"You create your reality"

[Minyatur]

While I agree with pretty much everything you wrote, I'm not sure if you seek to look at the STS path with a look on the simple truth of it like you do on the rest. If you really consider your situation as desperate, then understand that the STS path only offer rejection of yourself and will create further needs of healing.

It's a path where you regret it all before accepting it all, so you can't say you inherently find it all well because you don't, but yeah you will come to understand and forgive yourself because you are all things and all things can be understood. Once understanding is found, forgiveness is inherent because there never really is something to forgive.

Maybe. I don't know. Again, maybe what I'm referring to as "black magick" isn't exactly what you're referring to. There is little need for damage - to myself or other-selves - during the alchemical process I'm trying to achieve.

Basically, I want to develop contact with intelligent infinity, and, from there, learn and absorb patterns to use in my own creations before separating.

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure about what you want to do but it still feels like you are merely creating rejection with your own self and that this will need to find resolution somewhen.