01-13-2017, 07:50 PM
I don't know. When I look at my past, I feel like a really bad person.
I mean I've never punched anyone, even if they deserved it. But I've hurt others in different ways.
I am uneasy around my mom, but not sure if that's why I have frequent dreams of being at the laser lab I was at in college, except in the dream it's bigger,
and in the dream I don't really work with lasers. It's just being around the same professor.
I sleep, but I don't truly rest. My heart is so tender that I feel like crying at times. I get that achy throat you get when you get choked up.
I guess I am lucky I didn't get my dream come true of becoming an anthro, because it would be loads more trouble.
I just worry that when I die, and open up to my higher self, that I won't be interested in that anymore. And that it will never happen.
If you look at me now, I'm a pretty good person, but I can count at least a dozen times I was terrible. Like chasing down another kid who punched me in the face, threatening him when I was a teen.
I feel like at least one time in my life I died, and ended up in the sun, but came back in about an hour or so. As I was floating through the sun, some patches were hotter than others. And I felt I was there because of my sin. I had wanted to die, because I was absolutely exhausted from living.
Lying down before sleep makes me feel comfortable for a few minutes. But then I am restless, and toss and turn.
I don't know if waking or dreaming is actually harder for me. Dreams are rarely fun, and life is almost never fun. But I tend to carry a bad attitude.
I mean I've never punched anyone, even if they deserved it. But I've hurt others in different ways.
I am uneasy around my mom, but not sure if that's why I have frequent dreams of being at the laser lab I was at in college, except in the dream it's bigger,
and in the dream I don't really work with lasers. It's just being around the same professor.
I sleep, but I don't truly rest. My heart is so tender that I feel like crying at times. I get that achy throat you get when you get choked up.
I guess I am lucky I didn't get my dream come true of becoming an anthro, because it would be loads more trouble.
I just worry that when I die, and open up to my higher self, that I won't be interested in that anymore. And that it will never happen.
If you look at me now, I'm a pretty good person, but I can count at least a dozen times I was terrible. Like chasing down another kid who punched me in the face, threatening him when I was a teen.
I feel like at least one time in my life I died, and ended up in the sun, but came back in about an hour or so. As I was floating through the sun, some patches were hotter than others. And I felt I was there because of my sin. I had wanted to die, because I was absolutely exhausted from living.
Lying down before sleep makes me feel comfortable for a few minutes. But then I am restless, and toss and turn.
I don't know if waking or dreaming is actually harder for me. Dreams are rarely fun, and life is almost never fun. But I tend to carry a bad attitude.