How I interpret one of my life's most major catalyst...

[Adonai One]

None. I am actually quite happy except for the fact I get emotional numbness consistently through the course of my life that causes significant distortion (pain) in my life when there is any period of great change. Thus, any activity for me is much harder than it is for most people especially what most people expect me to do. That is all I am trying to convey.

Are you sure this numbness that you feel isn't a defense mechanism based upon a fear to love or form attachment to something you love?

I have a wife. I have a committed bond to this forum. What do you think? I express my (limited) emotional capacity on here clearly. This theory is in contradiction to my very actions at this moment.

I love you guys dearly. It's funny to me to consider this at this point.

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None. I am actually quite happy except for the fact I get emotional numbness consistently through the course of my life that causes significant distortion (pain) in my life when there is any period of great change. Thus, any activity for me is much harder than it is for most people.

Hmm, I'm assuming this resultant pain is mental rather than on a physical level right? Emotional numbness is always a defensive mechanism or a buffer/shell created to prevent one from dealing with certain issues. Obviously then in this case those issues are fear based at some level, even though that fear is 'masked' by other surface beliefs. Only you truly know your mind. While folk here can advise based on their own experience, it ultimately comes down to the individual willingness to address those imbalances in a conscious, authentic manner.

What I get is that you have created this emotional numbness, and you do it so well it's become second nature and seemingly 'autonomous' to you. I'm told for you to ask yourself when it started and you'll be led to the triggering scenario and subsequent belief patterns.

Edit: Jeremy beat me to it. Great minds think alike.

I'm young, sitting in the first car I've known. I look to a water tower in the distance. Everything is so dreary. Life is so dreary. Meaning is a confusing concept to me. Why am I here? Because I am. Everything feels distant and aloof. Nothing seems exciting with no apparent reason.