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About me
Member: Lovewholeself
Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan
Gender: Female
Interests: Inspirational writing, research and reading on awakening based on where I'm guided--the fascinating synchronicities, creating and practicing the visualizations that have been coming through me for years, my Divine Partner/Council who are guiding and speaking louder and louder, exploring what's going on in the world related to awakening, dancing, sewing, traveling, experiencing the beauty and joy of my sexuality, working out via running outside and free weight body sculpting, chakra and aura clearing, dialoging and being with like-minded spirits, experiencing the love and joy of being an aunt with the 3 children in our family (my great nieces and nephew), experiencing myself with my sisters which is continuously and magically unfolding, opening up and living as fully alive expression

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This blog expresses my daily experiences as an awakening being, possibly a Wanderer. It starts with what led me here to this community and continues with my experiences with you all. It also integrates my work as an energy healer in my practice I call Love Whole Self. 

Happy Incarnation Day!!
Published by Lovewholeself on April 18, 2011 2:57pm.  Category: Journal

Well, it's my birthday and I wanted to come back to this journal started over two years ago and review what I wrote (luckily I've kept quite extensive notes in private and in other blogs since). Yet I still have this ideal of connecting through this blog with other like-minded souls/travelers and welcome comments and dialog.

While in meditation this morning, I was with my Divine Council, as I call it, and reviewing as best I could the basis of why I chose to come in at the time, April 18, 1959, and how this incarnation has been of service to my soul. I laugh sometimes and cry sometimes at how serious I take this life as a human, in a physical body. It seems soooo real at times and I get caught up in it, totally identified with human form/ego/personality. Sometimes, it's thoroughly enjoyable and blissful. Other times, it's filled with suffering and I want to get the hell out of here.

Once again, as I often have but often forget, I'm very clear that I'm just on assignment here, like in a laboratory and report back my research findings to Divine Council as I experience this human existence.

How I Got Here, Got Lost and Got Back
Published by Lovewholeself on November 17, 2009 9:48pm.  Category: Journal


Well, it’s been a little over two months now that my whole life perspective began a major change. Began when I watched the Project Camelot interview with Pete Peterson. For some reason, even though David Wilcock was very much in background, I was drawn to him. Got consumed in the next month or so with his writings, explored a little with Carla who channels the Ra Group and have been a bit involved with Wynn Free similarly connected. On one of his talk shows, I was introduced to the Pleidians for, what I thought was, the first time. This led me to intense immersion in Barbara Marciniak’s BRINGERS OF THE DAWN which was an amazing journey and resonated profoundly, clearly. About 5 weeks into my new journey, I felt pretty clear I at least had E.T. DNA if not that I was a member of the Family of Light.

In this awakening process, I realized I had two books in my library from many years ago that related to all this but I’d forgotten. One was THE STARSEED TRANSMISSIONS, Ken Carey, which I’ve since re-read and absolutely love—I’ve always felt a connection to Jesus and this book relates to that entity. Then I would come to learn/have a knowing that Jesus was an E.T. This really rocked my world since that never occurred to me and, though I’ve been involved in many “new age” teachings, I still was influenced by my conditioning of a Catholic upbringing, Jesus as a human man, had been on and off with A Course in Miracles (ACIM) for 15 years, etc. Nowhere did I ever see a reference that Jesus was from non-human heritage. Then I pondered, geez, we’re probably all from non-human heritage!!!

The second book I had was FAMILY OF LIGHT but I never read it even though I bought it about 10 years ago when in my 3-year education and certification process to become an energy healer via Polarity Therapy (back then, unconsciously I knew I was a lightworker but wasn’t quite ready, conscious of what this meant). I actually came to remember after hunting through my library knowing I had purchased it, that it was one of the ones I gave away to the interfaith center library. Darn!! A new friend, aligned with this new awakening, said she happened to have a copy and just sent it to me this week. So I will immerse into this one now.

Meanwhile, in the last month, I’ve been doing a Daily Invocation to “own” my “membership” and ask for the guidance to integrate this into my daily affairs. I also created a visualization I’ve pretty much done daily to connect with Beings of Light (had done this for about a year in 2008 with Sanaya Roman’s work, especially SOUL LOVE and her online year program with Divine Will. Never did I realize then that this was related to Pleiadians as it seems now—with the 7 wills, focal point on beings of light, etc.) It catapulted me into a whole new sense of being.

After all the synchronicities, immersion and excitement, just so totally clear I had a Pleiadian connection, I wasn’t sure how I was going to integrate this into my life as I know it. I went off on a tangent in the last week. I feel like I’ve lost the connection and clarity. For some reason, I keep feeling “pulled” to integrate ACIM teachings, and I’ve been distracted by trying to reconcile what seem to be contradictions between this and the Pleiadians. In a naïve sort of way, I guess, I want it all to fit together.

So, Nov 14, after some of my ACIM reading and writing, and writing to my ACIM friend about both of our doubts about the “tiny, mad idea” as written in ACIM, I remembered to read a piece Opal/Anica wrote earlier called How the Human Race Came to Be as a Mass Consciousness Projection on Earth (from This was perfect because it spoke of a more plausible explanation of how we humans came to be. Though I signed up on the Opalescent Collective site about a month ago, I haven’t spent a lot of time here. After reading the human race article, I wanted to read more of your pieces. I re-read article on vibrations and then looked at the water crystals slideshow. I was feeling really in tune with it all. Then I read: Who is Anica, and Are You Ready? OK, I’m more in the groove now!! This led me to the following sweet, little child-like innocence in a prayer.

Dear One:

Help me to remember my way Home again. I feel like I got lost and distracted. Can I really pull off what I'm attempting: to do my inner work, writing, etc., continuing to be taken care of financially, even though I hardly have any income right now? This is what I really want and yet I doubt it at times. I get scared, discouraged and then sort of paralyzed. You are What I Really Am. Why would I doubt this and get distracted away from You? Well, because I get caught up in the illusions of identifying with “me” as a human.

As You know, for years, I have felt on and off stuck in depressive stories, particularly, “something must be wrong with me,” “I’m a loser,” “I’m not good enough/nothing’s ever good enough,” "I don't feel like it and you can't make me," etc. And, through those same years, I’ve felt such excitement and inner knowing that I am a spiritual being, that I have all this amazing potential I came to this planet to experience. I’ve pursued all these teachings/paths to align with that. Yet, the “stuck stories” still seem powerful at times and elude me.

Then I hear a message from One of Us today that says “I ask you to remember that the only way to achieve peace is through experiencing the transformative effect of letting go of your addiction to pain.” (all quotes here from Are You Ready?) I know this conceptually and even experience it. But I also feel weighed down by my addiction to pain. I must still want it at some level. I still forget my Roots and think I'm human. As I read further along, this message gives me hope and reminds me “It isn’t so hard once you remove the obstacles you have in place, in the form of what beliefs have become in the structure of your civilization. We are not asking you to adopt our beliefs in their place, but to allow your eyes to adjust to the light of a greater truth than you have been permitted to see.” I am ready!!! I have the tools ad infinitum to remove these obstacles. May I continue to dis-identify from these blocks, look to You for guidance, dissolution of them, decisions and actions that lead me Home and strengthen me to trust What I Really Am. I am also encouraged to remember it’s not just “me” tripping over humanhood and getting stuck. I’m reminded, “Your world is breaking free of that harmonic, however, and is already in the process of re-integrating within the structure of a finer, lighter density.”

THANK YOU for message, Anica, coming through Opalescent!!!


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Published by Lovewholeself on November 17, 2009 9:40pm.  Category: Journal

October 27, 2009




Divine Council: “I request a transmission of Your light and love for me to live today in full memory of my true Home, What I Really Am (WIRA) and what I have incarnated on this planet to do. I ask for this knowledge AND the courage to BE WIRA.

“You and I know that one of the illusions that gets in my way is this resistance that shows up as fogginess/laziness/unmotivated haze. This is just layers of ego and unconscious guilt to be released. Help me to remember this is not a big deal. With my intention and request to You, Your light and love has the power to dissolve this. I trust in this and choose Your strength to do what You do.

"I forgive myself, my scared, wounded inner child and the projected images that feed this resistance. I treat this resistance with loving awareness, kindness and mercy, listening to what messages it has to tell me so I accept all parts of myself as the Whole Self. I understand these resistance patterns have all been part of the design of my soul’s agreement in this lifetime. It’s not bad or wrong. It has been part of what I had to experience to relate to the human condition.

“Help me to act as if I am newly beamed down, innocent, free of the past obstacles and frequency control limitations. Help me be ready to step forward with our Light into the circumstances of my daily life today with this awareness, clarity, courage and motivation. I follow your lead/the clues to know where I need to be, do what I need to be doing, and be with who I need to be with.

“I trust in your Light and loving support and choose Your strength, not my identity at the personality level. I always have access to knowing that You are holding my hand to release it all, to shine Your light on the darkness. Wherever I go, whatever obstacles arise, please DC, let me remember that I’m never alone or powerless. You, the Family of Light, and the power of forgiveness, are always available any moment I call and turn to You.”



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Letter to New Blessed Friend Rachel
Published by Lovewholeself on October 17, 2009 6:03pm.  Category: Journal

Oct 17, 2009


Rachel: Ditto on all the love and everything you say!!! I am in awe at how we were guided and the effervescence I feel about what's going on here with us. I really look forward to our continued discoveries--individually as well as together.

I also need to say THANK YOU because your writing today and when you found me on L/L Research were enormous validations of how what I've been being told is manifesting. They said that if I just keep writing, put out the experiences via journal, don't worry about the final result, they would bring me to connect with where I need to be, who I need to be with, and what I need to be doing. It can be effortless if I surrender to their guidance!!

Funny, you could read others blogs but not mine. Hhhmmm?? Oh, maybe that's it!!! I'm not in L/L Research, but its sister website How did you come across lovewholeself then? And by the way, when you have time pls tell me the juice of what led you to intuit LWS was me. To my knowledge, blogs are only place where my screen name shows up. Anyhoooo . . . try this link.


WARNING: Below is my blog for today but was really written as a letter to you. It's quite long so sorry--may take a few sittings if you even have time to read whole thing. Thanks for being here because it helped me write to "you" as a "live" audience. My blog entry (which is going to turn into a book) is more vibrant with your involvement.


Did I mention to check out the Pleiadians stuff? I think I wrote about that to you--I remember you brought it up first from your past. Anyway, I'm now devouring Barbara Marciniak's work which is rocking my world even more than David Wilcock--though he served as an important gateway. She has a 10-part youtube series which sums it all up re: her first book, BUILDERS OF THE DAWN. (The way this book came about is absolutely incredible and is covered in the foreward by her friend/editor—it’s a way I aspire to living/flowing effortlessly and feel I’m tapping into as palatable through the raised frequency I’ve been in this month.) I’ve been reading this book for a few a week now—amazing!! Marciniak has since written two other books; I just started the latest one, PATH TO EMPOWERMENT (PTE).*

L/L Research’s, Carla, the channel for the Ra Group, does online chat forum on Sats from 3 - 5. Guess it's already too late for you there in Aussie (is that correct slang?) but I recommend you check it out sometime. You get to be with her directly, channeling, re: the group's questions. If you want, I can attach the transcript of what I have from my 1st session with her (Oct. 3). It was very powerful along the lines of what I felt I needed validation about and she addressed my questions thoroughly. She gave me an awesome gift through what felt like a direct channeling from her to me (for free!!!). Even the energy in the chat was amazing as they acknowledged as well in a follow up group post.


Another thing . . . as if this isn’t already becoming a long email J . . . when I wrote to Carla initially, I got a reply from Wynn Free (author of Wilcock's book, THE REINCARNATION OF EDGAR CAYCE). He and I are now in communication and I’ve joined his free Mon (6 pst) conference call/BBS radio show.** There’s some pretty cool stuff going on there and it’s a small community; he’s accessible which is really nice!!! The first show I joined in (Oct 5) was on the Pleiadians and, frankly, I hadn’t even looked at the topic for the night in advance—coincidental, I think not. This term “Pleiadians” never resounded for me even though a friend had emailed a link to a youtube in Oct 1. I just didn’t act on it yet; wasn’t drawn strongly, I think, because I was so absorbed with reading and listening to Wilcock, checking out Carla’s and Ra Group’s work, etc. What Wynn and the channel said resonated profoundly. I got off call, googled Pleiadians, pulled right to Marciniak and listened to an interview designed just for “me,”*** called my friend who sent the link and was like, OMG!!!! And the rest is history!!! I was hooked.

I toootally relate about unknown how to explain this "dimensional shift,' ET stuff to Course students. I'm really following my heart on this, trusting in the power of my own guidance over anything--including the Course. I have a blog on where I post almost daily re: ACIM-ish topics. I'm wondering if I should start weaving some of this in. BUT, as with many other things, I was told by Divine Council last week to just do what I'm doing now as I'm doing it there. If, and when the time is right, I'll be directed to add a twist of this to my messages (and to my conversations with ACIM friends).


All this has led me to a bit of a controversy about ACIM’s original message from J and the possible ways it has gotten distorted in the Course community. Why, for example, would it be problematic for the Course community if J were an ET? I'm writing a blog about this too so stay tuned.

But basically, Ken Carey says: "Human beings have a tendency to become imprisoned in their concepts. You must remember that words and concepts can be both fallible and misleading. They are not absolutes. Do not confuse them with the realities they represent. No statement that I will make can be taken as an absolute statement. This does not mean that I am coming from a vague place. On the contrary, it means that your words are not precise enough to express the levels of vibratory awareness that I am attempting to communicate through them.

"Our mission is to bring a pre-Fall state of awareness to all human beings who are able to respond, however different they may be, whatever background they may have come from, using whatever conceptual structures seem appropriate. These individuals will then be instructed to translate this awareness into forms of informational exchange appropriate to their respective cultural situations."


Rachel, you can tell I’m on fire about this. I assume, and hope, you will enjoy and be passionate reading this as well. Please share your thoughts and experiences as well. This is all going to be my blog entry for today but you’ve helped it to be in more a live, conversational nature. Thanks for being a listening for that.


*Funny, synchronistic story here too. When online looking at her books, I see the cover for FAMILY OF LIGHT (FOL). I go, “Hey, I have that book.” My heart starts racing. I knew I never read it but bought it back in the days in Boston (mid-90s) where I belonged to One Spirit book club. I accumulated a lot of books that looked interesting. Many I never read or just perused quickly and put on my book shelf. Apparently, I wasn’t ready for this one yet.


Anyhooo, so I’m at my bookshelves looking for it. Darn. Not here. Let it go. OK. I go to bookstore to check out the latest one which really resonates. I sit there for a few hours immersed, smiling at times with things that are totally resonating. OMG!!! I’m on very tight budget now but I buy it anyway. I figure, I’m reading BOD from library so this new one might be “justifiable” to buy.

The next day, I decide I’ve gotta find FOL. I go through book boxes in my storage room. DARN!!! Not there. This is crazy. I know I bought it. I do find, however, Ken Carey’s THE STAR SEED TRA NSM ISSIONS. This is hilarious and I laugh because I was drawn to this book online about 3 weeks ago. When I see it’s cover, I go, “I have that book. I remember I even read it. I wonder where it is.” I want to go back and remember the highlights. I look for it on bookshelves—notta. So now, here it is. This is apparently the one I needed. Never did find FOL. Two days ago, while surfing bookshelves once again, I tell my friend “This is bugging me. I know I bought it.” We laugh at how these things happen to all of us. I tell her, “Geez, the worst that could happen is I just have to buy a new one.” How much time and energy do we spend on things in our head rather than just giving up, surrendering and trusting it’ll all unfold of it’s own accord. Afterall, one of the main messages of the Pleiadians is “effortlessness.” So I really give it up. I remind myself I’ve got her other two books and Ken’s. Focus on these for now. About an hour later, with no effort and the obsession to find it gone, I remember, “It was in that box of books you gave to the Interfaith Center last year.” Shit. I gave it away. After all those years on the shelf and never reading it, I figured then it was one I didn’t need to keep when weeding out my shelves. Hah!!


**I sent you one of his message a day emails for a sample and how to reach him.


***This was a youtube interview on I’ll send this summary as an attachment. To my astonishment, when I hadn’t even been expecting any connection, Barbara proceeded to give me an answer to what I also looked to Carla for validation about. It’s related to a DU post I made a Oct 6 subject “gentleness.” In essence, Pleiadians have always said, “No. 1, in order to go forward, you have to love yourself.”


P.S. For the record, note the symbolism of the 3 initial contacts I had with the Pleiadians in a 5-day period—Oct 1, 3, 5 of 2009.

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Aug 4, 2009 Special Meditation & My Response
Published by Lovewholeself on October 15, 2009 6:36pm.  Category: Journal


Oct 15, 2009


The following are excerpts from Carla’s Special Meditation I referred to in my 2nd blog entry that inspired the letter I wrote.


> Special Meditation
>> August 4, 2009
> And enter in, with creativity and imagination, to the intense feelings, the acute suffering, and the helplessness of one who is overwhelmed by outer catalyst, for their deep and unanswered questions. They feel out of control and helpless before the onslaught of catalyst . . .>


> In just this way it is necessary in writing about the outer catalyst to lose your altitude and get close to the ground. For only when you have knelt down to the very level of the heaviest and most shadowy emotions that are possible to feel can you begin to create access to and understanding of the experience of receiving outer catalyst.


PATRICE:             It was here, especially looking back from where I sit right now, where the seeds were planted about the value of all the time I’ve spent on the ground, in the muck, in the heaviest emotions. Around the time I read this, I had been reading parts of YOUR SOUL’S PLAN. It was becoming increasingly clear that not only did I go through a pre-birth plan for this lifetime before incarnating, but I was getting much information as to what that was. Though I didn’t know even 2-3 weeks ago, a natural channeling state was guiding me more and more. From this, I’d often have crystal clear thoughts, and wrote much of it down (still evolving), as to what that plan was. Many of the pieces of the puzzle of this human being’s lifetime were coming together. It has been exhilarating.

>Enter into the suffering of one who is dealing with a relationship or a difficulty with work or any of the number of subjects you hope to discuss. It is central to the integrity of the work that you have moved from the observer to the experience and have allowed these catalysts to come into you with the kind of force and power that is common among those upon your planet.


PATRICE:             I was raising my hand when I read this!!! “Need any volunteers? I’m a perfect guinea pig for your research. I’d be more than happy to be a research subject in your laboratory.” Since then, I now see that by putting this request out to the Universe (and Carla), my Divine Council would actually be answering it for me. They would be telling me (mostly coming in from Oct 12 until now) that this is why I’m here. All the material I’ve gathered in this human form and from the dramas and suffering I identified with as “me/mine” had been perfect research for what they needed. Now, since I’d made the request, it was time for them to step in. They could, and did, answer my invitation via more and more precise insights that would tie everything together.


> My sister, that principle which we offer to you at this time is oneness with the body, oneness with the earth, oneness with the heavy catalyst that is not diluted or ameliorated by wisdom, a sense of perspective, or the wider point of view. CUT to . . . it is difficult for you to access the uncut, raw emotions of these experiences . . . CUT


> . . . for in recreating outer catalyst so quickly into that which is observed by a spiritual seeker, there is a cutting away from that bright intensity of unthinking, emotional reaction.


PATRICE:             No cutting away from the bright intensity of unthinking, emotional reaction from this instrument. I can offer all the brightness you seek about what it’s been like. I just want to have it all come to resolution.
> Those who function from the level of what the one known as G called "presence of mind" in the discussion preceding this session have gained immeasurably in being able to use physical incarnation fully. Yet to one who does this creation of presence of mind almost before the experience has occurred, there is a loss of a sense of reality, shall we say. It is as though by your constant metaphysical stance you have created of your awareness of life the quality of a dream.


PATRICE:             I never thought of this at the time, but it hits me today now that I’ve been channeling from my Divine Council as well as all the research I’ve been doing. I am now aware that Creator wants us to experience physical incarnation fully. But before this hit me recently, I kept feeling ashamed, embarrassed and judgmental about not feeling fully alive. I also was contracted by thoughts/conditioning that it’s not OK to experience physical incarnation fully. There’s something “bad” about thinking we’re these bodies and our goal, I thought, was to return to Spirit, our true nature and “get rid of” all this illusionary dressing we were wearing to cover up. That whole thinking is turning around before me as I speak. Ra was saying this in Aug, and I read it in Sep without really having this part phase me much. Now, it makes total sense and is a refreshing awareness to know that I’m encouraged to be in this human form to its fullness.
The help is there. The gifts are there, yet there is hard work for you in making available to yourself an authentic voice for those who suffer.


PATRICE:             Like I said earlier, I’ll serve to be that authentic voice for those who suffer.


So, though I’ve never talked to Carla about this nor have I sent her anything directly online, the Great Ones have heard my request and, delighted that I called out, are now excitedly and quickly using me as an authentic voice. It’s unfolding in a different form that I thought it might but it’s wonderful as it is. I am welcoming it, enjoying our new (or should I say awake/conscious since it was always there but I was just more asleep to it) relationship.



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