I invoke a white light and just greeted it all as such. Which helped. It was somewhat exhausting though.

Now it's the morning.... it lingers. I'm ok, but it's lingering.

Has anyone experienced this before?

I had a similar experience the night before I traveled to meet L/L and other members in Prague. I had all kinds of nightmares or things happening to me before, but not hearing an other-self voice/thought talking down on me. I could share the details if you'd like, but in regard to your OP I feel that others have already answered this better than I could. All I can offer is that of praying and thanking the creator after such an experience and contemplating/meditating it to a balanced or positive experience, in hopes of letting go without attachment. All is well.