"You create your reality"

[Aion]

The best way is to kill your self, the identity you have convinced yourself you are.

How would this help?

I mean... one level, I understand, but if I'm trying to achieve a particular effect, suicide is more likely to be counter-productive...

Breaking myself down is something I understand; I need to figure out hoe to build properly.

I'm trying to figure out where the rules are and how things work here, how exactly thought interacts with reality, and how the unity works, how to tesser and utilize thoughtforms in a powerful enough manner.

I do not mean suicide of the body, suicide of the mind, of the identity.

If your goal is building then you need order. Without order no building is possible as entropy will dissolve things before they are even made.

I will profess that I do not think black magic alone holds the answer to what you seek, but holding to it will limit you.