02-14-2010, 01:22 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-14-2010, 01:23 AM by Questioner.)
Kristy, that's quite a change in your dealings with your nephew.
I think it's especially important here to repeat the disclaimer: As we appreciate your development of a backbone, please use or adapt whatever helps your spirit sing with peace and joy, and leave aside any opinions that are not helpful to you now.
You'd previously not mentioned your husband or nephew by name. Do you want to edit your post to take out their names, or leave their names in?
Legally, of course, a landlord has every right to consider a lease terminated for nonpayment, evict and clean the place up. His attempted guilt trip was all about making you feel bad, not about what is honorable, forthright, ethical.
blade8r's earlier post described the father's year-long transition plan. You have the option, if you like, to say that after thinking things over you decided to give the nephew a limited amount of help for a transition time. Say, three months.
For example: If he follows ALL the rules, including paying everything he owes on time each month, you could trade the car towards a small pickup with a little camper shell or trailer. That would ensure he has a place to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom, and a way to get to jobs, even if everything else falls apart (but NOT parking on your farm)... IF he could get his act together enough to pay the registration & insurance & maintenance. During that transition time your husband could make sure he knows how to cook rice & beans, noodles & broth, etc. - dirt cheap, dirt simple food.
Just an example, one option out of many.
Any further agreement really should be written down, all the rules included. Two copies made, signed by both parties with you & your husband getting one copy, your nephew the other copy.
And you also have the option to stick to your guns or to do whatever else you want!
I feel it might be important to make 100% sure he understands that if he has a child, you have NO responsibility to take care of that child. And if you ever do decide to help the child, that doesn't mean you have ANY responsibility to accommodate irresponsible parenting such as addiction.
I think that it might be important to make sure he understands that fetal alcohol syndrome is one of the most heartbreaking, destructively cruel ways possible to bring a new person into the world. If his lady is as addictive as he is, which she probably is to put up with him, there's a serious risk that they would probably result in them losing any child to the state as incompetent parents.
And you should also point out that you don't see the death of an irresponsible, self-destructive adult as something that requires all the other adults around them to destroy their own lives. His behavior may well lead to the end of this incarnation, which would be tragic but would not require you to sacrifice yourself to provide more help he's already rejected.
These may be things your husband could convey to your nephew.
I think it's especially important here to repeat the disclaimer: As we appreciate your development of a backbone, please use or adapt whatever helps your spirit sing with peace and joy, and leave aside any opinions that are not helpful to you now.
You'd previously not mentioned your husband or nephew by name. Do you want to edit your post to take out their names, or leave their names in?
Legally, of course, a landlord has every right to consider a lease terminated for nonpayment, evict and clean the place up. His attempted guilt trip was all about making you feel bad, not about what is honorable, forthright, ethical.
blade8r's earlier post described the father's year-long transition plan. You have the option, if you like, to say that after thinking things over you decided to give the nephew a limited amount of help for a transition time. Say, three months.
For example: If he follows ALL the rules, including paying everything he owes on time each month, you could trade the car towards a small pickup with a little camper shell or trailer. That would ensure he has a place to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom, and a way to get to jobs, even if everything else falls apart (but NOT parking on your farm)... IF he could get his act together enough to pay the registration & insurance & maintenance. During that transition time your husband could make sure he knows how to cook rice & beans, noodles & broth, etc. - dirt cheap, dirt simple food.
Just an example, one option out of many.
Any further agreement really should be written down, all the rules included. Two copies made, signed by both parties with you & your husband getting one copy, your nephew the other copy.
And you also have the option to stick to your guns or to do whatever else you want!
I feel it might be important to make 100% sure he understands that if he has a child, you have NO responsibility to take care of that child. And if you ever do decide to help the child, that doesn't mean you have ANY responsibility to accommodate irresponsible parenting such as addiction.
I think that it might be important to make sure he understands that fetal alcohol syndrome is one of the most heartbreaking, destructively cruel ways possible to bring a new person into the world. If his lady is as addictive as he is, which she probably is to put up with him, there's a serious risk that they would probably result in them losing any child to the state as incompetent parents.
And you should also point out that you don't see the death of an irresponsible, self-destructive adult as something that requires all the other adults around them to destroy their own lives. His behavior may well lead to the end of this incarnation, which would be tragic but would not require you to sacrifice yourself to provide more help he's already rejected.
These may be things your husband could convey to your nephew.