Life, Drugs and self-destruction

[Sacred Fool]

This is one of the biggest issues of my life...

This is quite an assignment you've taken on. One would suspect that you had a lot of faith in yourself, pre-incarnatively, to choose this...if you believe in such things.

74.11 Questioner: What I am trying to get at is how these disciplines affect the energy centers and the power of the white magician. Will you tell me how that works?

Ra: I am Ra. The heart of the discipline of the personality is threefold. One, know your self. Two, accept your self. Three, become the Creator.

From a spiritual sense, if I may make so bold as to say that I understand these things, what you do and what you've done are far less important than your knowing what you are. Knowledge of self is first key.

One can say, "I am the Creator...and I know this because I read it on the Internet," but I'm speaking here about knowing it the hard way, through disciplined study, in other words. It strikes me that this is what you--on some other level--are calling yourself (on this level) to do here, difficult as that may be.

Clearly, you know a great deal about yourself already. You already know the things which are apparent to you; but do you know the things you're hiding from yourself and do you know why you are hiding them? How badly would you want to know them?



Years ago I worked over a long period with a clairvoyant and discovered disconcerting things about past life involvements that I never would have believed, except I resonated with the vibrations she described. This included doing a lot monkeying around in powerful negative hierarchies, both in space/time past lives and in time/space.

She told me I was a "double agent," that I worked for both the Light & the Dark. It was she, as well, who directed me to the Ra Material because it was the only literature she had read which explained how an entity can advance to higher planes via the negative path (something I had evidently done). It was quite a relief when I read it, actually, because, by that point, I felt I was bearing one hell of burden, so to speak.

In this incarnation I've not achieved near your level of self-destructive paradox, but I'm telling you the above to let on that I know a bit about the feeling of being a container which is way, way too small to hold its contents. I can appreciate the discomfort.

Two things helped me: (1) clearing away residual negativity and (2) growing "my container."

The first involved an intermittent combination of working with people who did various spiritual healing modalities and hanging out in places with intense positive spiritual energy.

The second involved the above plus a dogged, somewhat disciplined pursuit of my chosen goal which is to truly know myself and accept myself. This has served to slowly, steadily increase my container so that I may live with some contentedness in my own skin.