"You create your reality"

[Aion]

Ah, but see, you again bring up 'better'. Not all pain is emotional and mental, physical pain is not so easy to simply drop but it's effects upon the spirit can be felt just as severely. I do not lament my suffering but rather I believe it is something which has shaped me due to the very fact that despite endless effort, it will not just 'go away with thoughts of love' and it is somewhat naive of you to think that I have not put effort towards 'just letting go'.

I don't think you have not put effort towards letting go, you simply have many things to let go of and sometimes healing is not something so much achievable within one lifetime if you are not balanced out of here and were broken apart too deeply. I get why my words can seem to speak of results but they hint about direction. It's not so much about you specifically but the Creator within us. In my own movement away from suffering, I cannot advocate the tools I have used to entertain my suffering with.

Everyone is unique and when I spoke of predator and victims, I said both do require healing and that the steps of this healing is specific to each. We all are distorted in unique ways and I merely try to remove the line between predator/victim because I believe this line often aims at not finding love for those who are the predators and which I find to see victims within. I have compassion for both.

At this point I don't think I am even suffering from those emotional or mental issues, I'm just grumpy and cynical because of the hernia. After the surgery I'll probably be in a much more comfortable state and be more peaceable.

Well that is well, I wish the best for you.

I understand what you are expressing, it's just not where my focus is right now. I am well acquainted with the concepts but I am exploring the antithesis of unity right now because it is the reflection of my internal state. I cannot force myself in to unity, it is always there, I can only balance myself according to the extremes of my distortions. In that, I have become decidedly 'mortal'. I chose to 'descend' my perspective to that of a regular frightened human, to know the fears that plague my fellow folk.

Death has been close to me this year. This past weekend a friend of mine was struck by a train and passed on. At the beginning of the year my grandfather died of a heart attack. I am in a very mortal, vulnerable state right now and I am expressing and appreciating it for everything that it is, pain and all, instead of hiding in my ignorant divinity.