Favourite visions or confusing ones we haven't figured out

[APeacefulWarrior]

Well, there was the time I (think I) almost blundered down my end of the "Tunnel of Light" without knowing what I was doing.  

This was well before I discovered the LOO or anything like that.  At times, when I would meditate, I'd feel myself sinking deeper into myself, almost like a staircase with "plateaus" of clarity at each step.   I'd often do this while high, since good pot had the effect of freeing my mind from my body enough it made meditation easier, but without just going to sleep.  And I'd often follow the glowing/happy feeling pot would give me inwards, because doing so somehow gave me a "straight" path down/inwards, or so it seemed.  

Anyway, in particularly deep sessions, I'd hit a point of stabilization where it was as though I was exploring an interior pseudo-space.  I could will my consciousness to move around within it, and I'd have hints of visualizations but nothing too concrete.  Until one day, I spotted a structure that looked like a golden-white aurora, complete with the ribbony look and general flowy-ness.  I was vaguely curious (since during meditation that deep I was pretty zen and only sort-of consciously thinking) but it was deep enough that I could only see it from a distance.  And, over a period of 2-3 years, I encountered it a few times.

As I was basically an agnostic rationalist at that point, this puzzled me quite a bit since I couldn't imagine what it could be.  Since I was following a "path" of happy/high feelings I thought I might be somehow visualizing my own hormonal system or something like that.  Which would be cool.  Otherwise, it was just something of a mystery.

Well, one day, I got some absolutely amazing green that sent me for such a loop that I closed my eyes and it was like WHAAMM elevator straight down/in.  Within moments I had achieved a level of inner clarity that would generally require half an hour of meditation, and the golden ribbon was "in sight."  Except this time I knew I could go significantly deeper.  So, existing as a zen spark of curiosity (and not much else) within my interior space, I decided to go check it out and\or see if there were other inner structures beyond the golden ribbon.

So I moved towards it, and noticed that lateral movements didn't seem to shift it in my perspective.  No matter if I moved diagonally or anything else, I just moved steadily closer to it.  Well, whatever, nothing says interior pseudospace has to be euclidean.  So I kept moving towards it, and it got bigger and bigger in my inner sight until it completely filled my view, while I was still totally zen and blissed out and childishly curious.

Then three things happened, pretty much simultaneously.  It turned blood red, I was suddenly terrified, and I was told NO by a distinctly not-me source.  

Almost instantly, I popped back to physical awareness, totally sober and totally freaked out.

And the thing is, it wasn't an angry\threatening\hostile NO.  It was a much more absolute NO communicating something to the effect of "What you're attempting is a bad idea, would not work, and only bad things could come from trying."  It was the NO of a parent stopping their child from grabbing a red-hot object or eating something poisonous.   Which is almost exactly what I felt like.  That strange combination of fear and shame that accompanies almost doing something really, really stupid and having your ass saved at the last second. That feeling actually persisted for awhile, even once I'd gotten my heart rate/breathing under control.

I couldn't get the event out of my head, either, despite not really believing in things spiritual at that point in my life.  Except that there was exactly ONE scenario I could think of that fit what had happened, with the problem being that it required me to accept the existence of something - the "tunnel of light" - that I'd never believed in.  Not to mention the idea of being mentally spoken to by an outside entity, which was apparently acting as gatekeeper.

Either way, for awhile there, I would very occasionally joke that God had spoken to me, but he only had one thing to say: NO.  

But then I had to cease using that joke, after I made other contacts.